back to article BOFH: Oh DO tell us what you think. *CLICK*

"Your first mistake was asking for input," I explain to the Boss as he scans the huge volume of new email in his Inbox. "You really don't want to do that." "No," the PFY echoes, "Never do that." "Why not?" "Never seek user input on a technical document unless what you're asking about is so vague as to be useless," the PFY …

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Well Done.

It's Not officially a Friday,

But due to the seasonal nature of this week it is.

Now what to do till home time.....

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Re: Well Done.

I am moving the suggestion box

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Pint

Re: Well Done.

You mean, Now what to do till beer time....

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Funny

Funny, especially it was Microsoft's similar arrogant disregard for users' opinions that produced Vista and Windows 8.

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Re: Funny

Well, why weren't you at Ballmer's Meeting?

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Re: Funny

It was at lunchtime. Who goes to a meeting at luchtime?

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Re: Funny

I went. Steve had already taken all the chairs and emptied the buffet table.

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ALT-A? a BOFH should know it's CTRL-A, SHIFT DELETE.

basic BOFH 101, course 1, lesson 1, page 1.

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TRT
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A slight oversight giving away the fact he'd remapped the bosses keyboard using a special semi-Dvorak 135-key extended VT-102 layout he'd devised.

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Sure about that?

Given it's the BOFH I wouldn't be surprised that he'd remapped people's shortcut keys so Ctrl-F deletes all emails.

Ctrl-H, of course, electrifies something humourous.

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Re: Sure about that?

I did say "special" mapping... ;-)

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I sometimes wonder if the author works where I work, or have worked. Too many stories mirror reality too closely. Sadly, this reduces any enjoyment I may derive from the stories and instead threaten, at times, to give me flashbacks.

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Pint

Happy "Season"

No Egg - Have a Beer

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Anonymous Coward

BOFH works for the Civil Service too?

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MrT
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It's the unwritten part of GTD...

"OK. So: First ALT-A, then drag them all into the Deleted Items folder."

CTRL-A/CMD-A, Delete: any really important stuff will be sent again in a few days... loads of correspondence dealt with and plenty of time left for other stuff - *that's* Getting Things Done ;-)

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Re: It's the unwritten part of GTD...

Of course if the boss had asked the IT team to handle the responses in the first place any tech worth his salt would have taken that as an out-of-band special project (at double time) and spent at least three days of the four day bank holiday week developing and testing a horrendously complex mail filter / rule set to classify, sort, redirect and file the responses automatically. The net result of this "data cleansing" would, of course, reduce the incoming flow to effectively only two emails; those matching the filter "If (sender matches BOFH@company.com) or (sender matches PFY@company.com) move email to mailbox APPROVED, append file 'approved_by_CEO.txt', forward to PURCHASING@company.com"

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Vic
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Re: It's the unwritten part of GTD...

> any really important stuff will be sent again in a few days.

The Zambezei Principle :-

"And if a bill comes in

Just throw it in the bin

Because I'm sure to get some more another day"

:-)

Vic.

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Re: It's the unwritten part of GTD...

So what wikisalted page, has the details and theory of the Zambezei Principle?

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Vic
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Re: It's the unwritten part of GTD...

So what wikisalted page, has the details and theory of the Zambezei Principle?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5IFkU8zciA

Enjoy :-)

Vic.

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Laptop! Lucky bastards

Our BOFHs have us all on VMs.

I'd rather get a new laptop and not be consulted about it rather than be on a VM.

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Re: Laptop! Lucky bastards

Serves you right for not attending the consultative meetings in the back car-parking basement

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Re: Laptop! Lucky bastards

> Our BOFHs have us all on VMs.

Yeah, must be awful not having iTunes installed... ;-)

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Re: Laptop! Lucky bastards

VM as in you have an empty desk? I think Simon could really make something of upgrading the whole company to virtual (non-existent as opposed to the other kind) machines and cloud (perhaps by filling the building with smoke through the aircon). Man, this material just writes itself, doesn't it?

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Re: Laptop! Lucky bastards

Our BOFHs have us all on VMs.\

It's for your own good; besides, that's what the comittee decided. Of course, we'd be glad to reconsider. Just drop us a line in the suggestion box.

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Anonymous Coward

Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

Who do you know that could survive interviewing Simon for a job?

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Re: Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

I'm not certain that anybody would survive the experience, but I'd pay good money to watch Dominic against the BOFH in an interview...

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Mushroom

Re: Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

Thanks for a most intriguing suggestion. I'm still trying my damndest to sell a BOFH TV series - I've accumulated enough rejection letters now to wallpaper my office - but in spite of that I'm starting to plan the third series. In which the BOFH needs to find a new job.

Interviewed by Dominic... hmm, I can see where that's going to go. Yep, I really like that idea.

The icon's not a spoiler, because we know how it'll end up. But the journey will be entertaining, I can definitely promise that.

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Re: Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

I'm not certain that anybody would survive the experience, but I'd pay good money to watch Dominic against the BOFH in an interview...

Whilst it might be fun to watch the fur fly, there's the much more sinister possibility that they actually get along... Would it be worth the risk?

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This is not good

The BOFH, PFY and Boss all seam to be working together. This can only lead to bloodshed.

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Re: This is not good

Bloodshed?

For whom? The boss who is not getting in the BOFH's way, or the beancounter who turns down the boss' most excellent suggestion for new kit desperately needed for his support team?

You know, those 4k monitors and extra storage arrays for "speciality" content?

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Re: This is not good

Necessary bloodshed by a responsible anarchist, probably a civil servant

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"it's a dead end!", priceless!

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Quite literally.

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Security Breach

Ok, so who leaked our process documents?

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Joke

Re: Security Breach

@Admiral Grace Hopper

Snowden.

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Re: Security Breach

Possibly the only person I can think of who might stare down the BOFH

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Pint

The BOFH is evidently

as student of C. Northcote Parkinson

Excellent

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Nothing new to see here, move on please.

"Course you can! You put out a memo saying that you're heartened by the huge number of responses and that many very valid issues have been raised and will need further discussion. So much discussion that you're forming a small development discussion group which will meet each lunchtime until all the issues are sorted out, prioritised and project planned."

Methinks that is patently presently designated as the workings of Cabinets, Simon. A sad and traditionally bad and even quite mad collection of motley blunt tools failing admirably, in this posting modern technocratic age of rolling and roiling events news and deep packet intelligence injection analysis views, to not be discovered and uncovered as fine fetishist fools, and vice versa.

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Coffee/keyboard

Yup..

"Like Vista and Windows 8," the PFY says.

"OR, You could make the upgrade so appalling that when you gave their old crap back to them and they'd think THAT was an upgrade!" I say.

"Like Vista and Windows 8," the PFY repeats.

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Coffee/keyboard

Almost had a heart attack

Thought I was in on a bank holiday there.

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This is bad.

This boss appears to be worthy enough for Simon and the PFY to actually induct him into the Arts of Bastardry rather than do him in.

I feel sorry for literally everybody else. But most of all the lusers.

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Anonymous Coward

You feel sorry for the lusers?

Really?

I'll admit it's an interesting concept!

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Pirate

Never!

@ShadowDragon8685

Never feel sorry for the users!

Empathy leads to caring.

Caring leads to elevating.

Elevating leads to them being domineering.

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This boss appears to be worthy enough for Simon and the PFY to actually induct him into the Arts of Bastardry rather than do him in.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

They generally let a few secrets loose shortly before the offing -- gives them a little more motivation.

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A bit like the bomb that shouts, in the local language, when thrown "I'm a 30 second bomb! I'm a 30 second bomb! 29... 28... 27..." It lets you in on the act, but there's f* all you can do about the inevitable.

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You feel sorry for the lusers?

Really?

I'll admit it's an interesting concept!

Feeling sorry for the lusers is actually quite a common disorder. Don't worry though, we have a very effective treatment program for it called "working the helpdesk".

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Ah, yes

A great Starship Troopers reference

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I did do that the other day. The help desk was at half strength due to a cold bug and now I need to borrow the PFY's forest in Scotland. I do have my own shovel.

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Good one

Gives me a few ideas for a committee that's accomplishing nothing at an alarming rate actually.

Hrm....I don't have a fire escape or a parking garage. We do have a utility closet where a water pipe keeps springing leaks over a breaker box though....

If only.

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AWESOME!!

Way to go, Simon.

That is exactly the way to handle a "user input" situation. I see that sort of thing happening all the time, minus the darkened lower level parking garage located suggestion box.

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