If they have a position available as Keeper of the Goons and Voice of Sanity then I'll throw my ring into the hat.
Much as we love our belittling, thankless toil rewarding career at the Reg, we have from time to time mused that it would be good to find a vocation in which we could fully express our suppressed violent side. And so it is that today we find ourselves tempted by this Craigslist ad, apparently placed by authentic supervillain …
plus wheres the benifits ok beating up spys and police is fun but these no mention of free medical or dental moving allowance what about ak47's are there provided or do we have to bring our own guns
plus we all know that after 3 or 4 "top" agents going missing they send in the real top agent gun who can shot us all dead with a hand gun without reloading from 400 yards while we fire manically and don't hit anything he'll then suduce the femfatale and destory the secret under ground lair.
i'll stick to torturing my users (and the english language with my bad spelling)
someone in Clerkenwell is selling a nice double broom. they go on to explain how their flat looks in the ad though - maybe cos they've swept up the place nicely
why would anyone want to rent a though broom? i'd go to woolworths
Comparing salaries directly is a very narrow way of looking at things. Sure, on paper the BOFH job pays 15k more, but you've got to think of the benefits and perks of the jobs.
The chance for near infinite cruelty and villainy. Superb holiday opportunities. The ability to - during office hours - cackle maniacally and plot the downfall of all who oppose you. Power to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies. The knowledge that through your daily actions, the cause of Evil is being advanced.
That's what you've got now. But I'm sure the henchman job has perks as well.
Yes it does. It limits the number of vegetarian goons who may want to work alongside you. The last thing you want, while actively helping the master in his latest plan for world domination, is to get into some long-winded argument about the technicalities of intensive animal farming with the goon next to you. Go on, embrace rubber and make life easier for yourself.
Will the Miss Bees of the gang be required to wear "approved garb"?
I'm thinking of very tight (indeed, breathtakingly tight) bustiers or corsets made of, say, sharkskin, complete with High Victorian whalebone stays and seriously severe lacing. You would have your choice of butch black or feather boa pink, however. An inner lining of Kevlar™ would add function to form, thereby honoring Gropius's famous dictum in an ass-backwards sort of way.
I can't even begin to speculate what "approved garb" might be for the male gang members. Padded Tudor codpieces, perhaps?
Go for it, Miss Bee! You are our heroine!
Some suggestions to add evil to your everyday workload
1. Randomly send password expiration emails to your users. New passwords must include capital and lowercase letters, numbers, symbolic characters and be no more than 2 characters in length.
2. Farm out your network management to Comcast
3. Create a "word of the day" contest with a new word picked at the beginning of each workday. Reboot your production servers whenever you hear anyone uses that day's word.
I'm certainly going to be applying - it may only be 20k starting, but commission is mentioned. Imagine the commission you'd get for a successful bank heist!" .... By Harry Applecart Posted Thursday 7th August 2008 19:59 GMT
Some would find upsetting the applecart with a Successful Banking System heist, a much more rewarding commission, for it would have added virtue and greater value whether successful or not, for its commission would evolve/metamorph into a very lucrative, as in priceless, systems protection, with funding never ever a problem and therefore any figure a mere irrelevance/red herring/SMART Phish.
If One knows the System, and the System knows that One knows the System, then the System should be SMART enough to Provide for ITs every Need, and Provide Unlimited Feed for Knowledge Protection and Beta Future Use thus further Ensuring and also Practically and Pragmatically Stealthily Insuring against any Novel Abuse as the System is ReHashed to Remedy ITs Vulnerabilities/Open Ports.
"If the pay is an issue you can be your own supervillian! " ... By steven kraft Posted Thursday 7th August 2008 22:39 GMT
Yes, I suppose you can, steven, but pay will never be an issue for a supervillian, which is all rather a Colossal Enigma and a Riddle Rapped in AIMystery of Turing MAJIC*......... but no less Real for all of that Alien Input. In Fact, IT is probably maybe definitely much more Real because of IT, although that Quantum Step for Man is AI and a Giant Leap for ManKind ....... but IT does you No Virtual Harm making IT and thus can be Heartily Recommended.
I Kid U Not.
* http://www.abcfield.force9.co.uk/Majpos.html :-)
I say Eccles, would you like to be a hired Goon?
Methinks Messr.'s Millgna, Grytpye-Thyng and Moriaty would have something to say about this unauthorised use of the term "Goons"!
Nonethless, I must admit that anyone going by the name of Jacque Zerapi could only have delusions of grandeur of becoming the next Peter Sellars.
Better watch out Miss Bee or you'll have Auntie down on you!
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