back to article BOFH: Spontaneous Legal Combustion

The following concludes episodes 4b, 4c and 5b, which are available exclusively to Register Platinum Cookie readers (with access to the content opulent Register Website). For the benefit of general (Lead Cookie) readers, the following flashback snippets have been approved for distribution: Boss: You Bastards! (Episode 4b) …


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  1. Admiral Grace Hopper
    Thumb Up


    Outstanding work. Am I the only one who read, "carefully" for "carelessly"?

  2. Methusalah
    Thumb Up


    I have a double chocolate chip cookie. What does that get me?

    Don't need a coat...the suns out

  3. Andrew Jones


    what was that?

  4. Dave


    I only had a chocolate chip cookie and I ate that at tea break this morning.

  5. Wize
    Thumb Down


    Not too sure about this one.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Platinum Cookie!!!

    I'm sorry, I didn't see the Platinum Cookie option when I just registered.

  7. Andrew Moore Silver badge


    The Bastard Lawyer from Hell

  8. Paul Stephenson


    The leading paragraph left me confused, but with a sudden desire to eat cookies.

    /AFK - Gone to bakery.

  9. paul
    Thumb Up

    A return to form

    After having just re-read the archive this week whilst waiting for a new one, I'm pleased to say this ia a complete return to form. Now if he could just get back to a weekly delivery schedule...

  10. Ben Oldham

    Jumping the?

    (complete with fricking laser beams...)

  11. Emj
    Dead Vulture

    What the....

    does this mean? "The following concludes episodes 4b, 4c and 5b, which are available exclusively to Register Platinum Cookie readers (with access to the content opulent Register Website). For the benefit of general (Lead Cookie) readers, the following flashback snippets have been approved for distribution:"

    For f's sake - surey the reg hasn't stooped to multi-levels of users? Pathetic if it has. Hopefully, this is just some kind of joke that I will get the punch line to some point in the future...

  12. Bassey
    Thumb Up


    That is all

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    huh ?

    What platinum cookie ?

  14. Dalen
    Thumb Up

    Bastard Attorney From Hell?

    Or did the PFY choose to represent them both?

    Awesome episode, probably my favorite for a long while. And an awesome explanation for "missing" ones. Where do I sign up for El Reg Platinum Cookie?

    *off to wipe Pepsi from the keyboard*

  15. Anonymous Coward





    DAMN YOUY SIMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    on a serious note, well done, a work of genius.

    AC - for obvious reasons

  16. Oli


    pure genius as usual simon!!

  17. Anonymous Coward


    What a great way to round up the story, thanks Simon. I just feel sorry for anyone who missed the buildup.

  18. Nick

    Platinum Cookie

    Where do I get one of those platinum cookies?

  19. Simon B

    Where's episode 5??

    Just checked the BOFH archive and confirmed that episode 5 of 2009 is missing!!!! Has the BOFH deleted it, shredded the only print out of it and wiped all archive records of it???

  20. Adam Connelly
    Thumb Down


    Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

  21. Daniel Gould
    Thumb Up

    A welcome return to form, Simon

    Nice to see a good return to the days of old. Please keep up the good work on a more regular weekly basis. Try prune juice - good for the mind and regularity, I hear.

  22. Anonymous Coward
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    ...the crappest in all the time it's been going, makes no sense and is about as funny as pig flu

  23. Anonymous Coward

    Oh well,

    These documentaries are all well and good, but when is Simon going to write some fiction?

  24. Anonymous Coward

    Platinum Cookies...

    don't taste nice... but this has made my day.

  25. roger
    Paris Hilton

    wow that sucked

    im guessing this is the end.

    Paris because even she knows this is not hot

  26. Dave P


    That is both wild and wonderful. A great start to the month,

  27. Rob


    What's going on?

    Does simon not want to write BOFH anymore?

  28. Kevin Johnston


    well...then Somehow this one just doesn't

  29. Steen Hive

    Is this

    Judge Tomas Norström summing up at the close of the case against Monique Wadsted and Henrik Pontén for conspiring to pervert the course of justice, perchance?

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Platinum coookies?

    I love the closing argument it is so detailed.

    Paris because she would know what to do on a carpet..

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thorpe Trial

    Very similar in tone to the Peter Cook summing up of the Jeremy Thorpe trial. Are they by chance related?

  32. Working Grunt
    Thumb Down


    Huge Disappointment - I enjoy the BOFH, a useful reminder that the real world can and does bite the boss's backside - but this was just plain boring. Has Simon finally sold his franchise? Maybe this is why the previous episodes are only for paid up members.

  33. Bill Cumming

    all this needs....

    ... Is a gravely voice over....

    "In the world if I.T. their are 2 different and separate organizations.

    The I.T. Department who investigate and solve serious Network issues.

    And the managers who appose them...



    These are their stories....."


    Mine is the judges robe with the black hankie in the pocket....

  34. amanfromMars Silver badge

    A Salutory Tale

    And in Real Life too, is IT just as easy to Sweep Away the Dross and Dead Wood with a few Well Chosen Words of Clear Explanation.

  35. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    So what happened...

    To episode 5 then?

  36. J Nekritz

    available exclusExclusively to Register Platinum Cookie readers!

    You.. you!.. Wait.. Where did the this carpet come from....

  37. cdilla
    Thumb Up

    Top wordsmithing

    "perjurous casserole of untruths" - worthy of Stephen Fry indeed. A most entertaining BOFH.

  38. Chris

    Bet the admin's @ the reg...

    ....are nearly amused about all the people asking to become a platinum cookie member

    Classic BOFH!!!

  39. A
    Thumb Up


    Just great!

  40. Pirate Dave

    lead cookies

    I guess there's a reason I'm a "lead cookie" Reg reader. I didn't get this BOFH. Zoom, right over my head it went. Thick as lead I must be...

  41. Anonymous Coward

    message from a lead cookie

    oh come on... when are you going to release those missing episodes ? :(

    don't forget that lead cookies can vary in shape, most common lead cookies come in the form of bullets through windows :P

    //resident bastard signing off ... i'm off to buy some cookies from the local huntin^H^H^H^H^H^H cookie shop.

  42. Matt D

    Pay attention, chaps.

    For those of you asking where episode 5 is, it is here:

    And has been for a fortnight. It is also the top story in the 'most read' panel to the right of the story.

    Goggles, as you should really wear your glasses if you are short-sighted.

  43. Mike Smith

    A suggestion

    How about some of the critics on here try their own hands at a BOFH type story? It's not as easy as you might think. I've been trying to write a set of BOFH TV scripts as an exercise, and it's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be when I started.

    So, who's up for it? Let's have a competition. Winner gets induction into the Grand Mastership of Bastards, losers get induction into their central nervous systems at 400,000 volts.

    Any takers?

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thorpe Trial 2

    Is the BOFH and his author also a "player of the pink oboe", I think we should be told.

  45. Mat
    Thumb Down

    Not impressed

    not that funny to be honest

  46. Chris
    Gates Horns

    Call yourselves geeks!?

    I shake my head in despair at anyone who "doesn't get" this article. Unless the art of advanced trolling has somehow leaked out from 4chan and dirtied our beloved reg...

  47. L. W.

    Episode 4b...

    ... was pretty good, 4c was so-so, but 5b was excellent, especially with this episode to conclude the trilogy!!!

    EMJ, click that button over there ------->> on the left side of the page and you'll see the other episodes, if that doesnt work, you can press alt +F4 and it will list all the episodes for you.

    Time for coat and head to the bar... mines the ones with the prinout copies of episodes 4b, 4c, and 5b in the pocket!!

  48. Chris Harden

    My Account

    Damn, that really makes me upset that I over-reacted to an article and deactivated my platinum cookie account in a fit of rage.

    Which is making me even more upset! That's it! I'm leaving the El Reg forever!

    (BTW, great episode as usual!)

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Hell, Episode 5b is worth the Platinum membership alone.

  50. Jon

    quite good

    If you ignore the "platinum cookie" hidden episode bollocks at the beginning I thought this was quite funny actually and not the doom and gloom others have been portraying it as.


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