back to article BOFH: On the contrary, we LOVE rebranding here at the IT dept

"Now remember - there are no wrong answers in this exercise," Janice, the huggy-feely HR type says in a non-threatening manner. "What about SH*TBAG?" the PFY blurts. "Well that's more of an outburst than an answer," I point out gently. "Oh," the PFY responds. "My mistake." Getting caught up in exercises designed to " …

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  1. Charles Manning

    Time to rebrand HR....

    In one small company where I worked for a while, the managing director proudly showed me his "HR department".

    It was a cardboard box. Inside was a bottle of scotch and a box of Kleenex.

    "Sorts out any people problems in minutes."

    1. Trygve Henriksen

      Re: Time to rebrand HR....

      Sounds like he got everything accounted for...

    2. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: Time to rebrand HR....

      Genius.

    3. Sartori

      Re: Time to rebrand HR....

      Now that's a proper HR department!

    4. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

      Re: Time to rebrand HR....

      In our mid sized company they have a cupboard full of Whisky although to blow your nose you have to use some ilness forms

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Glorious

    A glorious start of the friday ...

    reminds me of the guy who thought he ran the IT department, we referred to him as the Supreme Head of Information Technology, even to his face .. and he never realised

    And I need to remember the nut allergy one ....

  3. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Happy

    Ah... the violence. Lovely, isn't it?

    And suddenly all my work motivation is gone. See you next week!

  4. Robert E A Harvey
    Pint

    Oh good

    It must be Friday. I was getting worried for a bit.

    I've actually enjoyed this week. Siemens S7 programming. Training Ladder, statement list, real-time interrupts. Accumulators, register indirect addressing, binary. Made me think I was back in 1974.

    Just wait till the boss discovers he booked me on the wrong course!

    1. Trygve Henriksen

      Re: Oh good

      Did you enjoy the course?

      Then it was the right one!

      If it doesn't have anything to do with your current job it just means you have to be a bit more creative when he asks you what you learned...

    2. Evil Auditor Silver badge

      Re wrong course

      Many moons ago one of the first things I've learned from BOFH was the selection of courses aka junkets. First choose the country/city/venue you'd like to visit. Second find a course at that venue which you somehow can convince your boss that you need it for your job. Then enjoy.

      I followed abidingly ever since.

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: Re wrong course

        Lunch.

        Always find out what the (provided) lunch catering arrangements are. It can make or break the whole day.

        1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: Re wrong course (@Terry 6)

          Don't care for lunch anymore as usually I skive off before.

    3. GBE

      Re: Oh good

      "Just wait till the boss discovers he booked me on the wrong course!"

      My motto is:

      You never know what might be useful at your next job...

  5. seustice

    Acronym of "Synergy of Hardware and Information Technology"

    Nuff said.

  6. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

    Business Unit Manager

    1. Mark #255

      Re: Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

      No, no.

      Business Development and Strategy Manager

    2. JulianB

      Re: Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

      Genuinely, at two different companies, I've been in briefings about reorganisations where they've said words to the effect of "This position should be known as Business Unit Manager, but obviously we can't use that".

      And the issue of "what can we change our name to without changing the initials" has also cropped up more than once.

    3. Apdsmith

      Re: Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

      One of our sub-departments (it's a long, dull, story) actually _asked_ to be renamed to "Business Systems" and were extremely unhappy with us for pointing out the perceived worth of information produced by the "BS" department...

      Ad

    4. Henry Minute

      Re: Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

      Business Unit Timesheet Operations Controller (I really instigated that one)

      1. the spectacularly refined chap

        Re: Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

        Business Unit Timesheet Operations Controller (I really instigated that one)

        In one public sector place I worked at what would normally be called "fire wardens" were in fact Deputy Incident Control Officers. They were referred to as DICO's even in the official procedure manual, and the uniform donned whenever the alarms went off was a yellow hi-vis waistcoat with DICO on the back...

    5. Blakey

      Re: Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

      The fella who hired me was chuffed when they changed his title to business unit manager - told us all that he was now a bum. Good bloke.

    6. Martin Budden

      Re: Signs on the reserved parking spaces:

      Email, Internet, & Electronic Information Officer. I'd love to answer the phone 'EIEIO'.

  7. scoldog

    Dear Lord

    Our new boss just had this very discussion with me, regarding rebranding IT to make it sound more appealing to the bigwigs.

    At least he said "Yeah, I know it's a complete wank, but they always fall for this sort of stuff".

    He's been around the traps a few times.

  8. Neoc

    Reminds me of when the Chairman of the University of the Northern Territory got his new "signature stamp", with his degrees and his position all nicely abbreviated.

    Nobody noticed until the first batch of letters went out...

    1. Colin Brett

      Dammit! Ninja'd

      There were similar stories floating about years ago, when the Polytechnics were "upgrading" to Universities.

      Newcastle Poly wanted to become City University Newcastle upon Tyne and it took some guy on the print line for the new letterheaded paper to point out the acronym. Admittedly, this might be some sort of urban legend.

      The students at Sheffield Poly wanted to rename it Sheffield Hallam Institute of Technology.

      Colin

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dammit! Ninja'd

        Ireland has Dublin Institute of Technology (dit.ie), Waterford Institute of Technology (wit.ie), Cork Institute of Technology (cit.ie), Athlone Institute of Technology (ait.ie).

        And Institute of Technology Tallaght (www.it-tallaght.ie)

      2. beddo

        Re: Dammit! Ninja'd

        Speaking of Hallam, when we were there a couple of us notice the number of useless societies set up for this that and everything.

        We got Sheffield Hallam Information Technology Society passed by the union as a society. I think one of the guys used it to get access to the data centre (geek tour).

    2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      SH..

      Allegedly the original name for what became Grampian TV was to be Scottish Highlands and Islands Television until someone was doodling a logo...

      1. dogged

        Re: SH..

        Southmead Hospital Independent Trust was actually a thing until they started sending out letterheaded stuff to actual residents.

    3. TRT Silver badge

      I'm still waiting

      for my embroidered polo shirt that marks me as a part of City University Network Team.

    4. Grikath Silver badge

      Ah yes.. something like the original name of Tilbury Uni in the Netherlands when they bumped it up from a glorified grade school in the '90's. ( Katholic University of Tilbury = KUT = C....well you can guess... ;) )

      They rather quickly changed it, but it stuck. The fact that it has no science faculty whatshowever and "specialises" in Humanities and Business may have helped there.

    5. Martin Budden

      You can get a t-shirt for the Muff Diving Club, which is a scuba diving club based in the town of Muff in the north of Ireland. You don't need to actually scuba dive or live in Muff.

      1. Old_Polish_Proverb

        My wife received a t-shirt when she participated in a charity run for her hospital. Turns out she was assigned to the Urinary Track Team.

  9. Chris Miller

    A pedant writes

    Gougères are not really scones, more like cheese puffs, or cheese-flavoured profiteroles without the chocolate sauce.

    Still, a new BOFH is always a great start to God's own day.

  10. dervheid

    Brilliant

    Made I larf.

    Thought you might have make it all the way back to the PFYs 'outburst'

    "Synergy of Hardware and Information Technology, Business Admin Group"

  11. Trygve Henriksen

    My IT department was first 'Data', then it became IT, IKT, and yeah... there may have been a short stint of IS in there, too.

    1. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

      Currently at IS, waiting for the directors to realise we do still use and manage technology so I can get a proper job title.

  12. chivo243 Silver badge
    Pint

    Where I work...

    ... the acronym is ASH and we are the IT department... What a coincidence! Have a pint everyone!

  13. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

    Are El Reg in the throes of reimagineering themselves with leading tales and sensitive reporting on the worlds in which we all can now work, rest and play in and steer, rather than just following up on them and relaying third party information to second rate players for the first time. Is ITs I.T. Portfolio SMARTR Enabled and All Ready and Willing and Able to Lead Boldly from the Front and in the Shady Shadows of Dark Web Ventures or is that a Proprietary Intellectual Property Challenge just a tad or two or three too far presently without a Stirling Support Bridge from Head Quarters?

    And if not, why not whenever the opportunity and facilities are there and for the simple asking and complex but not difficult tasking?

    Forever the bridesmaid and never the bride, makes Jack a boy and very dull Jill. Live a little. Jump into the Deep End of the Internet of Things which be IntelAIgent Machines in Live Operational Virtual Environments aka Hosted Media Realities.

    And who and/or what Commands Control of Power in those Actualities, is Knowledge which Drivers the Future into either the CHAOS of Recovery and Discovery or MADness of Mayhem and Destruction and all points in between to extreme with XSSXXXX Stream Memes. As such you may find that its IT and I.T. is somewhat classified and highly compartmentalised and both ECI and VRK rated/mated.

    And for all those doubting Thomases and silent dumb downvoters out there, do I ask of you, do you really expect that the near and infinite future will be anything like the same and a mirror of the crazy and ignorant past?

    You guys gotta get out more and mix with smarter babes who be ladies and she devils in the confines of spaces and places that are designated for adoration and pleasure/R&R ..... for you is virtually brain dead and missing all the fun of the fair and cyber fare action.

    1. Alister Silver badge

      Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

      NURSE! HE'S FORGOTTEN HIS PILLS AGAIN!

      1. Alan Ferris

        Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

        No pills will help THAT

    2. AdamT

      Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

      I think I've finally worked out what this reminds me of. In Iain M Banks "Feersum Endjinn" there's an AI, or some such, in a tower, maybe on the Plain of Sliding stones? (don't have an e-copy with me that I can check). But I'm pretty sure it was producing messages like this ...

    3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

      amanfromMars, welcome back. We've... missed you.

      1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

        Loyal Commenter, speak for yourself.

        1. pepper

          Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

          Hey now! I like that he's back as well! It's like a eadon only then less annoying!

          1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

            Notwithstanding any or all of the less than positive and friendly comments, and the views that may be expressed and/or extrapolated from the comments, is the question of El Reg and the questions of systems which be supposedly surveilling all and sundry to maintain and retain a commanding advantage and inequitable power dividend over the less than well enough educated masses, an earnestly serious one. Things have changed, haven't you noticed. The old ways of doing things secretly and sublimely just don't work that old black magic anymore and there are smarter beings doing IT every other way.

            And there appears to be some real spooky folk doing a terrible job on this thread but such is always the case in service of the unpleasant and indefensible.

          2. Martin Budden

            Re: GCHQ wants to know what NSA hasn't a clue about and isn't being recorded for reporting in leaks

            Oi! It is nothing like an eadon, you take that back!

  14. Mycho Silver badge

    Just so I'm clear,

    the background is going to be red, right? So you can only read the I and the T?

  15. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Corporate re-branding horror...

    In the dim and distant I worked for Pearl Assurance, who fell prey to the branding consultant nutters. In one year we got through FOUR corporate logos! The first relaunch required that all staff from across the land be bussed down to Wembley Conference Centre in the middle of some awful blizzards. That logo lasted three months!

    Please can we have the 'B' ark ASAP?

    1. Blofeld's Cat
      Pint

      Re: Corporate re-branding horror...

      "Please can we have the 'B' ark ASAP?"

      I believe the Hairdressers Fire Development Subcommittee is looking into it.

      They would welcome your input about what colour it should be...

      ... and whether or not it could be fitted nasally.

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