back to article Mel Gibson to put hand up Jodie Foster's Beaver

To cap a triumphant week at the El Reg elite headline-writing bureau, we're delighted to report today that Mel Gibson will star alongside Jodie Foster in The Beaver - the improbable tale of "a depressed man who finds solace in wearing a beaver hand-puppet". According to Variety, Ms Foster will direct the movie, as well as …


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  1. Jacko
    Paris Hilton


    a role for Paris?

  2. Bad Beaver


    Good times!

  3. Andrew Robinson
    Thumb Up


    Best... Title... EVER!

  4. Tzael
    Thumb Up


    Kempf me baby one more time!

    Headline is fantastic, as for a lack of IT angle maybe we'll get to see some animatronix beaver action...

  5. Anonymous Coward


    Of course there's an IT impact.

    Its going to be a CGI Beaver.

    Thus Mel will be able to flex his fingers during filming, secure in the knowledge that whatever gestures are made they will be covered up by some hot furry beaver.

    You see .. us Brits can get away with saying Beaver and not burst into hysterical giggles unlike you lot. We'll just have to snatch away all those naughty abuses of words.

  6. The Original Ash
    Thumb Up

    No problem

    It can't be worse than any movie Mel Gibson directed himself.

  7. Anonymous Coward

    I wonder if....

    They're going to shave a beaver.....

    Mine's the one with the razor in the pocket!

  8. eJ2095

    South Park?

    Mr Garison spring to mind???

  9. Anonymously Deflowered


    Frank Drebin: Nice Beaver!

    Jane Spencer: Thanks I just had it stuffed.

  10. Anonymous Coward


    Ok, what's the IT angle?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    I lol'd, keep up the good work.

  12. Thomas 4
    IT Angle

    While the Moderatrix's away.....

    ...the commentards will play.

    I can't help but feel that Aaron Kampf needs a suitable nickname for taking up the temporary role of comment scrutineer in Miss B's abscence. Suggestions after the beep....


  13. James O'Shea Silver badge

    Mel goes puppeting

    So what you're saying is that there'll be more intelligence on his hand than in the whole rest of his body?

    <adds movie to list of movies to be avoided at all costs> Pity. I quite like Jodie. But not enough to put up with Mel.

  14. Tim Russell
    Thumb Up


    Excellant end to the week, Fuq the IT angle, I needed a larf :)

  15. Anonymous Coward


    Greatest. Headline. Ever.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I can't believe that really is the plot.

  17. DZ-Jay

    Oh noooes!

    Not Aaron Kempf! I'm scared! Is he going to throw databases at us?


  18. Anonymous Coward


    Ms Bee is on holiday and you didn't tell us till FRIDAY.

    You bastards!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I'm just so overflowing with potential comments (mostly of a fairly tawdry nature, I'm afraid) that I don't know where to start and have ended up being lost for words.

    But it's good to see La Moderatrix finally getting a holiday. I was beginning to think you'd chained her to her desk.

  20. fissuria


    Run away you little pansy, Aaron Kempf is coming, Aaron Kempf is coming!!!

  21. Sergie Kaponitovicz

    Where do I sign up?


    I'd do it for free.

    No make that, I'd do it for $4million. It's not the size that counts, it's the educated arse behind it.

  22. Colin Barfoot

    ooh nasty

    Well I hope that Jodie Foster has taken suitable precautions because, according to Variety, Mel Gibson has "distribution shingles".

  23. pctechxp

    Should go straight to DVD

    Like her other naff directorial efforts.

  24. Kevin Campbell

    outstanding headline!

    who gives a Shiite what the IT angle may or may not be? Them there's some good headline writin'

    [opens browser, searches "coffee resistant monitor"]

  25. Niall 1

    One in the hand

    is better than two in the bush

  26. Anonymous Coward


    no seriously.. I'm actually disapointed...

  27. Coalescence


    I wonder if it'll be on Bluray? I like the idea of HD beaver, but Mel Gibson hanging out of the back of it, I'm not sure about..

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    The Week for it...

    The BBC are in on the smutty headline act too today with the fabulous:

    "Mother in Snatch Victory"

    Reffering of course to Army Land Rovers. Made me look twice though.

  29. SmallYellowFuzzyDuck, how pweety!
    IT Angle

    Well I'm sure we can allow it this time

    Just for the fun-ee headline.

    Hey is it Friday yet?

    Hmm, whats that?



  30. Anonymous Coward

    No really...

    seriously? Someone came up with this as a movie concept? The headlines and comments are guaranteed to me much more interesting and funny than the resulting movie!

    ...And let me be the first to welcome our hand-mounting beaver overloards...

  31. Jamie 19

    Best headline ever

    You deserve an award, and there is an IT angle. The interweb is full of pr0n and by design the title of this article makes it sound like cheap doctored pr0n, like the sort that the poor little rich girl Paris Hilton was supposedly in.

  32. Trinity

    Scared now

    Wow... that Aaron Kempf must be truly terrifying - this article's been here for aaaaaaaaaages, and there are no comments at all!

  33. WhatWasThat?
    Paris Hilton

    Lack of Ideas in Hollywood

    This just goes to show, eh?

    How long has Midori Days been out?

    Paris, "cos-playing" with her would be a real treat.

  34. Mein Kempf Gold badge

    You f**king pussies

    If any of you Limey pussies even think of touching Jodie Foster's pussy I'll stick you on my death database and come and pop a cap in your colonial asses. What are you afraid of, eh, you fucking pussies - databases coming to get you, eh? Fucking pussy losers

  35. AndrewB57
    Paris Hilton

    Lucky Guy

    And Gibson gets PAID to do this?

    Where's the justice?

    Paris, cos she probably didn't get paid

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    But is it a stuffed Beaver ?

    Does anyone know ?

  37. Andy Barber

    Gay - God

    One's Gay & the other has found God. What can possibly go wrong?

  38. proto-robbie

    @Mein Kempf

    What are you on? Is this some kinda bestial redneck sex fetish hogwash? We have our own British beavers thank you (OK they're from Bavaria), but still doing what British beaver does best. As for Jodie Foster's pussy, please feel free, and get in touch if you need a hand.

  39. Aryan Kampf
    Paris Hilton

    Mel & puppet - perfect combination!

    For as we all know, every beaver is only a few inches away from an arsehole.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and add you all to my database.

    Paris, because few have done so much for the humble Outer Join.

  40. Matt Hawkins

    Original Films

    With the only films coming out of Hollywood these days either sequels, comic adaptations, computer game adaptations or book adaptations every one thought Hollywood had no original ideas left.

    Well who is laughing now suckers! Hollywood is back.

    With a beaver.

  41. Alephi

    IT angle

    Jodie Foster starred in Contact, based on the book by Carl Sagan, supporter of SETI.

    I'll allow it.

  42. Chika

    Been done, hasn't it?

    A man who finds solace using a hand puppet?

    Sounds familiar, doesn't it, Mr. Hat?

  43. Nutgone

    Experienced assistant

    I would like to offer my assistance to Mel as I have great experience in this artistic artform.

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