back to article Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS

1: These Are Screws Screws Yup. 2: These Are Not Nuts and bolts How can you tell? They have big nuts but no prick!!! LOL!!! 3: Screws Are Traditionally Driven Like This... A screwdriver driving a screw 4: ...Except In Birmingham!!! A hammer and bent screw Classic Brummie builder joke! Excellent!! 5: Did …

What?

No mention of Mr Nettlefold and his wonderful patent?

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Re: What?

My father worked for GKN Automotive Fasteners so this article was catnip to me. I am pleased that Nettlefold's contribution is remembered beyond the association of his name with tose of Guest and Keen. My father's former employers, Steel Nut & Joseph Hampton sank with Woden tools at the end of the 60s.

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Re: What?

I was curious... What contributions? It appears they bought patents. Did they invent anything?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: What?

Are you bringing this to the "apple / Samsung" level now?

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you won't BELIEVE what happened next!!

I totally knew most of these anyway

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Coat

Offensive to Brummies

Of course we Brummies know that a ball-pein hammer is used for driving screws, not a claw hammer.

I'm so outraged I'm cancelling my subscription etc.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Offensive to Brummies

No need be offended, the Brummies are just more intelligent than those southern softies....you can hammer screws

http://www.screwfix.com/c/screws-nails-fixings/hammer-fixings/cat840070

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Re: Offensive to Brummies

I've also heard a hammer referred to as a "London screwdriver" but that's probably a conflation of the same insult with the actual London pattern screwdriver (wide tang visible between two pieces of wood forming the handle).

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Re: Offensive to Brummies

The Cockenese daaan laaandan are only jealous of us Brummies because we're trusted to build Jaguars, where as the Cockenese would only go joy riding in them pretending to be gangsters.

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(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: Re: Offensive to Brummies

Working for the Johnny Foreigner, eh? Just as I faaaawt, me old china, cor blimey, yer 'avin a giraffe, etc, etc

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Re: Offensive to Brummies

I've occasionally heard a hammer referred to as a 'forceful screwdriver'*. I've also used a hammer just to get self-tapping screws started, sparingly of course.

*(or less often 'forceful pliers' etc.)

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Trollface

Re: Offensive to Brummies

I've occasionally heard a hammer referred to as a 'forceful screwdriver'

The funny part is, "impact screwdriver" totally is a thing. Granted, it's not supposed to consist of merely a hammer on its own...

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Happy

What's the literal transaltion of the Arapaho?

I know that pliers was 'they bite', but what's the literal translation of their word for screw?

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Re: What's the literal translation of the Arapaho?

"chaka demus" ?

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Re: What's the literal translation of the Arapaho?

@MyffyW

Don't tease me...

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Re: What's the literal transaltion of the Arapaho?

literal translation of their word for screw?

bang-in, twist-out stick.

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Re: What's the literal transaltion of the Arapaho?

But the important question is: Are all Arapaho screws left-handed?

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Re: What's the literal translation of the Arapaho?

@MyffyW

Don't tease me...

No, really, do, 'til I lose control

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What?

No Fulton Mackay?

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Slow day or drop in Hits hmm?

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Anonymous Coward

I think they let the intern "have a go"

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@Stuart H

I did not down vote you, but the person that did could have just advised you that this is a regular el reg feature. El reg recognises that the el reg commentards having to constantly deal with the worlds, political, technological and scientific problems, just need a break from time to time :-)

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Coat

"this is a regular el reg feature."

No, it's an irregular Reg feature. Both in in how often articles of such ilk are published and in their relationship to the more usual fare.

Yes, the one with the Screfix catalogue in the pocket.

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Cooor what a lovely box a' Torx

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What I would like to know is....

Why! when you put a screwdriver down right beside any computer or rack equipment. The bugger decides to move and you physically have to get up and look elsewhere for it!

Happened to me this morning, working on a laptop, put screwdriver to the right of the main body, and next thing I know it's moved itself behind the screen!

How do they do that?

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Flame

Re: What I would like to know is....

It is not just when working on computers. Screw drivers are a vindictive lot with a sense of humour. They watch for the time when you have just spent 15 minutes lining up the most darned difficult set of bits and need to drive the screw to hold it from collapsing. Normally the driver is to be found in another room, or if assisted by a wife in the tool box in the tool store as it you "have finished with that thing".

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WTF?

Re: What I would like to know is....

The circuit board from which I am regularly - every few minutes - prying an IC using a small screwdriver is on my left. That's where the wires go; it has no choice.

When I remove the IC, I place the screwdriver next to the circuit board, on my left.

And yet here it is, snuggling up to the soldering iron on my right.

How does it do that?

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Re: How do they do that?

It's because they don't exist.

From a production engineer's point of view a screwdriver, especially a flat blade one, must be a boring old thing to make. So they don't bother. They hire squadrons of mystical oriental gurus and swami types to 'put the fluence on' a lot of scrap material. They hypnotise old rags, torn trousers etc. into thinking they are screwdrivers.

That's why

(1) all modern screwdrivers bend rather than getting the lid off the paint pot.

(2) when the magic wears off they revert. So you leave a screwdriver on the bench and when you come back you can't find it, but there is a stained scrap of polka-dot fabric that bears no resemblence to any clothing you have ever written off.

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Re: How do they do that?

I recently cleared out one of our sheds! I found screwdrivers from my youth, perhaps they actually went back to the screwdriver phase after becoming rags from a bag that had disintergrated.

Why is it that I can never find a screw of the correct size, when I know they were in a pot, specifically used for rogue laptop screws and I know there were loads in there!

Is there an unwritten rule that states 'you will always have left over screws' or do they multiply overnight if left unattended?

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Pint

Re: What I would like to know is....

Rj,

aha, does yours 'tidy up' tools that originated in a tool bag/box into any nearby cupboard/receptacle, but

DOES NOT TELL YOU....

Then when you ask X days/weeks later if she has seen your [insert name of tool], you are either asked where you had it last, OR it is suggested that you improve your 'tidying up' skills.

Apparently it is logical.

Have a swifty on me,

J

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Re: How do they do that?

Otis,

perhaps screwdrivers are actually sentient - as well as a bit lonely sometimes.

You never know.

J

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Re: How do they do that?

"Is there an unwritten rule that states 'you will always have left over screws' or do they multiply overnight if left unattended?"

The answer to that question lies here.

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Re: What I would like to know is....

You have a wife?

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TRT
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Re: What I would like to know is....

I found a flanged thing a bit like a ratchet screwdriver in the back of the fruit drawer the other day. It's not been cleaned out in years, so...

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Pint

Re: What I would like to know is....

Screwdrivers are evolutionarily related to biros. That's why they have these abilities; just not as highly developed.

Screws, on the other hand, are related to lego bricks.

Icon for anaesthetic purposes.

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Re: What I would like to know is....

I found a flanged thing a bit like a ratchet screwdriver in the back of the fruit drawer the other day.

You have a drawer for fruit?

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Re: What I would like to know is....

I believe so....

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TRT
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Re: What I would like to know is....

Yes. And some for vegetables.

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Consider my amazeballs well and truly toted.

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WTF?

No. 2

Set screw.

(But you knew that and were just screwing with us. Weren't you?)

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Re: No. 2

or - once you've lost the nut - "Machine screw"

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Re: No. 2

You'd expect a set screw to have a machined end to the thread and usually a blind head (i.e. a grub screw). It would also not be used with a nut. You could have said machine screw and I wouldn't have disagreed with you - the distinction that one particular style of head makes it a bolt rather than a screw always seemed very artificial to me.

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Pint

Re: No. 2

Up votes for both of you. I wish we could have this discussion over a beer.

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Boffin

Re: No. 2

If the thread goes up to the head, it's a screw; if there is blank metal between the head and thread, it's a bolt. Told to me by an engineer who helped put the Ark together, so it must be true.

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Re: No. 2

And if the blank metal goes from the head to the point, its a nail

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No mention ...

of how a dropped screw can disappear into a trans-dimensional vortex, never to be seen again ?

Until you walk around barefoot, this is.

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(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: No mention ...

I believe the presence of footwear seals the vortex portal, although it's an unstable gateway reopened by the proximity of unclad feet.

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The simple answer is usually the obvious one

They don't transport themselves via a vortex anywhere - that's just daft.

They _do_ however make themselves invisible to the naked eye, re-appearing only when they come into contact with human blood.

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Re: The simple answer is usually the obvious one

I thought that was loose lego bricks and dropped drawing pins (which of course always land pointy-side up as well)?

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(Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

Re: Re: The simple answer is usually the obvious one

I heard the UN was considering banning loose Lego bricks as "domestic landmines". Too bloody right.

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