Jar Jar in 3D... Haven't we suffered enough?
George Lucas has announced his satisfaction with the efforts to date to convert The Phantom Menace to 3D. The job of adding an extra dimension to Jar Jar Binks has been handed to Prime Focus, according to the Hollywood Reporter. The firm previously used its "proprietary View-D 2D-to-3D process" on Clash of the Titans, …
Jar Jar in 3D... Haven't we suffered enough?
Lucas will ram a 3D Jar-Jar down our throats. (ka-ching! buy this fanboiz!)
Then Cameron will ram a 60Hz <strike>"Dances with Smurfs"</strike>Avatar down our throats.(ka-ching! buy this fanboiz!)
Then Lucas will do a 3D 60Hz Jar-Jar. (ka-ching! buy this fanboiz!). Followed in 10 months by the 120Hz version.
Then will come a Real-Smell version of Avatar.
Then the Real-Smell, 3D, 120Hz Jar-Jar.
Then the Real-Smell, 3D, 240Hz Jar-Jar.
Then the Real-Smell, 3D, Feelee, 240Hz Jar-Jar.
At that point, the Intergalactic Brotherhood, having observed us from afar, will cause the sun to undergo pair-instability collapse to save the universe from our depravity (saving the Real-Smell, 3D, Feelee, 240Hz Avatar for, shall we say, private viewing).
And then we shall have suffered enough, and shall suffer no more.
"The Phantom Menace in 3D is due to hit cinema screens on 10 February next year."
Surely due to float in front of cinema screens...
You mean "due to *appear* to float in front of cinema screens, but actually hit"
is still a turd.
Simple says it best.
This one has fertilizer status, a better class you know.
That's exactly what I was going to say. You beat me to it. :P
I live for the day that this bonehead stops flogging the fossilised corpse of this horse and either retires or decides to make movies that are watchable.
Wouldn't go quite that far but if he was a true artist/autuer ( that right? ) he would be looking to extend his creative talents, look for more interesting things to do, hell he has enough damn money to do whatever he likes!
I do photography for a hobby at weekends and I sometimes get fed up shooting the same sort of subjects that I need to look for completely different things, let alone if you do it for a living.
I bet Simon Pegg bit his fist on hearing of this 3D rehash.
Nothing Lucas could do to The Phantom Menace could possibly make it any worse so he's welcome to tinker with it for as he likes but if he starts screwing around with the original trilogy again he's going to have to be taken out to The Great Pit of Carkoon and fed to the Sarlacc...
 For that matter I'm having trouble imagining how it could be improved other than by having all the camera negatives, all the CGI source data, all the archive and distribution prints, and every VHS cassette, DVD, and dodgy rip ceremonially piled up in the foyer of The Skywalker Ranch and setting fire to them...
The prospect of Jar Jar Binks bulging out of the screen actually makes me glad I'm going blind in one eye.
Seriously, how much longer can Lucas milk this cow? Maybe if all worldwide SW fans sent him $1 for his pension fund, he'd stop.
"The prospect of Jar Jar Binks bulging out of the screen actually makes me glad I'm going blind in one eye."
Comment of the Week, right there.
By spraying water at the audience every time he talks. Call it spittle vision.
"Maybe if all worldwide SW fans sent him $1 for his pension fund, he'd stop."
Two dollars isn't much of a retirement fund.
STOP - to all the people who think that those overrated, dull, poorly written and directed pieces of trash (and that includes the original trilogy) should be venerated.
... will still only make the character two dimensional!
3D will make Binks 2D? Surely such a circa 200% improvement isn't actually possible no matter what the technology?
Surely the author meant to say "Adding *a* dimension to Jar Jar," as I've always been of the opinion that with Jar Jar Binks George Lucas performed a reality-bending, physics-defying feat by creating a character with no dimensionality whatsoever.
Unfortunately for George, ol' Jim Cameron beat Lucas to the punch in regards to creating a 3D film populated with one-dimensional characters.
Jar Jar was only 1-dimensional at best to start with.
Isn't Industrial Light & Magic meant to be a hard-core, cutting-edge type company? Hacking fake 3D into existing film seems kind of beneath them.
A generation ago, you'd have argued that adding a bit of light and laser effects to a movie would be beneath them.
I'd say this is more of a challenge than what they did before; mathematically I don't see what they can come up with beyond the effect of a diorama filled with flat cardboard cutouts, so I'm intrigued if it's better than dire.
"I'd say this is more of a challenge than what they did before; mathematically I don't see what they can come up with beyond the effect of a diorama filled with flat cardboard cutouts, so I'm intrigued if it's better than dire."
If the special '3D' version of Harry Potter 5 I saw in a theater is anything to go by, yes, it'll be a set of cardboard cut-outs in 3D.
> A generation ago, you'd have argued that
> adding a bit of light and laser effects to a
> movie would be beneath them.
ILM has a long list of credits. Many are for movies you would never suspect because the effects are seamless and add to the narrative. Even in the beginning, ILM was a leading edge tech shop inventing new technology as they went. The current state of movie making is based on their work.
They were building computer controlled systems before suitable ready made computers were even available.
A generation ago Lucasfilm was more constrained because things were in general harder and more expensive.
after all this time. Nice effects, crappy dialogue and a class (if distinctly unfair 2 against 1) light-saber fight at the end.
Make something new or fuck off, Lucas.
can you actually make it to the fight at the end? I've randomly sat down to watch it a couple of times since it came out and every time I recall that they are about to meet Jar Jar I just recoil in horror and stop it. I really find him intolerable (I find slapstick generally tough to sit through). Real shame tbh.
Best thing about EP 1 is this:
Whole moved summed up in just under 6 minutes. And to a great tune.
You could try this:
I haven't had the stomach to watch anything TPM-related since being dumb enough to pay to see it at the cinema, but I understand that particular version is almost watchable and at least mercifully shorter.....
3D lipstick ain't gonna make me want to kiss it any more that before...
All that money/time spent on trying to polish a turd when they could have spent it on polishing their diamonds:
The original theatrical trilogy.
Why the bloody hell aren't they available in full HD?
It makes perfect sense to me. The technology is new and untested, so you practise on Episode 1.
You missed the announcement then. September 16th. Fortunately you get the option to only buy the original trilogy.
The *original* trilogy or the *enhanced* trilogy that have been monkeyed with?
From what I've been reading, George Lucas hates the theatrical cuts of the original trilogy and the Blu-Ray release will be the special editions with more alterations to fit episodes 1-3.
I want the original theatrical cuts in HD, not the piss-poor low resolution non-anamorphic letterboxed DVD releases (which were simply taken from the old laserdisc masters) he begrudginly gave loyal fans.
"The *original* trilogy or the *enhanced* trilogy that have been monkeyed with?"
There's only one Star Wars trilogy and it starts with episode 4. Surely everyone knows that!
No no the original one as in the original release of 4-6 - rather than the bullshit CGI-doctored/bespoiled/pointlessly monkeyed-with version of those released a few years ago.
Lucas makes me angry, and I'm not even a Star Wars fan. The sooner he removes himself from the industry and goes into ostrich-breeding or something, the better.
Please, think of the ostriches!
George! Stop throwing money at the special effects and use it to pay for a decent writer instead...
"This isn't a novelty conversion, with things jumping out at the audience" rings very similar to when they said they were not going too overuse CGI in the Indiana Jones film we don't talk about.... CGI Gophers, CGI Monkeys, CGI Shia LaBeouf...
...in the latter case, the CGI version isn't any more synthetic than the real one.
Is this guy ever going to give up on shitting on our childhood memories?
Er no, no he isn't.
The opportunity to see a bad movie made even worse. I'm really hoping for pointless add-in 3D CGI effects that rival what was added to Mos Eisley in Star Wars. An utter explosion of pointless eye candy to flesh out an even more painful Marios Bros. storyline. At least this will give everyone a glimpse of what they'll be paying for when the new improved Star Wars comes out in glorious 3D Blu-Ray with a bonus disc of the original movie still in 4:3 widescreen, but on a Blu-Ray disc.
Maybe he'll replace Carrie Fisher with Lindsay Lohan or Luke Skywalker with Justin Bieber in the next version. Those nice little 'this is what I really really meant to do' tweaks.
Or maybe he could just save himself a few bucks, hire some good techs, scan in the original prints, clean both the video and sound and stamp out one good trilogy (I'm willing to give on the ewok portion) on BD and maybe a second disc cool space battels shot from the imperial point of view.
the 3d opera
... vulture culture vulture.
Bearing in mind non of the actors saw anything other than a green screen, it should be easy to stereoscope them. The rest of the film was rendered by computer so simply doubling up there can't be difficult.
Still a back of shite, just shite in 3d.
I'd prefer them to put the effort and money into remaking the film properly, from scratch, with minimal cg, decent script, and actors who are allowed to actually act.
That means no input from the bearded one.
Dvillish Bill Gates cos there isn't an icon for Lucas.
"Still a back of shite, just shite in 3d."
Hmmm shite in shite sauce then?
On the other hand, they could splice in Nathalie Portman in 3d, but sans clothes, to make up for Jar Jar's inadequacies...
Better still, get her in a THX1138 reboot...
Alrightalright, I'm going!
When will Lucas realise that a poor movie with no character or substance and some truly dreadful acting will not suddenly become better when you stick more effects on it?
I actually liked the Special Editions of the original movies, but that was because I liked the original movies. Episode 1 really doesn't mean f-all to me :(
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