back to article Intel's new TV box to point creepy spy camera at YOUR FACE

Intel has confirmed it will be selling a set-top box direct to the public later this year, along with a streaming TV service designed to watch you while you're watching it. The device will come from Intel Media, a new group populated with staff nicked from Netflix/Apple/Google and so forth. Subscribers will get live and catch- …

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  1. wolfetone Silver badge
    FAIL

    This reminds me of a quote from Quadrophenia when they're in the bath:

    "Why don't you just f**k off?"

    That's exactly what I'd be saying to Intel if they dared put any bloody camera in their set top boxes.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      they won't force you, nosir

      they will give a consumer A CHOICE: shutter up, or no picture other than the 24/7 ad channel :)

      1. vic 4

        Re: A choice ...

        Another choice, don't buy it.

        1. P. Lee Silver badge

          Re: A choice ...

          Except that the STB will belong to the cable co, not you.

          Intel missed a trick though. They should have framed it as facial recognition to automatically filter content based on rating. So a parent gets kid to sit in front of box and snaps a picture, enters birth-date and all content rated above child's age is filtered if the child is in the room.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Kinect all over again...

      Consumers weren't afraid to buy that...

      Microsoft's patent on using Kinect to charge for the number of users watching a movie.

      http://www.digitaltrends.com/gaming/microsoft-patents-kinect-anti-piracy-capabilities/

      Microsoft's plans on using Kinect to look for logos on shirts etc, so they can serve up up even more adverts in the Xbox dashboard.

      http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/ingame/kinect-lets-you-interact-ads-may-spy-your-mood-828447

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Eric Huggers

    Eric bloody Huggers. He seems to lurch from one badly thought out tech nightmare to another.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    TV on demand...

    That sounds like a great idea. Now all you need is content. Lets see whether Intel can actually get a decent amount of it, and manage to deliver it on the World Wide Web, rather than just a little local bit like Hulu does.

  4. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Watching us watching you watching us watching you

    I just wish this was a bloody "Game for a Laugh".

    PC marketting, ultrabooks, hooky device drivers, it just seems that generically Intel doesn't have a clue these days. Where and when did it all go wrong?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Imagine

    What the camers will see in the eyes of customers when they stream porn !

    All wide eyed, of course and much more.

    And then imagine what more they will stream to enhance the user experience and tailormake the streams.

    Wow, cant wait for the day. Whats not to like?

    1. Petalium

      Re: Imagine

      Or rather, when intel starts streaming what you are doing in the sofa.... Amateur porn for the masses, by the masses.

      In the western world, the TV watches you.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Targeted ads

        We've noticed you're trying stronger and stronger porn in a vain attempt to get hard. Would you like to buy ch£4p3r \/i@gra?

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Imagine

      What the camers will see in the eyes of customers when they stream porn !

      As long as they sit close enough the picture will blur soon enough..

    4. Someone Else Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Imagine

      "Since you're watching Vixens from Space perhaps you'd be interested in this, from our sponsor Astroglide..."

  6. Longrod_von_Hugendong
    FAIL

    Camera watching me, watching them...

    DO. NOT. WANT.

    Shutter for the camera - like i believe thats not see though.

    1. Code Monkey

      Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

      It's a problem I'd rather not have but if it comes to it I'll gaffer tape over the shutter. Creepy bastards can fuck off.

      1. Andrew Newstead

        Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

        Blob of Blu-Tak should do the job well.

        1. Dave 126 Silver badge

          Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

          Exactly- tape or Blu-tac would take less time to apply to the camera than it does to moan about it here. The chances are, in this house, that all it would see is a cat anyway - starts streaming Heathcliffe and Rastamouse.

          No big deal.

          1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

            Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

            I think I will rather open up the box and take a look. There is every chance there is a mic to go with that camera, so I rather make sure I only have *incoming* traffic..

          2. mad_dr
            Joke

            Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

            Next idea for Intel: dummy camera (with free Blu Tack) in the top of the bezel, in the centre. Real camera surreptitiously hidden elsewhere - perhaps in the centre of the 'e' of Intel.

            There you go - you can have that one for free...

      2. Gritzwally Philbin

        Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

        How about a teeny round mirror right in front of the camera lens so they can watch themselves - or better yet, make the initial setup and ID using photos of someone out of a National Geographic, or a tabloid pic of a celebrity!

        Oh, if the thing updates across a cloud, you *could' use someone else's face and possibly end up with their suggestions, no? Endless ways to fuck with it..

        1. tony2heads
          Thumb Up

          mirror

          I like the mirror concept. You could put any picture of somebody you want to defame in front and then watch 'disreputable' channels.

      3. FunkyEric
        Facepalm

        Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

        Errrrrrrm hands up how many of use have already put a camera in our living room courtesy of their PS3 move or XBox Kinect?

        So we have innocently put a camera on an internet connected device in our house. doh!

      4. fajensen Silver badge

        Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

        Probably the designers thought of that: If the camera is not seing the right things, only Cartoon Network will be available - For The Sake of The Children!!

      5. Fenton

        Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

        I can just see it. Hot summers day so you sit down in just your shorts. It recognises a certain amount of flesh, then replys. Hello Sir I know what you want to watch..........

      6. Oninoshiko
        Facepalm

        Re: gaffer tape over the shutter.

        The fine article said there is a shutter.

        More importantly, you still have Winston Smith's problem... how do you block the audio?

        I see lots of 1984 references, with these kind of articles, but noone even sees the problems the book saw. How many people actually read it?

  7. Spiracle

    Headcount?

    Was it Intel that took out the "I'm not going to stream this movie until there are a few less people in the room" patent the other week?

    1. MooseWizard

      Re: Headcount?

      It was actually Microsoft.

    2. SteveK

      Re: Headcount?

      Not sure if this is the one you're thinking of?

      http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/11/07/microsoft_drm_spy_patent/

      MS have a patent on facial recognition stuff with set top [x]boxes identifying who is watching a film so as to charge based on number of viewers etc. Seems a very similar patent to the one that Intel apparently have?

      1. Wize

        Re: Headcount?

        Instead of just tape, stick a photo over the lens. Headcount my static metal ass.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Headcount?

          Given how often the facial recognition technology in e.g. Picasa asks me to create a new person when it's spotted a particular configuration of tree branches or light switches or 3-pin socket or shadow on the wall...

          Mind you, it wouldn't be too bad for Dr Who, as we all hide behind the sofa when that's on anyway.

  8. JamesC
    Mushroom

    1984

    Get ready for your daily Physical Jerks, soon to be monitored by your Intel TV!

    1. frank ly Silver badge

      Re: 1984

      Stop slouching over your keyboard JamesC! Sit up straight and at least try to look interested.

  9. Peter Simpson 1
    Happy

    Tape

    Nothing that can't be fixed with a piece of black electrical tape.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tape

      Or closing the afformentioned shutter

      1. Wize

        Re: Tape

        Depends if the shutter is mechanical controlled by a lever alone or can be moved by a software controlled output. And how well it covers the lens.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Tape

          99.7% of the respondents declared: "if the shutter doesn't come with a remote, I can't be bothered to go up and flick it down"

          :)

        2. fajensen Silver badge

          Re: Tape

          It will of course be controlled mechanically while being UV- or IR-transparent and there will be a sensor reporting the status back to Big Brother Central: Everybody knows that the "good stuff" will be happening when the camera is "closed"!!

    2. Christian Berger Silver badge

      Re: Tape

      OK, then the system probably will refuse to work. Previous systems have done that.

    3. Nanners
      Devil

      Re: Tape

      Sorry, but if you cover the eye, it will just give you an error message, until you uncover again that is. It's all in the EULA.

      1. marturion

        Re: Tape

        Where in the EULA?

        WHere's the EULA?

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Tape

          EULA is the cry of the Martian invaders as they finally conquer humanity and drain their very lifeblood to feed themselves.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Tape

            drain their very lifeblood to feed themselves

            Are Martians by any chance mosquito-shaped?

            1. TRT Silver badge

              Re: Tape

              Three-legged mosquitoes, yeah.

            2. generalkimber
              Meh

              Re: Tape

              Nope...Democrat-shaped...

        2. Nanners
          Angel

          Re: Tape

          "WHere's the EULA?" ... oooooohhhhh there will be, there will be.

      2. P. Lee Silver badge

        Re: Tape

        What was that a sci-fi fim where all the walls were TV screens and the adverts paused and a shrill note was sounded if you didn't look at them?

        1. Wize

          Re: Tape

          That was one of Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror shorts. If you tried to look away, it moved to the wall you were looking at and if you closed your eyes it ordered you to open them, with the shrill noise playing.

    4. Amorous Cowherder
      Big Brother

      Re: Tape

      "You seem to have a not unfailure with your telescreen. An service engineer will be immediately dispatched to non unrecitify it!"

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tape

      Or better still, my set top boxes (PVR etc.) are not on the set-top - they are in a cupboard. As much kit as possible is hidden in the living room.

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