My sweet sweet child, I would so dearly like to help, and the charitable foundation which my late great-great-uncle began with a bequest of 100,000,000 dollars US, is looking for exactly the kinds of enterprising people such as yourselves whose projects we may support. The only problem is that for tax reasons, the foundation is based in Liechtenstein, and each time we access funds, we are obliged to fly our Swiss lawyer in to authorise funds, and pay the bank an access fee, which amounts to 10% of any amount withdrawn. Therefore in order that we may remit to you the 100,000 dollars US which you need, we ask that you wire us first 10,000 dollars US to Western Union, Belize City branch, for the attention of Esteban Gutierrez.
We look forward to making your glorious project the success it deserves to be.
Yours in peace,
Bishop Ignacio Loyola de Sancha, Holy Primate of the Order of the Sacred Virgin