Is it too late/early-
- to trademark a grimace for the forthcoming TV series 'Ow! My balls!' ?
Reforms to EU trade mark laws finalised soon could open the way for non-conventional trade marks to be registered, like smells, noises and even music, an expert has said. The European Parliament backed a new directive designed to "approximate" the different national trade mark laws (70-page/538KB PDF), and a new regulation …
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I read somewhere that farts are as unique as fingerprints, so it is unlikely that anyone would infringe that particular trademark. Anyway, for it to be a trademark, does it not have to somehow be involved in your "trade"? I.e. if your services to your customers are generally accompanied by said characteristic odor, I guess that would count.
Expected comment - Thank you for not disappointing
What would be the purpose though, unless your farts are particularly pungent in which case they might be valuable as an 'organic' alternative to tear gas (for vegan riots - although they might have a certain amount of immunity)
"I hereby give notice of a trade mark on my farts."
Well, I already have "breaking wind in lifts" listed as one of my skills on LinkedIn, so I claim prior art. :p
Hmm... can I slap a trade mark on breaking wind in lifts? Or is that likely to infringe on something of Apple's (being that a lift can probably be classed as "a mobile device") ?
Note for pedants: Yes, I am aware of the difference between trade marks and patents. It's a joke, you fool!
A smell is a volatile chemical that has reached your nose. A sound is a wavefront that has reached your ear. Neither is durable, although the means of production might be. Then again, the means (recipe) would be subject to copyright, so there is really no need for this extension.
Are we really going to have a load of lawyers claiming ownership over chunks of the natural world simply because they had the necessary absence of scruples to register the claim first? Would it not be simpler to find the twat who came up with this idea and punch them in the face until our fists bleed?
"Would it not be simpler to find the twat who came up with this idea and punch them in the face until our fists bleed?"
Given that there would be a very long queue of people lining up for that privilege I would recommend each person in line be allowed only one punch each, albeit they are allowed to give it their best shot. That way the most possible people get a go before the fucker's head caves in. I want my turn!
Hmm... smells like washing powder.
Which one? Ariel or Persil? You need to be specific these days so I know who to pay royalties to.
Errrr....
This is SO not going to end well, particularly as perfumes change over time, so can't easily be stored for reference purposes, unless broken down to components that are re-mixed for every required comparison.
I spent a small time working in a perfumary. How those people ever managed to retain a detailed nose is beyond my technical comprehension. It all smelt like s**t to me.
When the sods keep changing the recipe anyway (I'm think of chocolate here).
You're presumably thinking of the once great Cadburys, whose Yank owners are now steadily sliding down the slope (one product change at a time) towards the sort of filthy brown ordure marketed by Hershey.
Maybe Hershey could get in quick, and defend their niche by trademarking the taste and smell of dog foulage before Cadbury reach the same texture, smell and taste?
If it works like in the US, you won't be able to trademark the taste of a food anyway, nor the smell of a perfume. The trademarked attribute will have to be something unrelated to the product's purpose. For instance there's apparently a brand of sewing thread which is scented like plumeria (some flower) and they were able to trademark that.
Presumably this effectively rules out trademarked tastes entirely, since people wouldn't be tasting too many products that aren't food... maybe they could swing a trademark on the flavor of lip gloss or something, I donno.
My H2S trademark will be available for licensing real soon now. Any left-over eggs are to be deposited in monetary form to me.
Limited offer! Only $0.99 per sniff&wiff.
Unauthorised use of rotten eggs will be met with the full force of civil and criminal law.
My H2S trademark will be available for licensing real soon now
The H2S is only a base note in the overall smell. The real quality and depth of a good guff is that combined with mercaptans, plus skatole and indole to produce a strong, rich, well balanced aroma with a good half life and character. I'm not sure what it is, but there's also a rare compound that is sometimes released that stings the throat of the lucky audience, giving a pleasing tangibility to layer on the olfactory experience.
I reckon the global market for a pill able to guarantee the production of those compounds would be vast, but strangely nobody has (to my knowledge) even attempted to bring that product to market. Obviously there's the issue of transit time between swallowing and the warm magic occurring, and that represents a risk when popping one of these "Flower-caps", but maybe the concept could be extended to different pill that quickly and reliably produces utterly foul smelling belches. Red pill, or blue pill, the choice would be yours....
I could almost smell, taste even bathe in the verbal description given.
My pleasure, sir! And in response to your proffered pint, it occurs to me that a tasteless solution would be a valuable extra market, to be slipped into the drinks of unsuspecting victims.
Once was a member of a local veg box co-op, when one week we received mostly sprouts and cabbage.
I refused to eat those small green globs of evil so thus was up to my beautiful wife (then to-be).
Her solution? Soup. Sprout and cabbage soup.
Took about a month before anyone (apart from me of course) would sit down wind of her.
.
If I trademarked that smell I doubt I'd make any money from it.
Once interviewed someone for a music technician at the college where I worked. Asked this wide boy character about his experience of up to date software packages.
"Oh yeah. I work in a production studio, and we've got all the up to date packages. I can get hold of anything you want... Sibelius, Reason, CuBase, AudioLogic... no cost or anything."
"I see..."
said the interview panel in unison, noting down his answer with the FAST branded pens we had all picked up at the FAST conference the week before.
Here is the antidote to all the sprouts and cabbage if anyone's interested
The antidote? The ****ing antidote? Are you mad? Why would we want that? I want a recipe that can guarantee fartological success, and that's considerably upscale of a noisey but characterless lentil-fuelled emanations, or a short lived, weakly sulphurous egg-and-bean derived effluvium.
Ideally we need more research to take the concept forward beyond the current enthusiastic hobbyists. In terms of training and outreach, I'm uncertain whether to go down the academic route and seek City & Guilds accreditation for a national vocational qualification leading eventually to a status of Chartered Farticifer upon completion of both academic training and professional experience under a Master Fartologist (of at least first or second ordure).
The alternative would be to seek IOC approval for the subject to become a demonstration sport at Rio 2016, with a view to joining the full Olympic programme for Tokyo 2020. Imagine the pride of being the first gold medal winner in Tokyo, the adulation of the crowd, the adrenaline rush of climbing the podium, whilst the officials stagger around retching in the brown green miasma.
Obviously we'd need the usual rules banning performance enhancing drugs, and a scheme of testing, but this sort of thing is easily sorted. And the great thing is how inclusive this new sport will be: Couch potatoes and hambeasts will be as welcome a bean poles and supermen. Unlike any other Olympic sport, men and women and the less able would all compete as equals.
Sounds I can understand, the Windows startup, the classic Nokia ringtone. I can see how this would go too far with "Ferrari exhaust".
Smells are much harder, there must be huge overlaps in the smell of various perfume brands thanks to production tolerances, ingredient variation etc. Does Chanel No5 smell the same as the original 1920 sample?