back to article Google denies smacking Botswanan ass

Google has strenuously denied that it is responsible for the death of a Botswanan donkey after concerned netizens discovered the poor animal, which appeared to have been floored by a Street View vehicle. Botswana got the Orwellian black Opel treatment last year, and images of the country grabbed by Mountain View went live at …

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  1. Roger Kynaston
    Paris Hilton

    But it still has a tail

    so Christopher Robin won't be able to nail it back on.

    Paris because I avoided crude jokes about donkeys

  2. Steady Eddy

    I pity the mule

  3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Joke

    Just taking a dust bath to remove ticks

    Did the presence of the google operatives give the creature the impression of being infested with bloodsucking parasites?

    Intelligent creature, in that case

  4. Michael Habel Silver badge
    Devil

    Damn you Google have you absolutely no respect for that poor Donkeys privacy?

    Do the right thing and blur out that poor creatures Face.

  5. Martin Budden
    Headmaster

    Alternatively, Google could blur out the entire ass, or just the ass' arse.

    Do you see, Americans? Do you see the difference? Ass ≠ arse.

  6. andreas koch

    Newsflash:

    'Google gets Botswanan transport back onto it's feet!'

  7. wowfood
    Joke

    Re: Newsflash:

    What people don't realize is that donkey actually works for google.

    They hire some right asses.

  8. The last doughnut
    Mushroom

    Barbequeue time

    Cost of steak in Botswanan restaurants to soar?

  9. Psyx
    Stop

    Re: Barbequeue time

    "Cost of steak in Botswanan restaurants to soar?"

    I seriously doubt it. Have a look at where your beef and corned beef comes from sometime.

    Botswana = diamonds, cattle, tourism.

  10. mike 32
    Thumb Up

    Re: Barbequeue time

    Even better is that the local population tend to favour the tougher meat, often used in stewing, etc, making actual steak super cheap. We had rump and fillet daily for the two weeks we travelled around Bots and Zimbabwe.

  11. wowfood

    Re: Barbequeue time

    Apparently 29% of our beef comes from horse. At least in tesco burgers.

  12. Def Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Re: Barbequeue time

    "Apparently 29% of our beef comes from horse. At least in tesco burgers."

    While it's one thing to sell horse meat under the guise of beef, horse meat on its own is actually quite tasty.

  13. The last doughnut

    Re: Barbequeue time

    But sometimes it can give you the trots

  14. Martin Budden
    Pint

    Re: Barbequeue time

    I've eaten African donkey tripe curry. Mind you, that was in Kenya not Botswana.

    p.s. It was very tasty indeed, and not too chewy. Icon indicates accompanying beverage.

  15. TRT Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Eee-orrr, eee-orrr,

    eee-orrrt to have been more careful!

    *Quickly deletes rest of donkey porn*

  16. Phil E Succour
    Joke

    It looks like the face recognition technology...

    ...doesn't extend to donkeys' faces. I wonder if other animals will have their privacy invaded in this way as the black opels continue their journey around Africa?

  17. GitMeMyShootinIrons
    Joke

    The Google-driver thought he saw a tunnel.....

    .... but it turned out to be an ass hole....

    (Couldn't decide whether to use the Joke or Fail icon)

  18. Darryl
    Happy

    Re: The Google-driver thought he saw a tunnel.....

    I woulda went with Fail

  19. Fatman

    Re: .... but it turned out to be an ass hole....

    You sir, just made the lunch crowd here at WROK PALCE burst out in hysterical laughter.

    As we looked at one another, the same thought came to mind, an apt description of one of our manglers.

  20. Horridbloke
    Holmes

    Trying to be a bit clever...

    ... The official explanation is that the donkey was lying in the road and got up to move out of the way when the googledrone approached. A quick google image search leads me to believe people drive on the left in Botswana, lending credence to this explanation - can anyone confirm / refute?

  21. Psyx
    Thumb Up

    Re: Trying to be a bit clever...

    Confirm.

    It's a proper country.

    I fondly remember when they installed the first set of traffic lights, and people used to take deck-chairs down down there to watch the accidents.

  22. Martyn 1

    Re: Trying to be a bit clever...

    Yep, if you go to StreetView and back up a bit there's a Landy driving the other direction, on the left.

  23. Pierre Castille
    Boffin

    Re: Trying to be a bit clever...

    You are correct. Much of Southern Africa drives on the left.

    Interestingly, animals have right of way on roads in Botswana and people are really careful to avoid driving into them as recompense has to be paid to the owner.

    On a recent trip through Botswana we counted 20 dead cows on the roadside. Not victims of traffic accidents but starvation. One's wealth is measured by the number of cows one owns and of course Botswana (or much of it) is in the Kalahari desert. Increased wealth leads to more cows and less food to go around. Even the elephants have a hard time surviving in the desert.

  24. What of IT?
    FAIL

    OMG!

    Have you seen where that is on the map, there is nothing around for miles and miles and miles.... and its not even a road!

    What a waste of time and money, surely the money Google are wasting on driving around Africa should be spent on HIV, Aids, Malaria, starving children, and other far more deserving things!

    I mean, who wants to look at 1500miles of scrubland and dirt roads? Its not like every home in Botswana will have internet access, never mind running water, electricity blah blah.

    TOTAL EFFING GOOGLE FAIL!

  25. Psyx
    Mushroom

    Re: OMG!

    "surely the money Google are wasting on driving around Africa should be spent on HIV, Aids, Malaria, starving children, and other far more deserving things!"

    I think you'll find that Google are a business, and not in the habit of solving world hunger and disease.

    #thatsnothowcapitalismworks

  26. What of IT?

    Re: OMG!

    In addition to my previous comment I'm sure it is a wonderful place to go, not all scrubland as its a nature reserve. But if I wanted to see it i'd deffo check it out on David Attenborough's Africa in HD!!

  27. Psyx

    Re: OMG!

    The bits that aren't Bush are swamp and desert.

    But it beats the crap out of it all being fields and urban sprawl.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Re: OMG!

    OMG!

    Have you seen where that comment is on the internet, there are no posters around for miles and miles!

    What a waste of time and money, surely the money What of IT? is wasting on paying for a computer and internet access that should be spent on HIV, Aids, Malaria, starving children, and other far more deserving things!

    I mean, who wants to look at posts by sanctimonious hypocrites?

    TOTAL EFFING WHAT OF IT? FAIL!

  29. peter_dtm
    FAIL

    Re: OMG! What of IT? Posted Tuesday 15th January 2013 17:14 GMT

    what a prize pretentious pernicious prat

    I sincerely trust you will lead by example and immediately donate all your earnings that supply you with anything more than the bare minimums of life (just enough food; just enough shelter) to all the wonderful charities dedicated to paying their CEOs stupid money and having class buildings in the 'right' towns while a pittance of their income goes to corrupt NGOs ti do a modicum of bad; that you in your arrogance presume to be paternalistically 'good' for the poor down trodden natives of the 3rd world.

    Of course; if you meant that as a sarcastic parody of a champaign socialist's angst ridden faux guilt and public breast beating display of in-sincere 'look at me; aren't I a caring sharing greedy back stabbing selfish prat' then you forgot the /sarc and /end sarc flags

  30. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Re: OMG!

    Why do you want to spend money on HIV, Aids, Malaria and starving children?

    The world is already bad enough. And now we have drones, too.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Childcatcher

    Re: OMG!

    "surely the money Google are wasting on driving around Africa should be spent on HIV, Aids, Malaria, starving children"

    Yes - because the last thing you would want in order to get aid to starving children is a workable map.

  32. Katie Saucey
    Facepalm

    Re: OMG!

    Google.org (the charitable arm of Google) has a program called "Inform and Empower to Improve Public Services" which stated goal is to "empower citizens and communities, providers, and policymakers to improve the delivery of essential public services (such as education, health, water and sanitation) in the developing world." I wouldn't call this a habit of solving world hunger etc, but it's something.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What has the world come to ...

    ... when a Google spokesperson finds themselves in a situation in which they need to say – with a straight face, presumably – "Our Street View teams take the safety of people and donkeys very seriously."

  34. Steven Roper
    Go

    Re: What has the world come to ...

    You should know that it's a simple preprogrammed stock response common to all businesses. The code, hardwired into every PR droid's brain, looks something like this:

    public function invokeDamageControl($department_name, $customer_group_name)

    {

    if ($this->publicRelationsDisaster() == true)

    {

    echo ("Our ".$department_name." take the safety of ".$customer_group_name." very seriously.\r\n");

    }

    }

    Along with similar functions for "We apologise for the inconvenience", "Remedial action has been taken to prevent a recurrence", and other standard PR bumf...

  35. Magani
    Coat

    If the Googlewagon's driver...

    ... deliberately tried to run over Eeyore, then would he be an assassin?

    Mine's the one with Hunny in the pocket.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: If the Googlewagon's driver...

    Actually, wouldn't that be assassassin..?

  37. johnwerneken

    I pity anyone who has to or choses to take netroots opinion seriously. But at least Bambi serves no value alive and might well be tasty dead, whereas the reverse is the case with donkeys.

  38. Mephistro Silver badge
    Happy

    @ johnwerneken

    "But at least Bambi serves no value alive and might well be tasty dead, whereas the reverse is the case with donkeys."

    Donkeys might be tasty alive? Sir, you are a monster!!!

  39. southpacificpom
    Devil

    Apple is to blame

    That donkey died trying to find the nearest watering hole using Apple Maps.

  40. Gannon (J.) Dick

    Ouch

    "As traumatised long-term readers will recall, back in 2009, it was caught in the act of mowing down Bambi."

    I've seen what Bambi can do to a car, and deer tend to attempt to jump over which is kind of bad news for people in the front seat.

    Never had Donkey Chili, not nearly as good as Bambi Chili I expect, but I think it safe to say there are better ways to hunt Donkey.

  41. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    "Google denies smacking Botswanan ass"

    They're saying it's a bum rap?

  42. Mips
    Childcatcher

    Assinicide

    Whoo I think we have a budding Shakespeare here inventing words like that.

    Only thing is it was a donkey not an ass, nor a mule either to correct some others.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A proper investigation is clearly required

    Bring on the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. They're in the right location for this one.

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