back to article How to kill your computer

Many people simply ignore the rule "if it aint broke, don't fix it" and end up annihilating their computer through a burst of static electricity or dodgy DIY. Back in 2002, El Reg ran a few pieces on the obscurer ways to kill a computer. Most of the links are dead, so we thought we'd have an updated look into this wacky world …

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  1. Arnold Lieberman
    Pint

    Good Idea

    Using Flash for the videos. Should keep some of the more rabid fanbois away.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Troll

      So...

      screw those that have low bandwidth? What about those with accessibility issues? Flash also works on the Mac platform BTW. Twat.

      1. TheOtherJola
        FAIL

        I don't know what's funnier

        The fact that he was trolling, or the fact that you bit!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Give me a couple of days

    >Do you know any more ingenious ways to destroy a computer?

    I'm not an evangelist for windows, linux, apple or any other OS and have various machines running the most suitable for a given task but if Windows 7 hangs one more time while swapping between users then I will have some photos for you and they won't be pretty.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Flame

      @Chris W

      Win 7 hanging on user swap? Graphics driver.

      Dunno about others, but in the ATI world Catalyst 10.7 and 10.8 hang like that, but 10.9 doesn't. None of 'em handle suspend/resume gracefully.

      10.10 (current) works and appeared to also suspend/resume in an initial test, but it also comprehensively fucks up the colours displayed with the 57xx series GPUs so I ripped it out. I may be putting my tail between my legs and going back to nVidia if these pillocks don't ship a working bloody driver for Se7en soon.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @TeeCee

        Thanks. It's an nVidia card and the graphics drivers are, as far as I've read, not particularly good. They seem to suffer from a memory leak problem. I used to be able to go about a week between reboots but since a windows updgrade last week, which included new drivers, it hangs at least once a day. I think I'll remove it and use the onboard intel graphics.

  3. Adrian Esdaile
    Grenade

    If he really had balls...

    OOoooohhhh Look at ME! LOOK AT ME DAMMIT! I'm smashing Apple gear! I'm redefining guerilla flashmob anti-marketing against the capitalist corporate zeitgeist!

    I bet he makes a tidy sum out of it. ahem.

    If he had the balls he would crush a Bugatti Veyron live in the Top Gear studio. The Stig would then nut him to death and the world would be a better place.

    Sorry, but but people who just smash up expensive kit are the same as the kind of tuckfards who have to have watches that cost more than 4 average houses: oxygen thieves we would be better off without.

    And yes spellcheck, TUCKFARD is a word. Don't make me change the T & the F....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Boffin

      tuckfard

      Tuckfard - Noun; a person who wants to, but cannot, swear due to a pathological disorder. see Kryton - smeg head, or Adrian Esdaile - Fucktard.

      1. Adrian Esdaile

        COWARD!

        Exactly, that.

        Smeghead.

  4. Florence
    Coffee/keyboard

    How about the old fashion way?

    Coffee.

    Still works fine at destroying most laptops. OK so I did get my laptop back after they replaced the motherboard, hard drive and optical drive, but I think any motherboard replacement effectively means the computer has been killed.

    1. Nigel 11
      Pint

      Cola and other perils

      Coffee is not a patch on any sort of Cola drink for destroying electronics (and teeth)

      Most laptops can be dropped down a drain these days, so if you sling yours onto the seat inside your car, make sure you retrieve it before someone opens the door.

      Dropping your backup disk (USB, 3.5", aluminium case) a meter or so onto the laptop's keyboard is a good one. Especially if it lands corner down, dead centred on the laptop's hard disk.

  5. JDX Gold badge
    Thumb Up

    BLEND IT

    http://www.willitblend.com/

    Amazed they missed this one.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Here's an image of my own Macbook battery...I was shocked at the sudden expansion.

    Wow that looks like quiet a serious defect, any chance you can post the link to the original story that covered this potentially hazardous failing... Surely there *is* an original story for such a dangerous defect... it wouldn't have been passed over due to a certain brand name would it?

  7. Patrick Evans

    Will it blend?

    Can't believe you didn't include the obvious option.

  8. Lee Dowling Silver badge

    Cat

    I once took my laptop to the mother-in-law's down in Cornwall. Woke up in the morning to a dead laptop. Turned out the cat had been sick and managed to direct it into the side-vent and toasted the motherboard.

    Never did see any compensation for that and apparently the house insurance "didn't cover it".

  9. Jason Togneri
    Alert

    Oh dear

    > Do you know any more ingenious ways to destroy a computer?

    Cue the legions of Apple fanbois and Linux freetards chirping out that tired old "install a Microsoft OS into it!" line. I hope something a little more original comes out of this.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      this time...

      You can reply with "well you don't need to do anythign to a mac just look what happened to the authors macbook!!"

    2. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

      MS Windows machine.

      Just install Norton on it.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Grenade

    Will it blend?

    Almost certainly, but you might have to hack it into smaller pieces first.

    http://www.willitblend.com/

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Do you know any more ingenious ways to destroy a computer?

    Wasn't thermite covered here a while back? if not I demand to know why it hasn't, GO! DO IT NOW (was that subtle suggestion to loud?) I know its snowey but that'll just add to the fun when it hits the ice under the flap top.

    Oh the dilema Flames or Goggles?

  12. Dave Murray
    Jobs Horns

    $800 for a broken iPhone?

    Clearly the guy is mad.

    1. Snapper
      Alert

      Only Mad?

      He destroyed an iPod Touch in front of his kids to teach them a lesson!

      Mad, bad and dangerous to know!

  13. adfh
    Alert

    PSUs with voltage switches - set it to the wrong one..

    Wanna see caps go bang? Just flip the voltage switch on the back of some PSUs (Eg. 110/240) to something other than what your domestic supply is.

    1. Toastan Buttar
      Unhappy

      Bad memories

      Oh God, please don't remind me about the time I replaced an American plug on a CRT monitor with a British plug. I correctly matched the USAnian colour-coded (color-coded?) wiring to the British Standard 100% accurately. Then FORGOT TO CHANGE THE VOLTAGE JUMPER.

      Zing! Flash! Kaboom! Near instantaneous death.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    "steamroll over a few computers yourself?"

    I seem to remember Dr Fred Dibnah OBE RIP doing that for DEC with the genuine steam powered full size glorious old thing when DEC launched the Rainbow. Links most welcome, if anybody has them.

    Beer. No need to ask.

  15. informavorette
    Alert

    With all these methods, you end with a mess to clean up

    A very clean alternative would be to just ship it once around the world. With a suitably chosen delivery service, your chances for the parcel to never again be seen on Earth's surface are better than 4 out of 5.

    The best services are even able to convince you that you cannot have shipped the computer with them because it never existed in the first place.

    1. Captain TickTock
      Jobs Horns

      Fly United

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Breaks_Guitars

      Clear the man is suffering iHate

    2. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Alert

      From http://www.cluefire.net

      If being dropped out of an aircraft into what is, for all anyone knows,

      a minefield is "moderately rough handling", what would constitute

      "rough handling" or "very rough handling"?

      -- David Richerby

      Being shipped UPS.

      -- Dave Brown

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Talentless knob

    It doesn't matter how great an achievement the best minds of mankind can make, there is always some talentless knob around to destroy it, claim some fame or notoriety from it and call it art.

    Depressing.

    1. Aaron Em

      Depressing indeed

      But you can't call him entirely talentless -- anybody can hit a laptop with a sledgehammer; he'd have to be one hell of a hustler to parlay it into gallery openings.

      (Also keep in mind that this is southern California, Promised Land of idiots who believe there's no reason for anyone to have any kind of firearm ever because they're scary and evil and bad, so the fact that he shoots some of the laptops counts for a little extra "transgressive" frisson. Never mind that I've known lots of people who grew up putting holes just like those into road signs -- if rednecks do it, it *can't* be art.)

    2. Rattus Rattus
      Troll

      Anything is art...

      ...if an artist says it is.

  17. Youngdog

    Install Vista!

    B'dum tish! I'm here all week - try the veal.

    No seriously (Just for Jason T up there) a few of ways to accidentally kill a PC include;

    - disconnecting the fan

    - plugging it into a socket that isn't earthed properly

    - Using it to rest a drink on and then knocking said drink over and soaking the power supply (when switched on)

    There are, of course, many more ways to destroy the build while leaving the hardware intact - the best one I saw was one twonk who, faced with the agony of migrating to new hardware, decided the best thing to do was to export the entire NT Registry from his laptop and import it onto his new PC. Classic.

    1. Michael C

      I tried all this and more

      with a gateway laptop, and it would not die... Though in place of unpredictable liquids, i simply shorted the PS cable, but still close enough... I never did try direct input of 110v, but i know that would have done a lot more than simply trip a fuse on the board, and would have been obvious damage.

      I not only stopped the fans, I sealed the vents and put it in a 115 degree oven running burn-in tests from a linux DVD... nearly a day and I got the CPU and HDD hot enough to melt the casing, but it was not going to die...

  18. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  19. William Boyle

    WTF!?

    Re. Microwaving the MacBook laptop. Why didn't they put the battery back in and try to reboot it after it cooled down? That would show whether or not it was "toast"! :-)

    1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

      Oh, it's toast...

      I am betting microwaves in an oven would likely herf any unhardened consumer level electronics to hell.

  20. Arctic fox
    Happy

    This guy may very well be quite sincere when he says.......

    ..........that he means no "disrespect" towards St SJ's products (consciously at any rate) but _boy_ has he got some issues!

  21. Gavin 2

    Throw it out the window

    An old boss of mine did this with his laptop after it pissed him off one too many times.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    ..alternatively.

    ...just install 10.6.5 and watch your OSX MacBookPro become pretty useless ;-)

  23. Daniel B.
    Flame

    The Amazing Exploding HP Laptop!

    I actually have pics of one truly exploded HP Laptop which "went off" when I was in college. Our friend had just bought it about 2 weeks before so it was still new when this happened. He had the laptop on and was carrying it under his arm when it suddenly started sparking and leaking battery acid. He proceeded to lay it down on the ground, and ran to the bathroom to wash off the acid.

    Meanwhile, another guy tried to open up the laptop because there was smoke coming out of the thing. He had just opened up a bit when it started sparking again... and then proceded to detonate. It burst up in flames, exploded two times more, one of them expelling a battery cell about 10 meters away from the laptop, leaving a hole like an Alien chestburster had burst out of the laptop. We all stood dumbfounded watching the whole thing, until the security guard brought the extinguisher to stop the fire.

    This happened about 2 years before the "exploding laptop batteries" pandemic, so when my friend called HP to tell them that the laptop exploded, they didn't believe him. It was until he sent pics from the exploded laptop that he got a free replacement and an HP public apology being made to him and to the college.

    Hell, I still have the pics somewhere in my HDD. I should probably send 'em...

  24. John Fielder
    Gates Horns

    Artwork

    Anyone else think the close up of the smashed IPad screen is a wonderful work of art?

    1. Chemist

      Pretty impressive !

      "until he sent pics from the exploded laptop "

      And still able to connect to the interwebs !

  25. kain preacher Silver badge

    TSA

    I was thinking let a TSA person look at your laptop. My favorite is an idiot that set his laptop on a hot burner.

    I had a coworker tell me about an user that put his laptop in the oven, forgot about it and turned the oven. I called bullshit on that one. Then one day I saw on the news how an idiot burned his house down by forgetting that he put fire works in the oven to hid the from the kids .

    1. heyrick Silver badge

      Wow, and I thought it was bad...

      ...that my neighbour used to keep her cat litter tray in the oven.

      Accordingly, I never *ever* ate anything she cooked. It's just... too gross...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Boffin

        The oven

        The most sterile place in the home. And is self sterilising everytime its used. I'm surprised the marketing twonks haven't cottoned on to this USP for thier compainies ovens yet, but then science/reality really isn't thier strong point.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    power supplies

    Before the days of keyed ATX power supply connectors, AT power supplies were connected to the motherboard with two separate connectors side by side.

    These were not keyed, the trick was to keep the black wires together in the centre. I once reversed this arrangement on an IBM 286, magic smoke ensued.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Idiots can and will find a way.

    386 era power supply died. Having a fuse inside, yes I could replace that, but I only had a 2.5 amp rather than a 2 amp fuse, close enough.

    All back together turn it on, wow the pure white light from the computer, case a really good image of power supplys grill on the wall. Intense! Pull it all apart and the control circuitry had dissapeared, just a few metal legs left....

    Note to self, only replace fuses with the correct values.

  28. Aussie Brusader
    Coat

    I just lend mine to friends and family

    Laptops and PCs that have worked flawlessly for years last about 1 week. Dead drives, jammed keys and operating speeds that make turtles look like speed junkies. I just don't get it.

    I now only give away old stuff, cause I know I won't want it back.

    The people in the videos seem to have some serious anger issues and way too much spare time.

    I can't be bothered with doing anything apart from leaning across and dropping broken stuff into the bin.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    And they missed this...

    Here is another:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw9CNtKwqUY

    1. Chemist

      "Note to self, only replace fuses with the correct values."

      I doubt a 2amp fuse would have saved you - something was very wrong. Fuses are just not that sensitive anyway

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