back to article AIDS? Ebola? Nah – ELECTRO SMOG is our 'biggest problem', says Noel Edmonds

Once omnipresent telly host Noel Edmonds has claimed that "the biggest problem we have is not Ebola, it's not AIDS, it's electro smog." Electro smog, according to Edmonds, is a product of "the Wi-Fi and all of the systems that we are introducing into our lives" which "are destroying our own natural electro-magnetic fields." …

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  1. tacitust

    Well, at least he's not telling people they shouldn't vaccinate their kids. Still crazy, but not scary crazy.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Indeed, he does sound like he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. OTOH, I don't know how "popular" he is over there, but this might be an opportunity to go long on shares of the company that makes the device. Then sell for a profit before some guardian agency degrees them as being worthless and a scam.

      Crap.. I'm sounding like a greedy capitalist... Oh wait.. I am a greedy capitalist looking to pad by retirement account.

      1. swampdog

        Minions

        Not any more. Think "Minions". You have the yellow sanitised version. We got the purple 6ft spotty penis version.

        In fact. Now I've typed that (as a joke) I'm beginning to think there might be verity there.

        1. Zippy's Sausage Factory
          Trollface

          Re: Minions

          I miss Mr Blobby. Let's face it, he was the only reason anyone watched House Party anyway.

          1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

            Re: Minions

            Well it certainly wasn't for him - all ego and no (nice) personality (IMHO).

            "Everything is about energy," said the former associate of Mr Blobby.

            On the other hand, this is one amazing quote and attribution assasination in one. Can a QOTW come from a staff writer?

          2. Frank Bough

            Re: Minions

            Quality, value and originality.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Noel Edmonds, meet David Icke. Didn't you both used to work for the BBC ? I'm sure you will both get on very well.

      I certainly know Noel used to pump out Megawatts of Electro RF shit every year on Radio 1.

      1. Jim 59

        Edmonds is nowhere near as far, far, far out as Icke. And if one reads the story with a bit of thought, most of what he says here is just a broad statement of physics, apart from the EMPpad bit. For example, the bit Team Register have emboldened is just a statement of the law of conservation of energy.

        Yes, physicists don't use the term "electr smog", but we certainly are living in a bunch of radio noise. You could call it a sea, or a field, or a smog...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Bollocks

          Most of what he says here is not "a broad statement of physics", it is a load of new age nonsense that appropriates the language of physics. In other words, the same pseudo-scientific claptrap that Deepak Chopra peddles.

          When a physicist says "conservation of energy" they mean something very specific and measurable. When Edmonds says "energy" he means something completely vague to do with your "life force" (whatever that means) leaving your body and joining some universal consciousness. Unless you have some concrete definition of what "life energy" is, how you measure, and how it gets transmitted out of the body into wherever-it-is that it goes, it's just rubbish.

          1. DropBear Silver badge

            Re: Bollocks

            I'm kinda wondering what would he do if someone were to tell him there's an awful lot of MUCH higher frequency "electo-magnetic smog" sloshing around, also known as "thermal radiation" (and even worse - "light"!) which he could completely escape only by leaving the solar system entirely (not a bad idea, actually)...

          2. Stevie Silver badge

            Re: Bollocks

            "Most of what he says here is not "a broad statement of physics","

            Agreed. It can't be physics. It doesn't have any quantums in it.

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            moRe: Bollocks

            What part of science isn't believing some story your mind tells you is actually real?

            This leaving the body stuff is so backwards, our mind just stops trying to convince you that your body is the whole of you. So no "joining some universal consciousness" required, you just intentially forgot who you really are. Sometimes we remember and then convince ourselves to forget again and pretend that things are real.

            The only knowable fact is that our mind presents us with a very believable reality.

          4. Jim 59

            Re: Bollocks

            Most of what he says here is not "a broad statement of physics", it is a load of new age nonsense that appropriates the language of physics.

            I disagree. He doesn't mention "new age" or "life force", these are terms introduced by you. Yes, there is some made-up daftness (empPAD, "wrong sorts of electro-magnetism", Ebola). However, much of his statement regarding energy would find qualitative agreement among physics teachers.

            We shouldn't get too snooty about people without physics O/A levels. They can understand some things without necessarily using the correct academic language. To people like Stephen Hawking, we probably all sound like Edmunds.

            Swap Shop fans back me up here!

      2. Naughtyhorse

        The Beeb.

        Given the revelations about many of their erstwhile colleagues, I'd say batshit crazy is prolly a good deal

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Edmonds says he remains healthy through a £2,000 device called an EMPpad"

      I imagine that he is already high up on a suckers list for the Scientologists, etc....

  2. mad_dr

    Is this a preview of a new series of Brass Eye?

    I seem to recall the beardy one talking crap on that show too...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SyurgZ8GaQ

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Re: Is this a preview of a new series of Brass Eye?

      Electrosmug git?

    2. Oliver Mayes

      Re: Is this a preview of a new series of Brass Eye?

      I thought he was one of the only ones to question the bullshit they tried to have him recite?

    3. AbelSoul
      Facepalm

      Re: Is this a preview of a new series of Brass Eye?

      Ah, the "Cake" episode. An absolute classic.

      Mr Edmonds made a royal fool of himself.

      "The most dangerous thing about Cake is that it's a made up drug."

      And not to forget the other episode in that series where assorted celebrity pals were literally talking Nonce Sense.

      1. ravenviz Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Is this a preview of a new series of Brass Eye?

        Er, I think it was the Brass Eye production team that made a fool of him, he was acting in all good faith putting his popularity where his mouth is and backing a (what he thought was a) worthy cause.

        Chris Morris' talent though is without question.

      2. John Savard Silver badge

        Re: Is this a preview of a new series of Brass Eye?

        Oh, dear. But then they've said that...

        The Cake is a lie!

  3. Uberseehandel
    Devil

    I'm impressed

    Not many people in television are as bright as that!

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: I'm impressed

      There's certainly one thing he's achieved: he makes Gwyneth Paltrow sound sane.

  4. cynic 2

    I'm also impressed. An EMPpad? An iPad that can take out national power infrastructure? Awesome.

    1. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge

      Well it solves the battery life when you are out and about and have forgotten your charger.

    2. Ragarath

      I was more impressed with this claim:

      EMPpad PEMF technology produces an electromagnetic pulse at an intensity and frequency which mimics the earth’s magnetic field.

      So it mimics the field that is already present around you? That's an easy claim to satisfy.

  5. frank ly Silver badge

    Go now, please.

    "My energy will return to where it came from – part of a massive, incomprehensible universal web of energy."

    He used to be massive and universal (in the UK anyway). Now, he's just incomprehensible.

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Re: Go now, please.

      A massive and universal -- twat.

  6. Mike Bell

    David Icke still hard to beat

    For some proper way-out stuff.

  7. Charles Manning

    He's possibly right about Ebola

    Ebola has been massively over-hyped.

    Sure, it has killed some people but really nothing compared to other health risks. If anything, all the hoo-ha about Ebola has muddied the water when it come other diseases.

    During the last 18 months in the three W. African countries of Sierra Leone, Guinea and Liberia there have been 11000-odd deaths from Ebola out of a population for 22million or so. About 1 per 2000 people.

    During that same time in those three countries:

    * Flu killed about 50,000-60,000

    * Malaria killed about 30,000.

    * Tuberculosis killed about 50,000

    * AIDS 20,000.

    * Motor vehicle accidents: 6,000 or so.

    So all the media hype about Ebola causing massive problems due to economic disruption due to people dying was just nonsense.

    1. Robert Grant

      Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

      Classic tactic - put a fact next to a claim and if people aren't really listening (or aren't very analytical) then the veracity of the former appears to transfer to the latter.

    2. Anonymous Coward 101

      Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

      Do me a fucking favour.

      Reread this quote: "The biggest problem we have is not Ebola, it’s not Aids, it’s electro smog." How many people has 'electro smog' killed in those three African countries?

      1. Col_Panek

        Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

        If you include the 400 nm radiation from the sun causing skin cancer, probably a lot. But mostly Irish on holiday.

    3. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

      So all the media hype about Ebola causing massive problems due to economic disruption due to people dying was just nonsense.

      The economic disruption wasn't caused by people dying, it was caused by people being afraid to go out and carry on with business as usual for fear of getting infected.

    4. MathsFail

      Re: He's possibly right about Ebola: No

      Charles, what your Noel's analysis fails to consider is how Ebola differs from those other causes of death:

      * the Ebola deaths occurred over a month, the others you quote over 18 months. I leave the linear growth calculations as an exercise (even though disease transmission/death is often exponential);

      * the nature of Ebola means that people must avoid contact with others to avoid infection. This isn't the case with the other things you mention and effectively shuts down all activity in affected areas. Think about that happening in a city, eg business district;

      * Ebola's infectiousness means that the risk of it spreading outside those countries, eg via human travel on planes or boats, is huge. Imagine what that does to importing/exporting or business travel between neighboring countries. Look at our own response in airport/port controls;

      * disease containment and body disposal require new techniques, equipment and facilities. All this costs time and money meaning the response is slow, meaning the disease spreads faster, exacerbating all the above points;

      * finally, can you honestly tell me that your personal response (and fear of) Ebola is the same as for flu or a car accident?

    5. Graham Marsden

      Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

      > Ebola has been massively over-hyped.

      Yeah, but nobody ever made a scary film about Flu, Malaria, TB or Motor Vehicle Accidents...

      1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

        Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

        EBola isn't a proper disease - it only seems to affect Africans.

        Well, that's what I read in the first offering of testicles.

      2. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

        Yeah, but nobody ever made a scary film about Flu, Malaria, TB or Motor Vehicle Accidents...

        Well I raise you, in order

        * Flu Bird Horror

        * Martha and Mary (a Richard Curtis film - so that get's the horror angle)

        * A New York Winter's Tale (it really is bad)

        * Crash

        1. Stevie Silver badge

          Well I raise you, in order

          No, the ellipsis at the end of the original post was the clue that irony was in play.

          So not so much a raise as STBO.

      3. GitMeMyShootinIrons

        Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

        "Yeah, but nobody ever made a scary film about Flu, Malaria, TB or Motor Vehicle Accidents..."

        I remember a scary film about motor vehicle accidents. In fact several:

        - Keanu had pretty scary acting in Speed.

        - Those Fast and Furious films had scary accidents.

        - But check out this for full horror... https://youtu.be/qrY7pr2V82o

    6. Fibbles

      Re: He's possibly right about Ebola

      Those numbers are completely disingenuous. Considerably more effort was expended to contain the Ebola outbreak than to contain any outbreaks of Flu for example. Were Ebola left to run unchecked the numbers would be very different.

      Ebola has a mortality rate of 50-70%. Flu has a mortality rate of 0.1%.

  8. oldtaku
    Trollface

    Just think, if Bonny Prince Woo Woo Charles ever takes the throne, this is your new Secretary of State for Health. Time to have a pint to the health of the old girl.

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Even Brian's not that daft. Probably. Anyway, the monarch doesn't appoint secretaries of state.

      1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

        "Even Brian's not that daft. Probably."

        Too late, we have a health minister who 'knows' homeopaathy 'works' and a recent announcement that MORE of OUR money will be put towards NHS and empty water.

        We is well buggered!

        1. swampdog

          ?bug?

          Is this a thing? Seriously?

          Last time I visited the dentist the coloured water wasn't. Just H2O.

          I've been off rest off week with a stomach bug. I'm not too squeamish - if I had a sterile syringe I'd had popped myself "James Herriot cow style" by now.

    2. Zuagroasta

      Long to reign over us... pretty please?

      Ladies and germs, the Queen! *gulpgulpgulp*

  9. Barry Tabrah

    Careful now

    Just taking about this story can result in your logo being slapped on their website.

  10. P. Lee Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    >"Everything is about energy," said the former associate of Mr Blobby.

    #newkeyboardrequired

    (Isn't that how the cool kids call tech support these days?)

  11. BenBell
    Joke

    Am I the only one tempted to send him one of these pieces of crap?

    http://www.amazon.com/Aulterra-Neutralizer-Protection-Electro-Magnetic-Radiation/dp/B00DNIIETK

    What an idiot.

    1. Graham Marsden
      Happy

      @BenBell

      Nice comments section on that item...

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