back to article My god, what's that STENCH belching from your iPhone?

A new prototype iPhone peripheral pumps out smells based on user interaction, allowing devs to add an aromatic dimension to games and messaging as long as users keep their reservoir stocked. ChatPerf slips onto the bottom of an iPhone and comes with an SDK allowing anyone to scent-enable their application. Some variation in …

COMMENTS

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  1. Thorne
    FAIL

    I can see the future...

    Fart apps will now do more than make silly noises...

    1. Khaptain Silver badge
      Gimp

      Re: I can see the future...

      All it needs now is a little tube that spits out some brown liquid into the users face and so they can realise what having a shit day really means.

      Lets call it the "iExperience", complete immersion into your environment.

      1. LaeMing Silver badge
        Go

        Re: I can see the future...

        Just a tube to leave skid marks in your iThong. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/05/10/japanese_phone_pants/

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I can see the future...

      I don't need a fart app to make a rip roaring sound or smell... I can even change the tone of the sound and the smell, garlicky, chinese takeaway or my favourite, beefy after a Sunday lunch.

      This thing is pointless and I doubt they will become millionaires with it, actually second thoughts there may be enough idiots in the world that will buy it.

    3. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: I can see the future...

      Hmm. "Custom mingtones" anyone?

    4. Wize

      Re: I can see the future...

      I remember one drunken conversation down the pub to do with smells being transmitted down the phone. The majority of smells would be someone farting down the phone. So why not just detect the sound of a fart and slide the lid off a box containing a turd. Would make a cheap solution to the problem.

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: I can see the future...

        > slide the lid off a box containing a turd.

        Doesn't fit their "razor blade business model", which relies on people having to pay for refills, though.

        1. auburnman

          Re: I can see the future...

          I dunno - the hypothetical people who would buy this thing and the refills for it, if they exist, strike me as the type who could be convinced to buy a new turd to refill their box.

        2. Thomas 4

          Re: I can see the future...

          Easily solved. When people talk about proprietary shit for their phones, they could literally mean it in this case.

          iShit.

  2. Big-nosed Pengie

    Isn't progress wonderful!

    Isn't it.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chaos

    This is going to cause chaos on public transport. Want to divert a plane? Cue the gun smoke smell. Etc, etc, etc.

    1. Steven Roper
      Devil

      Re: Chaos

      My first thought as well.

      The first time some wanker stinks out my train carriage with one of these things, they're going to be eating it.

  4. Geoff Campbell
    Paris Hilton

    As with all new technologies...

    ...I foresee the main initial usage being for porn.

    GJC

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: As with all new technologies...

      Hmm, smells like Linden tree blossom ...

    2. IronSteve

      Re: As with all new technologies...

      This time (and this time only!) I hope porn doesn't use this

  5. Captain DaFt

    At last, a new excuse!

    "Honest honey, it wasn't me, the iPhone did it!"

  6. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Oh dear..

    Pointless tech that will fail.

    Just like 3D TV.

    1. VinceH Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Oh dear..

      "Pointless tech that will fail.

      Just like 3D TV."

      IMO - and, I assume, yours - 3D TV is a great big pile of steaming elephant output.

      However, I don't think it's fair to say that it has (or will) fail. If anything, I think it's quite (annoyingly) successful. A lot of people I know now have 3D TVs and rave about them, and most of those who don't seem to be thinking of a 3D TV when they replace their current set - and even those that aren't may end up with one anyway. All of which makes 3D TV sound rather successful.

      This silly device, however? EPIC FAIL!

      1. Tom 38 Silver badge

        Re: Oh dear..

        I plan to get a 3D TV when I replace my current TV, if 3D is still around in 2020.

    2. Gav
      FAIL

      This is not printer ink

      This will fail simply because it relies on constant refills to work.

      If phone users couldn't be bothered to be constantly switching batteries for their phones to work (early battery powered phones without recharge were of very limited use), why will they be bothered to keep constantly purchasing, storing, refilling and switching smells?

      I predict a few curious adopters, single use until the smells run dry, and then left in the cupboard with the other "was fun for a while" junk.

  7. Kevin Johnston

    Ah the golden age of gaming returns

    There are so many things you could say about a digital equivalent of scratch'n'sniff but I will contain myself with....never forget the high standards of 'Leisure Suit Larry'

    1. Crisp Silver badge

      Leather Goddesses of Phobos

      Another game title that came with a scratch and sniff card :)

    2. Tachikoma

      Re: Ah the golden age of gaming returns

      I remember taking the nipper to see a film, I think it was "Spy Kids 3D" or something like that, and they handed out scratch and sniff cards to be used during the film. While it added nothing to the movie, it was fun seeing everyone in the audience suddenly jump and frantically scratch & sniff their cards when the on-screen prompts appeared.

  8. Tchou
    WTF?

    How in hell...

    ... did they found willing investors for that?

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: How in hell...

      Japan... 'nuff daid.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hey....

    ..Tomorrows World, you were right, Smelly vision is here....Now where is my atomic powered flying car!

  10. Nathan 13

    Is it April 1st?

    Surely this is not serious LOL

  11. 20legend
    WTF?

    "You smell that? Do you smell that? Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning"

    Other commuters around you on the bus/train/plane may not be so enthusiastic about smelling what you're watching.......

    1. Sorry, "Sorry that handle is already taken" is already taken.

      Rather that than the pig farm in Snatch. :-/

  12. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Synergies

    Wait till they get together with Kimberly Clark

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/05/10/kimberly_clark_tweetpee_nappy/

    "Was that you, dear?" "No, must be the baby alarm again"

  13. John Tserkezis

    This gives a whole new meaning to "Pull my finger"

    And you don't even have to be near it when it deploys!

  14. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Pint

    "Make this your ring-stench!"

    When my boss calls me, it would clear the room...

  15. Cliff

    It's a shame all smells can't be synthesised from a few elementals, but as molecule 'handedness' affects whether you smell mint or lemon, the software control on this will be limited to on/off, or selecting one of several premixes.

    And as I recall from scratch'n'sniff, there are only half a dozen or so reliable and stable long-term scent compounds meaning all the games would need to involve cut grass, synthetic roses, chocolate, etc

  16. Big_Boomer
    Mushroom

    Tube Station cleared after Hackers release nasty smells

    Westminster Tube Station was cleared today after hackers broke into thousands of peoples iPhones and caused their ChatPerf to emit the cloying stench of failure.

  17. Soruk
    FAIL

    Most people I know

    would turn their nose up at this.

  18. Stevie Silver badge

    Egad!

    This is right out of one of those John Brunner Consumer Reports from the 1960s.

    He has dibs on the term "perfumolator", and I think Harry Harrison has the prior art on "Smellovision".

  19. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    the problem with refills

    Is that I don't think my significant other would like to do it just long enough to refill the reservour... and then stop.

  20. Dan 4

    DURIANS

    There is only one smell cartridge anyone is ever going to need with this and that is DURIANS, its better or worse than anything else.

    Related to that, a previous employer I had once approved "Durian Day" as an event, signed off on by a manager who didn't know what it was.

    1. Cliff

      Re: DURIANS

      The devils own fruit. They're banned from the Singapore MRT for a reason, you know ;)

      1. Michael Dunn
        Joke

        Re: DURIANS

        In Thailand the name starts with a "t", which makes for a great wordplay on the name of that Armenian composer!

        Actually, I love turian, and I have just reminded myself that May is the season.

  21. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge

    Why?

    I still don't know why I would want this. Gross. (Note I know it doesn't HAVE to make burning rubber or fart smell, but most artificial scents are pretty bad, and I wouldn't want them squirting out of my phone.) Plus it looks easy to break off.

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