back to article JJ Abrams and Star Wars: I've got a bad feeling about this

“Boys are only interested in pirates and Star Wars,” my daughter tells me. She is four and speaks with the confidence and clarity only a four-year-old can manage. Star Wars Thirty-seven years on, and the Star Wars franchise still captures kids' imaginations Her proof? The games played, toys brought in and the clothes worn …

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Khan!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure the convention is "Khaaaaaaan!!!"

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It bloody well is.

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Bah!

Agree. Seven 'a's are the required number. One can use eight if one is William Shatner.

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Gimp

Re: Bah!

Abrams will do for the Star Wars movies what he did for the Star Trek movies. They will be formula movies that, while entertaining to watch will add nothing endearing to the genre and certainly won't be worth seeing a second time.

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Paris Hilton

Re: Khan!!!!!!!

Maybe it's because it's just marketing, in which case Abrams is just being a Khan!!!!!! artist....

Paris is worried too....about Cannes.....

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Alien

Fringe

Let us not forget Abrams' "Fringe"

Sort of like a less believable rip off of "The X Files" with his trade mark make-it-up-as-you-go convoluted subplots and unpleasant lead characters.

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Yes, let's not

Fringe was brilliant. Brilliant character development, and a relations story that actually brought something to the series and was not just tacked on as an afterthought once a thousand bored housewives had sent a petition to have some smooching (like in Bones, Castle, House, FBI Missing Persons, and just about all the others).

Abrams has his name on Fringe ? I'm surprised, but I will accept it as the one good thing he did.

Except for Season 5, that is. That season doesn't exist.

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Re: Yes, let's not

Season 5 was such an awesome idea and the teaser from season 4 built up my hopes greatly. Then I watched season 5 and it all went down hill from there. The worst part is that the actors gave a great performance as usual and the new supporting cast were good, even the observer actors with their highly restricted allowance of acting (no emotion, specified observer movements, etc) yet the story was aweful. Maybe this is the one Abrams got his hands on

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Re: Yes, let's not

I wonder just who could do it justice?

Joss Whedon might prove interesting, but for sheer originality I'd like to see Tarantino do a Star Wars film.

You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm.

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Re: Fringe

"make-it-up-as-you-go convoluted subplots"

Ah yes, the whole 'this is clever, because we're telling you how clever it is, but really we're writing as-we-go with no clear vision and paper-thin logic.

Which kept Lost fascinating the stupid people for several years.

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Re: Yes, let's not

"You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm"

Han would have execute(d) every motherf*cking last one of (them), accompanied by The Shangri-Las singing 'Leader of the Pack"....

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Thumb Down

Re: Lost

An episode and a half in I *knew* it was going to be bloody annoying, and never watched more than about 10 minutes of it again.

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Re: Fringe

"Ah yes, the whole 'this is clever, because we're telling you how clever it is, but really we're writing as-we-go with no clear vision and paper-thin logic."

don't knock it! Agatha Christie made a career out of it!

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Re: "You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm."

I very sure that Han shot first having seen it at the cinema at the time and also having the last unmolested pseudo widescreen VHS release in my possession.

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Re: "You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm."

"I very sure that Han shot first"

I'd be surprised if you weren't sure, considering he did. My point was that I doubt Quentin would re-master a film to change a fundamental character aspect of one of the main protagonists.

Imagine Beatrix waking up and just deciding to let bygones be bygones and go back to the Hick record store? Or El Prez deciding that he'd keep the treasure for himself?

No, because I'm sure he has artistic integrity.

Also, it's the flaws in things that give it character. Make everyone sacharine sweet and you're just turning out another Hollywood CGI turd.

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Re: Fringe

Fringe was one of the best depictions of the whole gamut of science fiction ever conceived. You clearly are an idiot.

Having said that, Fringe was as much Kurtzman and Orci as Abrahams so maybe it should stay out of the list. But don't diss Fringe.

Keep calm and listen to Walter.

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Re: Fringe

And just for the damn record, did anyone watch the final series of Fringe and not wish to the Gods of Kobol that there was another? It was absolutely amazing. The final scene were genius, bringing a neat conclusion to a pretty damn epic storyline. It more than made up for the lack of Peter Bishop a couple of years earlier...

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Re: Yes, let's not

"I wonder just who could do it justice?"

Guillermo del Toro. Take a look at Pan's Labyrinth (2006) and tell me del Toro couldn't blow the doors light sabers off a Star Wars flick.

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Re: Yes, let's not

Pan's Labyrinth is a superbly imagined film, but it is quite arty don't you think? Not exactly swash-buckling (which is a good thing for Pan's Labyrinth, not so much for Star Wars)

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Re: Yes, let's not

Joss Whedon would've been my pick.

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Re: Yes, let's not

His other credits: Pacific Rim, Hellboy, Blade II.

He has range.

Abrams is a better producer than director or writer.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fringe

Yes that's right I'm stupid. Thanks for telling me, I'd never have known if it wasn't for you.

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Devil

Re: "You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm."

Quentin is also not squeamish about violence and flawed characters.

I wouldn't be surprised if Quentin has actually fired a real gun and can relate to having one pointed at him. There is nothing remotely sinister about defending yourself in that situation.

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Re: Yes, let's not

The Artoo will have a real reason to have every word bleeped out.

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Re: "You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm."

JJ Abrams: Well, on the plus side, MI:III is easily the best of the franchise. On the other, all the rest of his haven't been.

The problem with letting Tarantino near one would be his ego and the inevitable cameo: "What do you think, Jedi Quentin?"

I'd like to see one by Park Chan-wook or Kim Jee-woon. Stunning visually, and not afraid of revenge killing blood baths which is what (without the blood) the Star Wars films have been about.

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Re: "You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm."

"The problem with letting Tarantino near one would be his ego and the inevitable cameo: "What do you think, Jedi Quentin?"

Whilst he obviously does give himself a part to play, it isn't usually a role that affects the movie too much, and he does bump himself off quite regularly too - keeps everyone happy :)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fringe

Fringe == sci-fi for morons.

Plots so thin they're invisible. :(

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Re: "You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm."

I'd like to see one by Park Chan-wook or Kim Jee-woon.

I'd like to see a Star Wars film by Stephen Chow. Obi-Wan flings hundreds of stormtroopers at Darth while undercranked Luke, Han, and Leia race through the corridors of the Death Star! Everyone meets in the hanger bay for a song & dance number. Then they join forces to fight the Emperor and his sidekick Super-Powered Jar-Jar, and their army of droids that don't fall apart when you blow up their ship.

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Bronze badge

Re: "You could at least be sure that Han shot first with Quentin at the helm."

> Well, on the plus side, MI:III is easily the best of the franchise...

Remembering, though, that the Tom Cruise "Mission: Impossible" films have pretty much nothing to do with either incarnation of the TV series. If you want to see something more in spirit to the original M:I series, watch "Burn Notice" (at least the earlier BN seasons) or "Leverage".

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Re: Fringe

Dont fell bad about it, that's the way of stupid people, you have to tell them everything.

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Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Believe (executive producer)- Cancelled after 1 series

Almost Human (executive producer)- Cancelled after 1 series

Person of Interest (executive producer) still going but getting very samey.

Fringe (executive producer) - Lost the plot in the later series.

Alcatraz (executive producer) - cancelled after 1 series

Undercovers (executive producer) - cancelled after 1 series

Lost (executive producer) - lasted 5 series too long

In fact probably the last good thing he did was Alias and that lasted 2 series too long.

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JDX
Gold badge

Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Getting cancelled after the first series is hardly indicative of anything though. Great and awful shows get axed with impunity.

And Lost had 3 good series.

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Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Getting cancelled has little to do with a show's worthiness.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Firefly! We loved you.....*sob*

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Re: Getting cancelled has little to do with a show's worthiness.

Usually ...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Cancellations that have affected me personally.

Firefly 1 season. Nothing has filled this hole :(

Caprica 1 season. Polarising, but I loved it.

True detective 1 season, ended too quickly,

yes I know its coming back but it won't be the same.

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Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Err one word:

Revolution

The post-apocalyptic world without electricity, where the woman had great hair, impeccable makeup and neatly ironed white t-shirts with some awful acting and dire story lines thrown in for free.

Cancelled after 2 series

JJ Abrams is proof you don't need talent to succeed in Hollywood

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Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Stargate:Universe

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

And great dentistry. Don't forget the amazing dentistry.

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Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Revolution

The post-apocalyptic world without electricity, where the woman had great hair, impeccable makeup and neatly ironed white t-shirts with some awful acting and dire story lines thrown in for free.

Agreed. I watched the first few episodes of Revolution, and it lacked any bit of verisimilitude. It made Alias and Fringe look plausible.

I assume that after the power went out, someone went around and killed everyone with any knowledge of pre-electrification technology - the survivalists, the reenactors, the primitive-camping enthusiasts, the subsistence farmers, many of the people who grew up on reservations... Because clearly no one in the show had the slightest clue.

(And, yes, for the sake of argument I'm overlooking the favorite complaint about the show's rather choosy "stop electricity" magic, which somehow only affects deliberate technological use. I'll overlook a whoppingly inconsistent magic premise if the world-building is a little convincing.)

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Re: Not just his films but his TV series as well!

Mmm. i assume you Brits mean SEASON when you say SERIES. Whats your word for series? Show?

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If we're really lucky, Roberto Orci Alex Kurtzman & Damon Lindelof will take over writing and let JJ crack on with blinding us with lens flares and horizontal wipes.

Course we're all gonna watching from behind the sofa with rock bottom expectations anyhow -- what's the worst that could meesa happen?

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Devil

Amongst the worst...

An Ewok Jedi....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Amongst the worst...

"An Ewok Jedi...."

Apprenticed to a Gungan Master:

"Yousa gotta be a-mindful of yousa feelins' and stuff..."

Reaching for a blaster....

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Re: Amongst the worst...

What could be worse? Hmm... That gives me an idea for the plot:

Sick of being marginalised, ignored and despised - but equally disgusted with democracy and the Jedi, for failing to save the Republic - he turns to the Dark Side. In training during the period of the Rebellion, when Vader and the Emperor were in power, he missed most of the defeat. But he emerges now, to revitalise the Sith, and provie a counterbalance to the new government, who have become arrogant and corrupt - as so many revolutions do. Who is this?

Cower in fear before: Darth Jar-Jar!

Possibly with his new army of Ewok storm troopers, for extra comedy value.

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Mushroom

On the subject of lens flares, let's see if he can top his previous best of 826 in Star Trek Into Darkness...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIF14mwaSKI

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Re: Amongst the worst...

I'd prefer Darth-Darth Binks

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jai

Re: Amongst the worst...

"An Ewok Jedi...."

That's not a million miles away from Yoda, you realise?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Amongst the worst...

""An Ewok Jedi...." That's not a million miles away from Yoda, you realise?"

Dare, how do you! Take, that back... you will!

He's not the voice for my SatNav, luckily.

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On the subject of lens flares

How else are you knowing it's in the future. That and an under-lit foreground and lots of flashing lights in the background ..

"On the subject of lens flares, let's see if he can top his previous best of 826 in Star Trek Into Darkness..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIF14mwaSKI

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