My own secret underground base complete with monorail and personal ninja army.
Telecoms regulator Ofcom is drawing up its plans for 2014/15, and is looking for suggestions about how it might direct its considerable resources during the period. Last year, those resources ran up a bill a shade over a hundred million pounds, some of which comes from radio spectrum licensing and fines but most of it came …
The problem with a ninja outfit is that everyone knows you are a ninja. (I once had a girlfriend who claimed to be studying ninjutsu: the outfit is apparently from Japanese theatre.)
There's enough there for a tropical island, but, even with the internet, there are so many more options with a London flat.
Fools. You don't pay for the monorail or the underground base or anything other than the ninjas. They get the other things for you. It says so in their contract. There's a lesson there: Invest in people first! Take care of them and they'll bring you the world on whatever kind of platter you like.
Lock myself in a Bangkok brothel with 100 ladies of leisure and sh*g my way through the money.
If I survive the physical exhaustion then so be it, if I die it will be with a smile on my face and Rigor Mortice in my regions that will keep them happy for another few days.
Hell, those ladies will remember me for the rest of their lives they will want to retire.
You know what the biggest expense is with museum ships? Harbor space. Most places that have deep enough harbors to float a large ship ascribe a lot of value to that space for commercial shipping.
Finding outdated port areas that have been converted into safe public space is difficult to do. Find an affordable spot to park old ships and you can buy them for a song. Without that affordable space the harbor fees alone probably exceed any funds raised by admission. There are ships aplenty, but not much in the way of parking, unfortunately.
> Ofcom is ... looking for suggestions about how it might direct its considerable resources
Hmmm, £100 Mil.
Well, they've got all the policies they need to give us an excellent communications structure, they're just absolutely useless at implementing and enforcing them. So how about sacking all of its existing management and replacing them with effective individuals, instead?
I'm sure the redundancy payments (even at the civil service's vastly inflated, self-serving rates) wouldn't consume all the money. Even if it did, it would be money well spent.
With the remainder they could buy a dictionary, so they could look up the real meaning of the word "unlimiited".
"I'm sure the redundancy payments (even at the civil service's vastly inflated, self-serving rates) wouldn't consume all the money. Even if it did, it would be money well spent."
What redundancy payments? If you're sacking them because they are useless, that's not redundancy, that's sacking them for a perfectly understandable reason. If anything, those who are removed because they are useless should be handing back the pay they've had while being useless?
Big space (warehouse?), massive fully sprung ballroom grade floor, bars right along one wall, 15 metre ceiling for good sound, DJ booth at one end (ones who don't talk), side rooms for rap etc. and a good chippy outside.
Oh, and mini buses so people don't have to drive or pay for taxis.
But first I'd have it changed into £1 coins, delivered, and I'd run barefoot through it, romp naked in it, and then decide;- having engaged the sleaziest of beancounters (who else) to enable me to keep as much of it as I could away from the larcenous sticky-fingered bar stewards at HMRC...
Beer? - well it wouldn't be in short supply any more...
Tank full of sharks, fricken laser head mounts as standard
And a big fridge - any change to be stored as bullion
Buy back the 4G space for digital TV in the form of extra HD channels
Use rest to bribe government to introduce the death sentence for marketing people who insist TV channels have on screen logos.
Even bloody shITV does it now, and I already watch anything on C4 is SD rather than suffer the HD logo.
Ban powerline networking equipment, and engage roaming black ops hit squad to locate and remove it with extreme prejudice, then once they have done that send them round to the ISP's to have a word about the usage of the word unlimited, with even more prejudice. If time allows send them on a jolly to India to sort out the sales calls, but that could also be done with cruise missiles.
And while they are sorting out powerline interference, sort out other interference sources as well. TV signal round here has been going mental over the last few days, dropping and and wrecking the freeview reception. Someone is interfering, and I don't know how to find out who (might even be me!). Anyone know how I report this?
How about paying for a regulator who actually protects the radio spectrum and does its Market Surveillance job by removing non-EMC-compliant junk from the market-place before an un-suspecting public waste their hard earned money on it?! The current crop of self-serving civil servants that infest Riverside Towers are clearly not up to the job, so sack the lot of them, re-light the bonfire and start afresh with skilled engineers, technicians, and lawyers who are not frightened of the EU!
If I had 100 billion I would have Antarctica sawn off at the bottom and towed into the Pacific ocean. All the ice would melt and the seas would rise, wiping out Manhattan, coastal China and low-lying European states economically crippling the only powers that could take me on. I would then build my clone army and start kidnapping scientists to build my laser shield and shark mounted laser technology. While they're at it, some late Cretaceous land/sea animals wouldn't go amiss.
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