back to article Bacon thief leaves rasher on door knob

Surrey police are hunting a burglar who broke into a house in Redhill, Surrey and swiped a packet of bacon - except for a single rasher left chillingly draped over the front door handle. As well as clearing the family's fridge of their salty pork belly breakfast meat, in the early hours of September 4, the thief also swiped a …

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Black Helicopters

Poor res CCTV

>> He is described as white with short dark hair and a moustache.

Are they sure it's not a strip of bacon across his upper lip?

I'll get my coat...

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Pernicious pork poacher pinches packet of preserved pig products

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Bacon.

=P~

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Flame

ohh the swine

But the question is... how did he know that particular house had bacon in the fridge?

And was it smoked bacon because unsmoked bacon is horrible and only enjoyed but trely stupid people.

oh I can smell the sizzle already.

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Headmaster

trely stupid people?

Not only do I much prefer the unsmoked variety, but I also have a (Mensa tested) IQ of 149.

Oh, and I can also spell "truly" properly (assuming that's what you were trying to type there and not an even more mangled version of "really").

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Coat

Even as we read this...

...police are preparing a hambush.

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Grenade

You know when "they" say the old ones are the best..?

They lie.

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IT Angle

Angle?

Apart from the love of pork products all geeks have, obviously.

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Anonymous Coward

The Register in non-IT related news story shocker!

You're new here aren't you...

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Megaphone

IT?

CCTV was the tech angle! Oh, the horrors of obsolete security tech!

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Coat

I think you mean

non-IT news related story.

Add hyphens to taste!

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Silver badge
IT Angle

Nein!

Right the first time really.

"non-IT news related story" implies it is a "story" not related to "IT News"

"non-IT related news story" implies it is a "news story" not related to "IT"

since the article is a "news story" (a telling of recent factual events), rather than a "story" (a narrative piece of writing either fiction or non-fiction, not necessarily recent in either case), the original grammar works best.

For more insight please read my latest book:

Mein Kampf (gegen die schlechte Grammatik)

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IT Angle

CCTV cam

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Silver badge

How did he get in?

Did he huff, did he puff, did he blow the house down?

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Happy

I can get away with reading this...

...until I start laughing having read a particularly daft but funny comment.

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Coat

I hear...

....there has been a rash(er) of this sort of thing.

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Gold badge
Coat

Yes, but..

.. at least he brought home the bacon..

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Ketchup?

Surely it should be HP Sauce with bacon...

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Noooo....

Ketchup with bacon, HP with sossies.

Makes me want a hog sarnie now this does...

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IT Angle

IT Angle?

There's your IT angle.

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WTF?

Mysterious malingerers

Wonder if this bloke is related to the criminal mastermind that scaled my 10-foot garden fence (with decorative victorian spikey bits) and stole a solitary tray of seedlings, leaving behind the identical seed tray sitting next to it, along with the lawn mower, watering can, etc also sitting on the porch, then re-scaling the fence and leaving nary a trace.

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Unhappy

@Mysterious malingerers

Have you tried scaling a 10 ft fence with or without Victorian decorative spikes, with a lawn mower?

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Coat

Nothing baffling about the rasher on the doorknob

He was obviously trying to wipe away his fingerprints?

Hammed it up by getting caught on CCTV though... he'll be in for a right grilling when they catch up to him.

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Anonymous Coward

Meaty amount of ham jokes

But I'm disapointed there wern't more knob gags.

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Coat

Just for you...

...The piggy product plunderer will have to hope he doesn't get hamstrung by his greasy knob :)

// Sorry, its the best I could come up with at short notice!

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Joke

Sorted!

A man goes to the Doctor and says that he has a serious sexual problem.

When asked to give details, the man says that for a very long time he has

been wanting to put his knob in the bacon slicer. The doctor is

astounded, and gives the man some pills and instructs him to take one

every day and to then come back and see him in a week. A week later the

man returns and the Doctor asks him how things went, to which the man

replies that he couldn't resist the urge and finally just had to put his

knob in the bacon slicer. A little worried, the Doctor asks to take a look

at the man's knob, but on inspection he can find nothing wrong with it.

"There's nothing wrong with you, what about the bacon slicer?" asks the

Doctor, to which the man replies "I don't know, he ran away!"

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Heart

I love the English language

In just about every other language on earth, that joke wouldn't work.

As for the bacon thief, I hope he gets assaulted!

BTW who would be in the market for dodgy bacons? "Yer, mate, I gots some hot bacon 'ere, just fell off the back of a truck, know wot ah meen?"

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Gold badge

Reminds me of Tommy Cooper ..

A man goes to the butcher, and asks for some beef from the top shelf

"You can't have it", he gets told

"Why", he asks

"Because the steaks are too high"

I'm thankfully old enough to have seen him on TV. Quality - he was one of the few who could deliver this stuff absolutely dead pan (well, for a moment, I liked that he usually had to laugh about it himself).

Two blondes walk into a building.

Funny, at least one of them should have seen it..

"Doctor, my arm hurts if I do this"

"Then stop doing that"

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Coat

Hamburglar surely ?

Me + coat + stage left

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Silver badge
Pint

Stealing packs of bacon from under their noses...

What a crackling idea!

...In other news John Prescott has been panic buying bacon to keep in his safety deposit box.

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Silver badge
Flame

Bacon thief?

Fry him!

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Flame

I suspect someones telling Porkies......

that and there's been a rash of no-new news today!

just getting the grill ready for diner....

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British Bacon Burglaries Bonanza

I had never heard a slice of bacon called a rasher before! Thanks to El Reg I am now slightly less dumb and my vocabulary is slightly less lacking. Hooray for bacon!

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Joke

Perhaps he was from Jamaica?

And his mate said "Go steal some beer-can...." and he rashed in and it all went wrong...

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Stranger than fiction...

There's movie potential, in the story. I bet the bloke could even strike a deal, about it. I see the States' own Robert De Niro cracking safes and expunging their contents, only to leave a full slab of bacon deposited in the vault - a dramedy!

The big case comes when - in an epic dramatic inversion - when De Niro attempts to pilfer the contents of the Honey Baked Ham treasury vault, only to deposit a small stack of $20 bills, in place of the porky products.

Hey, it's modern drama, "anything goes."

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Pint

Erm

“The victims are at a loss to understand why someone would break-in to their house and steal a packet of bacon"

I think the technical name is CH3–CH2–OH.

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Silver badge
Boffin

That's the formula

the technical name is ethanol

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Joke

nun

He's done the police a favour really, they can immediately eliminate 2 religeous groups from the suspect pool.

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Unhappy

Fat chance

That swine left here with the telephone. And the police won't investigate because its a hog on their resources.

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Joke

Hmm...

Bet the police give the guy a grilling when they find him.

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bacon tax

BACON TAX.

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Coat

Bring bacon...

He is doing it wrong.

Well, on second thought, he did bring the bacon, didn´t he, after all?

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