back to article EU reforms could pave way for smells and noises to be trade-mark protected – expert

Reforms to EU trade mark laws finalised soon could open the way for non-conventional trade marks to be registered, like smells, noises and even music, an expert has said. The European Parliament backed a new directive designed to "approximate" the different national trade mark laws (70-page/538KB PDF), and a new regulation …

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  1. hplasm
    Facepalm

    Is it too late/early-

    - to trademark a grimace for the forthcoming TV series 'Ow! My balls!' ?

  2. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Trade marking my farts!

      If you are trademarking them, do not add a diagram lighting them up.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Trade marking my farts!

        Trademark or skidmark?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Trade marking my farts!

      I read somewhere that farts are as unique as fingerprints, so it is unlikely that anyone would infringe that particular trademark. Anyway, for it to be a trademark, does it not have to somehow be involved in your "trade"? I.e. if your services to your customers are generally accompanied by said characteristic odor, I guess that would count.

      1. Teiwaz

        Re: Trade marking my farts!

        "I read somewhere that farts are as unique as fingerprints,"

        So can we expect our BB gov her to already have a privacy invading db either already up and running or 'in progress/overbudget'?

    3. Teiwaz

      Re: Trade marking my farts!

      Expected comment - Thank you for not disappointing

      What would be the purpose though, unless your farts are particularly pungent in which case they might be valuable as an 'organic' alternative to tear gas (for vegan riots - although they might have a certain amount of immunity)

    4. VinceH
      Joke

      Re: Trade marking my farts!

      "I hereby give notice of a trade mark on my farts."

      Well, I already have "breaking wind in lifts" listed as one of my skills on LinkedIn, so I claim prior art. :p

      Hmm... can I slap a trade mark on breaking wind in lifts? Or is that likely to infringe on something of Apple's (being that a lift can probably be classed as "a mobile device") ?

      Note for pedants: Yes, I am aware of the difference between trade marks and patents. It's a joke, you fool!

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Trade marking my farts!

        Well, I'd like to see THAT biometric sensor on an iPhone...

        be a laugh to see people unlocking one.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Trade marking my farts!

          Well, that sensor had better be very rugged indeed.

    5. Captain DaFt

      Re: Trade marking my farts!

      "I hereby give notice of a trade mark on my farts."

      Sorry, Your trade mark is invalid. I claim prior fart, and I'm sure it will not only stand up in court, but will probably clear the courtroom!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of my MSc

    I had to work for my MSc with some stuff which 70% of the population perceives as a hideous stench and the remaining 30% do not feel any smell at all. How do you work out a stench trademark for that and if I, myself, cannot smell that am I violating it?

  4. Fibbles

    What use is this?

    The human olfactory sense isn't particularly sensitive and trademarks must be easily distinguishable from each other. It won't take many registrations before the pool of potential trademarks is depleted.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: What use is this?

      They must be held in the record in a durable form. That pretty much rules out a lot of substances.

      1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: What use is this?

        A smell is a volatile chemical that has reached your nose. A sound is a wavefront that has reached your ear. Neither is durable, although the means of production might be. Then again, the means (recipe) would be subject to copyright, so there is really no need for this extension.

        Are we really going to have a load of lawyers claiming ownership over chunks of the natural world simply because they had the necessary absence of scruples to register the claim first? Would it not be simpler to find the twat who came up with this idea and punch them in the face until our fists bleed?

        1. Steven Roper

          Re: What use is this?

          "Would it not be simpler to find the twat who came up with this idea and punch them in the face until our fists bleed?"

          Given that there would be a very long queue of people lining up for that privilege I would recommend each person in line be allowed only one punch each, albeit they are allowed to give it their best shot. That way the most possible people get a go before the fucker's head caves in. I want my turn!

  5. nedge2k

    Re: Your phone works on electricity

    Can you actually analyse a scent to enough of a degree to make it practical though?

  6. msknight

    Hmm... smells like washing powder.

    Which one? Ariel or Persil? You need to be specific these days so I know who to pay royalties to.

    Errrr....

    This is SO not going to end well, particularly as perfumes change over time, so can't easily be stored for reference purposes, unless broken down to components that are re-mixed for every required comparison.

    I spent a small time working in a perfumary. How those people ever managed to retain a detailed nose is beyond my technical comprehension. It all smelt like s**t to me.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Smells like teen spirit

    I hereby trademake BO.

    Enforcement shall begin against young, low earning adults that no-one likes and then expand out to include all violators of my IP.

  8. msknight

    "Smells like Lavender"

    "Damn. That's covered under prior art. Mother Nature's got it."

    "Can she sue?"

    "I don't think so."

    "Then let's go for it!"

    This is SOOOOOOO not going to end well. ... except for the lawyers.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And you keep telling me the

    USPTO is screwed up? Better look after your own house then....

  10. Graham Marsden
    Joke

    Ok, guys...

    ... bit early for April 1st...

    ... What? You're *serious*???

  11. TRT Silver badge

    Is there any point trademarking e.g. taste

    When the sods keep changing the recipe anyway (I'm think of chocolate here).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Is there any point trademarking e.g. taste

      When the sods keep changing the recipe anyway (I'm think of chocolate here).

      You're presumably thinking of the once great Cadburys, whose Yank owners are now steadily sliding down the slope (one product change at a time) towards the sort of filthy brown ordure marketed by Hershey.

      Maybe Hershey could get in quick, and defend their niche by trademarking the taste and smell of dog foulage before Cadbury reach the same texture, smell and taste?

    2. Old Handle

      Re: Is there any point trademarking e.g. taste

      If it works like in the US, you won't be able to trademark the taste of a food anyway, nor the smell of a perfume. The trademarked attribute will have to be something unrelated to the product's purpose. For instance there's apparently a brand of sewing thread which is scented like plumeria (some flower) and they were able to trademark that.

      Presumably this effectively rules out trademarked tastes entirely, since people wouldn't be tasting too many products that aren't food... maybe they could swing a trademark on the flavor of lip gloss or something, I donno.

  12. chivo243 Silver badge

    Name that smell..

    the contestant ate in no particular order. Cabbage soup, pickled onions, some two week old flat beer and an egg salad sandwich from an automat. For lunch....

  13. b0llchit Silver badge
    Devil

    Eggs available, please pay now

    My H2S trademark will be available for licensing real soon now. Any left-over eggs are to be deposited in monetary form to me.

    Limited offer! Only $0.99 per sniff&wiff.

    Unauthorised use of rotten eggs will be met with the full force of civil and criminal law.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Eggs available, please pay now

      My H2S trademark will be available for licensing real soon now

      The H2S is only a base note in the overall smell. The real quality and depth of a good guff is that combined with mercaptans, plus skatole and indole to produce a strong, rich, well balanced aroma with a good half life and character. I'm not sure what it is, but there's also a rare compound that is sometimes released that stings the throat of the lucky audience, giving a pleasing tangibility to layer on the olfactory experience.

      I reckon the global market for a pill able to guarantee the production of those compounds would be vast, but strangely nobody has (to my knowledge) even attempted to bring that product to market. Obviously there's the issue of transit time between swallowing and the warm magic occurring, and that represents a risk when popping one of these "Flower-caps", but maybe the concept could be extended to different pill that quickly and reliably produces utterly foul smelling belches. Red pill, or blue pill, the choice would be yours....

      1. Teiwaz
        Pint

        Re: Eggs available, please pay now

        @Ledswinger

        Bravo, excellent. I could almost smell, taste even bathe in the verbal description given.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Eggs available, please pay now

          I could almost smell, taste even bathe in the verbal description given.

          My pleasure, sir! And in response to your proffered pint, it occurs to me that a tasteless solution would be a valuable extra market, to be slipped into the drinks of unsuspecting victims.

      2. Mark 85

        Re: Eggs available, please pay now

        It will also need to peel paint on the walls/ceiling of the room the smell is released in. I suggest a hint of habanero pepper.

  14. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    Eki eki eki patang zoo poing zzraazrroohhhh... NI!

    Is all I can say

    1. Teiwaz

      Re: Eki eki eki patang zoo poing zzraazrroohhhh... NI!

      As long as you are not demanding shrubery...

    2. Frumious Bandersnatch

      Re: Eki eki eki patang zoo poing zzraazrroohhhh... NI!

      Ying tong yiddle I po!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Au de Sprout

    Once was a member of a local veg box co-op, when one week we received mostly sprouts and cabbage.

    I refused to eat those small green globs of evil so thus was up to my beautiful wife (then to-be).

    Her solution? Soup. Sprout and cabbage soup.

    Took about a month before anyone (apart from me of course) would sit down wind of her.

    .

    If I trademarked that smell I doubt I'd make any money from it.

    1. Teiwaz

      Re: Au de Sprout

      "Don't have the sprouts." - Bottom

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Au de Sprout

        Onions are the real trigger though. My God! Brings tears to the eyes going in and coming out.

  16. xj650t
    Coat

    So if FAST is

    Federation Against Software Theft

    Then FART must be Federation Against Ripe Trumpeting

    And FAAP must be Federation Against Audible Pumps

    Please continue below with more FLAs, no prizes for the winner.

    Mine's the one with a gas mask in the pocket

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: So if FAST is

      Once interviewed someone for a music technician at the college where I worked. Asked this wide boy character about his experience of up to date software packages.

      "Oh yeah. I work in a production studio, and we've got all the up to date packages. I can get hold of anything you want... Sibelius, Reason, CuBase, AudioLogic... no cost or anything."

      "I see..."

      said the interview panel in unison, noting down his answer with the FAST branded pens we had all picked up at the FAST conference the week before.

  17. Joe Harrison

    Only on el Reg

    Where else could a discussion of trademark law effortlessly decay into a fart-fest?

    Here is the antidote to all the sprouts and cabbage if anyone's interested

    http://www.ergo-log.com/poo-smells-less-with-grape-seed-extract-supplement.html

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Only on el Reg

      Here is the antidote to all the sprouts and cabbage if anyone's interested

      The antidote? The ****ing antidote? Are you mad? Why would we want that? I want a recipe that can guarantee fartological success, and that's considerably upscale of a noisey but characterless lentil-fuelled emanations, or a short lived, weakly sulphurous egg-and-bean derived effluvium.

      Ideally we need more research to take the concept forward beyond the current enthusiastic hobbyists. In terms of training and outreach, I'm uncertain whether to go down the academic route and seek City & Guilds accreditation for a national vocational qualification leading eventually to a status of Chartered Farticifer upon completion of both academic training and professional experience under a Master Fartologist (of at least first or second ordure).

      The alternative would be to seek IOC approval for the subject to become a demonstration sport at Rio 2016, with a view to joining the full Olympic programme for Tokyo 2020. Imagine the pride of being the first gold medal winner in Tokyo, the adulation of the crowd, the adrenaline rush of climbing the podium, whilst the officials stagger around retching in the brown green miasma.

      Obviously we'd need the usual rules banning performance enhancing drugs, and a scheme of testing, but this sort of thing is easily sorted. And the great thing is how inclusive this new sport will be: Couch potatoes and hambeasts will be as welcome a bean poles and supermen. Unlike any other Olympic sport, men and women and the less able would all compete as equals.

      1. Steven Roper
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Only on el Reg (@Ledswinger)

        Oi! Knock it off you bastard, my shipment of spare keyboards hasn't arrived yet!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Coffee/keyboard

          Re: Only on el Reg (@Ledswinger)

          my shipment of spare keyboards hasn't arrived yet!

          That brown spattered key in the icon, it's not coffee..........................................

      2. Mark 85

        Re: Only on el Reg

        I think this is obligatory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPplyQWf-u4

  18. David Pearce

    Sounds I can understand, the Windows startup, the classic Nokia ringtone. I can see how this would go too far with "Ferrari exhaust".

    Smells are much harder, there must be huge overlaps in the smell of various perfume brands thanks to production tolerances, ingredient variation etc. Does Chanel No5 smell the same as the original 1920 sample?

    1. Fraggle850

      Trademark exhaust notes

      IIRC I gather Harley Davidson tried to copyright their exhaust note some years back, can't recall if they were successful.

  19. BurnT'offering

    The Cramps already have copyright on

    The Smell of Female

    1. CRConrad
      Joke

      Re: The Cramps already have copyright on

      Didn't they make a movie out of that? Al Pacino playing a blind guy, something like that...?

      (Alert: In case it wasn't obvious.)

    2. Fraggle850

      Re: The Cramps already have copyright on

      Thumbs up for the Cramps reference. RIP Lux Interior

      1. BurnT'offering

        Re: The Cramps already have copyright on

        He'll be back!

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