back to article US politician: 'homosexual agenda' behind TSA groin grope

A US politician says he's uncovered the real reason for the recently introduced groin-grabbing TSA patdowns. He claims they're part of the dreaded, morals-sapping, country-destroying homosexual agenda. "The next TSA official that gives you an 'enhanced pat down' could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from …


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  1. Anonymous Coward


    Just between you and me, that's the silliest thing I heard all day. But if will get America's not inconsiderable population of homophobes to stand up for civil liberties, I'll play along...

    Yep, that's totally the reason they're doing this. Have you noticed how they always have someone of the SAME SEX pat you down? How do you explain that if it's not part of the gay agenda? Hmm?

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Sadly the hysterics are not far off...

      Because that's exactly what they are thinking.

      Twitter user @FlyingwithFish has investigated TSA policy for months, including this new 'enhanced' pat-down procedure, and found that the TSA agents who have to perform the pat-downs would prefer not to have to. He also found that those in hysterics over the millimeter and backscatter machines and the enhanced patdowns are worried exactly over "who touches their junk" (in the parlance of one engineer who was subjected to it at San Diego Airport and who now potentially faces an $11,000 fine over his behaviour).

      The hysterics over people of the same sex performing 'enhanced' pat-downs (nevermind the logic of "would you rather have a WOMAN touch your junk" or vice versa for female passengers) are becoming tiresome to be honest, and this politician is just taking ruthless advantage of this wave of righteous indignation to score points.

    2. The Indomitable Gall

      The grain of truth...

      The guy's flipped, BUT there is a grain of truth hidden in his ranting.

      We have same-sex pat downs precisely because of an assumption of heterosexuality, making the patdown unambiguously non-sexual. But now that society has accepted that this assumption is nonsense and that homosexuality is normal, we cannot assume that a same-sex patdown has no sexual connotations.

      So surely it's time for an end to the same-sex patdown?

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    3. Anonymous Coward
      Jobs Horns

      Now now now now...

      All we gotta do is wait for the vehmently anti gay preacher to be photographed coming out of his hotel room with a nice escort boy in tow... I mean one of his young friends... Umm I mean his nephew....

      Or was that in a stall in the mens toilets in an airport.....

      Or.... ummmm

  2. Anonymous Coward

    You know, I'm opposed to absurd security theater...

    ...but this is one reason I really hadn't considered.

    *Cue 50 derogatory 'yank' posts from people who think that all Americans are exactly like this idiot*

    1. Vincent Ballard


      I've seen plenty of people on /. suggesting that the TSA is likely to see an increase in job applications from homosexuals. No idea what percentage were Americans, though.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Down

        And Slashdot would be wrong.

        How many gay people (other than chubby-chasers) would want to have to perform patdowns on the obese passengers who would rather risk the pat-down than having their flabbiness exposed on a backscatter or millimeter wave machine!

        I for one wouldn't.

  3. thecakeis(not)alie

    This is the sort of man who makes more than triple my salary.

    Truly there is no justice in this world.

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  4. Eric Olson

    If there was a outed pool...

    I would pick him to be the next one caught in a two-man grope fest in a public bathroom, possibly complete with snorting cocaine off some male hooker's twig. We have a wonderful history in the US of the most strident anti-gay voices being the most closeted folks in this great nation.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    "You'll see men hand-in-hand skipping down to adoption centers to 'pick out' a little boy for themselves."

    Riiiiight, because all gay people are sexually deviant and therefore paeophiles.

    Pillock, thank god politicos cannot get away with that kind of talk here...mainly.

  6. Anonymous Coward

    Better than....

    "Or, for that matter, airports will be chockablock with buff, pieced leathermen crowded into TSA perv-scan booths, drooling over grainy images of forbidden fruits."

    Better than bible thumpers drooling over grainy images of forbidden fruits I guess.

  7. Steen Hive
    Thumb Down


    Straight as I am, I'd rather be patted down by one of Village People than an "All-American-Family" sicko anyday.

    1. PT

      Village people?

      You know, the image of people with their arms up making a 'Y' in front of the scanners IS evocative.

      1. Anonymous Coward

        OMG...I'm gonna be in sooo much trouble now...

        Its going to be so hard to resist, doing the arm actions whilst being pat down... I really wish you hadn't of said that.... And now I'm going to be strangly/unexplicably drawn to the queue where the guy in uniform has a big tash... hopefully his colleagues will see the funny side rather than just drawing their sidearms..

    2. BorkedAgain

      Gay icons, sure...

      ...but I'm pretty sure only one or two of the Village People was actually gay.

      Mind you, it'd be kind of fun to have them pat you down. Something to mention at the next soiree. "A funny thing happened to me on that flight back from San Francisco..."

  8. A.T. Tappman (Chaplain)

    watch out for those homosexual breeding grounds...

    There'd be none of us gays about if it wasn't for us breeding all the time. We're just like bunny rabbits in that regard. Evil bunny rabbits that make the baby jesus cry.

    Do you think Delgaudio's been getting his biology lessons from the Texas education board perhaps?

  9. kain preacher Silver badge


    We had to out do you brits with the ISP censoring. Seriously this wack job does not speak for the majority of Americans.

    1. Anonymous Coward


      Unfortunately he speaks TO a significant minority. Speaking as a straight guy; I've never really understood the anger and fear (two side of the same coin?) directed at homosexuality. I understand not wanting to be groped by a complete stranger who might be 'getting off' on it (assuming that the gropees are 'fit' enough to provide the requisite thrill) but really, what are the odds?

      1. Scott 53

        @AC 10:49

        What are the odds? About 1 in 10, apparently.

        1. CD001


          Is that the odds that the person patting you down might be gay OR that they might be gay AND find you attractive?

          Put it this way - I'm straight but Ann Widdecombe doesn't "do it" for me I'm afraid.

      2. MeRp


        All things considered, when I really think about it, I think I'd rather someone groping me that enjoyed it over someone who didn't, if I have to be groped by a stranger. Maybe the TSA should seek out homosexual chubby chasers for the enhanced pat downs; then, at least, someone could be enjoying themselves. It would certainly de-stress the situation somewhat.

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: Hey

      "Seriously this wack job does not speak for the majority of Americans."

      Relax. We know. We have wack jobs over here, too.

  10. Anonymous Coward

    "playgrounds into homosexual breeding grounds"

    might have to suggest that to some friends of mine, they've been trying to adopt for years.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One more example

    If you want to see whack jobs, look to U.S. politicians.

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

      Don't be silly

      our politicians are just DIFFERENT whack jobs. Nut-cases rule!!

      I'll get me coat.

  12. Jonathan 17

    What a silly goose!

    I give it 2 months till he is caught on having a tryst with a young male aide.

    1. LINCARD1000
      Big Brother

      Self-hate is a very unattractive look

      Aide? No, more likely a male prostitute - someone like this guy would have to PAY for someone to be with them, I cannot imagine there would be any willing volunteers.

      But yes, foregone conclusion that this guy is no different than the majority of other 'phobes and has more than an unhealthy interest in what gay men get up to in the privacy of their own bedrooms.

    2. Swarthy Silver badge


      The prefix homo- means "similar" or "same", as in a homosexual is one who is sexually attracted to the same gender; is a homophobe one who is afraid of people like themselves?

      Just asking.

      1. Walking Turtle

        Smell the Musty Face of Fear.

        ..."is a homophobe one who is afraid of people like themselves?"

        Among others (to the proportion of roughly two in twenty), yes.

        And that is all! ;)

  13. foo_bar_baz

    The secret agenda!

    "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

    1. Glyn Smith

      no comment

      Gentlemen, please. No fighting in the War Room.

    2. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Perfect ...

      dr Strangelove quote.

      The guy probably thinks we're all "preverts"

      1. Anonymous Coward


        Correction: he probably thinks we're all "preverts".

        Now please, take that sidearm and shoot this vending machine!

        --beer icon, as long as it's made from pure rainwater combined with pure fermented American wheat.

  14. kain preacher Silver badge


    "If you want to see whack jobs, look to U.S. politicians."

    He is small time idiot , Barely above a mayor .

    1. jcipale


      An IDIOT nonetheless.

      1. Walking Turtle
        Paris Hilton

        And nonetheless...

        @jcipale: "An IDIOT nonetheless."

        ...a Useful Idiot to somebody Above Him, all the way up to but not past the Gates of Heaven. (Mammon Factor prevents entry.) Profitable Connivance all the way up; Useful Idiocy all the way down.

        At least when it's turtles, it's nothing but *turtles* all the way up... And all the way down too.

        Paris. She knows from Being Used for her Useful Idiocy, no doubt about it. Knowing does not stop it... And that is all. ;)

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just how often...

    Just how often do these gay-bashing homophobes turn out to be closet queers (no disrespect to gay people intended)? What a bunch of hypocrites! I admit - I have been attracted to men in the past, as well as many more women, and I have been married to the same woman for almost 37 years! Sex just is - don't try to analyze it!

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      No idea

      I have no interest at all in gay men, but unlike this politico, I don't feel threatened in the slightest by them. Why should I? The best evidence I could find is this analysis from the OKcupid dating site, which supports my view:

      Maybe he needs to get out more...

      1. bubba-bear

        Maybe he needs to get out more...

        I suggest that he check out the DC Eagle or the Green Lantern in DC; perhaps he is already familiar with them. Loudon county is near Washington, DC (the Washington DC Dulles airport is mostly in Loudon county).

        1. Someone Else Silver badge


          Maybe he needs to get outed more....

  16. mhoulden

    "Practising" Homosexual?

    I thought that kind of language had gone when we left the1970s, although judging by the photo the only bit of Delgaudio that hasn't stayed there is his hair dye/toupee. I do find it amusing when people like him say that gay men might come onto him, as it were. Does he consider himself attractive to members of the same sex?

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge


      Of course he does not want 'practising' homosexuals, he wants ones that are good at it!

    2. LINCARD1000
      Thumb Down


      Do. Not. Want.

    3. Tim Schomer
      Big Brother

      Not really,

      He's probably wanting to ban them BECAUSE none of them have made a pass at him and he feels a little jealous and left out. (If I can't have it then no-one can!!)

  17. blackworx

    "homosexual breeding grounds"

    Question: how on earth would homosexuals "breed"?

    1. Anonymous Coward

      How to "breed".

      I don't want to spell it out too clearly, but you need to end up with a human fertilised egg implanted in a human womb.


      In this weather I've got my coat on already!

    2. Just Thinking

      Not literally

      I think "homesexual breeding ground" is based on the theory that it is contagious.


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