back to article Kiwi cops hunt teenage serial burglar with head of Robbie Coltrane

"Cracker" star Robbie Coltrane has appeared on a New Zealand wanted poster. But don't assume he's suspected of criminal behavior. New Zealand police are using a photo of the beefy British thesp to track down his greasy-haired 16-year-old Doppleganger. The Daily Telegraph has the goods: Robbie Coltrane Wanted Poster Robbie …


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  1. adnim Silver badge

    Artist impression

    or are they illegal under New Zealand law too?

    I cannot believe that any official is this dumb, have you made this story up Reg?

    /me shakes head in disbelief

  2. Wokstation
    IT Angle

    Couldn't robbie

    Get 'em for defamation of character? Not everyone will read the smallprint...

  3. Les Matthew
    Thumb Up

    I take it

    they're not looking for some nimble cat burglar then?

  4. David
    Gates Horns

    This story is for real.

    It was on New Zealand news last night. Apparently it worked a treat.

    People actually read the leaflet instead of just putting it in the trash and they published a photo of what the crim looks like without breaking the law.

  5. Les Matthew
    Thumb Up


  6. Steve Evans


    Maybe it would be okay if the artist impression was of someone else entirely, but just happened to bear an uncanny likeness to the little oik they're seeking... ;-)

  7. Charles Manning

    That God it is real

    Yup. This is real.

    Thank God they're protecting the rights of the juvenile crim. He's the true victim here. Apart from being disadvantaged by looking like Robbie Contrane the poor guy is also being labelled a burglar too!

  8. Dominic Kua
    Paris Hilton

    "English Actor"

    I'm sure that'll annoy him more than apparently being wanted for burglary. You know those Scots love being called English.

  9. ShaggyDoggy

    Not English

    Coltrane is Scottish

  10. Norfolk Enchants Paris

    It must be asked

    What did he steal? Pies?

  11. David

    'English' actor

    pictured in front of that famous English landmark, the Forth Bridge.

    How stupid can these Australians get?

  12. David Bell

    But he's Scottish.....

    Not English.

    Mind you Kiwi's can seem to get the difference between being English, Scottish or British...........

  13. Mal Franks
    Thumb Up

    Re: That God it is real

    "Apart from being disadvantaged by looking like Robbie Contrane the poor guy is also being labelled a burglar too!"

    damn right, he's just a property transfer agent trying to make a living.

  14. Anonymous Coward

    @Charles Manning

    "Thank God they're protecting the rights of the juvenile crim. He's the true victim here."

    I think you might be better off here:

  15. smudge Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Couldn't they..

    .. have asked Robbie Coltrane if he had any pictures of himself aged 16 with lank greasy hair? And without the Forth Rail Bridge through his head.

    Paris - because of her mental age, and just look at that hair!

  16. Smallbrainfield
    Thumb Up

    It's a good idea

    I think William Gibson used a similar idea in one of his novels.

    Basically there was a database of criminals and each had a list of similar looking celebs, so the cops could say, "Have you seen this guy? He looks like a young Christopher Walken / Marty Feldman / Ethel Merman, etc."

  17. Bad Beaver
    Thumb Up

    Say yeah!

    Hats off to the kiwis for this. Awesome.

  18. Anonymous Coward

    I spotted that guy

    in a car travelling round the B-Roads of Britain...

    Surely that was just a cover up for his burgling escapades before he ran off to Kiwi-land!


  19. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @ David - 'English' Actor

    You asked, 'How stupid can these Australians get?'

    I don't know, probably very. But these Australians were New Zealanders.

    "These Are Not The Ockers You Are Looking For."

    Paris, because she enjoys going walkabout downunder in the bush, I believe.

  20. David Cornes


    English?? Scottish?? I think you'll find Robbie Coltrane's passport (the legal document proving his nationality) states he's BRITISH.

    And @ David: I think you'll find the police force in question are New Zealanders and not Australian.

    All we need now is for someone to call Canadians Americans... :-D

  21. Anonymous Coward

    Did anyone else read the title and think

    that's a funny thing to steal.

  22. Edward Rose

    Good on 'em

    Nice to see some noggin' used.

    Also, the law to stop the publishing photos of juviniles is actually fair. Hate to say it, but mistakes are too easy (all kids look alike...). Make the line very clear and it's hard to abuse it.

    Okay, discretion goes out the window, but probably less than 5% of any population can be trusted to use it anyway.

  23. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Nationalists

    Good grief, the Australian 'mistake' was a JOKE. You know, a funny?

    Another four hours of this. Just shoot me in the head now.

  24. David

    Re: Nationalists

    Thanks Sarah - I knew I should have used one of these.

  25. Richard

    Am I one of the few...

    ...who got David's joke about Australians? Besides Sarah I mean. Silly people.

    I know of at least one Kiwi who has been accused of being British, by an American.

    Plus, in case you thought we Brits were immune to such mistakes, my fiancée has been accused of being Australian, despite being born and raised in Hampshire, by someone from only a few towns away.

    Anywho... I'd suggest having someone photoshop the picture to add the greasy hair and make Robbie look younger, but otherwise not a bad idea.

  26. Law

    RE: @ David - 'English' Actor

    As a few others have pointed out - it had to have been a joke - grow a brain! :)

    For those with issues of british/scottish/english - please, look here:

    It's got pictures and everything!! :)

    Personally - I'm British... since my family is from all over our Great British isles... (apart from that irish bit! ;) ).

    Kiwi flag burning icon - because I assume that's what Coltrane will be doing tonight!

  27. Anonymous Coward

    Kent Ertugrul

    >"The Reg is now determined to find a juvenile Kiwi burglar who looks just like Phorm CEO Kent Ertugrul."

    Whaddaya need to do that for? Just grab a copy of goatse, that's close enough!

  28. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Should catch on over here

    This could overcome the problem with eFit pictures that they never quite look human. Instead we'll have precise descriptions like 'imagine Joanna Lumley if she were male, black, in her mid-twenties and with a strong Birmingham accent.'

  29. Jesse

    RE: Re: Nationalists

    Shut up and whip me you dirty wordsmith!

  30. Anonymous Coward

    Strange weapons abound

    > Did anyone else read the title and think that's a funny thing to steal.

    No, I was wondering how they were going to catch him with just the head. Boink him? Scare him to death? And what Robbie was thinking about that idea. TGIF...

  31. heystoopid
    Thumb Up


    Ah , now we know why all Kiwi's are colloquially known as "Tea Leaves" in the large island continent situated to the west of the twin islands of the long white continuous fog as they learn the trade so young like the Charles Dickens non fictional character called "Artful Dodger" !

  32. heystoopid
    Paris Hilton


    @ac surely you jest , for a vast majority of Kiwi's traveling OS pretend to be the boys from Oz down under as very few foreign nationals can tell the difference between a red kiwi star and the genuine Oz white one on the same blue background (it has two extra stars too!) on their International Flags and the countries reputation as a nation full of tea leaves precedes them well in advance of their arrival in countries like Italy who have long memories of a wild bunch of government paid tourists dating back to another era (explains much as to why all Italians prefer to visit the much more friendlier and far sunnier OZ rather then get lost in the perpetual rain and fog shrouded islands since then ) !

  33. Norfolk Enchants Paris


    I believe you have penis envy cobber.

    Let's not forget which of the two ANZAC nations IS actually a nation of convicts. Now crawl back under yoyur rock and STFU.

    BTW The reason Italians like to visit Australia is because Melbourne is just another Italian city, devoid of any culture of its own.

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