back to article Superstar cluster-Zuck as Facebook tries out celeb-only edition

Facebook is building an anti-social network which will ban ordinary people and only allow celebrities beyond its virtual velvet rope. Zuck's advertising empire is reportedly working on a "VIP app" that non-famous people - whom Elizabeth Hurley once famously described as "civilians" - will not be allowed to use. Sources told …

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  1. Richard Wharram

    "I just wanted to bask in your reflected glory! Reflected glory!!"

    1. LarsG
      Meh

      Define a celebrity?

      A footballer in the premier league?

      An author?

      Pop star?

      Big Brother contestant?

      Has been?

      1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        Definition of a celebrity

        Somebody who pays for a VIP Facebook account.

        And, after all, Facebook was founded by what's-his-name to make money out of attractive people. This is just one of the more direct approaches.

      2. EddieD

        Defining a celebrity

        Dunno about the definition, but I had to search who Melanie Sykes was.

        Then again, I'm a boring old fart who thinks that the cast of Blake's 7 are celebs, so I probably wouldn't notice if the celebs that Zuck thinks are celebs disappeared up their own arseholes.

        Which hopefully they will do sooner, rather than later.

        1. Matthew 25
          Pint

          Re: Defining a celebrity

          Mmm...Melanie Sykes!

          Beer for obvious reasons

          1. Elmer Phud Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Defining a celebrity

            Beer for obvious reasons

            Do you want a flake with that, love?

      3. Captain DaFt

        Define a celebrity?

        Well, I've heard rumors... rumors mind you, that in southern California there's a farm devoted to breeding B list celebrities to keep up with demand.

        Some of the more inbred culls are used to stock the Republican and Democratic parties.

        It's all just rumor, mind you...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If you can 'follow' but not 'troll' what will be the point of Facebook?

      1. bill 36

        What is the point of Facebook?

  2. Robert Ramsay

    Why stop there?

    Why not recreate Facebook in a version that is so exclusive, no-one can use it?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Why stop there?

      why not REPLACE Facebook with a version that no-one can use it?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why stop there?

        We could call it myspace!

  3. g e
    Holmes

    I'm sure it'll make a mint but only two words come to mind...

    Utterly vacuous

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Liz Hurley

    often to be seen shopping in Cirencester Waitrose. They deter the great unwashed by having queues so long that people with a job can't realistically pop in for a sandwich and a coffee during a lunch break.

    1. Piro

      Re: Liz Hurley

      Don't they have the self checkout machines there?

      Got them in Waitrose Marlborough..

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Liz Hurley

        I know this isn't the right thread but since when has that ever stopped a commentard...

        Waitrose do have self-service machines but they don't take cash. Which might be great for the reliability of the machine and saves a lot of time and effort filling/emptying them, but it means they get my card number and can track every single little purchase. (I know the merchant rules should prevent them retaining the card number but that doesn't stop them linking it to another unique id before deleting the actual card number.)

  5. Andy Johnson
    Alert

    Duh

    The point of celebs using twitter is that all their fans (mostly normal people) can see what they are up to. if the plan is to tempt celebs away from twitter into a private system that fans cant get access then I think Facebook has slightly mis-understood. If celebs want to go somewhere that nobody will see them, they could try myspace or google+

    1. CaptainHook

      Re: Duh

      The point of celebs using twitter is that all their fans (mostly normal people) can see what they are up to.

      *****

      It's not entirely clear but I don't think thats the point.

      It more like a 1 way filter, the celeb can make posts to FB which fans can follow and view but they can't friend the celeb directly. Then the celeb can keep track of what the fans are saying about their post without having to friend random people or join groups etc.

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: Duh

        the celeb can keep track of what the fans are saying about their post without having to friend random people

        They'll be saying "stuck-up cow, to busy to even have friends".

        Fans like it when their favourite sleb "friends" them, and apparently sends them personal comments. They seem blissfully unaware (as does Farcebook) that the slebs themselves are too busy stuffing white powder up their noses to go near a computer, and it's all done by an army of PR people.

        This new Farcebook service is just an extension of 'I'll have my people call your people".

  6. Harman Mogul

    Pronouns

    You were right first time, us is right and we is wrong.

    1. ratfox Silver badge

      Re: Pronouns

      Yeah, I didn't get what this was about. It's pretty clear that "between you and me" is correct, so why should it be "between they and we" rather than "between them and us"?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cumbrians...

    It would seem from the article that the inhabitants of Cumbria are all expert music critics. Who would have known?

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge

      Re: Cumbrians...

      And by extension Cumbria now extends at least to the south coast.

      From a quick poll around here, no-one knew who the guy was or had even heard of him. At least two people thought he was a book publisher...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Melanie Sykes

    Oh please bring back the Boddingtons adverts...

    "Do you want a flake in that, love?"

    "Ta!"

    1. M Gale

      Re: Melanie Sykes

      By 'eck! You smell gorgeous tonight, Petal!

      Classic.

      1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

        Re: Melanie Sykes

        Was it Boddies that also had the boyfriend cleaning the house by licking up the spillages?

        1. Dan 63
          Pint

          Re: Melanie Sykes

          No. That was a lager: Carlsberg or Carling - I forget which.

  9. Yet Another Commentard

    I know I am old now...

    "The legendary London rapper Wiley, known as the Godfather of Grime after inventing a genre of avant-garde electronic hip-hop, is one of Britain's most famous celebrity Twitterers."

    Famous where, exactly? Never heard of him. Does he play a tune you can whistle?

    ind you, I still don't see the point of Twitter so I don't use it. Doesn't look like I'm missing much.

    1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      You can't really whistle rap.

      Even Eminem's "Stan", the music bit is a sample from Dido. (Not the opera.)

      Wiley has given us "Wearing My Rolex" and "Heatwave". You may now remember hearing these works, but I don't recall that whistling is any option.

    2. Reue

      Re: I know I am old now...

      26 here and never heard of him either..

      1. Shrimpling

        Re: I know I am old now...

        He has had a number 1 single...

        Perhaps you should follow the pop charts if you want to keep up with the kids and know who all these pop stars they are talking about are.

        1. Reue

          Re: I know I am old now...

          IF being the key word.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I know I am old now...

      I think the words "legendary London rapper" gives it away. Londoners think that anything that happens in their overpriced, traffic-choked, crime-ridden and garbage strewn warren is of great interest to the rest of Britain.

      As a recovering Londoner, I know this isn't true. But I can understand why they think it. Admitting that other places are much nicer, en masse, might imperil the local religion - house prices.

  10. TheProf
    Unhappy

    A Warning, Please!

    Please El Reg, give a warning when a link in an article leads to the Daily Mail. This sort of thing leaves a trail you know.

    1. Steven Roper

      Re: A Warning, Please!

      Hey Professor.

      Before clicking on any link, hover the mouse pointer over it. Then look at the status bar right at the very bottom of your browser window. It'll tell you where the link goes. Make it a habit to do this every time you follow a link.

      (Of course the status bar text can be subverted by Javascript, but any site that's likely to do this isn't one I'm likely to allow Javascript for in any case.)

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: A Warning, Please!

        Good advice there Mr Roper, unfortunately the Windows 7 Taskbar has a tendency to pop up at the merest provocation ( Such-and-such wants updating, Autoplay when i only plugged my phone in to charge, etc) and obscures the bottom status bar of any application I'm actually using. If anyone can tell me how to prevent 'notifications' from causing the Taskbar to pop-up, I would be grateful!

        (To pre-empt one solution: Nothing against Linux, but it isn't suitable for me)

  11. h3

    So I think Assange and Snowden should be put on it then. (The media has made them into celebrities).

    And Anna Chapman.

    1. dorsetknob
      Coat

      """" And Anna Chapman ."""

      friends with benefits Eh!!

  12. Artaxerxes

    Good, fuck off to your own little world 'celebrities'

    1. Solmyr ibn Wali Barad

      "Hey, have you heard? Soviets flew into the space!"

      "What, all of them?"

  13. Amorous Cowherder
    Facepalm

    Hey I'm famous..sort of!

    Alright not in the conventional sense but I have 350 followers for my photography on Deviant Art, I'm more famous there than my brother-in-law or my Dad!

    What a right load of cack! At which point exactly does someone become "famous" then Zuck? Number of stalkers? Number Twatter(tm) followers? Don't tell me it's the number of FB likes, I know of plebs like me with way too much time and way too many likes!

  14. The Nameless Mist

    Whats the point if ..

    Lets face it, the only sort of people who will want to be on this zuckerlist are the sort of people that CRAVE attention from their whimpering public as a method of massaging their egos; whilst simultaneously demanding their right to "privacy"; yes the same people who tip off the papper-snappers when they step outside their front door to go to the local KFC days before releasing a diet book.

    The people who are real "stars" are either A) more likely to have a "manged" FB/T presence run by a 3rd party team who keep us plebs happy with the latest goings on OR B) actually do have a public page that they post too.

    So why are these people going to want to have a page on a separate system that only other stars are going to see? People at this level have agents to arrange their social lives, book holidays, arrange dinner invites or accept $10,000 invites for a PA.

  15. Mister_C

    Sits back and waits

    For the first hissy fit from some wannabe that gets refused a celeb account.

    "Don't you know who I am?"

    "Nope"

    Need a popcorn icon

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    boo hoo

    I'm sure Twitter are doubly mortified - once because it may take away some users/traffic from their site - and again because it reaffirms that Twitter is full of vacuous self-promoting wannabes and their weedling sycophants.

  17. TWB

    I am so glad I never signed up

    That is all.

  18. Lallabalalla
    Mushroom

    They're only celebs while some idiot pays them attention.

    They can all sod off to celebook and stay there forever for all I care.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't mind them having their own facebook realm, perhaps they can send all the adverts their way. they have more money to waste after all.

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Ads

      It'll make it easier to target ads and maybe charge a premium.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well...

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/08/15/facebook_keeps_company_with_misery_say_boffins/

    That is all.

  21. Saul Dobney

    It's about money, always about money

    Been waiting for this as a logical next step. I'm guessing is that the VIP areas are more like private fanclubs. The sort of place ordinary folk will need to pay to join, but with Facebook taking the subscription (probably on a share with the celebs). Publicity needs means celebs will still have some bits public, but then use the private space for exclusive or early release bits. So want to keep tabs on your idol? Pay for the privilege.

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