Just what I needed
...to get through a 14 hour day at work, stuck here until 9.30 for the second day in a row. Do I get an award for "most excessive reduction of personal time to accomodate additional workload unrelated to job description"?
“We should enter one of those Innovation in IT awards!” the Boss burbles one day, sidling up to the PFY and myself in a pseudo-ingratiating manner. “We should what now?” the PFY asks. “IT awards. We should enter one – it’s a great way of raising the company’s profile.” “Oh, the company’s going to some awards?” I ask. “No …
The boss's consciousness was necessary to get at the lager. The Dynamic Duo aren't automatons that kill everything in sight, they have GOALS in mind. One of those goals is beer. And if they don't have to pay for it, so much the better.
Thanks Simon. I *really* needed a BOFH episode today.
>SHARE the awards (And beer) with THE BOSS?
Absolutely - the Boss is very handy to push into the path of incoming half-cut congratulatory weasels that always crop up at these ceremonies. Leaving you free to chat up their escorts. Also, a good BofH doesn't show up on film, just in case it might be "evidence". It's good to have a boss to hide behind when the cameras come out.
Let the boss have his limelight, and empty his wallet at the bar, there's always the journey home over the Clifton Suspension Bridge, and that limo door looks a bit loose...
Noone got zapped, locked in tape safe, fell through floor tiles, tripped down stairs (maybe have this occur when boss given last award), server rack fell on, or thrown into a bin from the roof.
Wait weeks for new articles, and noone dies?
Really disappointing after having to deal with the unwashed masses over a graveyard shift.
Paris, as a night with her allways ends in a "happy ending".
We've just replaced an old but working VERY business critical mapping system at my place of work with a newly developed, heavily customised program which doesn't work properly. takes ten times the hours and manpower to do some key tasks, cost over a million pounds and *may* be fixed (at more expense) 'some time in the future'. Whereas we *COULD* have spend under £250k for an off the shelf, configurable package (which the rest of our indutry already uses), including unlimited licenses and all the bells and whistles that would automate most of the critical stuff we do.
Naturally, the brass (who naturally have no cause to use it themselves) think it's the bees knees, and recently we got a senior management propaganda e-mail round proudly trumpeting that this pathetic excuse for a program had been nominated for an IT award. You could actually track the progress of the e-mail's opening around the office by the disbelieving laughter...
And don't get me started on our new 'this will solve all our IT problems' implementation of SAP...
Badgers, cos they know more about IT than anyone running it in our company!
"“And the award,” our pimped-up celebrity pipes, “for enhanced collaborative virtual private networking in an out-of-hours time window between an awards event organiser and event nominee...”
“Breaking into the awards organisers computer network and replacing the winners with us...” the PFY murmurs."
An El Reg Current Work in Future Progress?
And the wording of the anouncement of the last award is going to sink in, and the Boss, having horribly embarrassed the company by cheating, becomes an ex-Boss.
BofH and PFY have had their party, and can mutter sorrowfully about how he had been a competent and knowledgeable Boss, and a pleasure to work with, and how could they have known? And only a lunatic would do such a thing.
Watch out for the episode where the Boss wins the award for causing a great service to humankind by unintentionally removing himself from the gene pool before he has had a chance to reproduce, courtesy of an act of unimaginable stupidity.
In other words, the BOFH and PFY dispose of him, then seed the websites of various news outlets with details of his tragic "death by misadventure" (as the Coroner would report it). Needless to say, the BOFH and PFY have a cast iron alibi for being in a completely different town on the day, as verified by numerous computer records and CCTV footage (it's amazing what you can do with video editing software these days...)
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