back to article Ex-Microsoft man plans brand of consumer marijuana 'fine cigars'

An ex-Microsoft executive plans to establish a chain of retail outlets serving premium marijuana across the US, both to get rich and - apparently - to undermine drugs traffickers. James Shively is reported to buying up medical marijuana dispensaries in the states of Washington and Colorado and boasted the business will produce …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    names

    "Service Pack"

    "Patch Tuesday"

    or for the blue smoke "Azure"?

  2. LarsG
    Meh

    Was he

    Involved in the development of,

    Win 8?

    Surface?

    Win 8 mobile?

    Sounds like he has had one smoke toooooooo many.

    Accounts for a lot it does.

  3. Miek
    Linux

    Re: Was he

    Absolute bollocks, he probably hasn't smoked enough

  4. Throatwobbler Mangrove
    Joke

    Re: names

    I woudn't bother putting too much thought into it, it's obviously vapourware.

  5. Don Jefe
    Happy

    Sharejoint

    Sharejoint...

    If it's loose leaf stuff for a bong or pipe it could be Sharejoint Server.

  6. hungee
    Meh

    I just racked my brains and couldn't think of any stand outs. My only suggestion is that where I live (antipodes) kids sometimes call a bong "a billy" so u could call a premium line of bongs "billy gates"..

    Even I think that is laaaame.

  7. Neoc

    BSOD

  8. teebie

    WSOD, whitey screen of death

  9. Martin 47

    Big blue smoke screen?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In a similar vein....

    Blue Screen Of Meth?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: In a similar vein....

    There would be quite a difference between pot and meth

  12. LinkOfHyrule
    Happy

    Re: In a similar vein....

    Woah dude I'm totally bluescreening on this dope dude!

  13. Marvin the Martian

    Re: In a similar vein....

    No, quality brands of speed and coke he will establish later. "Bolivian Highland stroll" for example.

  14. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Joke

    Te-he

    Obviously you will need at least one of these in order to use Windows 9.0. Otherwise the bizarre colour scheme will confuse the living daylights out of you.

    Next, MS approved stokies. They will phone home before the let you light one up. Won't someone think of the children!

  15. ChrisM
    Coat

    How about....

    Microsoft Who-gives-a-fuck-if-it-works.....

    Anyway, if we are assigning drugs to companies o wouldn't put Microsoft and weed together... I always saw it as more of a Gateway drug...

    Why yes, the one with the rotten fruit stains... How did you guess?

  16. Esskay
    Thumb Up

    some options

    Windows 4.20

    TIFKAM - The Imbibement Formerly Known As Marijuana (following the inevitable unwanted rebrand)

    Or they could go with the stereotypical pot-smoking freetard segment with WINDOWS ***CRACK*** (100% WORKING)

  17. ShelLuser
    Joke

    Don't be fooled!

    This is all an elaborated scheme to get you guys drugged up so that you will easily give in to Windows 8. Sales go up, upper brass gets pleased and this dope gets his job back ;)

  18. Elmer Phud Silver badge
    Boffin

    Re: Don't be fooled!

    Highly disappointed on not seeing an Eadon Pavlovian response.

    Here goes

    "Anything Open Smoke is far superior, the desktop is cleaner and makes for easier skinning.

    Even without usual skins the basic set-up of a hollowed-out carrot makes for a better user experience."

    But I'd argue against as OpenSmoke has products that are poorly hashed and over-seeded with a need to build up a list of reliable vendors of quality product. Prices do not necessarily mean quality and OEM can be hit or miss.

    As usual there are plenty of so-called 'experts' with home-grown systems but few have the nous or patience to produce a quality product. So much merchandise is rushed out before being properly tested and ready, it is a bit of a gamble. The Chinese produce container-loads of alternative products but many of those have a hidden payload.

  19. auburnman
    Trollface

    Re: Don't be fooled! (Eadon Pavlovian response)

    You forgot to put the last line in allcaps.

    ALLCAPS LAST LINE MEANS I MEAN BIDNESS

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Microsoft PowerJoint

    as above^

  21. Ole Juul Silver badge

    Redmond Gold

    Classic.

  22. skeptical i
    Pirate

    Diego Pelican will buy smaller mom-and-pop dispensaries,

    borg them into the mother ship to quash competition, fire the staff and hire some HB-1 visa holders to do the transition work for cheap, grab a bunch of patents for its new conquests, slap some corporate paint on 'em, and introduce them as the latest Pelican offerings to come standard as part of the package. They won't work as well as the original pre-Pelican versions, but since you can't get the original anymore there's no point bellyaching. Many customers shrug "oh well" and use the Pelican version, more discerning customers go (or rather, grow) open source and either DIY or support small scale developers. La plus ca change, la plus c'est la meme chose.

  23. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    Re: Diego Pelican will buy smaller mom-and-pop dispensaries,

    And so the Walmart-isation of THC begins.

  24. David Hicks
    FAIL

    Re: Diego Pelican will buy smaller mom-and-pop dispensaries,

    Good.

    I f*ckin hate the hippy arsebags that fight *against* legalisation because it will let the corporations take over. Maaaaaan.

    Sure, perpetuate the useless, expensive, senseless war on drugs because 'the man' is somehow keeping you down even when he legalises your favourite herb. Muppets.

  25. oolor
    Pirate

    I think I'm going open source on this one

    Open Source Bongware

    Once the grows get heisted, how much of a discount will it sell for on the open market?

    < El Pirata Mota del Capitán - even Sherlock puffs it

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This comes as no surprise

    I have it on unreliable authority that this product has been tested extensively by the Windows GUI team over the last three years.

  27. skeptical i
    Devil

    Whatever it's official name would be, most users will just call it schwag ...

    and the prohibitionists will still call it the gatesway drug.

  28. This post has been deleted by its author

  29. Chris G Silver badge
    Happy

    Whooaah dude, this is heavy!

    When you are concentrating on 'The Big Bong Theory,,, Smoke MindEx Classic! More Bong for your Buck!'

    Or; Chillum Green.

    The problem with legalising drugs is too many people who think they can handle it will go out driving while stoned and using a mobile phone or Ipad followed by wiping out bus queues or causing multiple pile ups.

    For you younger dudes; dope dealers originated the smiley badge in the sixties to indicate they were carrying.

  30. oolor
    Coat

    Re: Whooaah dude, this is heavy!

    >The problem with legalising drugs is too many people who think they can handle it will go out driving while stoned and using a mobile phone or Ipad followed by wiping out bus queues or causing multiple pile ups.

    As opposed to those driving while on opioid scripts? Pretty much everyone who drives around stoned already does. And if the report the Canadian Senate made way back is correct, it is unlikely to make a difference, that touchscreen device on the other hand is a big problem.

    <Now where did those keys go?

  31. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    Re: Whooaah dude, this is heavy!

    "For you younger dudes; dope dealers originated the smiley badge in the sixties to indicate they were carrying."

    Erm, no -- it's an advertising logo, but not for weed.

  32. Triggerfish

    Re: Whooaah dude, this is heavy!

    Erm no legalising drugs wont make that any different, you have laws against driving with perfectly legal alcohol don't you? Why not the same with weed.

  33. phuzz Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Re: Whooaah dude, this is heavy!

    There's laws against using a mobile phone when driving as well, and they don't seem too effective.

  34. Triggerfish

    Re: Whooaah dude, this is heavy!

    True and people drink drive, maybe we should ban booze and mobile phones.

  35. Muckminded

    Jackie Paper says hi

    Loves the reference.

  36. hplasm Silver badge
    Alert

    Win8 SP1

    Puff. Puff...Oh wow....look! It does make sense now!!

  37. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    Re: Win8 SP1

    "Puff. Puff...Oh wow....look! It does make sense now!!"

    Even though I'm running 8 SP1 --- it does make more sense after a couple.

    Even Hotmail -- ffs, aargh, Outlook can be deciphered.

    Maybe it's exactly that, the ability to think sideways.

  38. hplasm Silver badge
    Happy

    Re: Win8 SP1

    Maybe it's exactly that, the ability to think sideways.

    And scroll sideways!

    I think you may be on to something there...

  39. Yag

    "Light me up!"

    But this one might be contested by the Rolling Stoned.

  40. Suki
    Thumb Up

    this one..

    Chronic RT

  41. dorsetknob
    Trollface

    Patent and trademark this Brand

    "" IPOT""

    That will upset the competition and bring on the Lawsuits (as they say any publicity is Publicity)

  42. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    small fail with big 'I'

    You need the 'i' not 'I' .

    The only people you'd upset with a big 'I' are the numerous dodgy factories out East.

  43. Jedit
    Angel

    iPot

    Surely it would be iNdica?

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: iPot

    Definitely the better of the two "brands". At least one can participate and work after consuming Indica as to Sativa which brings one down too much. ;)

  45. Piro

    Good luck to him.

    Shame we're not ahead of the curve here.

    Because once his brand is established, if it has the right image, it will no doubt spring up immediately in any area that has recreational marijuana legalised, pushing anyone else out.

    No, never smoked it, no particular interest. But it definitely seems like a good business opportunity.

  46. Fink-Nottle
    IT Angle

    Upmarket premium marijuana ...

    .. the franchise should obviously be called 'Keys and Values' .

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    MS product names

    Will these fine products come with an up market black-and-tan leather Zune tube accessory?

    Find a supplier near you with the bong search engine.

  48. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    Paper Clip returns

    "You seem to be having problems skinning up, click here for help"

    Help file returns articles on roach-clips as it will never recognise U.K. English.

  49. hplasm Silver badge
    Happy

    Re: Paper Clip returns

    Just Bing for Bong!

  50. Arachnoid
    Holmes

    So id he going to follow in Al Capones footsteps, where Al got the law changed to produce alcohol free booze then when it arrived at his speakeasys his men dosed it with medical alcohol for sale to his clients.

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