back to article Top Norks bone up on Hitler

Rotund nutjob communist dictator Kim Jong-un has been handing copies of Hitler's autobiography to his generals and ordering them to study it “in depth”, according to a North Korean dissident website. Although nominally banned in the ultra-hardline communist state, Mein Kampf is a firm favourite of the chubby megalomaniac - or …

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  1. Esskay
    Trollface

    Had some trouble parsing that sentence...

    "a mockery of media whose basic mission is objectivity, impartiality and neutrality and an intolerable insult to human conscience"

    Sounds like murdoch press. Except without the objectivity, impartiality and neutrality.

    1. Esskay
      Facepalm

      Re: Had some trouble parsing that sentence...

      ^Should say, "Except Murdoch press lacks the objectivity, etc". Can't wait till I can edit...

    2. ian 22
      Happy

      Re: Had some trouble parsing that sentence...

      Be afraid western running dog capitalist scum! We can produce more perjoratives per paragraph (with no snark!) than you.

  2. jerry 4

    KIRK: But why Nazi Germany? You studied history. You knew what the Nazis were.

    GILL: Most efficient state Earth ever knew.

    SPOCK: Quite true, Captain. That tiny country, beaten, bankrupt, defeated, rose in a few years to stand only one step away from global domination.

    KIRK: But it was brutal, perverted, had to be destroyed at a terrible cost. Why that example?

    SPOCK: Perhaps Gill felt that such a state, run benignly, could accomplish its efficiency without sadism.

    KIRK: Why, Gill? Why?

    GILL: Worked. At first it worked. Then Melakon began take over. Used the. Gave me the drug.

    KIRK: Gill. Gill. Gill, can you hear me? You've got to tell those people what happened! You're the only one who can prevent the slaughter! Gill!

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Holmes

      That urban legend about efficient Nazis...

      They were the most inefficient. Prussian bureaucracy run by ignoramuses and parvenus unbound by any rules and legalities with the typical internecine fights of state bureaucracy rendered tougher because THE PARTY MUST BE OBEYED. Fail harder you can't.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Big Brother

        In furtherance of which I recommend this little gem, written shortly before the war by an emigrated businessman (people where apparently betting on the generals putsching to get the mustachioed one his comeuppance).

        When saying 3rd Reich people are into SS this and that and Holocaust (which came quite a bit later) but what is a real eye-opener is the retardation, corruption and dumbass regimentation of the control economy. Like FDR's administration on steroids:

        The Vampire Economy: Guenter Reiman

        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

          I remember seeing an documentary a while back

          I rememer seeing an documentary a while back

          that made the point that in 1940 RAF fighter command was one of the most efficient, (self)disciplined organisations to have ever existed. The Luftwaffe on the other hand was a bunch of egomaniacal cowboys.

          Who's who in the current context is left as an exercise for the reader.

          1. Richard 81

            Re: I remember seeing an documentary a while back

            Running wartime research like a free-market didn't help either. Lots of competing research groups with no central committee for approving projects and allocating resources? Silly buggers.

            1. hayseed

              Re: I remember seeing an documentary a while back

              Not really like a free market, but a lot of political pull involved. Money thrown to people with more political connections than brains, starving the actual groups with brains of resources in some cases (hello, Heisenberg).

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: I remember seeing an documentary a while back

            "in 1940 RAF fighter command was one of the most efficient, (self)disciplined organisations to have ever existed. The Luftwaffe on the other hand was a bunch of egomaniacal cowboys."

            A bit of a simplification. But excuse none the less to break out the DVD of the 1969 film "Battle of Britain", crank up the surround sound, and sit back and enjoy one of the best war movies ever made.

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        3. Rikkeh

          Yep, funnily enough, if you confiscate all of the wealth from a significant chunk of your population and default on your debts (when no one's lending to you anyway), you'll suddenly find yourself flush with cash.

          And, if you drive an even larger chunk of your population out of work (they drove women out of work as well as people from races they didn't like) then your official unemployment figures will improve.

          Two one off ways of creating sudden windfalls that make you look like a genius, provided no one's actually paying attention, but which are actually extremely destructive in the long term (like the Romans, their economic policy was so inefficient that they would have faced economic ruin had they not tried to steal more stuff from their neighbours).

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Can't have been that inefficient if they conquered half of Europe in a year or two? Let's be fair, they knew what they were doing, I know it may seem trendy to suggest otherwise and you can post as many essays about it as you like but the results speak for themselves. They hammered us, for a start, and it took the combined might of the US,UK and Soviet Union to beat them in the end. I wouldn't call that 'inefficient'.

          1. Bumpy Cat
            Headmaster

            Novel tactics and surprise @murph

            Nazi Germany stomped over everyone because they used manoeuvre warfare (developed from British and Soviet ideas) properly. They also had speed, aggression and surprise on their side in launching their invasions, so they smashed through neighbouring countries to early tactical victories. They didn't have the resources or manpower to mount amphibious invasions or conquer all of European Russia, let alone Asian Russia. A lot of their invasions were supplied with the war spoils of the previous invasion - Skoda tanks from Czechoslovakia in the invasion of France, French tanks (especially the chassis for artillery) in the invasion of Russia, etc.

            Once the slog set in they were in trouble. The British Empire alone had more industrial capacity and manpower than Germany. Add the Soviet Union and the USA, and the Axis was doomed in the long run. German industry was actually rather inefficient too - eg, Germany had 239 different aircraft in service over the course of the war. If a Panther (arguably the best tank of the war) suffered mechanical breakdown or battle damage, it had to be shipped by rail back to Germany for repair, since they were handcrafted to a certain extent.

            1. graeme leggett Silver badge

              Re: Novel tactics and surprise @murph

              you didn't mention concentration of force. While the Panzer spearhead of 1940 was backed with motorized infantry, a large proportion of the German infantry was still reliant on horse or their own feet for mobility.

              1. Bumpy Cat

                Re: Novel tactics and surprise @murph

                Indeed - the armoured/motoized spearhead was a novel concept in 1939/40 and punched deep into the opposing forces lines, fracturing the resistance and allowing the footsloggers to mop up.

                By 1943/44 everyone had got it, though, thus the stunning failures of the German Army in 1944. At Falaise they tried their usual armoured attack, and the US/UK said "Haha, nope", sidestepped the attack, and attacked on the flanks, leading to the cheery sight of a quarter-million Germans trying to run away down one road. The Soviets, meanwhile, launched Operation Bagration which utterly demolished the German Army's eastern front, and this time it wasn't at the cost of a hundred thousand Russian lives.

            2. hayseed

              Re: Novel tactics and surprise @murph

              Oh yes - German tanks were marvelous weapons only when they worked..

            3. Saigua
              Paris Hilton

              Re: Novel tactics and surprise @murph

              That slog thing is a bit reflexive as a claim, Bumpy Cat, but if you said it became harder to amass 16-year-olds who agreed with prurient fascism; you know, keep whaling on that nail.

              If you want to do a Mein-Kampf based outcomes assessment, that would be a great deal apropos; might be a great marketing antiwiki for the more profoundly hypocritical spammers. Might work up as a way to cheer up peeps who grabbed the edge of a PTSD in the service (for the light oh...I wasn't going there. I guess I'm critically okay.)

              -goals; outperformance

              -Start with scarcity; glooorious scarcity, 20,000!!% (double exponential): Necessary condition for skunkworks CMM0

              -identify and apply mass-production to fixing natural problem(cough)s; sunrise to move later in day when not so hot: TBD, reverse proton and electron roles; success rapportage from outlying universe promising, human scum making trade/conquest difficult; tsunderetsuris domination complete (now moving to CMM1...)

          2. ian 22

            @murph

            Germany entered the war Europe's largest and most industrialized country (Russia was larger, but more backward). It had been preparing for war for years, often covertly and with the assistance of the USSR, while most of Europe was still recovering from the last war. When it attacked, it often had surprise on its side. How could they not have succeeded? Note how quickly Germany surrendered after D-day.

            Inefficiency? Devoting rail capacity to Göering and Hitler's looted treasure and transport to concentration camps? Designing and building unreliable and unmaintainable tanks and V weapons? Canceling new weapons projects because "the war will be won before they are ready"? Hitler changing military plans on a whim? Sacrificing whole armies to hold unsustainable positions? Is this efficient? Hardly.

            You might read "Double Cross" by Ben Macintyre. The Germans were awarding Iron Crosses to MI5 !

            The Allies were far more efficient, if war can be ever be efficient.

          3. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
            Holmes

            Yet another urban legend

            Can't have been that inefficient if they conquered half of Europe in a year or two? Let's be fair, they knew what they were doing

            No they weren't. Hitler was just a monomanical gambler who struck lucky. If the French had rolled in when he seized Rheinland, it would have been over. When the Anschluss occurred, Mussolini could have struck north and it would have been over. When Hitler turned on Poland, generals were not sure whether they would prevail or what Stalin would do even though there was a contractual agreement about ripping the corpse of Poland. The attack on France could have gone either way - military innovation and daring carried the day over fixed point defense. But then things stalled. Not enough resources to jump the Channel, stupid adventures in the Balkans, too late in the year to roll into Russia. And a wartime control economy brings in the resources only a limited time.

          4. hayseed

            They did steal resources from the people they conquered - little-known factoid I read once is that most tanks in the initial invasion of Russia were not German (Czechs and the French had their stuff taken).

        5. Camilla Smythe

          Thanks for link...

          I'll get this wrong coz I am just up to page 187 of what ultimately appears to be slightly repetitive.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          I guess we'll go to war now.

          Ooooo Boo Hoo.. We as the Industrialists, Bankers and Old Guard can't find anywhere to make a profit under the new regime.

          ETC

          Perhaps they should have tried Vegetative Easing.

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mein Kampf is many things...

    ...but Hitlers autobiography it is not.

    I've always thought everyone should read it. Preferably under qualified supervision It would immediately put right anyone under the illusion that he was some sort enlightened leader, and expose him for the utterly inconsistent, illogical, ill informed, incompetent, ranting and raving deranged and intellectualy challenged lunatic he was.

    1. Richard 81

      Re: Mein Kampf is many things...

      This is one of those things that I feel I should experience, but I really can't be bothered to spend any money or time on it when I fully expect to hate it.

      ...rather like finally trying a Hershey's bar.

      1. Graham Dawson Silver badge

        Re: Mein Kampf is many things...

        I tried a Hershey bar in the states. It was gritty, tasteless plastic rubbish.

        Tried one again recently because there's an American import thing down the road from me (that apparently Tesco feels the need to compete with). It wasn't half bad. Still felt a bit like plastic, but they'd done something to change the recipe so it doesn't taste like arse.

        I also had a twinkie a while back. I really don't understand why they were so popular.

        1. Saigua

          Hershey Bars. No pub atmosphere at all. Twinkies. YMMV.

          I hear the ones from the plant in Pennsylvania are better than OK owing condition, but it's not like there aren't lots of artisinal bars with 20-92% (tastes better than nibs by me) more than 4% cocoa solids. Gritty sounds like it's not a bar made of sugar and fat, and no flour that would make it shortbread, so...was this a thing of focus in the book?

          Twinkies are very durable cakes for when a patisserie seems 700-7000km away, and though I would make plans to change this and that (oh ruin, fiber, flavinoid and ALA3; towards a cell signalling narcotic snack food for today) I did like them.

          Wouldn't they do better to acquire and study Gone Girl? The words go together, I hear.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Mein Kampf is many things...

      "I've always thought everyone should read it."

      Well, I know what you mean but it is pretty unreadable. He basically rants incoherently through the whole thing, often contradicting himself on the same page, sometimes the same paragraph. I don't believe anyone could read it cover to cover unless they were already insane.

    3. David Given
      Meh

      Re: Mein Kampf is many things...

      I haven't read _Mein Kampf_, but I did find myself having much the same reaction to Ayn Rand's _Atlas Shrugged_, which I heartily recommend people read for educational value. (It's compellingly readable, which is bizarre given that it's a total trainwreck of a book.) Just don't believe it.

      Incidentally, did you know _Mein Kampf_ has a sequel? _Zweites Buch_. It was discovered in an air-raid shelter in 1945.

      English translations of both are on the intertubes; check out WIkipedia.

      1. ian 22

        Re: Mein Kampf is many things...

        Any Rand? Horrible writer, and from what I've learned, horrible person

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: Mein Kampf is many things...

          She was interesting enough that leftist webzines and zones of goodthink feel the urge to pump out a "weekly article of hate" about her views, which I can only imagine must be strenously followed and parsed by the proletarian acolytes.

          Even libertarian Murray Rothbard couldn't avoid a pastiche moment: Mozart was a Red:

          The living room of a modern luxury apartment on New York's upper East Side. The walls are a lush, tropical green. Sofa (c), several armchairs and sectional chairs (r) are all over-sized, so designed that no one can sit comfortably in them. Sitting back, no one under eight feet tall could place his feet on the floor. Therefore, for anyone in the room, there are only two alternatives: (a) to sit perched precariously on the edge of the sofa or chair, clinging to one of the arms for support, or (b) to curl up in it, feet pressed against thigh and upholstery.

          To CARSON SAND, owner of the apartment, this choice presents no problem. She is now curled up in one of the sectionals (lc), cigarette holder raised aloft. This is to symbolize mocking contempt of, and hostility toward, men, and therefore rationality and high romantic standards.

          CARSON is a little woman with straight hair seeping down one side of her face. Her figure can only be described as protoplasmic, amorphous; her age, too, is indeterminate, but is presumably in the fifties. She wears a shapeless suit with military shoulders, in the height of fashion (Moscow, 1925). Her eyes are beady and intent, and when she talks, she is invariably curled up, ready to strike.

          CARSON skyrocketed to fame as author on the basis of a novel, eagerly bought for its graphic rape scene. She believes its popularity demonstrates the mass devotion to her philosophical message.

          On the other hand, Ayn's righteous anger and attempts at finding an explanation about why the 20th century turned into the largest slaughterhouse moment seen in history are not to be dismissed.

    4. Nuke
      Holmes

      @Peter R.1 - Re: Mein Kampf is many things...

      Wrote "[reading Mein Kampf] would immediately put right anyone under the illusion that he was some sort enlightened leader, and expose him for the utterly inconsistent, illogical, ill informed, incompetent, ranting and raving deranged and intellectualy challenged lunatic"

      My mother collected many memoirs of mainstream British politicians. Having browsed through them, I came to the same conclusion there. Even the memoirs of Bertrand Russell, supposedly one of the greatest 20th century thinkers, left me seriously disillusioned.

  4. tkioz
    Facepalm

    I honestly don't get the big deal, I own a copy of it, it's something everyone with an interest in history and politics should read, alongside The Prince, 1984, A Brave New World, Farenheit 451, etc.

    Oh and if you want a good laugh consider this: All those Neo-Nazis who buy the book? The German state of Bavaria owns the rights to the book (until 2015, when it goes into the public domain) and all the royalties collected go to charity, including Jewish groups.

    1. Yag

      The last part almost makes me considering buying the book :)

      However, there's a question remaining on north korea's chubby leader : Does he read Mein Kampf before or after feasting on newborn babies?

  5. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    WTF?

    “Mentioning that Hitler managed to rebuild Germany in a short time following its defeat in World War One"

    LOLWHAT. No mention of Weimar Germany?

    Anyway, "The Iron Dream" (the pulp novel that Hitler would have written if he had emigrated to the US after WWI) is a far better read, also military and biker actions are pretty good, something that is sorely missing in "Mein Kampf".

    HELDER HEIL!

  6. Anomalous Cowshed

    Let's overlook our natural prejudices

    ...and be sensible about this: loonies must stick together, learn from each other and generally loonify, if I may coin such a term, which, if it were accepted, would mean something like "wallow in their looniness" and "feel good to be loony". Therefore, it seems entirely appropriate for one 21st century loony, the scion of a great dynasty of loonies, to be studying another loony from the 20th century, arguably the greatest loony of all time, and to encourage the minor loonies around him to follow suit. I see nothing wrong with this. Would you want the loony to use you or someone you admire as a role model instead?

    1. Graham Dawson Silver badge

      Re: Let's overlook our natural prejudices

      Yes, actually. If I was the role-model for these loonies they'd do a lot less dictating and a lot more lounging around in front of a computer. The world, I feel, would be a much better place.

  7. g e
    Facepalm

    "practical applications be drawn from it"

    Mostly then, 'you'll lose', I should imagine.

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

      Re: "practical applications be drawn from it"

      Not necessarily, I am afraid.

      The part where Hitler loses is not in Mein Kampf, that part is found in books on history, but I doubt any self-respecting loony dictator would allow mere historical facts to get in the way of a megalomaniacal plan. It is more likely he will be thinking (word used without prejudice) along the lines of "If only good old Adolf had waited till he had the bomb, like I have done".

  8. Idocrase
    Devil

    So, North Korea, one of three or four possible candidates for kicking off World War 3, is studying Hitler's writings for inspiration... Incompetent leading the incompetent springs to mind.

    Although...

    I can't help but wonder if the Nazi fighting machine of the 1940's were to be suddenly brought forward in time... No question Nato alone could probably take them apart in a couple weeks, and that would mainly involve reloading. However...

    Would 1940's Germany be able to take Modern Day North Korea in a stand up fight? Sure Norks have nukes, but the Nazis had jets that weren't just airfix models photoshopped into a dodgy background.

    Oh my fucking god monkeyballs, I want to see that movie now. Someone needs to kickstarter this fucker, 'Nazis vs Norks!'

    1. graeme leggett Silver badge

      German jet aircraft of the War - fast but flakey, the engines had a very short lifespan due to the shortage of key metals.

      British jet aircraft then - slower but more reliable.

    2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Big Brother

      "I accidentally the whole Nork"

      one of three or four possible candidates for kicking off World War 3

      Not the chance of an icecube in hell. More likely a possible candidate for being bought by China in a yard sale, (accidentally, natch)

      Meanwhile I can recommend Space Nazis in Iron Sky

  9. Miek
    Stop

    I'm not defending the little chap, but, why does every article about him have to repeatedly mock the man's weight?

    1. knarf

      He's fat while his people are starving, think that is the point of pointing out his supreme porkness

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Particular kind of porkiness

        He has the special look of the Boy Prince.

        It's not just overweight. It's the kind of overweight that starts from massive overindulgence at an early age, while the ordinary folk starve.

    2. Miek
      Coat

      Well, Obama is skinny and most of the USA is ....

    3. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Because of Gangnam Style.

    4. Don Jefe

      There's no underlying psychology behind mocking his weight. He is an ludicrously easy target for any kind of mockery, it's like watching a child. Normally it would just be hilarious but this child is running around with nuclear scissors which makes it a little less funny.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    " false information, a mockery of media...."

    He's as smart as a klapped out kubelwagen, but he does have a point.

  11. Omgwtfbbqtime
    Headmaster

    I'd be more worried

    If he was reading Machiavelli.

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