back to article FBI boss: We don't want a backdoor, we want the front door to phones

FBI director James Comey is continuing his charm offensive against phone encryption – by urging tech giants to do more to help the agency monitor people. In a speech to the Brookings Institute, Comey said the decision by Apple and Google to turn on file encryption by default in iOS and Android was seriously hampering the …

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  1. Anomalous Cowturd
    Holmes

    Call this bloke a Waaaambulance!

    Sheesh.

    Just get a warrant you arsehole.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Call this bloke a Waaaambulance!

      Hoover never bothered with such formalities.

      And his empire never really changed after his departure.

      1. Wzrd1 Silver badge

        Re: Call this bloke a Waaaambulance!

        Sure it did. After his departure, his former victims, those pretending to lead the nation, decided to proclaim in quiet whispers, how cross dressing.

        Something strangely absent from the real history, but is still repeated in public venues by the ill informed.

        Hoover also had the first "legal" house of prostitution build in Washington, D. C.. Interestingly enough, the classified files mention all manner of state of the art recording devices. Granted, at the earliest times, it was all vacuum tube stuff, but cameras, microphones and whatever recording media that was reliable was built in or added onto the system.

        Can't figure out *how* he escaped the wrath of a nation after the collapse of McCarthy.

        Hoover had two interests. Building his surveillance capabilities and protecting that former requirement.

        As one who does actually trust my own government a bit, which is far more than far too many do, I offer a counter-offer.

        I'll give you my root keys if you give me the root keys of the *entire* US Government. I have a rather thick jacket, so it's well established that I can be trusted. A *lot* of people trust me.

        I'll also not divulge unless lawful acts do occur, which will be vetted by *my* cleared attorney.

        Otherwise, sod off. The Founding Fathers are spinning around in their graves and may erupt at any moment to provide a *real* zombie uprising against you pencil necked idiots.

        Me, "The Wizard", later, "Wizard One Actual". The latter not being a sign that I was a Commissioned Officer, but a adulation of an occasional habit of overruling a Commissioned Officer's orders in favor of something that both accomplished the mission and we also managed to survive.

        As it always worked, it was swept under the rug.

        I'm retired, but do retain my clearance. I'm also tagged RED. So, if we meet, *please* do not pull my finger. ;)

        Blithering idiots.

        And yeah, that all is true and more. But, if I told you, I'd have to kill you and eat you or something.

        The *real* secret is one that is really well known, but, Intelligence isn't noted for being exceptionally bright at times.

        *Do not pull my finger*.

        I'm an WMD in that manner. ;)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Can't figure out *how* he escaped the wrath of a nation after the collapse of McCarthy.

          He knew where the bodies were buried.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's the NEW WORLD ORDER so do what I say.

      1. Thorne

        How can you say you want a legal front door and full co-operation with tech companies when you're slurping all data with no legal grounds from said companies with and without their knowledge, then using secret courts to gag them afterwards should they find out?

        Yes you can force them to co-operate and then force them to shut up about it afterwards so the only option is for them to make their systems secure against even themselves so they can't co-operate even if they wanted to.

        The government has made this rod for their own backs.........

        1. dan1980

          @Thorne

          Unfortunately, they have a solution - make possession of rods illegal.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Doesn't it frighten you that someone is his position actually verbalises these kind of thoughts?

      Anyone else would be sectioned.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Big Brother

        "Doesn't it frighten you that someone is his position actually verbalises these kind of thoughts?"

        Oh, yes <shivers>

        Oddly, I just read Little Brother by Cory Doctorow. An interesting scenario and despite apparently being aimed at teens, makes some good points. Especially in the afterwards. It's free to download under a Creative Commons Licence.

        I must admit to smiling sardonically at the ironic concept of hacked XBoxes running linux to build a darknet to combat the DHS :-)

  2. Vector

    "I've never been someone who is a scaremonger..."

    ...but, in this case, he'll be happy to make an exception.

    I wonder if it has ever occurred to him that even if Apple and Google didn't put encryption into their systems, it wouldn't stop criminals from puttting it in themselves?

    1. alain williams Silver badge

      Re: "I've never been someone who is a scaremonger..."

      He might not be - but too many people like him have called 'wolf' too many times - we no longer believe them.

  3. intrigid

    What a fuckbag

    Fuck a fuckload of fucks you fucking fuck fuck!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What a fuckbag

      My sentiments, exactly.

    2. SundogUK Silver badge

      Re: What a fuckbag

      Eloquently put. Have an up-vote.

      1. Fatman

        Re: What a fuckbag

        Eloquently put. Have an up-vote.

        Add one from me also.

    3. Pirate Dave Silver badge

      Re: What a fuckbag

      Fuck yeah!!! Have an upvote.

  4. Gene Cash Silver badge

    Nope

    Shit like Customs being able to take your phone/laptop within 300 miles of the US border w/o any reason whatsoever makes me say "F*ck you, James. With a corn cob"

    "We are completely comfortable with court orders and legal process" - We just ignore them.

    Ask Mr. Comey about what a stingray is, and their lying to the courts about it, and watch him shut up tighter than a nun's butt.

    1. Thorne

      Re: Nope

      "Shit like Customs being able to take your phone/laptop within 300 miles of the US border w/o any reason whatsoever makes me say "F*ck you, James. With a corn cob""

      Australia has changed the laws to allow customs to search laptops/phones for porn. So now they can search any electronic device for whatever they like under the guise of looking for porn. If your device is password protected, you have to hand over the password. Not sure what happens if you tell them to bugger off.

      1. GrumpyOldBloke

        Re: Nope

        These are the preliminary steps of the cross border copyright / IP enforcement regime under the guise of keeping us safe. Still, it wouldn't be Australia if we didn't bend over backwards in our efforts to bend over forwards.

      2. paulc
        Trollface

        Re: Nope

        that's what my password will be... "8uGg3r~0ff"

        actually fulfills the requirements of my company's password scheme...

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Nope

        "Australia has changed the laws to allow customs to search laptops/phones for porn. So now they can search any electronic device for whatever they like under the guise of looking for porn. If your device is password protected, you have to hand over the password. Not sure what happens if you tell them to bugger off."

        Just use Truecrypt with a hidden partition. Those idiots couldn't find their arsehole with both hands and a SES search party. I came back through with a laptop and three external drives at one stage. Encrypted in case of loss but nothing dodgey on them. Nobody batted an eyelid. Surely a guy travelling alone with 3 external drives holding multiple terabytes of data (albeit they were by and large mirrors) constitutes something worth a look? Nope, not interested. Hence just go with Truecrypt and hidden partitions if you're that bothered. Certainly wouldn't advise refusing - these aren't smart people and revenge in court might not outweigh the inconvenience. Could change your password to GoFuckYourself before travelling though.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Nope

          I thought about that and then thought what if you run into someone who really IS savvy enough to think, "Maybe this encrypted partition is a front." So I came up with another idea. Make the drives look smaller than they really are. Partition say 20-25% of your space as an innocuous unencrypted partition with home movies or whatever. Then conceal the good stuff in the second partition, which you can set so your system doesn't give it a drive letter. That way, when it's plugged in, it looks like a perfectly ordinary external hard drive. Programs like TrueCrypt and DiskCryptor can see the partition table and locate the unlettered partition which means you can still mount it when you're alone.

        2. Thorne

          Re: Nope

          "Surely a guy travelling alone with 3 external drives holding multiple terabytes of data (albeit they were by and large mirrors) constitutes something worth a look? Nope, not interested."

          Were you wearing a turban?

          I suspect racial profiling is alive and well and may have more to do with your situation.

  5. Sebastian A

    When you treat everyone like criminals...

    They may respond by behaving like criminals.

    1. choleric

      Re: When you treat everyone like criminals...

      Someone once said that people aren't made for the law, the law is made for people. Seems the public debate is missing that point at the moment.

  6. swschrad

    When we can read your files, you can read ours

    it's just that simple, Director.

  7. Gannon (J.) Dick

    When you treat everyone like criminals...

    They may respond by behaving like criminals.

    ----------------------------------

    Why yes.

    Don't make gadget security a crime, make crime a crime.

    And when you give those in Public Service access to insider information on demand then what would be treason after their service is simply a cosmetic for greed and thin ethical protection from the hangman.

    The availability of lucrative second careers for former adjuncts to the Civil Service concerns me not.

  8. ecofeco Silver badge

    Are we approaching the Godwin point?

    Seriously, how far does all this have to go before we realize we've become good little.....

    1. dan1980

      Re: Are we approaching the Godwin point?

      @ecofreco

      Something, something Reichstag fire?

  9. Cipher
    FAIL

    Comey:

    Doubtless you're getting an executive summary of this and other internet discussions of your bullshit.

    You *are* scare mongering in your quest for a totalitarian state. Phone taps solved ONE kidnapping?

    Now there's justification for massive data slurping...

    And by the way, how did those Boston Bombers slip right past you, even with advance warning? What? They didn't discuss their plans on the phone?

    You sir are either an idiot or a New World Order thug...

    1. rh587

      Re: Comey:

      "Phone taps solved ONE kidnapping?"

      I think what they actually said was only 1 of the 3576 warrants was in relation to a kidnapping case.

      They never said the data they demanded actually helped them solve the case...

    2. Lars Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Comey:

      "You sir are either an idiot or a New World Order thug...". Or just marketing Apple and Google. See what happend to me when I read too many conspiracy theories.

    3. Fatman

      Re: Comey:

      You sir are either an fucking idiot or a New World Order thug...

      FTFY

  10. K

    "was seriously hampering the efforts of cops"

    Amazing, intention to encrypt by default was only recently announced, its not even present in 99% of android and older devices.. and its hampering efforts!

    Aha, yeah, aha, hmmmm, aha... no actually I stopped listening when you started talking sh*t!

    1. tom dial Silver badge

      Re: "was seriously hampering the efforts of cops"

      Encryption capability superior to Apple's pre iOS8 has been baked into Android releases for about the last three years. Default activation has not, but we may reasonably think that anyone who thought they had a need activated it, yet life has gone on. Law enforcement officials seem to think all criminals are so stupid that they need Apple and Google to protect them.

  11. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

    Fair Exchange

    ...unless such front-door access was granted to the Feds then "homicide cases could be stalled, suspects could walk free, and child exploitation might not be discovered or prosecuted." He also warned terrorists could use social media to "recruit, plan, and execute an attack...

    Yeah? Even if I believed that, I'd think it a cheap price to pay to keep the FBI out of my phone...

  12. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    The fear is strong in this one

    A control freak's fear of losing that control.

  13. SmarchComments

    Pencils

    We should outlaw pencils. Criminals keep using the eraser.

    Also, we should outlaw talking without recording yourself for possible law enforcement use.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Pencils

      And clothes - people can use them to conceal weapons.

      If you have nothing to hide - you have nothing to fear

      1. Charles 9

        Re: Pencils

        "And clothes - people can use them to conceal weapons."

        Forget clothes. At this stage, we'll have to ban the human body. Recall that a few years ago someone managed to hide and detonate a bomb concealed...let's just say where the sun don't shine.

        Let's face it. We're almost to the point where one person can ruin the world. Which means no government will trust its citizens since just one could be the one that destroys them. The operative phrase is rapidly becoming, "Don't trust anyone."

    2. captain veg Silver badge

      Re: Pencils

      > Also, we should outlaw talking without recording yourself for possible law enforcement use.

      Especially talking furrin.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code_talker

      -A.

  14. Tom 35

    I've never been someone who is a scaremonger.

    Ha ha ha, good one. Pull the other one, it's got bells on.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He seems rather keen on avoiding lying in the bed that the triple-letter agencies have made...

    1. Mark 85

      Uh.... he's the head of a triple letter agency.....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Yes he is...

        That's kind of, sort of, my point...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Founding fathers?

    Open constitution with open laws from an open legislature and open executive orders to be adjudicated in open courts that issue open warrants based on open evidence. That's what the Founding Fathers declared for the world to see and put their lives and sacred honor on the table for stakes on one hell of a gamble. These worms want every instance of open replaced with secret. No.

    No promises here. No threats from me. Just a note. Putting on the uniform, no matter what the capacity, is putting down some table stakes in this "game."

    Ta. I have some work to do.

    1. Charles 9

      Re: Founding fathers?

      Four words: Ink On A Page...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Founding fathers?

      The founding fathers were also in favor of slaves.

      The current set of 3 letter agencies have merely extended the opportunity to people of all skin colors

      1. tom dial Silver badge

        Re: Founding fathers?

        On average, the founding fathers opposed slavery, but to get agreement on the Constitution pinched their noses and signed off on the 3/5 rule and prohibition until 1808 of laws forbidding slave importation. You may think that cowardly or immoral, but it is not clear that slavery in the middle part of North America would have ended as early as 1865 if there had been two nations instead of one.

        The same founding fathers, by the way, also insisted on the Bill of Rights as a deferred condition.

      2. shovelDriver

        Re: Founding fathers?

        The surviving records document, thoroughly, that the Founding Fathers were for the most part not in favor of slavery. Transcripts and Letters exist which show that slavery was not prohibited in the Constitution because the majority had to compromise with the slavers in order to form the Union and get state reps to sign off on the agreement. Those who demanded compromise were almost every one from northern states.

        Go on, look it up! Stop repeating things without first verifying them yourself.

        And you might also find that the Southern states were prepared to phase out slavery, but several northern states did not agree. Just as Lincoln refused to end slavery until it became politically needful for his party's survival. He said - the record exists - that he would not choose to end slavery unless forced to that decision. Then, after the War to Prevent Legal Secession was over, you will find that it was the northern interests - those now identified as Democrats - who started and maintained the Ku Klux Klan.

        Yes, all that is true. Documents, verified as authentic, exist in the national archives, and are available for public access. Unfortunately, those who would search have to learn how to think first . . .

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