Drunk driving bastards
"I can drive perfectly while shit faced.... My wife will testify to that as I can get
the car into the drive no matter how much I've had to drink."
The fact that you know this makes me want to invent a device which would make it possible to punch people in the face via the internet. Everyone's a safe driver, even while drunk, until they have an accident. It's only a matter of time until they wreck, possibly injuring or killing themselves or someone else.
"Proved by the fact that she crashed my car while totally sober, while trying to
enter our driveway."
Because of course, your wife being a crap driver, by default makes you a good one...
"That said, I would never condone drink driving"
If you do it, your condone it by default.
"I have a clean licence thanks to the incompetance of the police trying to
do me for drink driving a few years ago."
I have dead friends thanks to the irresponsibility of people like you that think they're still safe when drunk behind the wheel of a car, based solely on having not gotten into a wreck yet. Not having wrecked yet doesn't mean you're a safe drunk driver -- it means the odds haven't bitten you in the arse yet.
People who drive drunk should be shot. I'd rather bury them than my friends, who did nothing to deserve getting decapitated by the bumper of a drunk driver's truck.