back to article Auto erotica bonk shocker: ja das ist gut, say 56% of Germans

For some the car is a functional thing that gets them from A to B, for speed demons getting behind the wheel is like a drug, but for many folk in Germany going for a ride has an entirely different meaning. According to the mother of all silly polls, 56 per cent of our Saxon cousins have admitting to bonking in their vehicles …

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I guess that for all those businessmen driving themselves to a meeting, it gives credence to what we've always said about BMW drivers...

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Ah! A downvote! I guess there's a BMW driver amongst the commentards...

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That lends a whole new meaning to the concept of a "Sport Utility Vehicle". Well.. sex is a sport, right?

OTOH, a certain Lazarus Long once said: "Everyone lies about sex.".

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Anonymous Coward

"[...] enjoy a bit of slap and tickle on the back seat [...]"

Must be a contortionist to reach the steering wheel - or is this automatic cruise and lane control?

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Another fine reason to have a self-driving car. Although maybe a self-driving motorhome (caravan) would be better.

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Anonymous Coward

Most do it in secluded areas, whilst parked... Exhibitionists have also been known to park in motorway parking areas (not the ones with restaurants) and diddle themselves for the watchers.

Although I had one German girlfriend gave me a blowjob whilst driving.

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There was a story about this......

Bloke had a crash on the M4 (I think it was) and he and the bird with him were dead. But his penis was severed and in her mouth.

So, reconstructed, she's giving him a blow job as he's driving. Crashes. Steering wheel hits her in back of head, slamming jaw shut......

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WTF?

I had one German girlfriend gave me a blowjob whilst driving.

As written, that sentence implies she was driving. I assume that's not what you meant.

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Anonymous Coward

Touring the West Country in 1977 with an Israeli friend. As we were stopped at traffic lights with the windows open - she tormented male passers-by with erotic licking and sucking of her newly discovered stick of classic British pink seaside rock.

During the journey I asked her how many guys she had taken to bed. Getting no answer I repeated the question more slowly. "Shh - I'm counting".

Reminds me of the early 1970s when another girlfriend decided do that experiment at traffic lights in Africa. Luckily the MK1 LandRover windows were well above the eye-level of the family saloons - but I had a nagging fear that a Pan-African monster truck would draw up alongside. Fortunately my engaging the clutch and gears as the lights changed to green persuaded her to wait until later.

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"Well, you see Officer, I was pulling a very tight maneuver at the time. It was touch and go for a while, but the inevitable happened, everything went stiff, the engine over-revved and I blew my head ... gasket."

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Angel

Fahrgefühl!

This is it.

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So all technological advance really IS ultimately in support of more sex. Self-driving cars FTW.

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Anonymous Coward

That's contrary to the German films I've seen for research purposes, it's usually with das washing machine repair man in the house.

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Devil

Or the cable guy.

viz., Karl Hungus in _Logjammin'_.

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Wobbly

Back inthe '70s a neighbour of mine was a motorcycle cop, while on a patrol in Croydon he noticed a car ahead of him was moving erratically. As he approached from behind he noticedthe passenger's head duck down from sight and the car's path became distinctly wobbly,veering all over the road, as the car pulled up at trafficlighst he pulled along side the car and peered in the young lady in the passenger seat was blowing the driver's bugle, her nickers were on the dash and the driver didn't even notice my neighbour looking in.

The driver got a ticket for Dangerous Driving and Driving Without Due Care and Attention, the passenger got ticked off about lewd behaviour and distracting a driver while driving.

This happened on the Purley Way, Brighton road.

Sex in a car, van, back of a bike even is normal especially for youngsters with no place to go but it is better to not be driving at what the Japanese call the Moment of Clouds and Rain ( Very difficult to drive a bike and have sex).

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Re: Wobbly

Was she wearing a Purley necklace?

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Re: Wobbly

Are you asking if she had his Waddon?

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Anonymous Coward

Oh really

"It seems age is no barrier to steamy sessions in vehicles either, with 50 to 60 year-olds just as likely to enjoy a bit of slap and tickle on the back seat as 20 to 30 year-olds."

Why does this seem so particulary unbelievable ? or is there a huge quantiy of Viagri/Cialis distributed at all the petrol stations ( Gas stations for our friends across the pond)...

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Re: Oh really

It can require a certain souplesse that seniors might lack. Although perhaps not so much in a large car - my experience is of smaller cars.

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Re: Oh really

Or alternatively they did it in their youth and the questions didn't specify a time. (I can imagine that back then it was more common than now as sex before marriage was more frownrd upon)

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Re: Oh really

I'm over 60, I can still kick a heavy bag higher than my head, touch my toes ( depending on who or what is behind me) and I definitely still have the suppleness to make a lady ( or other female) smile and reach her destination in the back of a car.

I must say though that my old Tranny van was more fit for purpose and if all you have is a Mini, then providing the weather and location is Okay, the roof is better than the back seat.

Just need to add other than the spam emails I see, I have no idea where to buy viagra or cialis or what it even looks like.

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Re: Oh really

"... make a lady ( or other female) smile ..." , " ... my old Tranny van ..."

So, you used to drive on both sides of the road?

(Thank you Chris, just keep them coming.)

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Re: Oh really

and maybe both ways on both sides of the road.

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WTF?

in is such an important word

According to the mother of all silly polls, 56 per cent of our Saxon cousins have admitting to bonking their vehicles

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Coat

Haven't they heard of speed humps?

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Anonymous Coward

Acronyms

BMW : Blow my wand

ESP : Extra Sex Please

ABS : Always Blow Safely

AutoBahn : Alfred Usually Teaches Obscene Bonking And Hardcore Nookie

Golf : Girlfriend Only Loves Facials

Mercedes : My Ex Rumptious Collaborator Easilly Does Evening Sex

German : Googirls Excite Randy Men Almost Naked

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This post has been deleted by its author

Shagging in Deutschland

I guess I've long thought that Germans had one-dimensional, heavy duty, machine-like sex, with the participants barking orders at each other, e.g., "You will now turn 90 degrees clockwise!" Any pleasure that accrued to the couple was treated as an industrial accident.

My point is, it makes sense that machine-like sex would occur in, you know, an actual machine of some sort.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Shagging in Deutschland

"I guess I've long thought that Germans had one-dimensional, heavy duty, machine-like sex,"

Seriously, have you ever been in a German newsagents and looked at the magazines?

Germany is not all Prussia, you know. There's Bavaria, for a start. And Bavaria is the home of the Oktoberfest.

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Re: Shagging in Deutschland

And their language sounds like a typewriter is being kicked down a flight of stairs.

It must be true, as I heard it from a bunch of Australians in a bar!

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Re: Shagging in Deutschland

Bavaria is not Germany.

That's one of the few things the Bavarians and the Germans agree on. (*)

(*) other things include beer and sausages, but then so does most of central Europe.

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Re: Shagging in Deutschland

One assumes that your extensive knowledge of Germans derives primarily from reruns of 'allo 'allo?

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Re: Shagging in Deutschland

'Allo 'Allo is well known as the height of historical fact. And Germans are kinky beggars as this particular quote from a certain scene undoubtedly reveals

Helga: Herr Flick, may I kiss you?

Herr Flick: (in lingerie) What? Kiss me? Chained to the wall and dressed in the underwear of a woman? Of course.

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Believable

If the internet has taught me anything, it's that Germans are up for almost anything.

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Joke

Vorsprung Di*k Technik

as they do in Germany

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Lay by

VW campervan.

Park, close curtains, pull out bed - afterwards there's a kettle handy for a cuppa.

Did have a coverted passenger ambulance once, with mirror film on the side and rear windows.

It can be off-puttng when you get a passer-by stopping to groom thier hair while busy.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Lay by

Do the Aussies still call them F@@k Trucks?

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Re: Lay by

F@@k Trucks

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If you ask anybody if they have had sex in a vehicle then I would predict more that 95% will say yes, because at some point in their life during the intense first phase of a relationship it will always happen. And I'm pretty sure that foreplay will have started before the vehicle stopped.

So, after a couple of weeks of dating, there is plenty of this stuff going on. After 16 years of marriage like myself, then that urge is usually dealt with before we leave the house......

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Go

Came here expecting top quality comments and innuendo.

Came away very satisfied...

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