back to article Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week

Microsoft is expected to reveal a new moniker for its Windows operating system at an invite-only event next Tuesday. In recent years, under the stewardship of Steve Ballmer, we've seen Windows 7 and Windows 8 names appear on Redmond's flagship product, after the launch of the disastrous Vista brand. But now, with new boss …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Big Brother

    "mobile first, cloud first"

    Advertising first...

    Robbing you of your privacy first...

    Locking you into proprietary software first...

    etc...etc...etc...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      "Robbing you of your privacy first..."

      That's Google motto, MS would infringe Google copyright on data stealing....

      1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

        Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

        "Robbing you of your privacy first..."

        That's Google motto, MS would infringe Google copyright on data stealing....

        Since when has that stopped Microsoft? Besides, they rob you of your privacy every bit as much as Google. More, in fact, because Windows now ensures that even your searches on your local computer are streamed to Bing, attached to your Microsoft ID so that they can track you and the contents of the files on your local computer.

        Google rob you of your privacy, but at least they're somewhat up front about it. Microsoft lie like a fucking rug about it, put millions into bashing Google about it, then do it twice as hard.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

          That's the nice thing about Google (and by extension Apple iOS cloud services). I know they have all my data, I use their services for the quick search that uses the info they have collected.

          Windows and Linux (etc) is for local private, safe and reliable use. I don't want the two mixing (go away Ubuntu searches through Amazon!!!).

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

          "Besides, they rob you of your privacy every bit as much as Google."

          No - no they don't. Microsoft always ask first and the default is always not to send data. Unlike the Borg's products such as Chrome - which are spyware by design and by default.

          "More, in fact, because Windows now ensures that even your searches on your local computer are streamed to Bing, attached to your Microsoft ID so that they can track you"

          Not unless you specifically agree to it. It's off by default.

          "and the contents of the files on your local computer.""

          No Microsoft products report back on the contents of files on your local computer.

          1. Wade Burchette

            Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

            @AC -- "No - no they don't. Microsoft always ask first and the default is always not to send data."

            Have you seen the express settings when installing Windows 8.1? The default is to send data to advertisers and Bing. You have to use the customize settings not to. And then if that wasn't bad enough, it is unclear how to use a "local account" on Windows 8.1. Everyone, and I mean everyone, should always use a local account, no exception. I've met more than 5 people who suddenly could not log in to Windows 8 and the common thread was they all have a Microsoft account. Only twice was it related to the WiFi not reconnecting, the rest were using a wired connection. Twice is coincidence, thrice is a trend.

            1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

              Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

              @Wade Burchette

              You must be new here. That's Microsoft's paid AC shill. Don't be surprised or shocked that he twists the truth, stretches it beyond recognition and outright lies in order to defend Mother Microsoft. I've met slime molds with more honour.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

                That's Microsoft's paid AC shill

                He left Microsoft a while ago, according to his linkedin.

                At first glance, you'd think he was a creator of FUD - but he's actually a victim of it.

          2. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

            Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

            Defaults don't matter when you can't use the fucking thing unless you agree to hand over your data. Such as Hotmail. Let's have a conversation about a French journalist, shall we...?

            As for it sending off the contents of my local computer, of yes it fucking does. With every search information about what's on your local computer leaks to Bing.

            Microsoft robs you of your privacy at every turn, but likes to play innocent. They aren't.

    2. MrT

      Windows MfCf...

      ...in a rush I read that as "Windows MuffCuff".

      After thinking a bit more about it, I have no idea what that means, or how I am going to banish it from my mind...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      On the server side presumably Microsoft just need to point out that it doesn't include OSS like Open SSL and BASH for a nice jump in market share over their current 75% of the x86 server market....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

        current 75% of the x86 server market

        Wow, you guys are still on x86?

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      Surely they will call it:

      "Windows - Still has ~ 90 time the market share of Linux on the Desktop - Without added BASH or Open SSL"

      1. Anonymous Bullard

        Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

        or perhaps: "Windows - used by the unfortunate, loved by idiots."

        I see you escaped the recent redundancies at Microsoft.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      "Advertising first...

      Robbing you of your privacy first...

      Locking you into proprietary software first..."

      The Borg trademarked those already for it's Google branded products...

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      If the nickname is "Threshold" then surely the new product must be Microsoft Doors?

  2. oldcoder

    Anybody else think of "Windows FU"?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The operating system that everybody was waiting for and no one wanted.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Windows Broke

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Out to see...

        Perhaps a nautical theme:

        Portholes

        1. Mark 85

          Re: Out to see...

          Maybe keelhauled?

          1. Cliff

            Re: Out to see...

            Microsoft Ballmer.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Windows Broke"

        The last thing Windows is right now is out of money...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          """Windows Broke"

          The last thing Windows is right now is out of money..."

          I suspect that this is another illiterate idiot that doesn't understand the difference between the adjectives 'Broke' - meaning out of money - and 'Broken' meaning damaged.

    3. fnusnu

      Windows UF: unf**ked

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If there's been an outbreak of truthiness, and as the last one was such a dog, how about

      Windows K9

    5. Swarthy
      Joke

      MS will take the acronyms of the "Best" versions of windows to remind all customers about their past successes. CE to invoke the mobile paradigm; ME to remind people that they have a long history; NT to remind techies about the power of windows servers.

      I present: Windows CEMENT.

  3. wolfetone Silver badge

    The answer is simple:

    Microsoft Skylight

    1. davidp231

      Skylight

      Until Sky throw a hissy fit again, wherein it will become Microsoft Onelight.

      1. Steven Raith

        Re: Skylight

        " Microsoft Onelight."

        Pfft. MIcrosoft NOtWorthALight.

        And on the subject of Mobile First, Cloud first, how about Desktop First because, you know, that's where 80% of licenses will go, you moronic, dribbling cockslaps.

        Steven R

        1. wolfetone Silver badge

          Re: Skylight

          In the case of Skylight, it'll get changed to Microsoft Oversight.

    2. P. Lee

      re: Out to see

      >The answer is simple:

      >Microsoft Skylight

      Ms Skylark?

      All aboard!

  4. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Trollface

    After "Windows"

    "Trapdoors".

    I'd vote for it.

    1. i like crisps

      Re: After "Windows"

      "BACKDOORS", i think?.......Microsoft always leaves them ajar!

  5. Banksy
    WTF?

    Genius

    Throw out your biggest brand name, essentially your identity, great plan!

    MS just need to recognise that mobile and desktop are different and reinstate the desktop features from Windows 7. Then they need to tell everyone that it ISN'T Windows 8.

    Instead they want to nail a stake in the heart of their business.

    1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

      Re: Genius

      Except the Windows brand name is worth fuck all after repeated stabbing of it in the face with a rusty tractor.

      Maybe they should call it Microsoft Steals Your Privacy And Streams It To Bing?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Genius

      CEO: "Mobile is going to kill us, what do we do?"

      Director: "No problem, we can do a better job than the mobile market at killing ourselves!"

      CEO: "Um, that's not what I meant..."

  6. VinceH

    Curtains

    1. thomas k.

      re: Curtains

      But do they match the carpet?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Hoary Hedgehog

    I always liked that one.

  8. Phil W

    Dated

    Back to dated names perhaps, Windows 2015 ?

    1. Fehu
      Pint

      Re: Dated

      Mystery Windows 3000 ?

  9. Zot
    Windows

    Windows Schitzo?

    Probably.

    1. Primus Secundus Tertius

      Re: Windows Schitzo?

      or Windows Rondo -- round and round as fashions change and later repeat. Visual effects one year, plain background and capital letters the next, then visual again...

      Nothing changes, but there is the Parkinson's Law of programming: software expands to fill the available hardware.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Educated guess

    My educated guess is it will simply be called 'Windows' and it will lay the foundations for their Windows in the cloud strategy whereby they charge you ££ a month and you get the latest security updates / patches and the ability to log on from anywhere with your profile / software as it is all hosted in the lovely Microsoft Cloud.

    There will be a meatier enterprise version, but that will probably be given a different name

  11. Turgut Kalfaoglu

    Nimbus?

  12. Christoph

    Window Pane - because it's a pain

    1. Ken Darling

      QA: Questionable Abbeviations

      Windows NT - New Technology

      Windows XP - eXPerience

      Windows RT - Runtime

      I suggest Windows AWE for the next version. AWE - Arse WipE

      1. davidp231

        Re: QA: Questionable Abbeviations

        Windows PoS? I'm sure that doesn't need an explaination.

  13. l8rm8e

    Doors?

    Too Jim Morrison? Too obvious?

    Trails? Trials? Traits?

    How about shards?

    Sod it, I'm not playing anymore (said Bill and Paul).

    Too many question marks, not enough snaaare-roll-boom-tish.

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