back to article What's Meg Whitman fussing over: The fate of HP ... or the font on a DISRUPTIVE new logo?

Meg Whitman, who will take the reins as CEO of Hewlett Packard Enterprise later this year, has unveiled the branding system for the soon-to-be-created company, and it's just as bland and lifeless as anyone could have anticipated. Hewlett Packard Enterprise logo The new Hewlett Packard Enterprise logo is short on razzle- …

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  1. I am the Walrus

    Green Rectangle

    I'm guessing there's a significance to the green which goes back a long time as it's also the colour they've used for all those plastic lock and mount bits inside their computers for decades.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Green Rectangle

      wow. such intent. very rect. wow.

    2. KrisMac

      Re: Green Rectangle

      The Green Rectangle is not only highly symbolic, but completely on-message and correct:

      We will all be boxed in to the same shit that we are feeling sick about right now.

      Flexibility will be limited to the infamous slide-ways slide to the point of collapse. Yes kids, you can test this at home with your very own open ended rectangular cardboard box - just place it on the floor with the open ends pointing sideways and place your hand on the top. Allow your hand to move in any direction left or right of the open sides and the box will collapse into a heap on the floor under its own weight. Just like this rebadged monster is likely to do..

      If your enterprise is boxed up inside that collapsing metaphor, you will probably be feeling just as green as the colour that Meg has chosen especially for you...

    3. CanadianMacFan

      Re: Green Rectangle

      I thought it was supposed to represent all of the dollar bills you are to hand over to them.

    4. Horridbloke

      Re: Green Rectangle

      The Brown Ring Of Quality was already taken.

    5. Bob Vistakin
      Facepalm

      Re: Green Rectangle

      The Green Rectangle looks like what you see in the status bar of a smartphone as its about to shut down because the battery is flat. And it told you so.

      How much did someone get paid to come up with this?

      1. BongoJoe

        Re: Green Rectangle

        That perhaps what exactly what it is.

        Bearded hipster designer dude spent too long getting his flappy frappe coffee from bearded barista before sending over a screenshot of his design masterpiece and all HP received was this.

    6. dan1980

      Re: Green Rectangle

      I like it.

      I like simple logos. Yes, there's still the whole "this means that" but there's less of "this" that has to mean anything.

  2. Crazy Operations Guy

    "That connection is symbolic of the partnership we will forge..."

    To me it sounds like whoever came up with this held some kind of power over the CEO (poor relative with no job skills perhaps?) and so Meg didn't disagree and every other exec on the board was just as spineless as she was so they just nodded yes and proclaimed the artist a genius.

    Or maybe they were conned and are too proud to admit it.

    Those are the only two explanations I can think of for this pile of bull-shit that looks like somebody made in MS Paint in 5 minutes...

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: "That connection is symbolic of the partnership we will forge..."

      It was going to have more colours inside but the ink ran out and HP couldn't afford the cartridges

      1. Willie T

        Re: "That connection is symbolic of the partnership we will forge..."

        "hp couldn't afford the ink cartridges"

        We have a winner!

      2. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

        Re: "That connection is symbolic of the partnership we will forge..."

        Yes, the cartridges only had capacity for the head cleaning cycle, and then had to be replaced.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: "That connection is symbolic of the partnership we will forge..."

      Crazy Operations Guy,

      We'll know all about how they got foisted with the logo in a couple of years time, when they go the FBI and Serious Fraud Office, plus sue the people who sold it to them, and their auditors for allowing them to sign up for it...

      Either that or it is a cousin with 17 fingers and no teeth or job prospects that's done it. And that person has now taken the paycheck home, and given a single downvote to every comment on this thread that's rude about the design or HP...

      P.S. Dear El Reg,

      Booooooo! Where's the Strategy Boutique or the mention of whalesong and joss sticks on this article?

  3. ecofeco Silver badge

    Resorting to stage tricks now?

    Old stage trick diversion. Nice try HP. How's the rest of the train wreck working?

  4. Mr Dogshit

    Blimey

    They only got round to getting the smurf blue circle logo put up on their Erskine building last year.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. ssharwood

    Well that'll set customers' minds to rests then

    I'm sure HP Enterprise customers are so happy their supplier has a new logo because - let's face it - that was the key issue that needed to be resolved in order to make the split a success. FFS ...

  6. mhoulden
    WTF?

    Presumably the empty minus sign is supposed to signify that there's nothing left when you remove the company's core business. It'll be interesting to see how they trademark it. I know the Bass logo of a red triangle is one of the oldest trademarks around, but these days they have to be a bit more distinctive.

  7. cosymart
    WTF?

    Joss Sticks

    Wonder how many packs of joss sticks they got through? Always sad when people believe their own bullshit, do they think that people actually care?

  8. skeptical i
    Paris Hilton

    I'd have called it teal, monitor must be flaky.

    The "joined t's means partnership" back-splanation seems more than a bit forced, but I've heard worse drivel and seen worse results come from many more dollars' and hours' work (I will assume few of either were invested here). Is she still considering a run for U.S. President? Maybe this can be part of her branding ("I'm not a square; I've got wide-view thinking so I must be a rectangle").

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: I'd have called it teal, monitor must be flaky.

      Yup. Anytime the "symbolism" needs to be explained then you know it's either failed or was invented afterwards because they needed sound bites for the PR announcements.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'd have called it teal, monitor must be flaky.

      I thought they just messed with the character spacing by mistake, and then it was too late to fix.

  9. Six_Degrees

    I infer an empty, hollowed out company from the empty, hollow rectangle. I infer it also from its CEO's attempt to claim there's any actual meaning, design, or worth behind this non-logo.

  10. FozzyBear

    Did

    Marketing pass out the small mirrors, razor blades along with small baggies of white powder before trying to sell this bullshit Seriously Meg you may have been suckered in by all that marketing bullshit. Don't demean your customers intelligence by thinking they will also.

  11. John Geek
    Facepalm

    I bet they paid some serious big $$$ to some branding gurus to come up with this silly thing and all the verbiage justifying it.

    the green box symbolizes the empty printer cartridges that cost arms and legs to replace.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the "tt" in the name looks like PI, a small number that never repeats.

    Just like HP - a company of small minded people that will never repeat the success of the old HP

    What a shame.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Good to see that HP are now concentrating on the important stuff

    It's these sort of long term strategic planning skills that make Meg's 19.6 million dollar a year package such good value. With ideas like this and Instant Ink HP are saved

  14. Captain DaFt

    This jiggled a memory cell...

    I seem to recall reading an article way back in school days that claimed one of the signs of incompetence in management was focusing on trivial minutia, while ignoring their actual duties that they were too under qualified to perform.

    1. CanadianMacFan

      Re: This jiggled a memory cell...

      You normally see it with the airlines. When they are circling the drain they roll out the new logo and repainted planes.

    2. John Styles

      Re: This jiggled a memory cell...

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson%27s_law_of_triviality

  15. CanadianMacFan

    They should hire that design team again

    But only to do the company sales because the sales job they did on the HP execs is amazing.

  16. Howard Hanek
    Windows

    Optical Illusion

    After staring at it for five or six hours yea, it's agile and transformative as a green rectangle with a name under can be. But I wouldn't suggest this technique be used by HP marketing or their advertising professionals less they be accused of witchcraft or something.

    Good thing they didn't use a pentangle instead of a rectangle.

  17. Jamie Jones Silver badge
    Facepalm

    ARRRRRGH!

    Look carefully at the name "Hewlett" in the first line. See how the crossbars on the two lowercase T's are stuck together? According to Whitman, this is the first time in HP history that this has been the case.

    Um... Ok.. So?

    "That connection is symbolic of the partnership we will forge with our customers, partners, and our employees – what we will do together to help drive your business forward,"

    O...M...G... Check your Bingo cards!

    1. thomas k.

      thanks for that link

      I clicked, I lol'd, I came back to up-vote you

      1. Sprismoid
        Happy

        Re: thanks for that link

        I did too -.

        However could they not have provided a nice template for the Bingo card? seems like a lot of work to play - certainly more work than the average meeting demands.. :)

        Peter

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: thanks for that link

          "However could they not have provided a nice template for the Bingo card? seems like a lot of work to play"

          If you can't knock up a template in less than 30 seconds in a spreadsheet with cell borders or a table in a word processor than I'm afraid we'll have to ask for your El Reg membership to be rescinded.

          Or you could write a perl script to create a LaTeX document and export it as a .ps file to a printer and we might let you stay.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Devil

            Re: thanks for that link

            I can come up with a template for that. How about making the border of the bingo card green and the card white? This results in you holding a hollow green rectangle, which as everyone implicitly understands is symbolic of you holding a communal synergized cross-platform paradigm enabling entrepreneurial client focused solutions providing win-win value creation for cross-value chain stakeholders in your hands.

            (Now if you'll excuse me, after that I somehow feel dirty and in need of a shower .)

            1. Jamie Jones Silver badge
              Happy

              Re: thanks for that link

              Thanks for the upvotes and replies, guys and guyesses!

              I like to think that I write well thought out comments, touching on issues ranging from the social to the political, to the technological, and the philosophical.

              I involve myself in serious debate threads - fully listening to my opponent, and strategically planning my response.

              Yet, in all these years, the most upvotes I've received are on a post about bollocks, linking to more bollocks! That's what I love about El Reg! :-)

              As for the link, the site I linked to was just an old archive of an ascii-only mailing list, hence the sparseness.

              Here are 2 link to similar CGI generated random card creator. Fun for all the office!

              http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/bullshit/

              http://www.bullshitbingo.net/cards/buzzword/

              Googling 'buzzword bingo' brings up more!

            2. ChrisBedford

              Re: thanks for that link

              communal synergized cross-platform paradigm enabling entrepreneurial client focused solutions providing win-win value creation for cross-value chain stakeholders

              Still laughing. Many times in my career I have been told that to make more money I have to move into business analysis - but since it comes down to being able to talk like this with a straight face that option is not open to me!

        2. BongoJoe

          Re: thanks for that link

          I understand that Mangement Types are no longer permitted to use the phrase 'brain storm' as it may cause offence to those with seizures or something.

          And where, pray, is Low Hanging Fruit?

    2. Zoopy

      Re: ARRRRRGH!

      "That connection is symbolic of the partnership we will forge with our customers, partners, and our employees – what we will do together to help drive your business forward,"

      So is she saying that in the past, they *didn't* do that as well as that should have? Even under her recent stint as CEO?

      Or have they always been doing that as well as they should have, in which case the new symbolism is mere jingoism?

  18. MondoMan
    Trollface

    You're all wrong!

    It's obviously a memristor.

    1. nijam Silver badge

      Re: You're all wrong!

      > It's obviously a memristor.

      Are you saying there's nothing in those either?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: You're all wrong! [=> memristors]

        "Are you saying there's nothing in [memristors] either?"

        Dunno.

        But it's been kinda quiet.

        Has anyone outside HP had anything significant to say on the subject? Ever?

  19. Schultz
    Facepalm

    Lacking detail

    I just see tens of thousands of black pixels and a few green ones. Do they worry about the color reproduction cost? They could at least have embossed little HPs in turqouise on the square to make it more entertaining (see: http://kuku-kube.com).

  20. Wensleydale Cheese

    I think I get it - it's a statement of intent

    The rectangle states quite clearly that this is not a company which deals with rounded corners

  21. James Anderson

    How long till....

    HP inc is rebranded to COMPAQ perhaps with a grey box to signify that they are makers of PCs in grey boxes and for the first time ever the letter O will be a circle.

    1. Stumpy

      Re: How long till....

      If they do, and then a fully-formed DEC can be spat out of that ... I'll be one of the happiest men alive...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: How long till....

        "If they do, and then a fully-formed DEC can be spat out of that ... I'll be one of the happiest men alive..."

        That may seem like an almost infinitely improbable idea, but then two years ago so would the idea that HP would repeal the death sentence on VMS and instead hand over its future development to a new company who would (a) promptly recruit many former members of the VMS community at DEC (b) commit to a port of VMS to x86-64... and then it happened:

        http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/07/31/openvms_spared/

        They've now built+released their first new Field Test of VMS (for those IA64 things, in the short term).

        The current commercial arrangements of the PDP11 stuff are less clear, but a Colorado company called xx2247 appears to have some involvement. LinkedIn has contact info.

        Yes there was other stuff too, but I know even less about the pre-PDP era.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brainstorming session

    Right so you're splitting the company in two and your existing logo is HP written inside of a blue circle?

    Here is the words Hewlett Packard written outside of a green rectangle. That'll be two million pounds in consultancy and design fees please.

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