"lunged for her BlackBerry"
Is this a new euphemism?
Latin pop singer Shakira was "paralysed with fear" after a sea lion lunged for her BlackBerry, she recounted on Facebook. The animal appeared to have mistaken the BlackBerry for a fish, Shakira explained, and lunged for her while she was taking pictures of it on the phone. "I believe what happened is that it confused the …
Is this a new euphemism?
it didn't confuse her breasts for mountains then
"Lucky that my lips not only mumble
they spill kisses like a fountain
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother
To run for cover when i need it
And these two eyes are for no other
The day you leave will cry a river"
I think she needs to rewrite the bit about her legs.
I am guessing Whenever Whereever.
As constantly played on Freeview channel 18 The Hits before it went live
...so close... so close....
"At least someone is enthusiastic about RIM products these days."
Just wait for the upcoming lawsuit I guess, I can see it now; "endangering people by producing mobile gear which too closely resembles food for underwater predators without warning its users for the threat of attack by 'cute' animals"
magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri
New TV show. It's called Celebrity Photo Safari.
Celebs are given a camera. It's explained that real wildlife cameramen don't use zoom lenses, they get in close, to get the perfect shot. Said celebs are then left in the veldt for a day, in an area known for lions, leopards, hippos and snakes. They're told that the public will vote the one off who gets the worst shot.
The survivors are brought in at the end of the day, fixed public vote gets rid of the dead ones, and they're sent back out the next week, to do the same, after some 'camera instruction'.
Jordan must be in the first series. Wearing bacon perfume.
I estimate that we should be able to get rid of between 50-100 pointless celebs every year with this program. Don't thank me, the Nobel Prize will be enough. Either for Science, for increasing the average IQ of the whole planet, or for getting rid of Jordan, the Nobel Prize for Peace and Quiet...
... do you know the dangerous one?
Not the lions, they're lazy sods, even the females. Lying around on the ground all day.
Not the leopards, they're lazy sods too, lying around in trees all day.
Not the snakes, they're generally scared of people.
No, the dangerous ones are the hippos. Everybody thinks they're docile lumps. But they are grumpy, aggressive so-and-sos with *huge* teeth, and they are large (up to 3 tons) and significantly faster and more agile than you'd give them credit for.
Great plan... and this could also be combined with a companion series called Celebrity^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h below-average-soap-actors dancing on ice special version involving the Arctic. I hear Polar bears are quite hungry these days therefore we can solve two problems at once with this one... :)
Steve the Cynic,
If the leopard is lazing in a tree there's a fair chance the hippo is lazing in water. I know more people are killed by hippos (mainly because people think they're so docile) but I'd rate my chances of outrunning or out climbing a hippo higher than outrunning or out climbing a leopard.
The best bet gets down to being a faster runner than your mates. :)
Ha ha. The only problem is, one of my mates is built like a hippo!
It's funny how hippos only remember they're vegetarians, after they've bitten your head off. I wonder if that sort of thing ever happened to Linda McCartney?
From memory, don't buffalo kill even more people than hippos?
My latin teacher spent the 70s in Southern Africa. Apparently his favourite game was to play chicken with elephants. All you need is one Land Rover, and one herd of elephants. Keep getting closer, when boss heffalump charges, back off, then move in again, until they either get used to you, or charge again. At some point, they simply won't stop charging. Normal procedure is to run away, terribly fast. On no account should you stal, and then have to abandon ship, and run away on foot (as he once did).
I get letters telling me since I moved away
you've taken to hanging out on that rock about a mile from shore
given what I know about that rock mainly that it's populated by seals
I strongly suggest to you that you not hang out there anymore
'cause the seal is a wily and a vicious creature
and the seal will bite you if you give him half a chance
yeah the seal has a mind set on violence
and the seal is the sworn enemy of man
now when I say that the seal is vicious I use the term advisedly
according to webster's 9th new collegiate definition 4b.
which states that vicious means marked by ferocity
and offers as a synonym...savage
'cause the seal is a vicious and a wily creature
and the seal has a mind full of evil designs
and the seal will harm you and laugh about it
yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with
yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with
Devil takes the hindmost! Mine's the one with the chomp out of the tail!
and mambas have a reputation for attack - so don't underestimate the snakes
A lot of people don't realise that your odds of outrunning a crocodile on dry land aren't great when they can gallop at you at around 10mph.
Better luck next time seal.
Of course, the adult movie industry is still very interested in rim products.
Exactly how I get when she starts yodeling.,, er I mean singing.
I think this can only be properly visualised using the medium of Playmobil.
They're cute from a distance. Up close, not so much. I see this sort of behavior all the time from folks who don't have exposure to animals much. One of the hazards of city life I suppose is very little familiarity with wildlife and the warning signs of when you are about to be attacked. That's like most wildlife. Great news for Blackberry though, they need to focus more strongly on the under-marketed aquatic mammal market!
I saw a sign down in Monterey:
SEA LIONS ARE WILD ANIMALS
AND CAN MOVE VERY FAST WHEN STARTLED
MUCH FASTER THAN SMALL CHILDREN
In a related personal story of wildlife interactions gone wrong - from the 3rd floor of my office a few years ago I got to watch a dad and his son attacked by a Canadian goose when they stood across the pond from the nest and stared at father goose. The goose was paddling along in front of some bushes where the nest was, and the eye contact was a big mistake. The goose gave him some warning while starting to swim in their direction. The Dad's still standing there with his boy pointing at the good seemingly mumbling isn't that cute. Goose was now getting visibly agitated, swim speed picked up (presumably squawking vociferously but hard to hear from the 3rd floor). Dad's still oblivious to impending doom and still pointing at it. Now goose is nearly at full tilt, neck fully extended and almost to shore and the Dad is still oblivious. Goose hits the shoreline - wings come out and the goose goes straight for the eyes as the Dad and son both panic and go running for cover as the goose keeps aiming at at their heads. Hilarious to watch, but I can't believe they just stood there the whole time thinking that goose wasn't going to attack them when it gave a whole mess of warning signals to back off. As the goose got an increasing reputation, I also got to watch a couple of folks who took a $10 bet that they could withstand that goose for more than a minute without retreating (and lose), but they knew what they were (stupidly) doing. That goose ignored everyone else walking around the pond though. It only cared about the ones who'd just stand there and stare at it. The second they turned away, so did the goose.
Idiots: staring in silenct contemplation at wonders of nature
Goose: 'Ere! Are you lookin' at my bird?!
Foie gras with a smile. Nasty aggressive creatures. I'd exterminate them all if their fatty livers weren't so darn tasty. Eat up bitches.
I'd say lions, leopards and snakes can be pretty dangerous tbh, maybe not as many attacks as the Hippo on humans but still good enough odds to make Jordan and the bacon perfume idea perfectly fine.
Jeez!! I knew he'd not done a lot lately but I hadn't realised things had got so bad. Poor blighter. Must be on more drugs than Whitney!!
Paris - cos' she'd not be afraid to 'ave a go with Seal!!
... and maybe a FISH is some kind of IED?
There is a difference.
Otherwise this article didn't make sense. Seals aren't on land for one thing, and are generally quite friendly towards humans. The Headline and story were incongruous on that point. :)
You ask Osama Bin Laden!
On a serious note, no they ain't. If you get between a seal and the sea, its route of escape, or its nest, it can be not very nice indeed. And some of them get pretty bloody big. Wild animals can get pretty grumpy, if you trespass in some way. As can tame ones. Terry Nutkins got a couple of his fingers bitten off by an angry otter.
"Is this an otter which I see before me?"
[penguin because it's the only animal available, plus "Oppugnant Otter" would have been a great Ubuntu release]
The bad news is that they already did it - unfortunately using real people not celebs and allowing long lenses. Can't remember what it was called though .... But Channel 5 might be interested in reviving it even if it would cull most of its presenters
Was that the jobbie on BBC HD where the girl won and the runner up chap was a wildlife photographer?
She could have lost a hand.
In these days of healthy eating, one should always check the list of ingredients. Do you know how much artificial preservatives are in the average celebrity?? And the amount of plastic packaging!
who thought this article would be about Shakria and the singer Seal. I'm a little disappointed.
she was just holding it wrong.
And nobody mentions that this would have never happened if she had bought an iPhone??
(And I too would not be above a nip or two at Shakira, at least in the right spots!!)
Perhaps she was after a kiss from a rose?
Well, that's Super Tony's secret identity busted then.......
that wuz one klum sy critter...
for some reason i was expecting a story about "Seal", ya know, Adamski's other half...
Imagine my dissapointment....
Seals have surprisingly tender meat. When prepared correctly, a cut of beef from a seal will melt on the mouth. The taste takes a little bit getting used to, but is delicious and quite savory. It kind of reminds a bit of whale beef, but somehow 'stronger'.
Seal meat is very nutritious and contains plenty of omega-3 fatty acid. There is a decent fish restaurant in Kirkeveien near Frognerparken in Oslo. They know how to prepare seals the proper way.
So Shakira, next time don't take pictures of the food. Just whip out your knife'n'fork and get down to business. Yum!
Maybe she just stunk of fish,
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