back to article Vote now for the ULTIMATE BACON SARNIE

Right, you lovely people, the moment has arrived to settle once and for all that matter of most monumentous moment: just what constitutes the ultimate bacon sarnie. As you'll recall, the porcine polemic kicked off when we pitched German delicacy Bauernfrühstück against the sacred pork-based assemblage in one of our post-pub …

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  1. Richard 81

    NSFW

    I think a NSFW sign is needed for these pages of porcine pornography.

    1. Shagbag
      Thumb Down

      Where's the picture of the Vertical one?

      C'mon, let's see some awesome NSFW vertical bacon sandwiches!

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: NSFW

      Pah! NSFM* warning required!

      *Not Safe For Muzzies.

  2. The Alpha Klutz
    Thumb Up

    The Guacamole Goulash

    At first it looks like a disgusting pile of squid/mucus. But once you make out the bacon in there, it looks so tasty.

    1. Steve Evans

      Re: The Guacamole Goulash

      But green stuff...?

      Oh, and my Hungarian friends (of which I have several) are screaming "Goulash is a soup!".

      They scream that a lot over here in Blighty.

      1. The Alpha Klutz

        Re: The Guacamole Goulash

        have they been picked up by the cops yet?

    2. Cubical Drone
      FAIL

      Re: The Guacamole Goulash

      The addition of guacamole is an intriguing addition, however I would like to point out that whatever that green smear was...IT WAS NOT GUACAMOLE!! I mean really, was there even any avocado in that or was it just sour cream with some green food coloring in it?

      1. Marshalltown
        Pint

        Re: The Guacamole Goulash

        Ah, Grasshopper. You must understand that there are many faces to guacamole. They range from compositions that look as if an avocado had been in a car wreck and taste only faintly of anything other than avocado, to pale, lime-green concoctions with the consistency of thick soup, with delicate hints of lime and cilantro and a pepper bite that will take off the top of your head.

  3. JDX Gold badge

    Mmm, bacon in an English Muffin (awaits pedantic retort) is very classy.

    Sandwiches with a massive amount of bacon put me right off. The bread/bacon balance is important, the bread is there to complement the bacon not merely package it.

    1. Kolin

      Wrong,

      And wrong

      1. JDX Gold badge

        You're clearly a tasteless trucker who just wants as much meat for his £2 as possible.

    2. Fibbles

      At first I thought they were using a stottie, the only true bread for a bacon sarnie. When I realised it was a muffin it became clear they were failing as hard as everyone else on this list.

  4. annodomini2 Bronze badge
    Thumb Down

    None of the above

    Is my vote, though the wife likes the sunday special.

    1. Ray Gratis
      Joke

      I bet she does !

      arrf, arrf.

    2. Will Godfrey Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: None of the above

      Same here.

      HP source - Ugh

      Avian embyro - Euw

      Green stuff - {shudder}

    3. Def Silver badge

      Re: None of the above

      Bacon sandwiches are an art unto themselves. Any alleged winner will be based purely on chance because, like any other art form, perfection is in the eye of the beholder and therefore totally subjective.

  5. Infidellic_
    Coat

    It's all about "The Unholy Wholemeal Bap". All the others employ egg of some kind of sauce. Not for me thanks. I like to actually taste my bacon

    Mine's the one without ketchup or brown sauce in it

    1. Vincent Ballard
      FAIL

      If you can't taste the bacon as well as the HP then you haven't got the Maillard reaction going properly.

  6. bill 36
    Thumb Up

    precison engineer

    for me.

    The morning eggstasy is a recipe for disaster.......lost count of the amount of times i've had egg yolk down the trousers half an hour before a meeting :>)

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: precison engineer

      You need to pop the yolk before eating the thing!

      1. Pooka

        Re: precison engineer

        If you don't end up with a bad case of fried egg bukkake the egg is over cooked :p

      2. bill 36
        Happy

        Re: precison engineer

        Yeh , i know but how often do you check that its been popped before taking that first ravenous bite out of one?

    2. Grikath Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: precison engineer

      Maybe... Then again, given that we're talking Hangover Control, I feel that the precision engineer is a wee bit too complicated and precise to perform under the circumstances encountered.

      Whereas the Morning Eggstacy has ample track record of construction feasibility on an international level, under even more stringent conitions than the usual level of hangover.

      The egg yolk hazard is a built-in warning feature that is a good indicator of ready-for-world+dog-ness, making it not only delightfully delicious, but also quite useful.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Re: precison engineer

      "lost count of the amount of times i've had egg yolk down the trousers half an hour before a meeting :>)"

      How very dare you vote for the precision engineer when you can't even eat an egg/bacon buttie without spillage! How precise is that?

    4. Roger Greenwood
      Pint

      Re: precison engineer

      That, sir, is known in the trade as a Banjo Sandwich.

      Left hand holds comestible away from body whilst right hand flaps away the drippage.

      Also referred to here:- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egg_sandwich

      (Note pint of tea to wash it down)

  7. Jelliphiish

    tangentially

    How to improve a song:

    Hello Bacon, my old friend,

    I've come to talk with you again..

    and

    Mammah,

    Just killed a man,

    put my bacon 'gainst his head,

    pulled the trigger,

    now he's dead.

    Your turn. Insert Bacon to improve. Go.

    1. The Alpha Klutz

      Re: tangentially

      Justin Bieber — bacon lyrics

      You know you love me

      I know you care

      Just shout whenever,

      And I'll be there

      You want my love

      You want my heart

      And we would never, ever, ever be apart

      Are we an item?

      Girl quit playin'

      We're just friends,

      What are you sayin'?

      Said there's another as you look right in my eyes

      My first love, broke my heart for the first time

      And I was like

      bacon, bacon, bacon ooh

      Like

      bacon, bacon, bacon noo

      Like

      bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

      I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

      bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

      Like

      bacon, bacon, bacon noo

      Like

      bacon, bacon, bacon ohh

      I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

      ...

      1. It wasnt me
        WTF?

        Re: tangentially

        Justin Bieber ? Who?

        I think you've accidentally stumbled onto the wrong website my friend.

      2. cosymart
        FAIL

        Re: tangentially

        Down voted for binging this august site into disrepute by uttering the words Ju**** Bie**. Go and hang your head in shame!

    2. Joefish
      Facepalm

      Re: tangentially

      Blast. All that typing about egg rolls down there --v and I forgot the song.

      Enrique Eglesias - "Bacon back my love, bacon back my love..."

      1. Joefish
        Devil

        Re: tangentially

        Or perhaps Dusty Springfield says it better:

        I'm gonna show you baby

        Cholesterol can be tough.

        So come on, come on, come on, come on -

        (Bacon!)

        Clog another little piece of my heart, now baby...

        1. JimC Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: tangentially

          Dear me no, our Dusty was a fine singer, but for that tune its got to be Janis Joplin - and there was a woman who knew a lot about post-pub

        2. Christopher Rogers
          Coat

          Re: tangentially

          Flamin' hell guys, you porked too soon.

  8. david skinner
    Thumb Up

    The Horn!

    If none of you sotherners have ever made the trip to Scotland then the Horn is the perfect reason to!

    A monster of a bacon roll and it tastes lovely!

    1. Pedigree-Pete Bronze badge
      Pint

      Re: The Horn!

      Upvote if only for upping East Scotland Tourism. Other Bacon Buttie outlets are available in Perth & Kinross, Angus & Fife. It's all good.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Unhappy

      Re: The Horn!

      The Horn was one of the reasons I was more than happy to make the trek up the A90 from Edinburgh to Dundee to see customers. I always allowed an extra hour or so for the trip, just to be safe. I do remember thinking the sign used to look more like a leg of ham than a horn though, but that's perfect for this article. Not been there for over a decade though.

  9. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge
    Happy

    It's the baguette for me...

    1. Crispy fresh white baguette cut to preferred length (actual length irrelevant to overall enjoyment).

    2. Plenty of butter.

    3. Bacon - Lots of, preferably non-supermarket. I prefer unsmoked, with a decent amount of semi-crisped rind.

    4. Fried egg - optional (actually dependent on strength of hangover).

    5. Brown sauce.

    :-)

  10. Jelliphiish
    Thumb Up

    also, but not only

    the wholemeal barm with the side of caffieney goodness, modded with +1 tomato sauce.

  11. ukgnome Silver badge

    Speaking as a vegetarian

    I'm actually quite hungry now, not hungry enough to cross to the dark side.

    But bloody hell they all looked good. Such a shame that pretend vege-bacon is as appertising as cardboard

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

      "I'm actually quite hungry now, not hungry enough to cross to the dark side."

      God made pigs from Pork! He made cows out of beef!

      That is their intended purpose. You god defyererererrr!

    2. Ray Gratis
      Mushroom

      Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

      Begone, spy !!

    3. cosymart
      WTF?

      Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

      I can never work out why veggies feel the need to eat pretend meat. If you don't want meat why have stuff that looks like meat...?

      1. Piro

        Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

        I should think that is obvious - they do like meat, but they don't think that all the killing that goes with it, I would imagine.

        1. Piro
          Pint

          Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

          I apologise here for making such a terrible sentence. You got the gist of it. Monday morning, not the best time for coherency.

          1. ukgnome Silver badge

            Re: Speaking as a vegetarian

            I can't speak for them all, but it has nothing to do will the slaughter of animals for me. It's the texture and the taste. Both are something that the fake meats haven't mastered.

            If it wasn't for meat eaters a lot of breeds wouldn't exist and a lot more hedgerows would be gone which in turn threatens a lot of other species - birds and insects. Eating meat is actually better for the environment than not eating meat. Just a shame I don't like it.

  12. Dog@86G
    FAIL

    Get a grip

    would you lot Foxtrot Oscar with your sauces, Brown or Red, all you need is Butter dagnabit

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Get a grip

      Don't even need butter. However I think it is clear that in any eating situation condiments of all varieties are a matter for a man's personal conscience - the fundamentals of the thing are not affected by them so I'm voting on that basis.

      Eggs, cheese and other nonsense is displaying gross disrespect for the fundamentals of this challenge.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Happy

        Re: Get a grip

        "Eggs, cheese and other nonsense is displaying gross disrespect for the fundamentals of this challenge."

        Don't be stupid man! Why do you think the great british breakfast is called teh great british breakfast?

        EGGS/BACON/SAUSAGE.

        You Heathen.

        1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
          FAIL

          Re: Get a grip

          Nobody asked about a 'Great British Breakfast'. This is all about the Bacon Sarnie - a culinary icon that stands apart from lowlier comestibles. Keep all your frippery. I want just bacon and bread. Nothing more, nothing less.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Get a grip

          It's called a "breakfast" to distinguish it from a "sandwich"?

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