back to article It's even GRIMMER up North after MEGA SKY BROADBAND OUTAGE

Life in the famously grim north of England became even more appalling today following a massive Sky broadband outage. Sky's service via a number of exchanges across the North West has collapsed, crippling broadband connections for customers living in the badlands surrounding Manchester and Liverpool. The provider said the …

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  1. Mark Southee

    I suspect you mean Frodsham, not Frodshaw. Do try and keep up!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Bromborough, Eastham, Neston, Birkenhead, Claughton, Rock Ferry, Wallasey, Heswall, Hoylake, Irby - so that would be the Wirral then.

      And I also think you meant Stockport, not Stockpoort.

    2. tin 2

      Indeed. Let's pick the one that doesn't exist at all to take the piss out of :)

      1. SuperTim

        I did appear to be affected overnight...

        but a reboot of the old router at 7am and Hey Presto... my decidedly average broadband is back to its normal average self. Not sure why this would still be news.

        1. Phil_Evans

          Re: I did appear to be affected overnight...

          Given that ElReg obviously put the intern on copy, mis-spelled places and all that, were you relating to "Hey, Preston! My average....etc" or am I too far west/south/soft/etc?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Obvious Joke??

      Intentionally mis-spelled names as the locals undoubtedly can't pronounce it properly anyway??

      North of Milton Keynes the accent is so thick most people can't distinguish it from French anyway, bloody savages.

      1. david willis

        Re: Obvious Joke??

        I live in Grimsargh..

        Its a small village between Longridge and Preston..

        Now say it like a pirate would, then tell me us Northerners don't have a sense of humour..

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Obvious Joke??

        "North of Milton Keynes the accent is so thick most people can't distinguish it from French anyway, bloody savages."

        South of Milton Keynes the natives are so thick most people can't distinguish them from bloody savages - fixed

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Obvious Joke??

          The English Isles - positively Celtic, with hint of Norman barbarism.

  2. SimonL

    I can't work out the heck this report is on about. It talks of a broadband outage but only mentions Sky. So was it just Sky customers or all ADSL customers?

    Thankfully I'm on Virgin/NTL/Cable & Wireless/Nynex/whatever they are called today!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "It talks of a broadband outage but only mentions Sky. So was it just Sky customers or all ADSL customers?"

      Sky's fibre customers, if I'm reading it right. They do offer ADSL ("Broadband Connect") but it's in a very small area of their advertising blurb, unless you check whether you can get the great stuff that's plastered everywhere else :)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Broadband connect" is their ADSL product provided over the BT network and is available to everyone, and it's crap because they refuse to pay BT for enough capacity. It's basically there so they can say to the rural plebs that they can take broadband from them.

        A bit like how Virgin offers a dire ADSL connection for people not in their cabled areas, so that they can't get out of contracts because they're moving to a non-cabled house.

        They also offer LLU ADSL to people who are connected to a telephone exchange with their equipment installed, probably "unlimited" or whatever it is - which is apparently a much better service than connect (when it is working). Then they offer fibre as well.

  3. Slacker@work

    Wythenshawe

    Famous for....Shameless - it was the Chatsworth estate and needed no set dressing to look that run down!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wythenshawe

      No, the residents had a tidy-up before it was shot

    2. Jusme
      FAIL

      Re: Wythenshawe

      Bollx. That was West Gorton. The original Chatsworth estate was right opposite the old ICL factory (IT angle to this comment!) before they moved into studios because filming was too dangerous...

      1. Chewy

        Re: Wythenshawe

        Actually it is nearer Wythenshawe on an industrial estate near the hospital

    3. Alan J. Wylie Silver badge

      Re: Wythenshawe

      IT angle: Wythenshawe was where the Ferranti Argus computer was developed.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferranti_Argus

      http://www.bcs.org/content/conEvent/6440

  4. David Dawson
    Unhappy

    Plus net phone and broadband down here for us

    In Stalybridge, Tameside.

    They're blaming storm damage.

    :-(

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Plus net phone and broadband down here for us

      How do you damage a storm?

    2. Slacker@work

      Re: Plus net phone and broadband down here for us

      Must be a solar storm given the current blue skies and sun?!

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        Re: Plus net phone and broadband down here for us

        Someone must have farted against the exchange then.

    3. mark 120

      Re: Plus net phone and broadband down here for us

      It's fine just up the road in Mossley.

    4. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Plus net phone and broadband down here for us

      PlusNet are hopeless when there is scarcely a zephyr in the air, so no surprise that a few gusts causes them problems.

      And they offer good-honest-Yorkshire-broadband, so from their point of view you (@David_Dawson) are the wrong side of the Pennines.

      [I speak as someone with Lancashire and Yorkshire blood, so if you fancy flaming this particular Tudor Rose it wouldn't be the first time]

  5. TheBishop

    Broadband? My 56K modem's working fine, what are you on about?

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      Mate some of us can only use 14.4k, stop showing off.

  6. hplasm Silver badge
    Meh

    North?

    Meh- Mostly Cheshire. Southern softies, hardly grim at all.

    1. Terry 6 Silver badge

      Re: North?

      Well, there's also the Bury (Home of the late Robert Peel and origin of the Black Pudding) area to the North of Manchester.

      And Southern Softies indeed, Alderly Edge. So all those footballers and their current wives, and the astronomy types from Jodrell Bank may well be scooped in to that as well.

      Unless it is just Sky. In which case, serves 'em right.

      1. Ledswinger Silver badge

        Re: North?

        " and origin of the Black Pudding"

        Luckily the recipe is now widely known, so if Bury slips back to the stone age we'll still be able to fry it good and crisp. And if feeling charitable to send some back to Bury in Red Cross parcels if we haven't eaten it ourselves.

  7. Old Tom
    Boffin

    Eccles cakes from Eccles?

    The most widely available Eccles Cakes - 'Real Lancashire Eccles Cakes ® - are made in Ardwick, Manchester. Only 6 miles away, but not in Eccles.

    1. Slacker@work

      Re: Eccles cakes from Eccles?

      Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

      Y'know like how "Cornish pasties" are now "Cornish style pasties" unless actually made in Cornwall

      1. Shrimpling

        Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

        Nope, no British cakes are subject to laws restricting where they can be made.

        You can make Chelsea buns, Dundee Cake and Welsh Cake wherever you want to.

        1. hplasm Silver badge
          Flame

          Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

          "Nope, no British cakes are subject to laws restricting where they can be made."

          It's an outrage, I tell you! What good is the EU then?

          /rant

          1. theblackhand
            Coat

            Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

            Exactly - what is the point in having a petty, bureaucratic organisation if they aren't going to be petty or bureaucratic?

            If something isn't done to stop this, foreign cakes, with their fancy icing, will flood UK cake shelves and cause good, honest British cakes to be left on the shelf.

            Vote some random organisation to stop or start this outrage!

            Mines the coat with Labour/Conservative/Lib Dem/UKIP crossed out and replaced with "what is the point?"....

          2. Terry 6 Silver badge
            Facepalm

            Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

            So Eccles cakes aren't from Eccles. Then I guess Bakewell Tarts aren't from Bakewell and Banofee Pie isn't even from Banoffee.

            1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
              Holmes

              Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

              You may be surprised to learn that the Eccles Building is the Nazi Romanic-style building of the Federal Reserve located in modern babylonWashington D.C., which, contrary to its name, does not house a reserve, just a computerized print shop. Set up by Monsieur FDR who thought it might be useful to control economic busts.

        2. Ben Bonsall

          Re: Are Eccles Cakes subject to the appellation controlée laws?

          Don't forget that most English of products, the Belgian bun. Which no one in Belgium has ever heard of. And generally react with surprise and alarm when shown something named after them.

  8. Chemist

    Well..

    I live in the a very nice part of 'the north' surrounded by many of the areas you attempt to mention although I'm in Saas-Fee, Switzerland at the moment. Certainly my broadband connection is working at home as I've just looked at a directory on my server using fish://

    1. Truffle

      Re: Well..

      Saas Fee. Dullest ski holiday i've ever been on. (FYI)

      1. Chemist

        Re: Well..

        "Saas Fee. Dullest ski holiday i've ever been on. (FYI)"

        Well I don't ski but I do walk/climb. If I did ski I could do it at the moment - many of the main ski teams are here including Japanese. The Swiss team has >18 minibuses.

        I can't see the runs at the moment as there is some cloud ( it snowed last night down to ~3000m )

        http://www.saas-fee.ch/en/aktuell/Webcam_Mittelallalin

  9. james 68

    Manchester and Liverpool?

    Well I guess it makes a nice change for the engineers in the area, normally they would be dealing with having all their copper cabling nicked.

  10. Sebastian Brosig

    shut up ye smug London wankers

    and Ramsbottom is named after neither ovine males nor buttocks: it's the valley of the ramson, or wild garlic.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Article crap. Try this instead.

    Here's a suitable replacement article, with accompanying video.

    Bolton,

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    Brighouse,

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    Are all in the North.

    It's Grim Up North,

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    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

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    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

    It's Grim Up North,

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    It's Grim Up North,

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ftw7Qb8mYU

    Play loud.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Article crap. Try this instead.

      Ah Bootle. The only place where they can nick your car wheels while it's moving, muggers walk in twos and when they want to appear posh say they're from Liverpool.

    2. Old Tom

      Cheedle Hulme

      You mean 'Cheadle Hulme' - or is it 'Cheadle, Hulme' ?

      I always loved that double meaning that was probably lost on folk unfamiliar with the 3[i] places involved.

      [i] 4 if you include Cheadle, Staffs

      1. Lord Egerton
        FAIL

        Re: Cheedle Hulme

        Yup it's Cheadle Hulme - although lazy journos just call it Cheadle, which is a separate village 3 miles down the road and doesn't even have a Waitrose!

    3. squigbobble

      Re: Article crap. Try this instead.

      Yay, Skipton :)

      http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/03/16/best-place-to-live_n_4973713.html

      1. Ledswinger Silver badge

        Re: Article crap. Try this instead.

        Skipton, best place to live?

        I can remember childhoods in Yorkshire not many miles away, playing on ten foot snowdrifts in winter, wallowing in the miserable isolation and backwardness. So apart from the weather, the locals, and the fact that it's the official Middle Of *ucking Nowhere (MOFN) perhaps it is a good place to live if you're a bored London journo scraping up some contracted copy for the Huff post.

  12. TechnoTechno
    Mushroom

    North??

    More like the Midlands

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: North??

      "North??

      More like the Midlands"

      Is that the same thing as people in Outer London trying to get 0207 numbers when the codes changed?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: North??

      "North?? More like the Midlands"

      Speaking on behalf of Worcestershire, I'd like to say that we don't want any association with them Scouse and Manc criminals.

      Obviously we need a new name to encompass this region, but as Manchester Liverpool and Sheffield are growing into each other a single town name will do. Sh1tchester, anyone?

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