back to article Oz town suffers hairy panic attack

The good burghers of Wangaratta in rural Victoria are battling to reclaim their town from a nasty "hairy panic" attack which has seen their homes engulfed by an invading army of massed tumbleweed. According to 7 News, residents' homes have been smothered by the wandering seed heads of Panicum effusum, aka hairy panic - a …

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  1. Known Hero
    IT Angle

    IT

    I know I know, its Bootnotes..... But ..... Generally you do keep to a vague aspect of IT or tech. I can't find the connection at all here?

    Does this affect broadband speeds / Mobile signal ?

    1. Oh Matron!

      Re: IT

      Came here to post the same thing. Slow news day at the reg? A shadow or its former self....

      1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

        Re: Re: IT

        And indeed, the standard of commentard whining isn't what it used to be. Poor show.

        1. Fraggle850

          Re: IT

          Hear, hear, have to agree with Lester, the first two commentards looking for an IT angle are letting the side down. You'll be decrying the lack of an IT angle in post pub neckfillers next, where will it all end?

          1. Known Hero

            Re: IT

            Ahh apologies, Just normally there is a tenuous connection even on bootnotes, but completely devoid on this one.

            1. Rol Silver badge

              Re: IT

              Here's your IT angle.

              After diving deeper into this story, it does appear that the farmer, far from abandoning his plot, was paid by NASA to encourage the growth of this weed.

              NASA is now tracking it across the countryside, and initial results are hailing it a success.

              Why? I hear you ask. Well, a new generation of Mars Rovers are being modelled on this very weed.

              They intend to deliver a few grammes of seed to the planet and germinate them as and when required. The seeds thus produced are collected for later use and the weed gets fitted with tiny lightweight measuring gubbins and released.

              There, feel better?

            2. Big John Silver badge
              Meh

              Re: IT

              > "Just normally there is a tenuous connection even on bootnotes, but completely devoid on this one."

              The bootnotes is the whole point of the article. Since you can't just write "Trump is a poopyhead!", go find some story about something invasive and twist it into a joke at his expense.

              Not that I support the guy, mind you. Just wish the cheap 'Saturday Night Live' style of groupthink wasn't appearing here on a supposedly tech-based site.

              1. PNGuinn Silver badge
                IT Angle

                Since you can't just write "Trump is a poopyhead!"

                Why ever not?

                1. 'Merica claims to be the land of free speach.

                2. It's election time.

                3. He may well get elected.

                4. Everyone else seems to be doing so.

                5. etc etc.

                HOWEVER, keeping strictly in line with the subject of the article, would poppyhead be more appropriate in this instance?

                Tenuous IT reference - artificial intelligence. It might help a politico somewhere.

                Hey. I said MIGHT.

                1. Martin 47

                  Re: Since you can't just write "Trump is a poopyhead!"

                  Well at least we now know where Trump gets his hair from.

                  1. skeptical i
                    Devil

                    Re: Since you can't just write "Trump is a poopyhead!"

                    re: "we now know where Trump gets his hair from"

                    Someone on his hairdressing staff misunderstood the joke about how the "this is a crock of poop and it stinks" comment on the assembly line became mistranslated every step up the food chain to become the CEO's new "this is powerful stuff that promotes growth" policy directive.

          2. Mark 85 Silver badge
            Flame

            Re: IT

            A quick stroll through Bootnotes suggests that there's almost nil IT value there. And that's the way it should be. I'm guessing that unless the article talks about todgers, boobs, or adult beverages (or maybe all three) there will always be those cockwombies who consider themselves as no non-sense IT people.

            Get a freakin' grip.. it's Bootnotes, often NSFW but always worth the read. There's more to life than IT or your mom's basement. OTOH, you could just try NOT to read anything labeled Bootnotes.

            1. Known Hero

              Re: IT

              there will always be those cockwombies who consider themselves as no non-sense IT people.-

              Oh Good God NO !! this is not me, I love Bootnotes, and sorely miss Weekend edition. I loathe the new sensible direction, but alas there is little I can do to alter the course. True to "nonsense IT" my water cooling rig at home is literally glued together in multiple places, and yes it works !!!

            2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

              Re: IT

              "There's more to life than IT or your mom's basement."

              It's a command center!!!

        2. Darryl

          Re: IT

          Good on ya, Lester. I mean, they could've at least threatened to cancel their subscription or something.

          Kids these days...

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: IT

          And indeed, the standard of commentard whining isn't what it used to be. Poor show.

          You call this NEWS? WTF is WRONG with you sheeple? Ran out of IT things to report? Asleep on the job? If I wanna read this sort of BULLSHIT..

          No, f*ck. I can't do it. My personality is not sufficiently damaged to abandon logic, good taste and the rules of grammar and spelling to do a proper rant justice. And I don't drink enough either.

          Besides, I'm in IT. We came up with automation because we maintain a certain essential core of laziness and rants like this are just too much like hard work.

          So, yes, we need more rants. *Proper* ones.

          But if you really intend to report other stuff, you could have used the story of a brothel being a tad creative with English in having an Open Door day for kids. Well, sort of :).

          1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: IT

            > And I don't drink enough either.

            There is certainly a fix for this. Sadly, I forgot what it is.

            1. Eddy Ito Silver badge

              Re: IT

              IT angle? Isn't that about 37 1/2 degrees? Celsius of course.

              Seriously, these poor folk are having terrible storage issues on their mesh network now that they've switched to cellulose fiber. I mean the back end of the farm just looks a horrible mess of tangled fibers. It could take days to get it all sorted. To top it all this is the very definition of IoT*

              * Infestation of Tumbleweeds

              1. Captain DaFt

                Re: IT

                "IT angle? Isn't that about 37 1/2 degrees?"

                Personally, I've always pictured the "IT Angle" as exactly 45 degrees. the defining angle between obtuse and acute. :)

        4. Arctic fox

          Re: IT

          Indeed Lester. It is in fact amazing that certain members of our little congregation still have not understood that "Boot notes" rarely has anything to do with IT. Indeed they have failed to grasp that that is the whole point. I am obliged to ask "how thick is it possible to be"?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: IT

            I thought 'Boot notes' was about the stuff you scrape off of your boots?

            In which case Trump fits. Also for IT, dealing with tumbleweeds is easier than dealing with manglement.

        5. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

          Re: IT - And indeed, the standard of commentard whining isn't what it used to be.

          Which reminds me of the old Australian joke about how you know that a 747 full of Brits has arrived at Sydney Airport. When the engines stop, the whining doesn't.

          Which would be fine except that once I had to endure an hour and a half of Australian whining at the old Munich airport when our flight was delayed. He was telling anyone who would listen that the hotel was crap, the food was crap, the public transport system was crap, the beer was crap, and in fact that everything was crap. The real gist of his complaint turned out to be that his company had sent him to Productronica without telling him that (a) it was after Oktoberfest, not during and (b) the natives mostly did not speak English.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: IT - And indeed, the standard of commentard whining isn't what it used to be.

            Which reminds me of the old Australian joke about how you know that a 747 full of Brits has arrived at Sydney Airport. When the engines stop, the whining doesn't.

            That may be old, but I never heard it, LOL :)

      2. chivo243 Silver badge

        Re: IT - El Reg

        A shadow of its former self?

        And yes, slow news day it seems. I saw this story on the Beeb a few hours ago, and I would guess the tech angle is the guy used a leaf blower attempting to move "hairy panic" from his garden. So, the leaf blower is the tech angle? geesh what a stretch that is...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: IT - El Reg

          "guy used a leaf blower attempting to move "hairy panic" from his garden"

          What's wrong with a flamethrower? Yes, yes, I know it might result in a flashover from all that nice dry dead stuff blowing about but, hey, it's on some back-country Aussie town..

          It's not like anything of value would be lost.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT

      Hairy Panic is also known as when you work in Shoreditch IT and wake up unable to find your goatee/beard comb hence the IT connection.

    3. Halfmad

      Re: IT

      Site needs to be renamed to "The Redditor".

    4. A. Coatsworth
      Facepalm

      Re: IT

      And yet Known Hero uses the "Where's the IT angle?" icon... An icon that has been available to us commentards for years. An icon that was created by the site administrator as a handy way to address the fact the people have been complaining about the lack of IT angle in bootnote articles for *ages*

      You know, as if the lack if IT angle here was the whole idea of the Bootnotes section since the beginning...

      Irony if I have ever seen it!

    5. Blackbird74
      IT Angle

      Re: IT

      Shirley tumbleweed must have some role to play in DevOps?? More soon on El DevOps!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hairy Panic

    Is that why it's called "the bush"?

    ............tumbleweed....................

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Re: Hairy Panic

      Both could be the title of a 70's Porn film.

  3. hplasm Silver badge
    Happy

    "...Donald Trump intends to expel Salsola tragus from the United States..."

    He wants to get rid of weed. Check.

    It's Russian, hence foreign. Check.

    Is this the part of Russia Sarah Palin can see from her house, or is the tumbleweed the one in her head?

    </slightlyTenuousConnections>

  4. Fraggle850

    Calm down, Trump's not going to get rid of tumbleweed

    He needs a regular supply to maintain what he keeps on his head

    1. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: Calm down, Trump's not going to get rid of tumbleweed

      I heard he was going to make the tumbleweed pay for it.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hairy bush in Wang?

    So I grabbed a beer, flashed me Wangarratta and went out and joined the party.

  6. Palpy

    Lighten up, guys, it's SCIENSE!

    "...similarly, rumours that Donald Trump intends to expel Salsola tragus from the United States should he become president are unconfirmed."

    Well! Trump will not only make Russia pay for the deportation of Russian thistles, but will also make Putin eat most of the extant weeds. Though Trump will reserve a few well-shaped tumbleweeds in order to replace his thinning mop of hairlike growth.

    (Actually, the thought of that fatuous fruit being able to make Putin do anything is a laugh -- in any confrontation between the two, President Trump would end up ceding NASA, the Washington Monument, Alaska, and both of his own kidneys to Putin.)

    (edit: At least two of you jokers beat me to it.... good on yer.)

    1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

      Re: Lighten up, guys, it's SCIENSE!

      Confrontation with Putin:

      One possible scenario

  7. Frederic Bloggs

    One carelessly dropped match or a lightning strike

    in 35+ deg and no rain for weeks. In the height of the fire season.

    Poof... one ex town.

  8. Steve K Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Clone tool....?

    Is it just me or does the picture shown look a bit "enhanced" via the clone tool....?

    Maybe it's just the downsampling to JPEG from a screengrab that makes it looks fuzzy though.

    Steve

    1. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Black helicopter back in the hangar

      Just a simple grab from the vid, no jiggery-pokery.

      1. Ledswinger Silver badge

        Re: Black helicopter back in the hangar

        Just a simple grab from the vid, no jiggery-pokery.

        In a way I'm disappointed. And, if you'd diddled the image with some low rent Photoshoppery, that would have satisfied the first two whining commentards, n'est pas?

        1. John Tserkezis

          Re: Black helicopter back in the hangar

          "And, if you'd diddled the image with some low rent Photoshoppery"

          I can't believe that anyone hasn't called photoshop earlier?

          No joking, my 13 yo niece with no photoshop experience could have done a better job.

          Shame on all of you.

      2. Fraggle850

        Re: Black helicopter back in the hangar

        Black choppers don't belong in the hangar on El Reg, they should be continuously airborne. Certain members of the commentard community would get REALLY paranoid if they DIDN'T see them circling overhead.

  9. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    IT angle?

    If I wrote a note, attached it to a seed head and let it blow in the wind to the next village I'd probably get higher bandwidth than my broadband?

    Proposal: El Reg unit "the tumbleweed": the average amount of information passed on a rural BT line per second?

    1. Santa from Exeter

      Re: IT angle?

      Per Second? You're going for a ridiculously small unit there.

      Unless you don't want to be able to use the femtotumbleweed once in a while, I would suggest per hour instead.

  10. x 7 Silver badge

    no brains these Ozzies. Easy problem to fix

    Drop of diesel, box of matches, problem cured. Dry grass burns easy.

    And afterwards you have nice fresh carbon rich soil ripe for ploughing and seeding

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge

      > And afterwards you have...

      a town to rebuild. Brilliant!

      1. Fraggle850

        Yep, large parts of Oz are highly flammable

        As my grandfather and his brother apparently found out: they were deported from Australia in the early 20th century after taking on rural work burning scrub and failing to take note of the wind direction. Apparently a local hamlet went up in flames.

        1. chivo243 Silver badge
          Coffee/keyboard

          Re: Yep, large parts of Oz are highly flammable

          @Fraggle850

          Classic, deported from a penal colony!

          1. Fraggle850

            Re: Yep, large parts of Oz are highly flammable

            I know, LOL, my family! Oddly enough we also have some connection to Henry Parkes, 'The Father of the Federation' way back in Victorian times, so I guess we've had a hand in building it before subsequently attempting to burn it to the ground.

      2. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
        Flame

        And afterwards you have...

        a town to rebuild. Brilliant!

        First, yes, it would be brilliant, especially if lit at night, but perhaps not in the manner you meant, Herr GrumpenKraut. Second, it sounds like a win all around. The local townsfolk gain both excitement from the spectacle and exercise from running around dealing with the conflagration. The firefighters would be better able to justify their positions and their yearly budgets, perhaps with an increase for next FY. The constabulary would likewise be able to get in on the act by filling out reports, gathering evidence, intruding into the lives of all around and failing entirely to catch the arsonist(s). News services would have something with which to fill their daily cycles. The public at large would have entertainment available they might have otherwise done without. Insurance companies and hardware stores would similarly be stimulated, passing the benefits of which to the economy as a whole. What's not to like?

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