kryptonaut for outstanding use of "judiciary".
A couple of weeks back, we reported on the shock case of the biroless Irish police station which posed a serious threat to public order in Limerick. Judge Eugene O'Kelly heard the case of one miscreant who rolled up at the Henry Street gardaí station "to sign on as a condition of his bail relating to a separate matter". He …
kryptonaut for outstanding use of "judiciary".
must contain a naughty word or phrase...they all fail
No, ideally a limerick should contain the *threat* of a rude word ...
There was a young bohemian monk
who went to sleep in a bunk
he dreamt that Venus
was stroking his elbow
and woke up all covered in perspiration
There was a young lady from Bude
who went for a swim in a lake
a man in a punt
stuck his pole in the water
and said "You can't swim here, it's private".
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
A lady was swimming quite nude
When her clothes by the wind were all strewed
Then a man came along
And unless I am wrong
You expected this line to be lewd
Over the misty mountains cold
in dungeons deep and caverns old
. we must away
. ere break of day
to seek our pale enchanted gold
Sorry, nothing to do with the story but I think the film would have had a different tone if the dwarfs' song on the trailers had been done in limerick form
either way, full marks to Bob Duncan.
It kind of reminded me of reading "The Cremation of Sam McGee"
Chris Hunt seems to be the only entrant who can count syllables and understands stress.
Nick Bunyan's entry also scans correctly, and is a Limerick to my ears.
Too many syllables in the first line. You have to run "said the" together to make it fit.
I admire Bob's effort for it's length, but bad rhymes (on/own), incorrect rhythm, using the same rhymes multiple times (fail/jail & bad/lad) and the lack of any really clever wordplay means there are far better entries here, in my opinion. I can't understand why it's getting so many votes.
There once was a guardi from Limerick
Whom the crims did complain of in the nik
As when signing papers
All he offered was tater's
when all they really needed was a bic
When forced to sign-in for his bail,
In Limerick nick's poxy gaol,
The penless parolee
Lost all self-control, he
Tried to 'punch-in' instead. Gardai Fail!
There was a Gard station in Eire
Whose attitude was churlish and quare
When miscreants came to sign
The form's dotted line
No signing implements were there to share.
Now the judge he got into a rage
When he saw the blank dots on the page
He ordered the coppers
To act right and proper
To supply the service they reneged
Afore the judge the very next day
Was a crim who got carried away
The form oh superior
Was shoved up the posterior
Of a cop who the judge had gainsayed.
Now the moral of this hullabaloo
Should be plain unto me and to you
Keep your hand on your bic
And maybe your p***k
When a cop shop you visit one day
Right it is a slow day here and I am working from office number 2 (bar). I will get my Sombrero and poncho.
From having lived in Limerick for a while, I can say that the one subject more taboo there than gang crime or the nickname "stab city" is five-line light verse.
("Angela's Ashes" is also gets an honourable non-mention.)
Gawd Limerick. The home of the fast food chain "Abra Kastabra".
Do not mention the K******s !!!
There was a very funny couple of vids on youtube years ago poking fun at the fine people of Limerick city.
El Reg sought submissions poetic,
results proving strongly emetic.
The results failed to please
and brought us to our knees,
as the rhymes were more chthonic than epic.
Der was an old woman from Limerick (Leeds)
who swallowed a packet of seeds
a turf of grass
grew out her ar*e
and she could not sh*te for weeks.
(well, nobody said it had to be original)
Well if you can have any limerick, I have to use my favourite, which I heard from Peter Jones:
There was a young man from Torbay,
Who sailed off to China one day.
He was lashed to the tiller,
By a sex-crazed gorilla.
And the far East's a very long way...
Oh well, if we're doing free-form limerick contributions, I have several in this vein:
A buxom young cannibal from Towcester
Was a great and inveterate bowcester
Her friends cried “Enough!
We are tired of such stough:
Let’s make up a fire, and we’ll rowcester”
I noted with evident glee
the limerick contest you see
but more joy was diffused
with each rule abused
why can't anyone use the right fucking meter?
There once was a poet sublime
Who had mastered rhythm and rhyme
But his limericks, they tend
To come to an end
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