back to article Welcome to Heathrow Terminal, er, Samsung Galaxy S5

Samsung has decided to allow its marketing department's imaginations to take flight, which has resulted in a rather crap plan to effectively rename Heathrow's Terminal Five. The mega airport terminal in London will feature signs that read "Terminal Samsung Galaxy S5" in a move a Sammy exec described as "one-off opportunity to …

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  1. Thomas Gray

    More tiring?

    I'd have thought "more tiresome" would be a better phrase.

    And what happens when the Galaxy S6 comes out?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: More tiring?

      Tiresome, tiring and too long. Like the bright spark who renamed Allerton station to "Liverpool South Parkway for John Lennon International Airport". By the time they have announced what the next station is it is long behind you.

    2. NeilPost

      Re: More tiring?

      Heathrow Terminal Galaxy S6 will probably have been built by then ;-)

  2. teapot9999

    Overkill

    If I see too many adverts for something I am more inclined to NOT buy it. Hopefully by the time I next use T5 all this Samsung stuff will have been removed.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Overkill

      You won't be able to get the usual full range of products from the food stores in there. No apples for a start.

  3. Bob H

    #fail

    I'm thinking of my poor wife's family that don't speak English, getting through airports is hard enough without Samsung confusing them!

    1. big_D Silver badge

      Re: #fail

      Luckily Heathrow doesn't know anything about the plans.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: #fail

        Not sure why Samsung would want to be associated with T5 anyway. What's their next move "Samsung sponsors the Auschwitz experience" ?

        Whose idea was it to build a terminal at the worlds busiest international airport, specifically for the worlds favourite airline (!) and have no transit passenger connection to the other terminals?

        We nearly missed a flight because it took an hour for my non-Eu colleague to get through immigration.

        Hint to UK border agency, 40 year old Canadian engineers with a Canadian passport and a business class ticket on an Air Canada flight to Canada leaving in 2hours are unlikely to be secret asylum seekers.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: #fail

          > Hint to UK border agency, 40 year old Canadian engineers with a Canadian passport and a business class ticket on an Air Canada flight to Canada leaving in 2hours are unlikely to be secret asylum seekers

          I don't blame them. If I saw 40 toddlers claiming to have an engineering degree I'd be asking questions myself.

  4. brooxta

    Now if only

    Virgin GALACTIC would take over the terminal. For real.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Blerghhh... makes me want to buy an iPhone.

  6. LaeMing
    Black Helicopters

    Samsung and LG should get together

    and give out BB guns to everyone at terminal Samsung Galaxy S5

    1. moiety

      Re: Samsung and LG should get together

      Now that would be funny. For anyone not killed in the crossfire.

      Air passengers -due to all the wankery surrounding the process- are some of the most pissed-off people on Earth. Who would seriously want to associate their product with that state of mind?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Come the revolution,

    I swear, if you are in Marketing, you better run...

    1. Neil 23

      Re: Come the revolution,

      This isn't marketing, this is *spits* PR, a whole different level of uselessness down

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Come the revolution,

      Blackberry took over Euston last year and wrapped all the passages in 360° marketing material. It was like the black hole of Calcutta down there - they don't seem to realise that lighting levels etc are very carefully designed in during the building of these places. Heat build up being a significant factor in trying to keep the watts as low as possible.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Come the revolution,

        OK, it wasn't Blackberry that were a bunch of tossers, it was CBS Outdoor who do the tube's advertising thing. Clear now? Still a marketing f***up.

  8. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    This is straight

    out of the Fifth Element...

    1. Simon Buttress

      Re: This is straight

      You mean of course the Samsung Galaxy S-Fifth Element.....

  9. Extra spicey vindaloo
    Unhappy

    Landed recently at heathrow, walkways not working, escalators not escalating. and what seems like a 10 mile trek from the plane to border control.

    So to add to this, you can now mutter under your breath "Bloody Terminal Samsung Galaxy S5"

    Not the wisest choice I feel.

    1. veti Silver badge

      I haven't used it myself... but those of my friends who have, tell me that T5 is a whole different experience from the rest of Heathrow. That's why they've gone out of their way not to connect the two. T5 is for when they actually care what the travellers think, which is why it's reserved for BA - British airline profits from (relatively speaking) luxury treatment for its travellers, at the expense of everyone else.

      1. Retron

        That's reading way too much into it. T5 is for BA (and Iberia, part of IAG and the Oneworld alliance). The idea was to consolidate as many flights as possible from BA in order to make transfers that much easier. Unfortunately there's still some overspill - Gibraltar and Lisbon still go from T3 for example.

        It's the way Heathrow is going, btw - T2 is going to be for Star Alliance airlines when it opens, T4 is for SkyTeam airlines and so on.

  10. TRT Silver badge

    Wouldn't it be easier to rename the phone the Heathrow Terminal 5?

    1. TheOtherHobbes

      It'll never take off.

  11. EddieD

    Beware of awkward associations

    Just as T5 loses your bags, the SG5 loses your connections?

    One terrifying fact I heard (and it was on Radio 4 so it must be true), was that a new warship had automated it's munitions transport procedure to slash the number of crew needed "based on the baggage handling systems in Heathrow Terminal 5".

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Beware of awkward associations

      Crew in Southampton, bombs in Baghdad?

      1. John G Imrie Silver badge

        Re: Beware of awkward associations

        Rather that than the other way around.

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Beware of awkward associations

          >Rather that than the other way around.

          You obviously haven't visited Southampton !

      2. Evil Graham

        Re: Beware of awkward associations

        "Crew in Southampton, bombs in Baghdad?"

        No, if baggage handlers are involved it'll be crew in Southampton, bombs on eBay.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Beware of awkward associations

          Bombs in Bombay?

          *taps microphone*

          Sgt. Pinback to bomb number 19. Bomb number 19, are you receiving me, over?

          1. Bloakey1

            Re: Beware of awkward associations

            "Bombs in Bombay?"

            <snip>

            Hello Mr TRT, Gupta speaking, how may I help you today? You are wanting bombs? Please can you answer some security questions Mr TRT.

            Ad Nauseum ...

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Beware of awkward associations

      Excessive packet loss?

    3. User McUser
      Coat

      I'm so worried

      One terrifying fact I heard (and it was on Radio 4 so it must be true), was that a new warship had automated it's munitions transport procedure to slash the number of crew needed "based on the baggage handling systems in Heathrow Terminal 5".

      Wow, now I'm *really* worried about the baggage retrieval system they've got at Heathrow...

      1. DuncanL

        Re: I'm so worried

        And I'm so worried about whether I should go on...

        Or whether I shouldn't just stop

  12. poohbear

    But today is 19 May not 1 April....

    1. tirk
      Joke

      But today is 19 May not 1 April....

      "British Airways apologise for the late arrival of that joke."

  13. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Link your brand with confusion and stress?

    One third of all traffic through Heathrow airport (in reality, probably only 1 sixth of passengers, as they count as a landing and a takeoff), we are told, are in transit. That is they catch a plane, change at Heathrow and fly off somewhere else. No tourism in the UK, no hotels, no spending money here (apart from getting mugged by the prices in the airport itself): just in - wait - out.

    So for these people all they want is to get off one plane and find out where to go to catch the next one. If their english ain't great, and the directions to the terminal for the flight out seem to indicate you'll be flying on some sort of smartphone, will that really instill confidence and ease, or will it be a WTF moment?

    Guilt by association is never a clever ploy. To constantly remind travellers of the terrible time they had, wandering around LHR trying to find their terminal, every time they see an advert for Samsung doesn't sound like great marketing. I wonder it it's really Apple who are paying for this renaming exercise? Could Sammy pay for the tax office to be renamed Her Majesty's Apple Revenue and Customs in retaliation.

  14. Brent Longborough
    FAIL

    Who uses Heathrow anyway?

    #Rathole

    #Meh

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Well considering the lack of alternatives for the non-leisure long haul destinations, unless you want to go via one of the european hubs first - quite a few people!!!

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      72.3 Million people in 2013, that's who.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Anyone that's already tried Roissy-CDG?

      1. Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

        Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

        And anyone who's tired of never seeing their baggage again after going through Schipol? I was there recently & saw a bag with two Zebra heads poking out the top and tagged 'Noah'.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

          To be fair those two had come via Heathrow first......

    5. MrXavia

      Re: Who uses Heathrow anyway?

      Anyone wanting a long haul flight with a decent airline?

      Sure it used to be REALLY crap, but T5 is not too bad, and T3 has been spruced up (still long bloody walks to the gates though.....)

      I actually don't mind T3 at heathrow, and since I've never had a good BA flight i'm sticking to flying Virgin for now.. (although with the delta merge I am concerned that quality will fall)

  15. Terry 6 Silver badge
    FAIL

    Just rolls naturally off the tongue....

    "Welcome to Heathrow Terminal, Samsung Galaxy S5. Share and Enjoy."

    Hmm.

    1. ukgnome Silver badge

      Share and Enjoy

      Share and Enjoy

      Share and Enjoy

      Journey through life

      With a plastic boy

      Or Girl by your side

      Let your pal be your guide

      And when it breaks down

      Or starts to annoy

      Or grinds when it moves

      And gives you no joy

      Cos it's eaten your hat

      Or had sex with your cat

      Bled oil on your floor

      Or ripped off your door

      You get to the point

      You can't stand any more

      Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

      We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Share and Enjoy

        I think, if you're looking for a musical link to this story, this particular number might suit better.

      2. Elmer Phud Silver badge

        Re: Share and Enjoy

        What?

        I don't understand!

        Where's the tea?

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Welcome to the 51st state

    Where everything is to be monetized

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