back to article Dawn of the X-Men? MUTANTS swarm AMONG US, say geneticists

Humanity has entered a new genetic era, according to a newly published study, with well over half the mutations found having occurred "recently". Potentially troublesome genetic changes are particularly common among those of European heritage compared to those with African forebears, the research shows. "The recent dramatic …

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  1. Neil Milner-Harris
    Unhappy

    Imagine my disappointment

    At finding out that the ability to shoot frikkin' lazor beams out of one's eyes isn't possible

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      So many

      Men developing Moobs, is this a mutation?

      1. Anonymous Coward 15
        Pint

        Re: So many

        No, that's just the beer.

  2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Alien

    Moties!

    I, for one, welcome our new Gripping Hand.

    1. Zaphod.Beeblebrox
      Alien

      Re: Moties!

      What's this? A Niven/Pournelle fan? Well met, sir!

      I've used the gripping hand reference around my work and not one person gets the reference, even though we ar ea bunch of technophiles, and most are Science Fiction fans as well. I still need to read The Moat around Murcheson's Eye some day...

      1. IglooDude

        Re: Moties!

        Chalk up another one who using the "on the gripping hand" reference. Then again, I also tell people "we'll burn that bridge when we come to it" (making them wonder if I'm being cynical or just unintentionally mixing metaphors, if they catch it at all) so maybe they've filed me under "not to be closely listened to".

      2. SpeakerToAliens
        Holmes

        Re: Moties!

        In America "The Moat Around Murcheson's Eye" was published as "Gripping Hand". It included maps of various star systems and their Crazy Eddie Points.

        I knew I had to read it when I saw a short extract published online - very short in fact - it was just a few lines from a message Bury was writing. He signed off with "Horace Hussein Bury, aboard the starship Sinbad, somewhere in the Mote system. "

      3. __________

        Re: Moties!

        I suspect this is a post from him better known as "Speaker to Seafood".

      4. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: Moties!

        Yeahyeahyeah, yooda cultural reference king.

        But do you know who Crazy Eddie really was?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up

          Re: Moties!

          Didn't he write a GUI?

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CEGUI

    2. stucs201

      Re: Moties!

      Be careful which Niven race you bring into this. Pak Protector style behaviour would be bad news for those with too many mutations.

      1. Katie Saucey
        Thumb Up

        Re: Moties! : Pak Protectors

        Not to worry we haven't polluted the earth with thallium oxides yet. But IIRC certain thallium oxides are used in some high temp super conductors, so maybe in a few decades we could see "tree of life" plants sprouting up all over the place.

  3. AndrueC Silver badge
    Joke

    So, is being able to leap tall buildings in one bound in or out?

    1. James Micallef Silver badge
      Coat

      At least scaling tall buildings at the push of a button is in :)

    2. Thorne

      "So, is being able to leap tall buildings in one bound in or out?"

      Over yes. Off is still fine.

    3. Joefish
      Joke

      Re: "...able to leap tall buildings..."

      I don't know, but running faster than the trains wouldn't count for much these days.

  4. Bill Neal
    Thumb Up

    ESP?

    even a little enhanced mental abilities would be useful for avoiding the dystopian Idiocracy future

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ESP?

      "the dystopian Idiocracy future"

      Judging by current and recent governments, and current and recent oppositions, we already live in a dystopian Idiocracy.

    2. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: ESP?

      no need to enhance what we've got - just use some of it.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: ESP?

        What we need is some sort of distributed processing system along the lines of Seti@home and the like which can use spare human brain capacity that is otherwise going unused.

        We'd probably have the cure(s) for cancer and interstellar travel within weeks or months.

        1. PhilBuk
          Big Brother

          Re: ESP?

          @John Brown (no body)

          Rossum Corporation already got there. "Welcome to the attic."

          Phil.

  5. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Go

    I'd have more to say on the subject

    But it's damn hard to type with these adamantine claws in the way.....

    1. dotdavid
      Thumb Up

      Re: I'd have more to say on the subject

      Don't worry, I could read your mind and see what you were going to post. Very insightful, by the way.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    self and a mate, lying on sofas in our student house just over a quarter of a century ago, came up with a theory that this was happening and would eventually be shown to occur.

    We weren't (and aren't) scientists, but were ably assisted by the consumption of a sizeable quantity of, err, things that one is not strictly speaking meant to consume.

    We even theorised that at some point organ transplantation and the like might start to be considered, err, let's say "not flawless", as it would enable those with genetic weaknesses in organs spread their genes more easily before they died off.

    Who knew that L(ying on a) S(ofa in the) D(ark) gave you Nostradamus-like powers!

    Or maybe me and him are just mutants.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Astute Active NEUKlearer Control Sub Missions ... MOD £s at Work, Rooting out Sources for Great News

      Who knew that L(ying on a) S(ofa in the) D(ark) gave you Nostradamus-like powers! ..... Anonymous Coward Posted Thursday 29th November 2012 16:15 GMT

      And now that you know, AC? Who is able to wield it understandably, with Admirable Control?

      Regular Army, Navy, Air Force or Special Forces in the Field? Manchurian Candidates for Candy Dates in Private and Piratical Places ..... Super Spaces would be Perfect Play Team Mates.

      1. Graham Dawson Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Oh gawd. I just realised I've spent the last ten minutes trying to decipher amanfromMars...

        1. Katie Saucey

          @Graham

          Damn it! Your comment suckered me into it too.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

  7. Sir Sham Cad

    Science finally answers the big question.

    That explains Julian Assange, then.

    1. magickmark
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Science finally answers the big question.

      Nothing explains Julian Assange!

  8. DJ Smiley
    Holmes

    Supprised why?

    Hmmmm not surprising

    I heal incredibly fast - fast enough that doctors and nurses after operations have commented on how quickly I've recovered. I also recover quickly from anesthetic as well.... leading to some weird effects when I wake up far sooner than they expect.

    Genetic mutation? I'd think so, and its quite common too..... though it won't spread much as it doesn't really give any ability to live longer/stronger/faster than anyone else.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Supprised why?

      On the contrary. You will have more hope of surviving an Alien's sting.

      Good look, Marine. You can obtain your Impulse Rifle using this one-time pass.

      Semper Fi!

    2. James Micallef Silver badge

      Re: I heal incredibly fast

      Quick, get the adamantium ready!!

    3. squigbobble
      Trollface

      Re: Supprised why?

      Sounds like you've got an unusually fast cellular metabolism which'd make you metabolise drugs faster than normal or you just have hyperthyroidism. It could also cause you to slightly overdose on drugs that rely on you metabolising them into their active form at a certain rate.

      I can square root numbers in my head but only accurately if the root is a whole number. That's not a mutation, I'm just sad.

    4. Anonymous John

      Re: Supprised why?

      Goa'uld symbiote?

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

        Re: Supprised why?

        My wife seems to be able to urinate more than she imbibes, and usually within about 5 minutes. She's always surprising the medics :)

        1. PhilBuk

          Re: Suprised why?

          It's a common mutation in women. Tourist trips with my wife turn into a tour of public conveniences ('just in case'). A trip to Stockholm was interesting as the Swedes don't do public toilets. Lots of little beers and coffees as we leapt from cafe to cafe.

          Phil.

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

            Re: Suprised why?

            Well, we live in Wales now, so I'm constantly scanning the side of the road for laybys where she can drop her kegs and piss on her boots :D

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Every cloud...

    I guess one day we'll face the end of the world. Only then will we know who got the useful mutations...

  10. Z-Eden
    Boffin

    As long as we don't mutate to an extend where we'd need to be encased in bonded polycarbide armour...

  11. CyberCipher
    Facepalm

    White people are...

    FREAKS! (I've long suspected that it was so. Now we have PROOF.)

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Mutations are introduced in each new child (particularly if he or she has an older dad)"

    It would be one hell of an impressive mutation if the child had a younger dad!

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: "Mutations are introduced in each new child (particularly if he or she has an older dad)"

      "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" established the scientific basis and all.....

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Europe.....lol......must be from all that inbreading.....

    1. Jean-Luc Silver badge
      Happy

      inbreading is indeed a very serious problem.

      Gotta regulate those bakeries some more.

    2. John A Blackley

      I'm sorry but I'm a European and I prefer my breading on the outside.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Coat

        Bread it up your ass!

        So Jewrope is not being swarmed by Mooslims and Yougoslavs, then?

        Mine is the one with "Attila Bread Me" on the back.

        1. Marshalltown
          Trollface

          Re: Bread it up your ass!

          What Attila wasn't "bread you."

    3. Androgynous Crackwhore
      Alien

      Don't mean to poop on the prejudice...

      ...but I expect the reason(s) would be altogether more mundane.

      I blame the weather. Naturally.

      The more shitty the weather, the more smoke-filled one's hovel... and the more time you'll be spending in it... especially those interminably long cold wet winter nights. Lob a crapload of magic mushrooms and dodgy mead into the fug to help pass the time and... well... after 10000 years of that, I'm amazed we didn't do a lot worse than blue eyes and gingers!

  14. Alexander Ward
    Thumb Up

    I could be a mutant!

    I seem to be able to do things that (most) other people can't. For example I can increase/decrease my heart rate and blood pressure at will. I can regulate my own temperature and I have an above average lung capacity.

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