back to article It's Gartner Magic Graph of Wonder time! And Google won't be happy

Focus your eyes on this little MQ beauty from Garner’s gnomic gnosticians who have tracked, analysed and rated enterprise information archive suppliers' products and technology. GartnerMQ_IA_2015 2015 Gartner Magic Quadrant for information archiving. Whoo-hoo, Commvault is a challenger and not a leader. In fact there are …

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Most notable is surely Microsoft's move in to leaders, not Google's static position. Microsoft have historically not really been up to it in big enterprise shops, but looks like that has changed.

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Gartner

Aren't these the guys who predicted Windows Phone would overtake the iPhone by 2015?

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Re: Gartner

Gartner predicted a lot of things that never came about. They underestimated Microsoft's inability to foul up core concepts and ineffectually implement ideas.

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Re: Gartner

I'm rather sure that those predictions depend more on how much money those companies spend on Gartner predictions. That's why companies like Mitel aren't in the "utter shit" quadrant, despite of selling kit that's to buggy to even be testable.

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Re: Gartner

They also advised Apple to get out of the hardware business.

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Re: Gartner

Basically if a report says Gartner at the top then ignore it. Or better still burn it with fire.

Most recently during the general election (UK here) I was trawling my constituency for a candidate I felt was enough of a human being to actually vote for.

It wasn't easy. After discounting everyone else I was left with the Lib Dem and the Green.

The Green guys full CV was up on a site so I had a read. Former senior researcher/manager at Gartner.... Uh Oh.... But I didn't want to judge to early so I jumped down to the bottom of the document and was confronted with a seemingly endless list of buzzwords, one to a line. Not knowing what I was reading I paged up a few times. 3 pages further up I found the title of this "section" was "Skills I possess".

Within a few lines of that the first skill that caught my eye "Thought Leadership".

I voted for the other one.

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Re: Gartner

Here ya go, Mr. Downvote.

http://www.zdnet.com/article/gartner-apple-should-quit-hardware-business/

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Re: Gartner

I don't recall, but then I don't need to. I know the magic smoke escaped from Gartner's quadrant a long time ago.

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Just how do they make these up? I'd really like to know. For research purposes. Whatever the process is, it could conceivably be used to generate random numbers for encryption systems.

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It's usually easy to see how these are made up. It's all about finance. Generally whoever the report is favourable towards paid for the report.

Which unfortunately while good for the BS factor is poor on the random number generation front.

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WTF?

Well, one of the axes is labelled "completeness of vision" so I'm guessing that how each company's annual report scores in wankword bingo is involved somewhere in the process.

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Anonymous Coward

Businesses have a discussion with Gartner about what marks a successful company. The businesses say, "Yes, we're doing that!" and pay a consulting fee.

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Well, one of the axes is labelled "completeness of vision"

I can sympathize. I've been rated on this metric myself and found wanting, particularly after cleaning the bathroom.

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Anonymous Coward

Clearly the sub's had a few

"Commvault ius accomoanied by Bloomberg"

"niche plkayers’ box"

"premises or a a service from the cloud (SaaS)"

"HP has vanished."

No it hasn't, it's now HPE, arguably in the lead position this year.

I suspect this might have been better if I'd been down the pub at lunchtime.

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Re: Clearly the sub's had a few

Yep, noticed that too. Looks like a good time was had by all in Blighty.

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Anonymous Coward

Many people have asked before, but why are you still giving Gartner any credit?

I don't know of a single person in the IT industry that actually considers those guys with even the smallest of credibility.

They are basically a bunch of lawyers and PR people that attempt to shape business to what they want it to look like, then when it doesn't happen, just change what they think it should look like.

Analysts? No.

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Re: Many people have asked before, but why are you still giving Gartner any credit?

Charts like this that condense a large amount of data to fit into small minds are quite popular among third level managers and above.

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Re: Many people have asked before, but why are you still giving Gartner any credit?

..Because sadly there are still many large companies stuffed with "Enterprise Architects" who will only consider shortlisting suppliers based on whether they are in the Gartner Magic Quadrant or Forrester's Wave, regardless of whether it's a good match to the actual business requirements!

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unable to spell

Not only is that MQ box a load of shit

But so is the reporters spelling and that of the editor

What is happenning to thereg and also arstechnica the last few days have seen the editorial prowess drop some what

Have you got the grads doing the editing again ?

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Headmaster

Re: unable to spell

"But so is the reporters spelling .."

"What is happenning to thereg .."

Mote, meet Beam :-)

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Anonymous Coward

Spelling errors.

Or instead of moaning you could report the article in the provided link at the bottom and help them sort out the errors privately.

Otherwise someone may feel obliged to point out your own non-use of proper punctuation, incorrect spacing and improper sentence construction. Something to do with glass houses and stone throwing should apply here.

Just saying.

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Re: Spelling errors.

"Or instead of moaning you could report the article in the provided link at the bottom and help them sort out the errors privately"

Why not offer a spelling/grammar bug bonus?

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rag bag of technologies

Isn't this a right of rag bag of technologies some in a simple archiving space and some proper ediscovery kit?

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Re: rag bag of technologies

Exactly what I absolutely thought on first read. Second and third as well. Somewhere in yon offsite secure storage, I've got both Microsoft's and IBM's offerings. IBM is quite coherent and just consumption of stacks of Redbooks away from a new implementation stood up. Microsoft's? Ummm.... Stacks of books are required, yes. An IT-enterprisey <--> Microsoft's translation dictionary is definitely in order. Then again, IBM quite literally wrote the book.

I just have a lack of comprehensive understanding why MS keeps fucking with the terminology beyond IT worker lock in as well.

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Where's my itanium powered windows phone?

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Where's my itanium powered windows phone?

Melting its way quite quickly through a Greenland glacier, probably.

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A modest proposal

May I propose the following to the esteemed editors.

Whenever Gartner unleashes yet another of their reports on the world, rather than discussing the latest, could The Register take the report of, say, two years back, and review how much of it has come true?

I think this would be most enlightening.

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Re: A modest proposal

You can't blame them for errors - all the new astronomical discoveries are playing merry Hell with the horoscopes.

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Random selection and a dart board?

Methinks Gartner draws the names of these companies out of a hat, then affixes tags with the names to darts which are summarily thrown at a dartboard. In a pub, of course. By people who have tippled a bit too much. Oh, and then somebody takes a photo of the dartboard. That's about how much sense these charts make. Huge steamy piles of crap, dredged from porta-potties.

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As one of the companies included in this Magic Quadrant, it is surprising that Gartner is called a research company. If they are a research company, why do we have to rewrite their description to include a complete listing of all the specific things our product does? You would think a cursory look over our website would provide that.

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Gartner - A Research Company?

As one of the companies included in this Magic Quadrant, it is surprising that Gartner is called a research company. If they are a research company, why do we have to rewrite their description to include a complete listing of all the specific things our product does? You would think a cursory look over our website would provide that.

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information archiving

As opposed to archiving what, exactly? Potatoes?

Why not go with "informational data archive storage keeping" while you're at it, Gartner?

Whoever came up with this idiotic phrase needs a good slapping.

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