back to article Ryanair may charge cattle to use the bog

Budget aerial cattle transporter Ryanair may ask the self-loading cargo to pay for a visit to the loo, chief exec Michael O'Leary suggested today. He told the BBC: "One thing we have looked at in the past and are looking at again is the possibility of maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door so that people might actually …

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  1. Martin
    Stop

    message in a bottle

    It almost might be worth taking a trip with them just so I could take a leak in a bottle and hand it to one of the on board shop assistants for disposal.

    hmmm they just better hope I dont need a dump!!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Doesn't affect me

    one trip on Ryanair was enough to put me off for life

  3. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Yes, yes...

    We all know RyanAir will fleece anyone silly enough to buy a "budget" ticket from them.

    But where's the IT angle?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    mile high club

    how much is 2 want to use the bog....

  5. Rune Moberg
    Thumb Down

    Bright idea

    I was very happy the other day, stranded in an airport in Istanbul, with only coin-operated luggage trolleys as far as the eye could spy. I'm a Norwegian, so I did not have on me any of the local currency, nor any Euro coins.

    I finally hunted down an abandoned trolley and solved my problem that way.

    To Ryanair: Peeing in a cup is free. Your move.

  6. Wize

    If they do such a crap thing...

    ...I'll be holding the door for the next guy.

    Their records will show only one person went to the toilet, but had a massive dump.

  7. Alex C

    problem is...

    When somebody takes a protest leak in their tea pot will anybody notice?

  8. kenzie

    That's OK

    The last time I flew with Ryanair, they did not switch off the seatbelt signs throughout the flight (it was only 20 minutes, but still!) meaning we couldn't use the toilet anyway!

    If it lowers the cost of flights, I'm all for it though. I can get from A to B without hold baggage, physical check-ins or on-board toilets =]

    That said, I didn't have a pound on me either...

  9. Jimmy Floyd
    Pirate

    Ignoring the usual criticisms of PikeyAir...

    "...raising discretionary revenue so we can keep lowering the cost of air travel."

    Umm, what?

    No contradiction to see here, move along.

  10. Anonymouse

    Title, we need no stinking title!

    "I don't think there is anybody in history that has got on board a Ryanair aircraft with less than a pound."

    And how would they know this?

  11. Luis Ogando
    Thumb Down

    Ludicrous!

    This smacks of utter stupidity! Firstly, there has to be at least one law that ensures people are able to perform their excretory duities. Not to mention pregnant women, those with illnesses and medical conditions and children!

    Also, it won't be long before someon takes total umbridge at this farce and just craps in their seat. The cleanup cost alone would be more than a flight would make in bog-fare!

    Ryanair are to air travel what DSGi are to retailing - a rubbish, liberty-taking half-penny operation that has no business whatsoever in being there!

  12. Ferry Boat

    Put the fattie on the left hand side

    How long until they start weighing people and charging by the pound? Well, how long?

    Maybe you should be charged extra if you're not proficient on the 737-800 via a flight sim. The co-pilot could be removed freeing an extra seat and driving down the cost of air travel. Any problems with the pilot flying and a passenger can help out.

  13. RainForestGuppy
    Pirate

    Can't wait for this

    I've never flown Ryanair, because I think they are the greatest example of how to screw a customer for every cent, threat them like crap and then say that they are doing the customer a favour.

    But I can't wait for this to happen and I'll be on the first flight.

    Half way through the flight I'll stand up in the middle of the aisle, get the Pee bottle I use for mountaining, whip out the old fellow and proceed to carry out a vital bodily function in full view. If they try to stop me I'll explain that since they provide no free facilities I've had to make my own arrangements, what else can I do. I can't really step outside and it would be unhygenic to do it in the galley area.

    I really hope Micheal O'leary gets hit by some blue ice fairly soon.

  14. Bassey

    Great Interview

    I was lucky enough to catch the interview on the beeb this morning. It was hilarious. The interviewers were doing their best to sound shocked and appalled and to try to get his back up and he simply kept laughing at them and using the whole thing as a free five minute advert. He even managed to get a few digs in at BA.

    In response to an aggressive question about the costs for checked-in baggage he replied along the lines;

    "Well, you can either pay us £34 for the ticket and then a few quid extra if you need baggage or you can pay BA £100 more and they'll just lose your bags for you".

    He was on cracking form for 07:45.

    I've never travelled with Ryanair and have no plans to but I do admire his bare-faced cheek. If people want to fly for next to nothing and then bitch like mad when they get charged a whole load of extras then that's up to them. It's not like there isn't any competition in the market.

  15. Secretgeek
    Thumb Down

    Ermmm...

    "We're all about finding ways of raising discretionary revenue so we can keep lowering the cost of air travel."

    'We're always looking for ways to make you pay more so we can charge you less'?

    Anyone spot the flaw in this argument?

    Anybody?

  16. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    Thumb Up

    Want to keep that discount?

    TIE A KNOT IN IT!

  17. JP Sistenich
    Flame

    Another reason not to fly Ryanair

    It's false economy! Flying from Butt-F-Nowhere airport to BFN airport that you have to get to and from, paying for baggage, paying for food, and now paying for going to the toilet! Charging you twice for drinking!

    The problem they might have as well is that, as Ryanair are so obviously penny-pinching, passengers can become (even more) tight. As in peeing into bottles. So instead of reducing the cleaning of the toilets, all Ryanair flights will just stink of piss. Niiice...

    As for stopping counter check-ins, what is one to do when Ryanair cancels (yet another) flight and one is rebooked? (As has happened to me, twice in the same day, but let's not go there...)

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Never less than a £?

    I can assure Michael O'Leary that I've got on at least 2 Ryanair flights myself with less than a pound in cash in my pocket.

    Has anyone else noticed the startling similarity between Mr O'Leary, and David Kelly as Mr O'Reilly the builder? Watching him on BBC news this morning I was sure we were going to get some "The problem with you, Mr. Turnbull, is that you worry too much. You keep it up like this, you'll have a stroke before fifty. Stone dead you'll be. " action.. I was sorely disappointed that instead he just wittered on about taking more of your money for less of the "product" supplied.. Maybe the reason I see the similarity is the "Cowboy looking to rip you off" aspect of them both..

  19. M
    Flame

    Fuck me

    I would deliberately not bring any money and urinate like a cat on the duty free trolley.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    PR success

    Why are you even running this "story"?

  21. Steve Davies Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    What will they think of next?

    Charging us for tha air that we breathe in the flight?

    Has the boss of RyanAir been drinking too much of the black stuff?

    How will they deal with passenger getting on in foreign parts with NO UK Currency?

    Paris because she always needs a loo handy.

  22. Paul

    Since they are serving food...

    I dont think thats even legal...

    Oh, and I never carry cash. I find it much easyer to keep track of things on card.

  23. Fluffykins Silver badge

    That's OK, begorrah

    I'll start charging you £10 a pop for reading any junk mail you send me.

  24. Steve

    Right

    Open the window then to take a whizz!

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    new definition of penniless

    Ryan insisted this would "not inconvenience passengers travelling without cash", as Reuters puts it, and offered: "I don't think there is anybody in history that has got on board a Ryanair aircraft with less than a pound."

    haaah.. that's a new definition of passenger travelling without cash. to avoid the I propose they put a credit card reader on the door so that they can add an extra surcharge for paying by credit card.

    if it is going to cost me £3.50 to spend a penny, I'll make double sure it won't be just a penny, but a big number 2 quarter pounder with the extra christmas trimming.

    as if the ryanair plane were not bad enough, there will be the added bonus of the possibility of getting a wet sit cos' incontinent pennyless passenger could not hold it in for long enough.

  26. Darren B

    So it will be 2 pounds...

    ...to join the mile high club?

  27. Eponymous Cowherd
    Alert

    It'll cost em more in the long run

    Replacing the piss-soaked carpets between the seats.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    Fine!...

    I'll just piss on the floor then, or maybe in to a bottle which I can hand to the poor underpaid air steward. I know its not their fault but its all about lowering the cost of travel (to me). Actually I made a decision a year ago to never board one of their flights again and intend that to remain the case. If I can afford someone slightly dearer then its not worth going.

    Go, because well sometime you just have to...

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Excuse me air-waitress, could I have a tissue please

    Swineair will also allow to make telephone calls on flights thereby turning their airplanes into flying telephone boxes. I expect that it will not be too long until the airplanes smell like one as well.

    Flame Icon, 'cos when you mouse over it the alttext says ""I am pretty pissed off and what follows is accompanied by steam coming out of my ears, etc, etc"

    Therre will be lots of steam in the ruinair aircaft, but none of will be coming form my ears...

  30. Dark Ian

    Why not?

    Many will complain about this, others already complain about the very high charges for breaking the 15kg baggage allowance (there's that whole debate about fat people that could be unleashed here, but perhaps that'd be clouding the issue) and the expensive food items (charged the same in Sterling and Euros last time I flew).

    What customers have to remember is that by making lots of things that come as standard 'optional' they can keep the flight prices down. Despite oil prices and all the financial gubbins going down, I've always found budget airlines to be just that. And all the time Ryanair are prepared to ferry me to France and back for barely more than £50, they're welcome to charge for the extras.

    Aside from which, if you can't get used to the idea of having a slash before you fly and keeping the rest in until you land, then you probably shouldn't be flying.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Alternatively...

    Knowing the general class of person that travels on Ryanscare, they'll probably opt to piss on the floor instead.

  32. Jamie

    Bags of pee in seat-back pockets

    I think the Daily Mash sums it up quite well.....

    http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/ryanair-planes-to-smell-stronly-of-urine-and-faeces-200902271609/

  33. Gavin Hamill
    Joke

    Pay as you go.

    Well, it made me laugh

  34. Wortel

    Foot in mouth disease rampant in 2009

    "Ryan insisted this would "not inconvenience passengers travelling without cash", as Reuters puts it, and offered: "I don't think there is anybody in history that has got on board a Ryanair aircraft with less than a pound."

    He concluded: "We're all about finding ways of raising discretionary revenue so we can keep lowering the cost of air travel.""

    Of course, we do everything to make your journey as pleasant as possible. We just forgot to take into account passengers have recently been re-potty trained in light of terrorism to remember they aren't allowed to carry anything unless it's sealed in a tiny plastic bag and doesn't look like it might scare untrained staff into shitting their government issued pampers. Imagine the paper cuts from a fresh fiver! Can't have that can we, no sir.

    Let's lower the price of a ticket, so we can charge you more for use of the privy. It's only logical!

  35. Nick
    Stop

    The 'elf.

    So, I take it the 'elf of safety hasn't been consulted? Surely people are just going to wazz in their seats, up the wall e.t.c. damaging the electrics, causing higher rates of corrosion e.t.c.

    Stop, I'll hold it in until we land.

  36. Magani
    Paris Hilton

    Oh dear....

    So many reasons (not to fly Ryanair),

    So little time.

    Paris, 'cos she doesn't fly Ryanair either

  37. dervheid

    Just take..

    an empty bottle with you.

    Then it'll be us taking the piss for a change.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Not a problem...

    I'll just travel in swimming trunks and pee on the seat. <yuck>

    However: isn't there a law against ripping off captive audiences? Its not like you have a choice about where to pee/crap when airborne. If a pub or train station want to charge - well, ok, I have a choice, I can walk down the street or try a shop. And what if you're ill - I don't fancy fumbling for loose change when I'm about to heave up my lunch.

    Meanwhile cue the first parent-with-baby issue. Want to charge me a quid to change the nappy? Horsefeathers, I'll change it in the aisle for free and stick the dirty one in the aircrew's rest area. Or I'll leave it smelly for the whole flight - doesn't bother me, I'm used to it but your business customers may get miffed when the whole plane reeks of cr..... and the kid won't stop screaming.

    Money-grubbing idiots, the lot of them.

  39. Mark Lockwood Silver badge
    Flame

    Bah

    So not only do I have to pay for their God-awful food, I now have to pay to get rid of it?

    I paid 99p for this ticket, give me the respect I deserve....

  40. Matt
    Thumb Up

    tittle

    ive stepped onboard a ryanair plane without a shiny pound coin in my pocket before... its not uncommon for me to wander about with just folding cash and plastic if im travelling light...

    I suppose, for a laugh we could get a bunch of mates to fly, get the cabin staff to change £50 notes or just piss on the seats!

  41. jon fisher
    Dead Vulture

    Would it be legal?

    a quid to spend a penny? they're taking the piss!

  42. Pete Silver badge

    It could well be worth it

    If you're allowed to stay in there for the whole trip. Better legroom, no screaming children (or screaming adults, either) and no queuing for the loo.

    However, I can't help thinking that they'll implement a timer, so after your few minutes are up the bog seat will turn into "ejector" mode and flip you out into the aisle, whether you're ready or not.

    I wonder if they'll also have a "priority boarding" option for if you reeeeeely, need to go NOW.

  43. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Can't wait for this

    I'm going to be contrary and say I really, honestly don't care. I'll pay a quid for a wee on a flight that cost less than the equivalent bus ticket if I can't wait till the aiport. It's like paying a quid not to get all stressed and upset and irate about something which is in fact utterly inconsequential. And yes, I'll fly Ryanair if it's going where I want it to for less than someone else would charge. I've done it before. I'd do it again.

    Ticketmaster charging me £4 to print my own gig tickets, though, that I object to. At least the Ryanair thing has some rationale, however outrageous and flimsy.

    I would bet that amount, though, that none of you lot insisting you'd righteously piddle all over the plane like point-proving chimps would ever dare. I would bet more.

    I'd boycott/protest/resist on some issues, for sure, but not this one. Sorry. Don't have the energy.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Piss in the seat

    Before moving to Oz (which has no real concept of budget airlines) I used Ryanair quite a lot. As long as you know what you are buying and can travel light then it is fine. It got me to places I wouldn't have thought to visit otherwise for silly prices (Barcelona for 20 quid return for example). I normally try and use the loo at the airport anyway as in flight toilets are an ordeal, but if faced with this, I would be sorely tempted to just piss in my seat.

  45. Bassey

    Why do so many people fail to understand the word discetionary?

    "...raising discretionary revenue so we can keep lowering the cost of air travel"

    To the several above, there is nothing contradictory here. The key is the word "discretionary".

    Look it up. It's a Friday afternoon. You've clearly nothing better to do.

  46. Stuza

    Pound a plop?

    Ouch!

  47. Simon Ward
    Boffin

    Re: What will they think of next?

    "How will they deal with passenger getting on in foreign parts with NO UK Currency?"

    Not really a problem since a £1 and a 1 euro coin are about the same size - there are quite a few machines round these parts which will quite happily take euros or sterling, so a suitable coin slot for the khazi is unlikely to present an insurmountable engineering challenge.

    That said, although I dislike flying at the best of times it'll be a cold day in hell before I use RyanAir.

    [insert joke about crap service here]

  48. Stef

    Woo hoo

    Now they want to charge me for standing in a tiny cubicle, bent over like some hunchback, praying I manage to hit the bowl in this ludicrous position. I guess I could sit down, but I'm not a girl, and, quite frankly, I'm not sure I'd want to put my clean backside where the proletariat's scurvy-infested backsides have been.

    At 6'3'' and 17stone of muscle, I'd probably get charged on the fat-tax when they introduce it. I hate to think what proper-tall people will do. Maybe I can charge them each time I get DVT as my knees are rammed into the seat in front of me because the plane was built in 1604 when the average height of humans was 3'9" ?

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    A pound sterling?

    Not a Euro or some obscure coin from one of 145 destinations?

  50. Tim
    Black Helicopters

    I love ryanair!

    They are the only company who can steal a greedy fat cat's thunder with an even more audacious bid at greed. Maybe Fred the Shred can now afford to go to the traps on a ryanair flight, but average joe will simply piss their knickers (and i dont mean laugh heartily)!

    Helicopters, because they may be cheaper to pee in.

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