back to article Review: Star Wars: The Force Awakens offers a new hope for the franchise

The core problem with Star Wars Episodes I through III was that everybody knew how the trilogy ended and that bad things awaited the characters you were supposed to care about. The result was three films that were all back-filler to explain the genesis of a killer. Numerous satellite problems – Jar-Jar, dialog no actor could …

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  1. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Meh

    "That" bikini?

    Well?

    1. Simon Sharwood, Reg APAC Editor (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: "That" bikini?

      It's bikini-free

      1. dogged

        Re: "That" bikini?

        I'd hoped Carrie Fisher would wear the bikini again without CGI just to punish all the nerds who go on and on about the bloody thing.

  2. Zog_but_not_the_first

    "a sequence where we see a TIE fighter launch rack"

    I'm interested to see how closely this resembles the B5 Starfury launch rack.

    1. davidp231

      Won't be a new sequence to anyone who's played TIE Fighter.

    2. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
      Joke

      Is it called...

      ...a TIE rack?

  3. emmanuel goldstein
    Boffin

    "Physics makes a bit of a comeback as blaster bolts now carry real weight"

    Don't really understand that - aren't they energy weapons?. Please can someone explain.

    1. dogged

      > aren't they energy weapons?

      Nobody knows. The fact that they have a definite "length" and are significantly slower than light would tend to indicate that they are projectiles of some description.

    2. Zog_but_not_the_first
      Boffin

      "Don't really understand that - aren't they energy weapons?. Please can someone explain."

      E=mc^2

      1. DavCrav

        "E=mc^2"

        Yes, but in order for someone to get knocked off their feet it has to have more energy than a bullet (as they don't do that). Shove 1kg into E=mc^2 and marvel at how much energy you would need to provide 10N of force.

        (Just to think about it, if I put a magnifying glass in the path of the Sun's rays I can burn skin easily, but it carries almost no pushing power at all.)

        1. Eddy Ito

          Funny thing, if it carries enough momentum and energy to knock the target off their feet then it should do likewise to the shooter or at least a broken arm when said momentum and energy are imparted. Granted, there's a bit to be said about bracing oneself and catching the target off balance but typically folks shot in movies are thrown many feet by the impact and the recoil felt by the shooter is near nil.

          1. Youngdog

            The bolts are projected via a (possibly magnetic?) cone extending beyond the tip of the blaster - they accelerate away from it drawing energy from whatever field generates the cone. This would explain why the shooter doesn't suffer an equal and opposite reaction.

            1. DavCrav

              "The bolts are projected via a (possibly magnetic?) cone extending beyond the tip of the blaster - they accelerate away from it drawing energy from whatever field generates the cone. This would explain why the shooter doesn't suffer an equal and opposite reaction."

              Hmm. That explains where the energy comes from, but not where the momentum comes from. The Third Law is quite clear about this: something has to move backwards so the other thing moves forwards. Since the laser bolt has momentum in the -> direction, the same amount of momentum has to be transferred to something in the <- direction. The only things it could impact momentum to are the air and the gun. If it's the gun, fling the firing guy backwards time. If it's the air, well, air doesn't weigh very much, and p = mv (where p is momentum), so the air would have to move back at a sufficient speed to account for the momentum, enough to push someone backwards (but not knock them over, as the air is more spread out), so every time you fired it would be a 50-60mph gust pushing back against you.

              No, this isn't going to work.

              1. Youngdog

                @DavCrav

                That's true - my bad. The reaction of the field to the bolt would push the weapon projecting the field in the opposite direction

        2. Omgwtfbbqtime

          Shove 1kg into E=mc^2 and marvel at how much energy you would need

          Ummm no.

          That would be the amount of energy released in a total conversion of mass to energy.

          The bolts travel fairly slowly (compared with light speed) but still probably comparable with firearms say 1km/sec.

          Kinetic energy is 1/2 mv^2 so 1Kg at 1,000 ms^-1 is half a million Joules.

          or about 120000 calories in old money - probably Jabba's daily intake.

          1. DavCrav

            Re: Shove 1kg into E=mc^2 and marvel at how much energy you would need

            "That would be the amount of energy released in a total conversion of mass to energy.

            The bolts travel fairly slowly (compared with light speed) but still probably comparable with firearms say 1km/sec."

            Do the bolts weigh 1kg? If not, I don't see your point. I was saying compare how much energy you need to have an impact equivalent to throw 1kg around, itself not enough to even push you back.

            Look, you need to be hit pretty hard to be flung through the air. Enough so that the guy firing is also flung through the air (Newton's third law, still applicable in a world of quantum and GR). If the guy fires half a dozen laser bolts, each capable of knocking a guy backwards, he'd be thrown around like a rag doll. It would be like a child trying to hold onto a firehose at full throughput.

            People do not get knocked over by bullets, or anything else carried by a guy standing up.

    3. Simon Sharwood, Reg APAC Editor (Written by Reg staff)

      In previous Star Wars, blaster bolts hit their target which just kind of fell over. Blaster bolts are now properly Newtownian - they provoke an equal and opposite reaction.

      1. Rusty 1

        But what happens

        when the bolts are fired at light speed or above? Surely those old fangled Newtonian mechanics just go out of the window?

        1. DavCrav

          Re: But what happens

          "But what happens when the bolts are fired at light speed or above? Surely those old fangled Newtonian mechanics just go out of the window?"

          If they are travelling FTL then who knows. If they are travelling at the speed of light like, you know, a laser does, then they impart energy according to the equation E=hf, where h is Planck's constant (really, really, small number) and f is the frequency. If you want to see how much energy you need to hit something with to make it move you can use (Newtonian, at these speeds it's fine) E=1/2 mv^2. With 99.9999% certainty, energy weapons will not move the target they are hitting, as in order to do so, they have to impart so much energy the atmosphere would be set on fire around them.

          1. Robert Helpmann??
            Childcatcher

            Re: But what happens

            With 99.9999% certainty, energy weapons will not move the target they are hitting, as in order to do so, they have to impart so much energy the atmosphere would be set on fire around them.

            So what happens if part of the target is vaporized? For example, if it is made up mostly of water as we all are and a given area is brought above the boiling point all at once, couldn't that do the trick of knocking it over?

            Pew! Pew!

        2. enormous c word

          Re: But what happens

          Dunno about blaster bolts in ep.VII, but in all previous episodes, balster bolts can be seen moving toward their target, so slower than light speed

          1. DavCrav

            Re: But what happens

            "Dunno about blaster bolts in ep.VII, but in all previous episodes, balster bolts can be seen moving toward their target, so slower than light speed"

            This is another problem. In fact, much slower than bullets, maybe slower than arrows. About the same speed as someone throws a cricket ball perhaps?

      2. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

        "Blaster bolts are now properly Newtownian - they provoke an equal and opposite reaction."

        Unlike real bullets - I recall a MythBusters episode where they showed just how hard it is to know someone back by shooting them, even with a very heavy caliber firearm

  4. Yugguy

    pre-show ads

    I hate them, as unlike when I am at home I can't fast-forward through the wretched things.

    1. Jan 0 Silver badge

      Re: pre-show ads

      If you've got a seat allocated, time your entry for the start of the trailers, or the end of the trailers. (Most cinema staff can tell you when the film actually starts.)

      I'd pay more for a showing free of advertisements. I'm pleased to see trailers, but they could be after the film. Some UK cinemas seem to skip the advertisements before the first show of the day, presumably so the staff can come in later.

      1. Simon Sharwood, Reg APAC Editor (Written by Reg staff)

        Re: Re: pre-show ads

        Staff were overwhelmed at the screening I attended, and were flat out handing out 3D glasses and tickets. And they ran out of the souvenir cups :-(

    2. Snowy Silver badge

      Re: pre-show ads

      Feels like you paying twice :(

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: pre-show ads

      True but I miss the days of news reels, B movie and the ads. A whole evening at the cinema. (And I'm not really that old.)

  5. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Pre Show Ads

    are probably the reason why I have not been to a real Cinema in 15 years.

    One recent release was 87Minutes plus 35 mins of Ads. approx 40% WTF are these people playing at.

    Bring back those old scratchy Pearl & Dean ads for the local chinese restaurant.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Pre Show Ads

      Let's also bring back the two cartoons (one of Roadrunner) and a newsreel shall we? I do miss the opening cartoons. The newsreel, not so much.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pre Show Ads

      Quite lucky in our town as we still have an old fashioned style family run cinema that even has an intermission with the ice cream sellers. The Marple Regent:

      "The Regent cinema (originally named The Union Rooms) was built in 1878, originally designed as Christian meeting rooms with a coffee tavern. In summer 1931 it was re-designed and reopened as a cinema, and, apart from a short closure in the late 1960s, it has been entertaining the community ever since."

      http://www.theguardian.com/film/filmblog/2013/feb/27/cine-files-regent-cinema-marple

    3. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Pre Show Ads

      Mobile phones are the reason I haven't been in a cinema in ... let's see ... eight years, maybe? I'm not sure.

      I don't see any point in paying an absurd amount of money and spending a couple of hours watching a film on the big screen if it's not going to replicate the experience of my youth - of an audience collectively absorbed in an individual experience, captivated by artists working within the limitations of their medium to tell a story. The last time I went, half the people were doing some damn thing with their phones.

      Of course tastes vary and I know many people are still keen on cinema. But I can't see any film tempting me back. Certainly not this one.

      1. Myvekk

        Re: Pre Show Ads

        They should run this in more cinemas!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Gtio4V1L3o

      2. LaeMing
        Happy

        Re: Pre Show Ads

        I went to see The Martian recently - first film in several years I thought worth supporting at the box office - and was pleasantly surprised at how good the audience was. The movie's demographic may have been a factor, however.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pre Show Ads

      You'd enjoy the Swindon College ads we get round this way - fantastically over-excited for something so mundane. "One of the best colleges in a large town in north Wiltshire!"

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Headmaster

    No, the core problem with episodes I-III was that they were badly written....

    Let's see:

    - Jar-Jar--SO annoying--enough said.

    - At the end of Episode I, Yoda notices that since there is a Sith apprentice (who just got killed by Obi-Wan), then there must be a Sith master, then he seemingly shrugs the presence of this powerful agent of galactic tyranny off and does nothing about it.

    - Anakin as the cute and cuddly 8 year-old, who ends up flying a fighter in the final battle and accidentally blowing up the enemy control ship--ugh.

    - Anakin's and Padme's relationship and the writing around that may have killed my own interest in romance for 2-3 years. I still remember "I'm haunted by the kiss you never should have given me!". That may be the worst-ever romantic line in a major Hollywood movie. Almost as bad was the love scene in episode III that almost literally devolved into a "No, I wuv YOU more" saccharine exchange.

    -Some of the staging of the climatic Obi-Wan vs. Anakin fight was pretty corny. What's with them fighting while riding little flying robots. And having fought while riding robots and fighting while climbing up and down structures falling into or floating on lava, then Obi-Wan jumps onto the shore and essentially says the fights over because he's on solid ground now, then he cuts off Anakin's legs and arm.

    -Anakin gets duped rather easily by the Palpatine in episode III. I can understand Anakin's desire to sacrifice all to save Padme, but he never seems to ask whether this agent of the darkness can A) be trusted to actually help him and B) whether Padme would be happy of him if he did.

    1. ChrisBedford

      Re: No, the core problem with episodes I-III was that they were badly written....

      "- Jar-Jar--SO annoying--enough said

      [etc]"

      Those three movies were so full of plot holes they should all have been complete flops. But of course they weren't, because FANS, so analysing individual goofs like these is just a waste of effort.

      I loved the first movie when it came out, and eagerly waited for each successive episode, with hugely increasing disappointment each time. I managed to sit through the whole of the last one without screaming in frustration - or falling asleep - only because I was grimly determined to see the whole thing out, but doubt I have the patience for yet another one - having waited over 10 years I can happily wait a few more months until this one is out on video.

      1. MT Field

        Re: No, the core problem with episodes I-III was that they were badly written....

        I ground my way through all of Ep.1 and have seen bits of Ep.2 (rather like Live and Let Die, I never ever seem to be able to watch the whole thing even if I wanted to) but have only seen clips from Ep.3.

        My fondest memories of the entire franchise were an excellent PC game back in the '486 days.

        1. Zot

          If you're thinking of Dark Forces then

          ...yes it was excellent. We all knew it was like Doom, but then again what FPS isn't?

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: No, the core problem with episodes I-III was that they were badly written....

      The core problem with I-III was that they were complete and utter shit.

      I think that sums it up nicely.

  7. Rusty 1
    Thumb Down

    Dulux

    I've got a nice fresh 5 litre tub of brilliant white that I shall be applying to walls and watching dry this coming weekend.

    I suspect it will be just as interesting but yet slightly more satisfying than visiting a cinema to watch yet another pre-post-prequel-sequel-hope-no-hope-not-these-droids-move-along-hive-of-villany carry on film.

    1. Archie Woodnuts

      Re: Dulux

      No need to mansplain yourself, I understand.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    From what I've read it's just a rehash of the original star wars film with a couple of other episode bits slapped in there, most disappointing and an opportunity missed.

    What is it with Hollywood taking us for idiots and us been idiots enough to keep on swallowing it ?

    They throw all this money at formulaic plots yet truly engaging cinema seems so few and far between.

    Let's hope Tarantino can give us something that you don't feel cheated out of your money with the up and coming Hateful 8. The last things I really enjoyed at the cinema was The Grand Budapest Hotel and the Life of Pi, now those really were worth the ticket price and true film making.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re-hash

      "From what I've read it's just a rehash of the original star wars film with a couple of other episode bits slapped in there, most disappointing and an opportunity missed."

      Agreed - although I haven't seen the actual movie yet, I have read the various plot synopsises (synopsi ?) available online now... I was amazed at the similarities between this and Ep 4

      1. Deltics

        Re: re-hash

        I have. And it is.

        If you know and love Star Wars the quantity and quality of the references to the original quickly becomes tedious and then eventually insulting. It reaches a point where you feel manipulated. You just know that JJ was hugging himself in glee as he came up with how he could do X (complete with clumsy ways to incorporate that) and then congratulated himself on how he was pushing the fanboys buttons.

        Instead of anything compelling or original you get the feeling that you are being spoon fed Gluten-Free, Hypoallergenic Nostaliga.

        And it's all the more disappointing for the fact that they have a cast that are allowed to actually perform, a production design that actually fits in the universe (with the exception of some horrendous CG space monsters in a sequence that really doesn't fit at all) and THOSE characters.

        All of which is horribly wasted on a story that just lazily re-treads old ground and is either a massive cock-teases or a real tease for so called "stand-alone" movies to fill in the blanks (although based on similar things in the JJ STAR TREK world, it seems more likely to be just stuff added cos it seems cool, not because it reflects any substance to be explored later).

        All the REALLY interesting stuff seems to have already happened between VI and VII.

        :(

  9. Haku

    My Star Wars obsessed friend is gonna be so pissed at me

    Because I'm going to go see it in just under an hour after my brother texted me a few hours ago and asked if I wanted to go see the 12:01 showing - he found a couple of seats which are in the middle of the theater that hadn't been booked yet - and my (eternally broke) SW friend hasn't even figured out when he's going.

    TBH I'm not sure what to expect, I love the original trilogy (theatrical versions) and was somewhat underwhelmed with the prequals. I haven't even seen the trailers or read much about The Force Awakens, on purpose, because I prefer to watch big / potentially interesting films as spoiler free as possible.

    I hope I'm going to like it, J J Abrams has made some cracking films of late.

    1. Haku
      Thumb Up

      A+++++++ Will watch again!

      Ok, I thoroughly enjoyed that!

      To me, J.J. proved he knows what he's doing with this franchise, I'm actually looking forward to the next two, something which I couldn't say after almost falling asleep during Episode 1 in the cinema.

      But next time I'm picking a better cinema, one which doesn't cram everyone in like cattle. Being 6'2" means too many seats are too small, my back is still aching :(

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: A+++++++ Will watch again!

        Aye, old J.J. managed to get together a film with a beginning and an end - it both started and finished. Top notch stuff!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Casting I,II,III

    The core problem with Star Wars Episodes I through III was ... poor casting – made the films largely tedious.

    They were made up though by having Natalie Portman in them, in fact I can't remember anyone else.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Casting I,II,III

      I'd have to disagree - the films were made worse by her presence on account of her inability to act and present a quality character with any degree of depth. One of those things that really ought to have been spotted at the casting stage.

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