back to article Paris Hilton - the compromised candidate

Paris Hilton got astride the hustings in the US presidential election today, and redrew the boundaries on the previous front runners’ energy policies. Hilton was dragged into the election when Republican contender John McCain, in a campaign ad, referred to his Democratic rival Barack Obama as lightweight celebrity like Paris …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    I had to turn it off

    due to getting a boner

  2. Daren Nestor
    Paris Hilton

    McCain's response

    You left out the best bit - McCain's response to the video. From FoxNews (I know, I know).

    "In reality, Paris Hilton may have a more substantive energy policy than Barack Obama"

  3. Nemo Metis
    Paris Hilton


    I don't actually think anything else needs to be said really.

    Paris, well beside the obvious, she knows a lot about expending energy.

  4. Anonymous Coward

    Aww Snap!

    Now we need a different celebrity icon!

    [Not the Paris one. No, NOT the Paris one ....]

  5. Mark


    American politics comes up to the level of an El Reg Paris Hilton story

  6. daen
    Paris Hilton

    Presidential candidate visit to Copenhagen

    She's here right now - I wonder if she'll be back for the Climate Conference in 2009 once she's been voted in as prez?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    The funniest shit

    This chick's awesome, I mean like... totally awesome!

    And she's got a sense of humour too, along with the body of a whippet.

  8. Skinny
    Paris Hilton

    Just for the icon

    It's so rare to have a genuine PH story with a verifiable IT angle (Not unheard of, but rare), I'm only posting so I can use the PH icon in a legitimate manner.

  9. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Endorsed by vultures

    Is the Mighty Reg going to throw its full weight behind Paris? A heavy-weight endorsement from the Register could be just what we need to see POTUS Paris.

    And is there any chance one of her rallies could be brought to us in PlayMobilovision?

  10. Tim
    Paris Hilton


    Like Superman, Paris Hilton is solar powered and she conserves energy during all activities that don't involve sex. Now that's a small carbon footprint. Hilton for Parisident <see what I did there ;-)>

  11. Alexis Vallance
    Paris Hilton


    I think this is the first internet video I've seen of her with her clothes on.

  12. J


    Saw it last night, sorta funny. And for some reason I thought of the Reg's readership... for obvious reasons.

  13. Anonymous Coward

    Three horse race?

    I couldn't have put it better myself - the three candidates all look a little like horses to me...

  14. AC
    Paris Hilton

    might as well

    vote for her, not like it's going to be any better with the other two.

    although I'd rather have captain mccain chips on board than that other lameass.

    imagine the scandal


    "presidential aids are stunned and have rung for the doctors."

  15. Mycho Silver badge

    It's easy to make fun of Politicians.

    Look! Even Paris Hilton can do it.

    The 'I'll talk about the environment after deciding where to fly next' line sounded very like Brown talking about food waste at an eight course dinner.

  16. Webster Phreaky
    Paris Hilton

    Paris has better tits than Osama Obama ....

    and I'm sure "BO" is fantasying about Paris while doing the beast with two backs with mega fat ass and thunder thighs Michelle the angry black beoch. You know it's that jungle thing ... where's the white "womens"?

    Seriously, Paris has a couple long legs up on "Barry" - More cogent energy plan and she can delivery as an impressive a pre-written speech via teleprompter, but she can't talk with a dick in her mouth while (home) video cameras are running.

  17. Zargof

    The scary thing is...

    ... if she did actually run, then she would probably win!

  18. M
    Paris Hilton

    Golly Gosh

    I didn't believe that she had two brain cells to rub together but after seeing that...well to be honest I still don't.

    Paris icon because...hang on!?!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One is Presidential, one Residential, one Jezebel

    The whole 'Obama is an airhead celebrity' thing was because he went around looking like a President and McCain went around looking like a doddery old man who should be in a residential home.

    One presidential one residential.

    They just tried to attack him on their weakest point, McCain doesn't look like he could ever be president. At best he'd be a Lieberman sidekick.

    Anyway, my votes for Paris, she's a total Jezebel, erm, I mean totally jizzable.

  20. Lukas

    "...just as soon as i finish reading this article..."

    She reads?!

  21. Pete

    Paris Hilton... why?

    I've tried and tried (many times) to find Paris Hilton attractive and I just don't get it - what do you guys see in her?! She's as bland as a can of supermarket own-brand beans, and nowhere near as tasty. On the other hand Monica Bellucci, now you're talking...

  22. Marc Lawrence
    Paris Hilton


    Now there was a strong strong hint that there must be outtakes... perhaps each time she took off her clothes and had to start again...

    Wheres is that reflection coming from?... seems to be dappling her face and body alot... Perhaps there is another glistening pool somewhere off camera.

    Unfortunately - there is actually a seed of something in what she says. If only the pres-candidates would rise to the challenge and endorse her thoughtfulness.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sort it

    Sod long drawn out expensive political campaigns. A televised threesome should decide it, last one standing gets to be Prez.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    It should of

    course be in night vision.


  25. Chris G Silver badge

    An unused vote is a wasted vote

    Vote Paris now! I would, even if she was contending for PM in the UK. Is there anyone in the two main parties with more vote appeal?

    She was talking about hybrids in the video, I wonder if she would consider making an Anglo-American hybrid... with my help.

  26. This post has been deleted by its author

  27. Ron Eve

    @Paris Hilton... why?

    Me neither mate. I've seen far more attractive women in the Kings Road, Chelsea on any given summers day. <sigh> I have to say it seems like she's got something of a sense of humour though. Which can't be bad.

    Stop Press: Blimey! Webster made a comment which didn't involve berating Macs!! Unless you count John MAC Cain...

    <ahem> mines the one with the campaign badges...

  28. ratfox Silver badge

    In case Bush hadn't done it...

    This would prove you don't need a brain to be a politician

    ...or a religious leader for that matter. All hail Xenu!

  29. Norman Wanzer



    It is shocking that a person known around the world as a 'ditz' would come up with the obvious solution which both candidates have basically ignored. And while I can't say that I agree entirely with her ideas or her solution she has at least started the ball rolling in the right direction. The US as a country has forgotten how it was created. I'm not talking the revolution or all the fighting that followed. I'm speaking more about the group of men who sat together for days on end hammering out a document that we would follow for 200 years. They took opposing ideas and view points and came up with a working COMPROMISE. And that, more than anything else, is what both parties have forgotten how to do.

    For the last 8 years we have heard nothing but 'We couldn't get that done because the other party would not compromise and do it OUR WAY' which is the same as saying we wouldn't accept any other way but ours. A compromise is usually defined as a solution no one likes but every one can live with. However, if you are a political party in the US it is defined as when the other side gives in, sees reason and does things our way. If we as a country are going to move out of our current crises then this has got to change.


  30. Tawakalna
    Paris Hilton

    multi-tasking Hilton..

    "but she can't talk with a d*ck in her mouth while (home) video cameras are running."

    bet she could if she really tried! :)

    She's got my vote already, except I'm not 'merkin so can't vote in their 'lekshuns, and she's not running despite what cartoon pictures are vaguely coalescing in her pretty if somewhat underdeveloped brain.

    Could she be any worse than Dubya Dunce (No) or Ronald Raygun (No) <? >

  31. Kevin Reader
    Paris Hilton

    This started because McCain accused Omaba of being popular...!?

    Thats the maddest thing. Obama was accused of being a celebrity. In the new lingo a celebrity is famous, well liked (by many), has often random opinions, and the media like shoing them. Now in the new politics that sounds like an audition tape. No messy (political) convictions, good hair, etc. So basically we have a politician accusing his opponent of being popular and electable.... Clutching at straws I think.

    The only scary thing is that Obama seems quite vacuous when he does not have a script. Kind of Reagan like. Ofcourse there is always the theory that McCain is a brainwashed deep agent released by the communists to infitrate america. Wasn't this atleast one film plot? Atleast Hilary has gone. I was always worried she might sneeze and have her (plastic?) face fall off. I assume she had the same surgeon as Michael Jackson...

    They should definately elect Paris. She has the best energy policy - and only uses what she needs to - she's good with plastic (or so I heard) and can read an autocue as well as any of them.

    And its nice to be able to use Paris without feeling naughty.

  32. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Never liked the kick-Paris 'humour'

    (A fool and his money are easily parted)+(Paris is still rich)=>(Paris is not a fool)

    PS - She did not use a teleprompter. They had cue-cards for her, but she did not need them because she memorised her lines.

  33. Adam Williamson
    Jobs Horns

    Let's hope this doesn't catch on...

    ...anyone up for McCain in a bikini, poolside?

    Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

    (No-one wants to see Ballmer in a G-string, either.)

  34. Kimo
    Paris Hilton

    Offshore Drilling...

    (no, I mean for oil) is not a "Short Term" fix for the price of gas (over here, we're now paying nearly half what you Brits pay for Petrol, which we somehow have labeled as a "gas" despite its liquid state) unless she means 10 years is short term (it takes time to build and install oil platforms, refineries, and other dohickeys). Good try Paris, but that's not much of an energy policy. It would be just another four years of Bush...

  35. GX5000
    Paris Hilton


    I'd hit i mean i'd vote for her...

    ( I'd carry the gucci bags too !! )

  36. Michael
    Paris Hilton

    She'd never win, she's compromising.

    Everybody knows that US politics only works when the two sides base their policies on just doing the exact opposite of the other guy. Centrists have no place there.

  37. Mark

    re: Paris Hilton... why?

    Because she's a mucky wench.

    And she bangs like the shithouse door when the plagues in town.

    Hell "mini Mark" sometimes can't tell the difference between a bus and a woman..!


    (going blind)

  38. Jason Ward
    Paris Hilton


    Someone called HOUSE earlier in these comments, along with a few other humorous items... but where are they now?!

    Paris because, well who better for El Presidento?

  39. Ed

    Um body of a wippet yeah... but

    Shes got huge feet....:0

  40. Ed
    Paris Hilton

    Um as an after thought...

    I think she should run... I mean she would get enough votes to win, we know that, but imagine what she would do to the armed forces...

    Just picture the Drill Sargent with the new squad,

    "Right maggots, today we will learn to apply lip stick, Labowski wheres your dog,"

    "Sir ! In my other hand bag drill sargent Sir !"

    And can you imagine the sight of a platoon of M1A2's charging through the desert in a pink and peal paint job...

  41. Tom Silver badge
    IT Angle


    IT angle? What IT angle? Politics, oil dependency, comedy, celebrity - I see no IT?

    @Mike Richards - I'm very ready to throw my full weight behind PH.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Webster, old chum

    I fully appreciate that you don't get out from your basement, well, at all, which, it would seem, means that human anatomy must be added to the big list of things of which you know absolutely bugger all, but I'm in the mood for helping those less fortunate than myself this week.

    So, just for future reference (and you may want to write this down, perhaps on a Post-It you can stick to one of the monitors in your Jobs Monitoring Bunker, or just your own jobbies on the wall, whatever comes to hand first [my money's on the turds]), men don't have tits, so it wouldn't be altogether surprising if Paris were to be better equipped in the mammary department than Barack Obama.

    Note that this doesn't work the other way round: if you look closely (there are, I believe one or two pictures on the web), you'll see that Paris Hilton doesn't actually have any tits, just a couple of under-achieving bee-stings. However, and this is important, this does not mean that she is a man.

    Hope this helps.

  43. Daniel Wilkie


    That was actually rather funny, she gets my vote! :)

    And @Ed - the pink bits not THAT crazy - our desert landies for the SAS were (and possibly still are) painted pink as it made them harder to see in the haze, iirc. Hence the nickname Pink Panther.

    /old historian mode off

  44. Anonymous Coward


    So the Yanks could go from Bush to er, shaved Bush?

    Mine's the brown overcoat...

  45. WTF
    Paris Hilton

    Paris has saved America!

    Someone call the guys out on all those deep sea platforms and up in the arctic refuge that Paris has vanquished the America-hating environmentalists! At long last, they can finally turn on the spigots and get that sweet black gold flowing! SUVs and Hummers for all my fellow Americans!

    Not there, eh? Details, details....

    p.s. Phreaky, seriously man, you don't know funny. Knock it up a notch or two, or knock it off.

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That response is a work of art

    Good, and especially SMART response. She avoids taking a stand where any side can take advantage of, some good humoured dressing down of the specific abuser and in generally enough of an edge for them not to try again. Simply superb. Excellent.

    As for Paris "not having braincells" - I think there is simply no way to tell unless you know her personally. I don't think she's as stupid as some make her out to be, but there is simply no way to be sure.

    Back to the topic, that response is class, and EXACTLY right. WHoever came up with it (Paris or whoever) understands precisely how to play the media.

  47. Anonymous Coward

    @Ed - Pink M1A2's


    I work at the facility where most of the M1's, M1A1's and M1A2's were manufactured and they are truly amazing vehicles... And a few years ago, when the Saudi's expressed an interest in purchasing them, several were quickly painted the now famous Desert Camoflage that most are now fit with. Funny thing though, I can't recall if it was some reaction with the primer coat or something else that was sprayed on, to inhibit rusting, but several days after the paint dried, they turned pink.

    While the quality and manufacturing folks didn't have much of a sense of humor about it, some of us thought it was hysterical. And personally, I thought it could have been the accidental genius discovery of the century, as who in their right mind would ever expect a brigade of drab pink tank's? Not only is it something that you certainly wouldn't expect, and after the initial "shock & awe" & ensuing laughter wore off, you'd already be sighted and probably be in the process of being fired upon.

    But no, they had to fix the problem...

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Melt the whales

    Bumper sticker: "This SUV is powered exclusively by bio-fuel (extracted from whale blubber)."

    The version of ONIP that I recently viewed (pR0nhub dot calm) had a slight audio/video synchronization problem, so that Paris was seemingly able to speak while her mouth was otherwise, ah, occupied.

  49. Daniel Winstone
    Paris Hilton

    Room mates and yes I'd vote for Paris

    What do you want in a President? An easy going, get on with it, here's what you want and here's what you want mentality, or a my way or the highway president?

    I don't believe Paris is stupid. Far from it.

    There is a difference between being stupid and having a very small amount of common sense for example:

    My house mate - two degree' under his belt and a BSc degree as well. Lived in Spain before coming to England (I'm not going to specify the city) and had a conversation with my other house mate who told me he didn't understand why they couldn't just milk the bulls they had over there.

    I suppose it's the difference between knowledge and wisdom. One more example, knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are classified as a fruit, but wisdom is not actually putting them on a fruit salad.

    Anyway, Paris for President!!! And yes after watching the clip on the Messenger pop up page this is the first place I came to.

    Thanks El Reg for being so regular. The Regular Register in fact. Where IT and Popularity merge in to one and it's only the fan bois that can tell the difference.

  50. Anonymous Coward

    Offshore or Onshore Drilling?

    At the very least she has some expertise in this area...

    Being no stranger to the wide variety of drilling techniques.


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