Well, Huey Lewis is stuffed.
And so too are 19 American states.
Will they stop at nothing?!
Apple has launched a new patent assault on its competitors, one that appears to unleash the nukes that Steve Jobs reportedly told his biographer Walter Isaacson he was going to drop on Google's Android. "I'm going to destroy Android, because it's a stolen product," the late Apple cofounder told the author of the überpopular …
And so too are 19 American states.
Will they stop at nothing?!
APRIL FOOL APRIL FOOL.........
El Reg you B*****ds!!!!!
still you can't be too sure when patent law is involved.
This is pretty funny, but don't forget the real joke here - teasing the fanbois about an iPhone5, then releasing a mere software update in the same case and calling it a new phone, then doing exactly the same with the iPad. How long before the users are blamed for holding that wrong each time they burn themselves? Anyway, this is surely the real secret to Apples wealth - by targeting those with lower IQ's, their isheep literally will buy anything they're told to.
Hats off El Reg, nice one. Could have posted a report on the stellar WP7 figures along with Nokias employee satisfaction rating being the highest in the tech business, too. But only today, natch.
Yes, hence the joke alert icon.
This happens every year on 1/4. Do we really need some bore to announce to the world that they know what the date is every damn time?
Ouch ! .. look at those down votes
the fanboi's really don't like it when a comment cuts close to the bone
Too true, best we go check that patent number, I wouldn't put anything past the US patent issuing morons!
Way to totally miss the spirit of the post, by spewing retreaded, same old blather in a pompous, self-important, preachy, superior tone. Oh, at least you included some totally made-up, likely false facts; too bad they ALSO were condescending at best, the very opposite of funny.
The Onion reported some years ago, but not on 1st April, that Microsoft had patented 0s and 1s.
They had me at bisecting diagonals.
"It's still a rectangle," he sniffed. "And we own the rectangle."
Is telling us that we would get the Ice Cream Sandwich update in the first quarter of this year!
A sense of humour? Unfortunately, there is no Apple app for that.
Tomorrow, I am going to get a patent on using letters and numbers on an electronic display. I am going to be rich! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
speaking of sheep, what about the herd mentality to jump on the "Apple users are stupid" bandwagon?
I guess it's far too easy a stereotype to fall into.
Nope, just Colorado and Wyoming - they're the Rectangle States
What do you need explained about:
Reduced functionality to avoid overtaxing the user?
Had me till the description of the patient: look at the date people.
...but I'm sure I wasn't the only that had to stop and wonder for a moment.
If you search the USPTO, there IS a patent number US001042012, dated Oct 22, 1912. Only it's for an air valve for radiators. Ah, the good old days when patents were actually about real things,
Not as good as The Guardian's attempt tho... Shaun Ryder as adviser for the govt... oh how we all laughed.
No, that one's true.
It's still March in California, you scumbags ;-)
Makes up for Google's (rather cute) Quest Maps launching early?
Thoroughly duped - well played! I shall now slink off and try to double my neuron count by growing another one.
almost tricked me into installing quick time !
Har de har de har... :-)
Such as in your very own comment columns every time this has come up for discussion...
the daft thing is this story is totally believable, I could see apple doing just this if they thought for a second they could get away with it.
The even dafter thing is, I can see the US Patent Office granting this patent!
You almost had me...until you mentioned that Apple commented to you and answered your queries.
That ain't gonna happen for a while longer, me thinks. ;)
Yup. That was the only part of the whole article I couldn't believe...
I suggest we let this story go viral and see how many others pick it up and run with it.
Links on FB, Twitter, Linked In ...
Spawn of Satan because it's Apple, right?
publish it on any other day and you'll surely find enough people believing it - especially with Cupertino's track record.
I call April Fools. Ingeniously worded though!
Well done El Reg!
You nearly had me until you said Sewell responded to you!
This jokesuit is merely a toe in the water by Apple whose real atomic patent is the one that controls the use of the letter i ("whether lowercase, capitalized, iconificated, or otherwise embellished" to quote the patent) to start the name of a product or company or "other assemblage of humans".
Intel, ICI; Ice cream, Instant whip; Ireland, Iran: just a few of the well-known brands at risk from this patent.
Worse, it makes a general claim to the whole art of beginning a word with a letter at all. Some say this will drive all latinate alphabet users to adopt Chinese, at least in commercial writing and advertising.
I'd forgotten it was that day. Entirely plausible until it got to the bit about the rectangle, at which point I woke up a bit more and realised the date.
The register posts so little at the weekends, I presumed it was a Friday entry...
Then I believed it because it sounds so typical of the apple v the world cases...
Then I read the date.
Icon, because I do.
But I miss the days when this joke would be completely obvious, rather than one you have to check out/ Let's face it, they really would do it if they could.
THe scary thing is, how close to the truth this is. Patent law was meant to protect the individual inventor and instead its used as a stick to beat him with.
9 paras in before the oddities reached a threshold and I checked the date.
All too believable, though, isn't it?
Only if you don't understand patent law
The evidence appears to indicate that no one, least of all the USPTO, understand patent law.
imagine my disappointment
Spoiled a bit by the linked story at the bottom.... but as said above, the game was up when you mentioned Apple responding
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