back to article BOFH: Dawn raid on Fort BOFH

bofh_pic You know, sometimes I wish someone just had the balls to say they want a new iPad cos it looks cool. That they have no clue of what the f$*# they’d use it for, but their kids think they’re great and they can’t be stuffed forking out the money themselves for one so they figure the company should just get one and …

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  1. JDX Gold badge

    "Makes you look cool in front of clients" is a valid business use in my book.

    1. Gusty O'Windflap

      not...

      when it comes out of my budget it isn't! ;-)

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: not...

        So you're a small-minded parochial IT manager only interested in their own departmental budget, not the company's bottom line?

        1. Steve Knox Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: not...

          No, he's a responsible manager who understands that if the primary use for the device is for relationship management (i.e, sales) then it's a sales expense and should be charged back to the sales department.

          If the primary purpose of the device were for managing information flow and security, then it could be an IT expense. But since you've already admitted that the purpose is to look good to clients, it's a sales expense.

          1. BorkedAgain
            Thumb Up

            @Steve Knox - Re: not...

            I only regret that I have but one upvote to give to you.

        2. John Brookes
          Stop

          Re: not...

          If it's to make you look cool, get marketing or sales to pay for it. Or perhaps marketing and/or sales only care about their departmental budget, rather than the company bottom line....

        3. Daniel B.

          Shiny stuff isn't IT

          So it should come out of the Sales or HR budget. "Looking good" isn't IT-related.

          1. Aaron Em

            '"Looking good" isn't IT-related.'

            Love to hear what Dominic Connor would say about that...

        4. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: not...

          @JDX I really like the original line: satirical but true. Why go an spoil it by attacking someone who is obviously lacking a sense of humour.

          1. Asiren

            Re: not...

            @Charlie Clark The follow-up goes to show that the original statement was meant seriously, with a distinct lack of sarcasm...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      "Makes you look like a shallow dick" would be more accurate.

  2. Andraž 'ruskie' Levstik

    Where's the...

    actual ending... :(

    1. Paul_Murphy

      Re: Where's the...

      Keep up at the back there!

      It's implied re the bus - they _could_ walk the two miles, or they could take the bus, which is a BOFH youth-anism for finding someone to inspect the underside of the bus before they take early retirement.

      ttfn

    2. Gerhard den Hollander
      Devil

      Re: Where's the...

      you may want to reread the 8th paragraph again. The one about friendly IT staff helping their superiors into dealing with public transportation the right way.

    3. Andy Farley

      Re: Where's the...

      It's DLC, like ME3.

  3. phuzz Silver badge
    Alert

    Err

    I though this was supposed to be satire? The first half is pretty much exactly what happened to us last year with the iPad2...

    Currently about 25% of them are back in the server room, gathering dust.

    1. fandom Silver badge

      Re: Err

      "Currently about 25% of them are back in the server room, gathering dust."

      That's whay eBay was born for

      1. Jemma Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: Err

        Very true, but with one proviso, which my ex-bosses ex-boss found out to his cost.

        Apparently this numty had been replacing 'out of date' or 'terminal hardware fault' equipment slightly more often than he should have been. The company of course, noticed nothing, and assumed all was hunky dory with this, despite a failure rate that would put the first generation SA80 to shame...

        It all came to a head and the Police got involved when this nerk sold a laptop on ebay, that was supposed to be dead and gone without wiping any of the confidential company data and the buyer did the honorable thing (aka the stupid thing, whats the betting the average cop would have had them for receiving) and contacted said Police...

        My boss then turned up for work to see his boss being escorted into a squad car and the rest is history.

        I think they call that a salutory tale - tale of two idiots is more like it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      WTF?

      Re: Err

      This whole thing pretty much sums up my view of the IT world after this week.

    3. Steve Knox Silver badge
      Holmes

      Satire

      is based in reality. You start with the facts, highlight the more egregious violations of basic decency, of which we're all guilty in some way or another, and we all have a good laugh.

    4. Lallabalalla
      Thumb Up

      Re: Err

      You can send a few to me if you don't want them. Is 10 cents on the dollar OK?

  4. Rampant Spaniel

    You forgot the box usually contains a canon notejet. That was exec candy 20 years ago.

    1. Frederic Bloggs

      No, no, no!

      It will be an (broken) Epson dot matrix printer.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
        Boffin

        I nominate

        SCSI external zip drive, complete with little plastic box of five multicolour zip-disks, only one of which is used, and one of which has the little springy-bit broken.

        1. TeeCee Gold badge

          Re: I nominate

          There's gotta be at least one USB memory stick with a capacity of 512Mb or less.

          If the user's been around any length of time there will be one of those plastic framed antiglare wossanames that used to dangle craply on the front of CRT monitors too.

          1. Chika

            Re: I nominate

            Not to mention half a dozen floppies with crusty labels, all of which are unreadable except for one that reads "DO NOT OVERWRITE".

            And possibly a USB floppy drive with something jammed in the slot.

            1. Morphius

              Re: I nominate

              Wrong way around.... all of the floppy disks readable except the one marked "Rainy Day Plan - keep safe"

              The Media that you dont need or want to work ever again always works... the stuff with juicy photos or blackmail matierial always dies :(

              1. Lallabalalla

                Re: I nominate

                Quite a few sticks of once-expensive RAM that are good for precisely nothing any more.

                1. Nigel 11

                  Re: I nominate

                  Half a dozen power cables. Still perfectly OK, except that the EU has legislated that every piece of new equipment must be shipped with a new power flex. It's cheaper to recycle the old ones and to bin the new ones, because the old ones already have inventory and test record stickers attached and have already passed their PAT test.

                  Half a dozen Ethernet cables mangled and tangled to such an extent that the nearest bin beckons.

                  A pair of fetid trainers and/or socks

                  A Windows ME "Upgrade" kit

                  A charger with a wierd connector, possibly for a long-defunct mobile.

                  A dead mouse (the sort with a ball. Less often, the sort with two).

                  1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

                    Re: I nominate

                    And a book about BASIC for MS-DOS 3.1

                  2. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

                    Re: I nominate

                    @Nigel 11

                    "A dead mouse (the sort with a ball. Less often, the sort with two)."

                    You mean the sort which *should* have a ball, but no longer does.

                    Pointing-device castration: just say no!

                2. Andrew Yeomans

                  Retirement plan

                  Hey, have you seen the prices of PC133 RAM - that's not made any more? Worth a BOFH's ransom to those companies still running critical business processes on a massive 128MB RAM server.

          2. richard 7

            Re: I nominate

            The USB stick will be supplier branded too. I have a ton of 256Mb Johnson Diversy branded ones in a box somewhere.

            These boxes/bags quite frequently get slung through my door with along with 'recycle this please' and there ia AWLAYS without fail, phone leads in there.

            1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
              Linux

              Re: I nominate

              You could put Puppy Linux on those sticks (~128Mb) and share them out for use in case of emergency (i.e. laptop hard disk crash) or security (connecting to public wifi hotspots without exposing HD contents).

              1. Andrew Yeomans
                Linux

                Windows recovery

                Reminds me of the Tomsrtbt floppy I used to have lying around. Labelled "Windows Recovery Disk" of course.

              2. keithpeter
                Black Helicopters

                Re: I nominate

                Or if they are 512Mb try Lightweight Portable Security? LPS is a linux distro intended for booting off a USB stick and comes with a windows script to write to a stick. The 'fat' version has OpenOffice and Firefox.

                Looks quite impressive with the USAF logos and all the military jargon on the default Web browser page. One colleague at work thought I was moonlighting.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Lies!

        Epson dot matrix printers don't die!

    2. Andrew Moore Silver badge

      and a 56k modem (sans power supply). And an original iPaq.

      1. Fatman Silver badge
        WTF?

        I will nominate a

        slightly used Hayes 1200 external modem without wall wart.

        For good measure, I will throw in a couple of full sized 360K 5-1/4 floppy drives.

        1. Just Thinking

          Failing to distinguish...

          between pointless gadgets and obsolete items.

          Most of my junk boxes are filled with things which saw plenty of use at the time, but have either been replaced by something better (eg a bigger memory stick) or are no longer needed because things have changed (I used my KVM switch every day in my old job because I worked from home. Now things have changed it is no use at all to me).

          But we all make mistakes. Can't imagine why I bought a PDA - and worse still the docking station is still on my desk, plugged in. No idea where the PDA itself is.

  5. b166er

    This way to the bus stop JDX

  6. FunkyEric
    Pint

    Anyone got a spare Ipad sitting in a cupboard?

    I'll give it a home and promise not to put it in a cupboard.

    Swap it for a beer?

    1. Fatman Silver badge
      Go

      Re: (good use for a) spare Ipad

      Screw it to your refrigerator door, and use it as a message board.

  7. Tony S

    Cynical; moi?

    Just too damned depressed for words.

    I think that someone recorded a conversation I had earlier in the week, and has changed the names to protect the innocent, then put it out as fiction.

    BTW, the box referred to was sat on the corner of the IT workbench this morning; it also contained 2 PS2 extension cables, an HP scanjet scanner missing its power lead, and a couple of floppy disks.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cynical; moi?

      Mine had an Iomega zip drive.

      1. Roger Varley

        Re: Cynical; moi?

        Mine had floppies in as well. Not your modern 5.25" jobbies, but your original 8.5" floppies. Just wish I had something to read them with - just for curiosities sake.

        1. mark 63 Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Cynical; moi?

          ' your modern 5.25" jobbies'

          LOL , nice one

        2. TeeCee Gold badge
          Coat

          Re: Cynical; moi?

          "...but your original 8.5" floppies."

          Hard or soft sectored.....?

        3. Alain

          Re: Cynical; moi?

          8 1/2-inch floppy disk? dont' think they ever existed. That's 8-inch in my memory.

      2. Echowitch
        Childcatcher

        Re: Cynical; moi?

        Sounds like the box under the bed in the spare bedroom at home. Which also features some hard drives that have been kept "just in case". A couple of old and non-functional USB sticks that the wife won't let me throw out as we "might need them", a selection of unmarked (but tatty looking) floppy disks, CD's. A collection of very old power cables that no one knows what they were ever connected to.

        .....and one iomega zip drive, and a lone of phone cables :)

        ......hmm I sense a trip to the Recycling Centre this weekend hehe :D

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