back to article US Patent Office exposes Apple secret plan

The US Patent and Trademark office published an Apple patent filing on Wednesday that analysts are calling a bold attempt by the Cupertino Fruit Company to protect its core corporate values and business practices. Since the return of Steve Jobs to the consumer electronics giant and sometimes computer maker in 1997, Apple has …

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  1. David Wright
    Coat

    Just in time ...

    ... 12 o'clock approaches rapidly!

    I have your coat for you!

  2. Roger Greenwood

    The 36-24-36

    Cracked me up.

    Disclaimer - I don't use any apple products except granny smiths.

  3. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Happy

    Please tell me it's not an April Fool's?

    I'm guessing you guys didn't get any Apple freebies in your stockings this Christmas?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    Brilliant!

    And if it wasn't the 1st of April, I'd have believed *every* word! :-)

  5. Robert Ramsay

    not as good as the satnav/taser one...

    that is all.

  6. Greg
    Thumb Up

    Hehehehe

    Very good. I like it.

  7. spike
    Joke

    Fool?

    April Fool surley guv?

    Mine's the one with the joke book in the pocket.

  8. mike

    huh?

    happy april 1st;)

  9. Tom Cooke

    Wups

    Priceless - a brilliant piece.

  10. Tanuki
    Go

    You are too stupid to call this number. Please hang up.

    You mean you didn't pick up on the "Caller IQ" option in the latest release of OS.X-for-iPhone?

  11. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    Alert

    No! No! No!

    Lord Steve our saviour of the Church of Jobs will not be ridiculed in this way!

    I wish to place on record that this is incitement to religious hatred against my fanboi brethren and if the law won't save you the Lord Steve will visit vengeance upon your house, unbelievers!!!

    All kneel and praise the saviour of personal computing!

  12. Ign R. Amis
    Thumb Down

    Yo dawg

    I heard you liked obvious April Fools jokes so I put an obvious April Fools joke in your Register issue so you can get fooled on April Fools day.

  13. neil hanvey
    Thumb Down

    tldr

    i must say that the april fools stories this year have been a little bit boring

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fail

    Grade "F", must try better for April 1st

  15. Liam Johnson

    A none numeric title is required.

    36-24-36?

    No way - more like 10-2-36 looking at the diagram.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    hum

    2 in one day, thats gonna throw people off

  17. Dave

    Prior Art

    I already had a method for dealing with voicemail, although it doesn't work on all systems. Just send yourself a message to turn on the message-waiting light, then turn the phone over and flip the switch so the light goes out. Then you don't get bothered by messages from anyone else.

    As for phone call avoidance, I've done that for years. It's known as "time for a cup of tea", where one merely picks up one's cup and heads for the kitchen when the phone rings.

  18. rogueelement
    Boffin

    Constant

    Avogadro would have approved

  19. Tom

    I thought I was suppose to get to the END of the article

    before realizing it was an April fool.

    Apple would NEVER patent something obvious like an answering machine that doesn't record message. That would be Microsoft who does that, because they are the only company that can afford all the lawyers required to protect such an absurdity.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Apple are shit

    Spot the fangirls having hissy fits.

    If it was not true it would be funny.

  21. Ed Blackshaw Silver badge

    @The 36-24-36

    I have to admit a geeky chortle at the use of Avogadro's constant for no apparent reason.

  22. Evil_Medic
    Boffin

    6.02x10^23

    I'm pretty sure that was used to identify the humanoid figure as a "mole"- an internal spy.

    Still made no sense, as the "mole" would seem to be using said avoidance techniques to prevent disseminating inside info.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Nice one Rik

    Someone buy that man a beer on me :-).

  24. James O'Brien
    Joke

    Even though Its April 1st

    I would like to let everyone know Im going to patent a new silence system, prior art be damned.

    Its called duct tape over the mouth and a leather sap....

    /Mafia my ass they dont.......

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