back to article LHC pulverises previous record: 2.36 TeV surprise collision!

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), already the most powerful particle-punisher ever built, smashed the collision record yesterday night as humanity's first 2.36 Tera-electron-volt collisions were recorded. Scientists at the colossal subterranean ATLAS instrument cavern, located on the 27-km underground orbital motorway for …


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  1. Anonymous Coward


    if anything does come through a portal - we are not going to get told about it


    if the universe was an 'easy' thing to destroy, someone would have already done it, i am going to be so disappointed if we are the most technologically advance species in the universe.

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge

      This portal

      couldn't we just mount a doorbell on the other side, so that whoever wants to come in can announce itself?

    2. Quirkafleeg

      Re: …and

      Somebody already has. This is that universe's replacement.

      1. Simon C

        that would be an awkward return sale

        Yes, erm God/Ethereal Being/Cthulu/Whoever,

        This this is embarrassing...

        this Universe you sold me, with its promise of a lifelong observation tank for the perpetuation of life...

        well urm...


        one of these life forms, well it kind of just broke the universe.

        Can I exchange it for a new one?

        No no no,..I dont want a refund, I just want one thats not going to fail.

        Ok thanks

        Appreciate that God/Ethereal Being/Cthulu/Whoever, I'll be sure to tell my friends about you.

  2. Gordon is not a Moron

    Is it just me...

    or does the rapid progress by those clever chappies point to them turning the LHC up to 11 on 1/1/2010 at about 6pm-ish GMT, the broadcast time for David Tennent's last outing as The Doctor in "The End of Time" ?

    I'm not crazy, I'm not paranoid & my coat isn't lined with tinfoil

  3. Scott 19

    Stand back

    If my name was Sam Beckett, i wouldn't stand anywhere near this machine.

    Saying that the tinfoilers maybe praying for aliens that can/can't (delete as which side you tinfoil hat leans) survive in a rich CO2 enviroment.

  4. Andus McCoatover

    Maybe we're already ... a Black Hole, no-one knows. Would we? How would it appear to us mere mortals? Dimensions would look precisely the same, surely.

    However, I know what a Brown Hole looks like, having partaken of the splendid advice of El Reg and the 'Reverse Cowgirl' technique, but that's another story...

  5. rpjs

    What I still want to know...

    Is the LHC a Hadron Collider which is Large, or a Collider of Large Hadrons?

  6. Jeremy Chappell

    Ahh so confident.

    Good old El Reg, so confident in the face of Universal Armageddon. Won't you look silly when the Universe ends and you're forced to put a grovelling retraction on your website?

    (And where is the icon for Universal Armageddon?)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      A collider for large hadron collisions.

      1. Chris Bradshaw


        Actually, the LHC is a large collider for large hadron collisions.

    2. Ian Stephenson Silver badge

      Think about it...

      When the Universe ends there will not be any chance to post the grovelling retraction so Win-win for El Reg really.

      (and where is the icon for facepalm)

      1. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge

        Now I'm confused...

        Just who is being ironic and who is being obtuse?

      2. TeeCee Gold badge

        Though about it.

        Ah yes, but as El Reg is always right on the ball news-wise, I'm sure they'll be able to get an apology out in the few nanoseconds between the start of Global Custardification* and the Dessert-topping conversion process consuming Vulture Towers.

        *Handily, with Global Warming, any custard generated will be piping hot and go nicely on Rhubarb crumble**.

        **This just leaves the question to be settled of where to get enough Rhubarb crumble to put 1.083e+24 litres of custard on.

        1. Rob

          Thanks TeeCee...

          ... I'm now looking forward to the end of the world/universe, I love crumble and custard :)

        2. Quirkafleeg

          Re: Though about it.

          Roobarb crumble? That doesn't sound right…

      3. Anonymous Coward


        Its SARCASM!

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up


          Glad you mentioned that, I generally fail to spot it unless I'm concentrating.

          Thumb up for any passing space craft..

    3. Stoneshop Silver badge

      In the same way

      that PIN stands for Personal PIN Number, LHC stands for Large LHC Collider.

  7. James Hughes 1

    Have they started making the anti matter yet?

    For the destruction of the Vatican?

  8. ThomasF
    Big Brother

    Lord Byron will be pleased

    "A Runaway Conceptual Custardisation Process Caused by a Collaptical explosion"

    It cannot be put more eloquently than that. Even Luis Sancho will be nodding his head at that statement.

    Its up there with "The Best of Byron Xmas Hits"

    Methinks the Pan-Continuum police force will be making notes as to the flowery nature of our regard for "The Higgs bosons experiment"

    As Higgs Boson turns out to be indeed his own sister.

    The "custardisation process" thickens

    1. Chris Bradshaw


      Does the anti-matter really matter??

      Yeah, the lab coat please

  9. Steven Raith
    Thumb Up

    To paraphrase Frankie Boyle

    "I hope they do destroy the universe, and when the debris has cleared, all that comes up is a big sign saying "Welcome to Level 2""

    Mangled the quote a bit, but you get the idea.

    Bring on the TeV.

    Steven R

  10. Anonymous Coward

    All is fine

    Ah yes, nothiinngg ttoo wwwooorrrrrryyy abbbooouuut aaattt aallllll

    III ffeeeeeelll qquuiittee ffiine now thank you :-)

  11. Bod

    So that's what they've spent all this money on

    It's a giant Tempest machine

    (see picture)

  12. John Sager

    Prose energy

    Lewis, your prose is not just purple, it's becoming positively ultra-violet! When, I wonder, will its photon energy reach 7Tev?

    1. Sodabread
      Thumb Up


      That made my day. Thank you.

  13. ShaggyDoggy

    Well ...


    (a) this is the future, and we didn't realise it

    (b) this is the present, and we can't see forwards

    (c) this is the past, and we think it's the present


    H. Boson

  14. luis sancho

    ONE GIANT LEAP BACKWARDS FOR MANKIND one little step for nuclear physics

    The idea that the most expensive, perfect weapon ever constructed, the light speed, super-fluid, 7 teravolts quark cannon built by the Nuclear Company of Europe (the LHC) represents no danger to mankind, because it has also some peaceful fringe benefits (the study of subatomic particles) is an oxymoron. All military technologies have peaceful applications but those facts must not hide the primary consequences of their use. Weapons are lineal systems that release enormous quantities of energy, able to erase the complex, fragile information that creates life; and the quark cannon, called in the peaceful ‘newspeak’ of the new era, the Large Hadron Collider, is not an exception. It is the final evolution of the Industry of Cannons, intimately related to the evolution of Physics, the science that studies energy and motion, founded by Galileo, a mechanist working for the Arsenal of Venice, which discovered those laws of motion, studying cannonball trajectories, 400 years ago. The duality of the fruits of the tree of science, with its positive influence on knowledge and its negative consequences for human life are exemplified as never before by this quark cannon. Yet in this case, the negative consequences, the possible extinction of life, far outweigh the benefits for our knowledge of the Universe, and this is the key fact that the Nuclear Company has successfully hidden to the public and governments that founded this absurd quest for reaching the energies of the big-bang that once might have destroyed the Universe and now menace to destroy the planet Earth.

    ‘Technological civilization is programmed by the principle that something ought to be done because it is technologically possible. If it is possible to build nuclear weapons, they must be built, even If they might destroy us all. Once this principle is accepted, humanist Values (something has to be done because it is needed by man) are Dethroned and technological development becomes the foundation of ethics'.

    Eric Fromm, father of political psychology

  15. Steve X

    It's already begun.

    A landed at GVA last night at 22:00. The Easyjet flight was 20 minutes early, which can only be explained by a major rupture in spacetime. It did seem a bit bumpy on the way down, I must admit.

    1. Gordon is not a Moron

      I can't decide

      Is luis sancho either :

      a) a tinfoil hat wearing loon

      b) taking trolling to a whole new level

      c) amanfromMars's sister

      answers on a postcard to the usual address

      1. Rob

        I don't really care...

        ... who or what he is, but if he stops me from a having a marathon session of crumble and custard I'll be inserting him into the LHC and firing it up.

      2. John 90

        Luis is right.

        The LHC really is a weapon. It was built by the Swiss to prevent the French from invading.

        But the French think they themselves built it to prevent the Swiss from invading France.

        It's situated on the border so that both nations get the defense benefit.

        One false move and it's Mutually Assured Custardification!

      3. Stoneshop Silver badge

        You forgot

        d) yes/no/undecided/can'tbebothered/alloftheabove

        e) none of the above

        f) badgerbadgerbadger

    2. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

      From physics to hippiness?

      Before it was quark matter, detailed predictions of what energy levels kill our poor hadrons and create all-collaptical black holes etc.

      Today, it's the general immorality of cannons, LHC is a weapon, weapons are bad, war is bad, white dove is good, peace and love, peace and love...

      Why is the sudden change of heart?

    3. Steve X

      final evolution of the Industry of Cannons,

      Rubbish. They still have to get it working at room temperature and without the need for that tedious vacuum. Lots more cannon evolution to go...

      As for "If it is possible to build nuclear weapons, they must be built, even If they might destroy us all." I think the reality is more like "If it is possible to build nuclear weapons, they must be built, before someone else builds one and uses it on us". Do unto others before they do unto you, etc.

      (and I think you'll find that Harold Lasswell was recognised as the "father of political psychology", about 40 years before Fromm. Unless of course this is an LHC-inspired time loop, and Fromm is Lasswell's grandfather, or...)

    4. Scott 19

      Luis Sancho

      I appreciate your words of wisdom but before i can accept them into my view of the ever changing world can you please clarify your feelings towrds the below :-

      1) Global Warming now known as Climate Change

      2) Paris Hilton

      3) Smoking

      4) M$ v Apple

      A score of 3 out of 4 will see me convert to informing everyone that the world will end through the LHC.

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge

        I'm not Luis Sancho

        but it's clear that Ms. Hilton is often responsible for at least some Local Warming, possibly followed by smoking. Whether this ties in with M$ versus Apple too, I'm not entirely sure.

    5. Yes Me Silver badge

      luis sancho's ranting and raving

      It really isn't worth deconstructing such drivel. Just one point: the notion that CERN has hidden anything, including the arguments that show why sancho's drivel is ...drivel, is, well, counterfactual. Anybody who knows anything about CERN, or the high energy physics community in general, knows this.

      Let's be collectively glad that sancho is tilting at *this* windmill and not at climate change science. (Wait a minute, didn't Sancho try to keep Don Quixote *away* from those windmills? Something wrong here, shureley?)

    6. HoRnO

      Luis Sancho

      The only signs of the coming apocalypse are the posts from people like you.

      Long, rambling, walls of text seemly thrown together at random and then posted anywhere that mentions the LHC across the internet.

      In your last post you managed to invoke Godwin’s Law which instantly means you lose.

      However I think I see the problem.

      If you were dumbing down what the LHC is to someone what would you say?

      Probably that it’s a big gun that fires small particles at other particles really quickly and looks at what happens when they smash to see what they’re made of.

      Now because you hear, big gun (or cannon in this case) and explosion! Then you hear reports of massive energy levels, the speed of light and world records and even though you don’t understand the scale, you go back to your simplest view of things you end up with….

      A big cannon that could destroy the world!

      Then you dig around the internet, throw some random phrases together, pick quotes and phrases out of context and create a massive conspiracy theory to fit your ‘big cannon’ idea and bingo, a Luis Sancho is born!

  16. This post has been deleted by its author

  17. Anonymous Coward


    How do we know we haven't already slipped through a parallel dimension and carried on without realising it?

    Alright it's utter bollocks, just trying to raise some interest on a boring Wednesday lunchtime!

  18. Secretgeek

    @luis sancho

    A couple of very minor points.

    Surely, Nuclear Company of Europe woud be NCE not CERN (unless that's what it stands for in French)?

    Also, I wouldn't consider Large Hadron COLLIDER to be a peaceful name given that it implies the powerful smashing together of hadrons.

    Fail x 2?

    Also I'm pretty sure the energies of the big bang actually created a universe not destroyed it (clue: take a look around). To be honest on the grand scheme of things if it takes destroying the Earth to create a whole bright and shiny new universe then I'm pretty comfortable with that.

    Referring to an earlier comment, maybe that's why we appear to be the most advanced race in the universe. Everyone else that's got to this level went *blink*.

    I'n no physicist but I certainly have appear to have a better understanding reality than you, you fruit loop.

  19. umacf24

    Not really the first TeV collisions

    Cosmic hadrons have been observed to go up to a billion TeV -- that's one proton with the energy of a hammer blow.

    Now that would be a particle cannon but unfortunately you seem to need a galactic core to generate those energies.


    1. Steve X

      Yes, it's French

      Centre Européenne pour la Recherche Nucléaire

    2. Dale Richards

      Re: luis sancho

      CERN originally stood for "Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire" (European Council for Nuclear Research). The name later changed to "Organisation Européenne pour la Recherche Nucléaire" (after they got organised?), but the acronym stayed the same.

      Of course, the research undertaken by the LHC can't really be described as "nuclear research", as they have gone beyond the atomic nucleus and are working with much smaller subatomic particles.

      1. rpenner

        Heh, an expert

        Not everyone who decides one morning to sue CERN can be bothered to look that up.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It's more likely than you think.

      Well no, not actually, but it's probably the excuse that the doomsayers will start to adopt now the thing is working and nothing bad has happened; they'll just insist that it has, but we are all too blind to see it. Did you know there are people out there who still think that the millennium bug actually did happen, and that there's been a massive cover up? The world as we know it came to an end on New Year's Day 2000, and the dang gubbimint has been hiding it from us ever since!

    4. Quirkafleeg

      Re: @luis sancho

      I blinked when I r


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