back to article NEW ERA for HUMANITY? NASA says something 'major' FOUND ON MARS

Perhaps to give the President time to act in advance, NASA says it will unveil a "major" discovery it has made on our planetary neighbour Mars later today. Nobody knows what the discovery could be, but there has to be at least some chance that at last, alien life has been discovered on another planet than our own. The US …

It'll be a rock

It's always a rock.

It might be an important and interesting rock.

But it'll be a rock.

(Don't take this the wrong way, I like space rocks, just not them being overhyped and the inevitable OMG-LIFE!!!1111EleventyOne!!! response from the press and others)

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Re: It'll be a rock

Of course they tell it's always a rock. They will never tell the truth although it is full of alien life and spaceship and buildings everywhere in their own released pictures on which sometimes someone from the inside is allowing the censoring software to fail .. so that something can be seen.

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Re: It'll be a rock

Reminds me of this...

LISTER: OK, OK. What's Holly spotted?

RIMMER: An unidentified object.

LISTER: You mean a rock.

RIMMER: It might not be.

LISTER: They're always rocks.

RIMMER: Mostly they're rocks, I agree, but maybe this one's different.

LISTER: Rimmer, there's nothing out there, you know. There's nobody out

there. No alien monsters, no Zargon warships, no beautiful blondes

with beehive hairdos who say, "Show me some more of this Earth thing

called kissing." There's just you, me, the Cat, and a lot of floating

smegging rocks. That's it. Finito.

Sorry, can't get the formatting right.

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@Geoff Johnson Re: Reminds me of this...

The first six lines of Lister and Rimmer reminded *me* of "Waiting For Godot".

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Re: @Geoff Johnson Reminds me of this...

"The first six lines of Lister and Rimmer reminded *me* of "Waiting For Godot"."

Not a coincidence, the title of the Red Dwarf episode the quotes from is 'waiting for god' Series 1 episode 4.

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Re: It'll be a rock

Of course, a rock--but with fossil.

That, or a sock. In fact, all of the singletons ever gone missing, from the earliest years of the washing machine era to the present day.

Either way, worth NASA having made the trip.

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@Teiwaz

"Not a coincidence, the title of the Red Dwarf episode the quotes from is 'waiting for god' Series 1 episode 4."

Thanks for the info!

Before I posted, I actually googled "Lister Rimmer rock" to see where the lines were from but the search didn't seem to bring up any results that struck me as relevant.

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Re: It'll be a rock

No, socks are the pupa stage of coat hangers

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Re: It'll be a rock

Are you all right?

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Re: It'll be a rock

My money's on it being a rock as well.

With a fossil of some kind in it. Or at least some markings that could be interpreted as a fossil.

It's unlikely they'll find life now, but since Mars was supposed to be warmer and wetter in the past it's entirely feasible that they could discover fossils of life that existed back then.

Either way, it would still answer the age-old question of life evolving elsewhere once and for all, and it would profoundly change our perception of ourselves in relation to the universe.

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Re: It'll be a rock

If it is a fossil, there will be a lot screaming, hair-pulling, and chest-beating from various religious groups and US CongressCritters. My bet is that it's not a fossil or will be reported as "looks like but isn't a fossil". To much turmoil will be raised in tumultuous times for that kind of new. Besides, certain "believers" in Congress would kill NASA's entire budget for reasons of blasphemy.

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Re: It'll be a rock

Unless it is a newly discovered gas gradient.

Or my lost pen.

Or an odd mineral never seen before on Mars, which would be a stretch.

Hopefully, not a sign of my family Mars wilderness excursion. We always have practiced "leave no trace behind".

But then, I was a Cube Scout. Octagons were obscene to us.

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Re: It'll be a rock

Or an odd mineral never seen before on Mars

Given the amount of Mars that has been explored and analyised in detail this isn't so far fetched. Personally I think they'll annouce 'Water!' for what, the third or fourth time now.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/06/25/wellies_mars_water_everywhere_500_000_years_ago/

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/04/14/rover_worth_its_salt_mars_sometimes_has_liquid_water/

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/03/06/boffins_say_mars_had_ocean_covering_20_per_cent_of_planet/

etc etc.

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Coat

Re: It'll be a rock

Or an odd mineral never seen before on Mars

An object more generally referred to outside specialist scientific circles as "a rock".

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Re: It'll be a rock

It's a smegging garbage pod!

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Re: It'll be a rock

@Mark85: If it is a fossil, there will be a lot screaming, hair-pulling, and chest-beating from various religious groups and US CongressCritters.

No there won't. They will just find new ways to deny it, misinterpret the data and discredit the authors. That's what zealots do.

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Re: It'll be a rock

"No, socks are the pupa stage of coat hangers"

Which are in turn the larval stage of shopping carts.

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Re: It'll be a rock

Anaqueta (sp?), or an actual buried stargate

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Anonymous Coward

Re: It'll be a rock

Let’s hope this “announcement” is vetted better than NASA’s 1996 ALH84001 meteorite claim of microscopic evidence of Mars bacteria, that is believed by the Scientific Community to be bogus. Or vetted better than NASA’s 2010 claim to have discovered a bacterium in Mono Lake that used arsenic in place of phosphorus in it’s biochemistry, only the authors of the paper (Wolfe-Simon, et al, Science 332, 1163-1166 (2010), DOI: 10.1126/science.1197258) misanalysed their own data. A careful analysis of the data presented in said paper didn’t support the authors conclusions.

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Re: It'll be a rock

>It's a smegging garbage pod!

You obviously aren't a true believer!

But what do the ancient cryptic text-speak words, "u rio sity" mean?

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Re: It'll be a rock

> Of course, a rock--but with fossil.

Nah it's dust, but it's dust with a boot print with the words

Made in China

clearly visible in relief

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Boffin

Re: It'll be a rock

NASA: "We found a rock. the rock has a chemical on it, that is similar to another chemical, that is a precursor to another cursor that looks like an amino acid that is an exciting building block of life. But we won't know for sure until we get more funding :) "

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Re: It'll be a rock

(Don't take this the wrong way, I like space rocks, just not them being overhyped and the inevitable OMG-LIFE!!!1111EleventyOne!!! response from the press and others)

I disagree...

If I were to find a space rock and it tested positive for alien life my name would be written in textbooks, spoken in schools, lectures and universities until the end of time. That "space rock" would be one of the greatest discoveries of mankind.

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Re: It'll be a rock

*IF* it was covered in life then that would merely be appropriate hype. But the reaction we always get to the pre-announcement turns out to be over-hype when yet again the rock isn't covered in life.

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Re: It'll be a rock

"and it would profoundly change our perception of ourselves in relation to the universe."

Sadly, it wont. We will carry on as we are doing. Fighting amongst ourselves like we have always done. Slowly polluting our planet, just as we have always done. Ad nauseam...

UNTIL some ET bugger actually lands here, at which point it will be taken off for "tests" at area51, ad nauseam.

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Re: It'll be a rock

It wasn't a rock. It was a WET rock!

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Anonymous Coward

They've found 'MARVIN THE MARTIAN'

Send for....DUCK DODGERS!

Either that or they've found one Matt Damon's stools!

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Pint

Re: They've found 'MARVIN THE MARTIAN'

Matt Damon!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QApeYpw7KQQ

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Joke

Re: They've found 'MARVIN THE MARTIAN'

Naaah, they found that HP printer....

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Nah

They'll be unveiling nasa branded ice cream, or something.

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Anonymous Coward

I hope it's that the rover is currently standing knee deep in water but I suspect the earlier poster is correct and it'll be a rock.

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Anonymous Coward

... a space nazi rock!

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They found the black monolith?

Or a pile black rocks that could have been a monolith? Probably the wrong planet for the monolith, one can hope.

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let me be the first to say that

i, for one, welcome our new martian overlords

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Anonymous Coward

They have found a David Bowie LP on Mars.

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Let's dance.

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TRT
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Something major...

Tom?

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Anonymous Coward

Do we really need teasers?

If they have something to say, why not just say it? It's not as if it's a new Maxi iPad.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Do we really need teasers?

If they have something to say, why not just say it? It's not as if it's a new Maxi iPad.

On the plus side, at least they have PLENTY place to queue beforehand without disturbing traffic.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Do we really need teasers?

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING!

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They're using it to reveal that all the planets leaders are lizard people and we're about become farm fodder for their growing colonies.

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Anonymous Coward

@Your alien overlord - fear me

"They're using it to reveal that all the planets leaders are lizard people and we're about become farm fodder for their growing colonies."

That's not news.

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Anonymous Coward

http://dilbert.com/strip/1993-03-28

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Maybe they'll talk about Monday's lunar eclipse.

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Joke

Surprise guest

It'll be a picture of a metal plaque showing © 1971 and some unreadable Cyrillic characters, the surprise guest at the conference will have a Russian accent, and their simple explanation "Mars has always been part of the motherland! We will build a bridge to it."

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Anonymous Coward

My money's on...

A Tesco's carrier bag has got snagged round its wheels.

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Re: My money's on...

"A Tesco's carrier bag has got snagged round its wheels."

Better now than a weeks time and be charged 5 pence...

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x 7
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not rocks, but rock snakes. Very sedentary until you shoot at them.

or Mysterons...........

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Do the rock snakes shoot sparkling cannonballs?

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No, it'll be a pube. They get everywhere, always where you least expect them..

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