back to article The Q7: Audi’s big SUV goes from tosspot to tip-top

Too large, too ugly, too late. Luckily (for El Reg’s relationship with Audi) that’s my opinion of the outgoing Q7. Why anyone coughed up good money for a Q7 when for less you could have pretty much the same thing with a VW Touareg badge on the back was beyond me. Q7_side New Q7, looks less leaden than old model. In fact, it' …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Deep Joy

    So the Audi driving [redacted] can get from A (home) to B(hair/nail salon, school) half a nano second faster in the new lighter Q7.

    It used to be BMW 3 series that I had to look out for on the road. Now it is 'Mummy darling' whisking her little pride and joy off to Private School and to hell with anyone else on the road. The drivers have no concept of how wide these Panzers are.

    I have found that the Black ones are the worst. Now they have made is lighter, faster and....

    Plus they don't fit into parking spaces. Don't try to park next to one or your door will get zinged for sure.

    Grrrrrrrrrr

    1. getHandle

      Re: Deep Joy

      Round here all the drivers of SUVs seem to think the white line down the middle of the road is theirs and theirs alone to drive on. Drive what you like but at least learn to drive it well!

    2. John H Woods Silver badge

      Re: Deep Joy

      "Plus they don't fit into parking spaces" -- AC

      Almost nothing fits into parking spaces any more -- they are like bus seats, still being made to fit the sizes of vehicles and backsides that were around in the '70s and '80s.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Deep Joy

      I have found that the Black ones are the worst

      I prefer black (well, metallic black) over white any day - feels less like you're driving something that is only an Armitage Shanks logo short of being a toilet..

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: Deep Joy

        I prefer black (well, metallic black) over white any day - feels less like you're driving something that is only an Armitage Shanks logo short of being a toilet..

        Probably better driving a bog than a hearse.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Deep Joy

      Round here it doesn't need to be private school. We live close to the village primary and there are two no go times of the day when people (and cats of a nervous disposition) stay indoors. People dropping off at the local private school tend to drive smaller scruffier vehicles - a choice of where you want to spend your money.

      1. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
        Pint

        "...platform new, but the Q7 is the first model to use it..."

        Traditionally, on Top Gear, they'd yell...

        "How's your [insert name of cheapest vehicle based on same platform]?"

        For a Porsche, "How's your Beetle?"

        For a Lambo, "How's your Audi?"

        For a Jeep Cherokee, "How's your jacked-up Fiat Dart?"

        VWG arranging that the first vehicle to use a new platform is the slightly higher end model is brilliant. It turns the Top Gear insult on its head, disarming it entirely.

        Next year, when the VW version of the SUV comes out, people can only yell, "How's your Audi Q7?" - which really isn't as funny.

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: "...platform new, but the Q7 is the first model to use it..."

          "Next year, when the VW version of the SUV comes out, people can only yell, "How's your Audi Q7?" - which really isn't as funny."

          Which is unfortunate, though, for the forthcoming Bentley Bentayga which will also be using the same MLB 2 platform as Q7 (and new A4 and A8).

          But yes, with any Audi "how's your Skoda" is perfectly fair comment.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: "...platform new, but the Q7 is the first model to use it..."

            What's wrong with a Skoda?

        2. Sir Sham Cad

          Re: Top Gear insult on its head

          "How's your Skoda Yeti?"

      2. Jamester

        Re: Deep Joy

        I used to think that when passing our local private school... people making some difficult financial sacrifices to send their children to private school.

        Then someone pointed out to me that actually those are just the nannies who have the smaller, older cars dropping off.

      3. Trigonoceps occipitalis

        Re: Deep Joy

        But don't those yellow zig-zags mean "SUV Parking Only"?

        1. Eponymous Cowherd
          Thumb Up

          Re: Deep Joy

          "But don't those yellow zig-zags mean "SUV Parking Only"?"

          A Police officer friend of mine once old me how they received a number of complaints from the local MumsNet chapter (yummy mummy division) about people parking inconsiderately outside a local school.

          They duly dispatched a couple of plods who slapped tickets on a swathe of vehicles parked on the yellow zig-zags (which, apparently, earns you points as well as a fine).

          Next day, another load of complaints from the same people (who had originally complained), who had all been ticketed. Apparently they "had" to park on the zig-zags because all of the legal parking spaces were taken.

          They expected Plod to move on people who were parked legally, so they could park, and were incensed that they were ticketed as they made the complaint in the first place.

          I don't know if they were driving SUVs, but, in my mind's eye they were. The sense of righteous entitlement to the entire road kind of fits.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Deep Joy

      "New high-end motor just better than the old. At everything"

      Nope, my current 4.2 Q7 is still significantly faster accelerating. And there was a 6.0 too...

      1. Eponymous Cowherd
        Trollface

        Re: Deep Joy

        "Nope, my current 4.2 Q7 is still significantly faster accelerating. And there was a 6.0 too..."

        But how many wanker signs per hour does it do?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Deep Joy

          "But how many wanker signs per hour does it do?"

          That depends of course on how many it passes...

  2. Field Commander A9

    I don't know about your part of the world but...

    Around my part of the world, a big black Audi is the go-to choice for EVERY rich farmer/ex-farmer who's too old to understand why their son bought that tiny car that can't do anything other than go from 0-60mph in 3 seconds.

    1. dogged

      Re: I don't know about your part of the world but...

      "Rich Farmer"? East Anglian detected.

      Also, I noted this little gem from the article -

      One is called Traffic Jam Assistant, which, at speeds below 37mph, uses the adaptive cruise control and a camera to keep the car in lane and at a fixed space behind the vehicle ahead

      About an inch a half, right? It's an Audi, after all.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Google Sat Nav usability research

    Mostly negative results. No positive developments. Something tells me that animated paper maps, or 3d drivethroughs, aren't the ideal ways to present this info. Maybe all you need is something like a roadsign showing which exit to take at the next junction, along with adequate forewarning

    1. DryBones
      Pirate

      Re: Google Sat Nav usability research

      Not sure what you're on about, Google has been spanking the satnav general market (with the occasional moan) for years now. They're simply better at delivering the information.

      As for your something, I suggest that you take it to a bigger city sometime. When you take an exit, then have to choose between 2 diverging lanes within 200' of that, and then again another 300' on, while moving at a reasonable clip, it's rather helpful to be able to glance at the screen and see you need to go right, stay left, then go right before you have to combine it with keeping other vehicles from initiating mating.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Google Sat Nav usability research

        I guess you gave me the thumb down? I was thinking of research a bit more rigorous than "I use Google and I like it"

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Google Sat Nav usability research

        Not sure what you're on about, Google has been spanking the satnav general market (with the occasional moan) for years now. They're simply better at delivering the information.

        Not really. For a start, a satnav doesn't leak my information to Google so it's not tracking me, and it needs no live data connection (unless it needs to stay up to date, and in that context I don't like Tomtom either but at least they're not US based), secondly I would really hope that at some point, Google maps stop scrolling on the mouse wheel. The moment you come close to the web browser with a mouse your map scale and position changes, with no ability to return to where you started other than reloading. Ergo, their idea of UI design (at least for maps) has enough flaws to be annoying.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Google Sat Nav usability research

          Google maps stop scrolling on the mouse wheel.

          Driving whilst browsing the internet?

          very lorry driver or black cab esque

  4. russsh

    A trick up its sleeve?

    Mazda's 4WS did that same trick more than 20 years ago.

    In that case it was to make a sporty-ish car (MX-6) sportier, rather than as a necessary aid for keeping the barge on the road around corners.

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: A trick up its sleeve?

      I was just about to make the same comment... As far as I can remember, every AWS system I've ever experienced has done that same "trick"... The Nissan 300ZX from the (very) late 80s for example, not to mention the Skyline GT-R.

    2. CRConrad

      Re: A trick up its sleeve?

      Also the Honda Prelude, ca 198...6, 7?

      Nigh on THIRTY years ago.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cue now

    ...all the dismissive comments from those who would never be able to afford one anyway. :-)

  6. Ian Emery Silver badge

    SUV drivers should pay double (or triple) parking fees due to the excess space they take up. I saw a tit blocking two spaces yesterday (parked exactly down the middle of the white line), in a carpark that was already full to bursting.

    Had another one today, taking the disabled space closest to the shop, no badge and jumped out athletically.(no passengers).

    1. DryBones

      Mine fits quite well, but I suppose it's more in the crossover / son-of-a-wagon category.

      Is there a number you can call to report them for booting/towing?

      1. Martin Gregorie Silver badge

        Is there a number you can call to report them for booting/towing?

        Probably not. All parking areas seem to be managed by the lowest bidding private firms these days. They don't have towing vehicles because employing somebody on a zero hours contract with a book of parking fine tickets is so much cheaper.

        I think this also has a bearing on last year's Government cull of valid Blue Card holders. Every disabled Blue Card holder costs us money by getting free parking, dontcha know, so if we tell the Govt its costing them money the dozy sods will believe us and put a stop to it.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          blue Badge holders

          Round here they have to pay just like the rest of us plebs. Their only advantage is that they get the spaces closest to the Pedestrian exit.

          Now the local conncil has removed two of the three motorcycle parking spaces in town and made them 'Parent and Baby' spaces as if there aren't already two whole rows of them already.

          Barstewards.

          Is it any wonder that people head for the next town where parking is far more sensible.

          1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

            'Parent and Baby' spaces

            These spaces ought to be time-limited. After bed-time they should be available for grown-ups to use.

        2. Trigonoceps occipitalis

          They don't have towing or booting teams because it has been illegal for private companies since 2014.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Booting a car has obviously always been illegal no matter how temping it might be with some people's parking...Keys or other sharp objects usually are more subtle anyway...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "...(parked exactly down the middle of the white line),"

      You weren't wearing boots?

      In most jurisdictions, you're permitted to leave an £800 dent in the driver's door.

      I'm fairly certain of that.

    3. Down not across Silver badge

      Parking

      SUV drivers should pay double (or triple) parking fees due to the excess space they take up. I saw a tit blocking two spaces yesterday (parked exactly down the middle of the white line), in a carpark that was already full to bursting.

      Whilst I do not deny that there are quite a few SUV drivers that don't seem to be able to drive or park them, at least they have some vague excuse especially since parking spaces in many places are pretty tight fit for most modern cars.

      I see even more bad parking with the very small cars (Swift, Cinquecento, etc). It is quite shocking that it is so difficult to fit one of those within the parking space.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: Parking

        Parking Spaces.

        There seems to be a few hundred thousand tradesmen and courier drivers in transit van sized vehicles that can manage parking in normal spaces without the aid of a read window.

        Yet in a smaller Audi family car, suddenly parking is a problem.

  7. Andy Tunnah

    Boring

    That is one ugly, boring looking car. It looks like a bloated A4. It looks like they simply inflated the A4.

    I liked the first Q7. It looked...mean. Although I suppose that limits your market, this is definitely a more soccer-mom looking affair

    1. Kubla Cant Silver badge

      Re: Boring

      this is definitely a more soccer-mom looking affair

      I should have thought that the population of mothers who play football would be too small to constitute a worthwhile market.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Boring

        Especially since a high percentage of female football players apparently don't prefer men...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Probably not the target market, but...

    The peek under the hood (sigh...bonnet) tells me all I need to know about this car. There's nothing in there that you can fix yourself. Everything from a headlamp bulb change to an oil top-up is going to need a trip to the dealer.

    What's a petrolhead to do?

    1. John Geek

      Re: Probably not the target market, but...

      indeed, ALL the new cars, they hide the engine under 3 layers of useless plastic, guaranteeing at least an extra billable hour to each and every service trip.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Probably not the target market, but...

        ALL the new cars, they hide the engine under 3 layers of useless plastic, guaranteeing at least an extra billable hour to each and every service trip.

        Most of this is on quick release clips so it's not going to take much time to take it off. Those covers do have a function: noise management. That stuff is part of the measures to contain the typical diesel "hammer" noise.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "...electrically operated tow hook..."

    Ah, a hidden hitch.

    There's a brand of trailer hitches in North America called 'Hidden Hitch'. You see them hanging out below rear vehicle bumpers, like, everywhere! Proudly emblazoned with the bold brand name 'Hidden Hitch' visible from hundreds of feet distant. "Hidden..."? Not even slightly.

    1. John 62

      Re: "...electrically operated tow hook..."

      At least the hitches are hidden from nearby number plates, walls, car doors, etc.

  10. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
    Pint

    The Full Audi

    "Traffic Jam Assistant, which... ...uses the adaptive cruise control and a camera to keep the car in lane and at a fixed space behind the vehicle ahead."

    Being an Audi, the 'fixed space' will be 16 inches.

    1. Down not across Silver badge

      Re: The Full Audi

      "Traffic Jam Assistant, which... ...uses the adaptive cruise control and a camera to keep the car in lane and at a fixed space behind the vehicle ahead."

      At least it may keep the 'soccer moms' from running into you while they do their make up. And with any luck will mean they won't be trying to do it on the motorway.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The Full Audi

        Cmon, you can do better than that sexist drivel.

        Women are no better and no worse at driving than men. If it wasn't makeup it would be some a-hole man fiddling with the entertainment system.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The Full Audi

          "Women are no better and no worse at driving than men"

          Statistics disagree. Per mile driven, women have more accidents. They are however often cheaper to insure as they on average drive far fewer miles than men.

  11. small and stupid

    SUVs are vulgar, stupid piles of shit for tasteless wankers.

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