Feeds

* Posts by Richard Thomas

48 posts • joined 5 Sep 2007

Brown to Sugar: 'You're hired'

Richard Thomas

Re: Stop hassling Sugar

Wasn't the Speccy the SINCLAIR spectrum - you've got the wrong eccentric brit knight entrepreneur:

Sir Alan Sugar: Short, dumpy, looks like Nookie the Bear, lost it and told us we all needed to buy a phone to do email.

Sir Clive Sinclair: Tall, spindly, looks like my third year english teacher, lost it and told us we all needed to buy a 3 wheeled horizontal segway to transport ourselves around.

HTH

0
0

Google to slip SVG into Internet Explorer

Richard Thomas
Joke

Re: Re: good

"Like global thermonuclear meltdown?"

If that's what it takes...

0
0

Herschel and Planck off to meet Lagrange

Richard Thomas

Cool, thanks for the explanations!

Although I'm now slightly disillusioned that A-level Physics circa 1987 didn't cover this. And a big raspberry to Elmer Phud, you patronising git ;-)

0
0
Richard Thomas
Paris Hilton

A-level Physics seems so long ago...

And I'm having trouble working out how something can orbit a point in space which has no mass. Help!

(Paris because she has virtually no mass)

0
0

VeriChip shaves 3mm off human RFID chips

Richard Thomas
Alert

"No doubt allaying users' fears at a stroke"

Stroke being the operative word if one of these gets into the bloodstream...

0
0

ICO voices concern over creaking data protection law

Richard Thomas

Of course, nobody will isten to me...

...as I'm retiring next month ;-)

0
0

Koreans cook up glow-in-the-dark beagles

Richard Thomas

Moving up the evolutionary scale...

...how long before they engineer dog that tastes of chicken? Or lamb, yum!

0
0

NASA micro-satellite eyes space bacteria

Richard Thomas

Units!

How can the satellite be nano-sized if the yeast is micro-sized?

Or is this some new Reg definition of the SI prefixes to go with the Reg Standard Units? ;-)

0
0

UK agent leaves secret drugs info on bus

Richard Thomas
Joke

Let me guess...

It was a Monday morning and she wasn't thinking straight because she'd been on the gak all weekend...

0
0

Street View nod prompts call for privacy watchdog reform

Richard Thomas
Thumb Down

Are PI for real?

Why all this fuss about Street View when they rolled over and played dead on the Phorm issue?

0
0

Tree huggers will confuse shoppers, says Amazon

Richard Thomas
Joke

I can see their point

I've been desperately looking for information on a South American river and rainforest, but all I can ever find is an internet bookshop. Can I sue too?

0
0

IPCC U-turn on Tomlinson CCTV

Richard Thomas
Black Helicopters

No CCTV in the area?

That comment was ridiculous from the start - I can't believe there is a single square inch of the Square Mile that isn't covered by at least 2 cameras!

0
0

Ad watchdog gives thumbs up for female TV orgasms

Richard Thomas

Channel 4

"...the fact it was on Channel 4 made it unlikely that many impressionable children would have accidentally clapped eyes on it".

When I was an impressionable child (and Channel 4 had only just launched) the fact it was on Channel 4 would have made it much more likely that I would have seen it. Of course in those days you could see at a glance if a programme was worth watching - it had a red triangle in the top corner ;-)

0
0

Balls saves history lessons from Facebook and Twitter

Richard Thomas
Joke

Re: Henry

'"also wrote the world's most popular phone hold music"

Citation please? Or at least some hint as to the punchline...'

You see? This is what happens when you stop teaching history.

0
0

Pink Floyd frontman backs McKinnon musical protest

Richard Thomas
Joke

Wrong song

They should have done a rewrite of the old Special AKA classic. All together now:

"Freeee-eeeee-ee Gary Mc-Kin-non"

0
0

UFO fleet menaces east London

Richard Thomas

Poplar?

Noticed this in the Street View address of my old flat in Bow as well. How old is their address database?!

0
0

Street View ghost spooks Cardiff medium

Richard Thomas

Duh, what's that area used for?

What's the betting she turns up as a character in the next series of Torchwood?

0
0

Budvar beats Anheuser-Busch in latest Budweiser battle

Richard Thomas

What do a bottle of Bud and sex in a dinghy have in common?

They're both fucking close to water

0
0

'Transportable' raygun 'deploys' - across Albuquerque

Richard Thomas

re: Can it fire over a hill

Of course it can. The method was illustrated on the cover of Dark Side of the Moon...

0
0

Screeching rails close London Tube station

Richard Thomas
Linux

WTF?

"We closed the platforms because passengers were reporting that they could hear a loud screeching sound. It does happen from time to time."

From time to time? I used to work in the City and live in Mile End, and heard that noise EVERY time I got the tube from Bank. It's an inherent "undocumented feature" of the fact that the Central Line platforms are on a tight bend.

Where's the "muppet" icon? I'll just have to choose the one that looks closest...

0
0

MPs confirm new information commissioner

Richard Thomas

Farewell to one of my namesakes

Always funny to see my name on the Reg ;-)

As for the new guy coming from the ASA, what a perfect appointment. From one toothless talking shop to another.

0
0

Google finally soups up Gmail search

Richard Thomas

@Bruno Girin

You sound like the Knights of Ni: "We want... another shrubbery, but a bit higher than the first with a stream, and... and..."

Some people are never satisfied ;-)

0
0

NASA ponders Spirit's erratic behaviour

Richard Thomas

An unavoidable consequence of it lasting much longer than planned

"received its driving commands for the day but had not moved"

It's become a teenager.

0
0

BOFH: A safe bet

Richard Thomas
Thumb Up

There's only one thing funnier than BOFH...

...and that's all the *tards complaining about it not being funny. It's free, and it's the ONLY IT-related piece of entertainment that is in any way entertaining.

Apart from the IT Crowd.

No I was right the first time, it's the ONLY IT-related piece of entertainment that is in any way entertaining.

Get over yourselves, or get in the tape safe with the Boss.

0
0

Brussels bemoans low take-up of electronic cash

Richard Thomas
Happy

Fantastic!

I now have the Pythonesque mental image of commuters queueing up to wave their deelie boppers at the oyster card readers on the Tube.

0
0

Supersonic bizjets could have windowless flight decks

Richard Thomas
Thumb Up

Remote pilots

One big advantage of a physically present pilot as opposed to a remote one - a MUCH bigger incentive to get the damn plane back on the ground in one piece

0
0

BOFH: Unfriendly ghosts

Richard Thomas

Back on top form

Not that there was anything wrong with recent episodes of course, but the Boss and head Beancounter going down in a cloud of Halon has a nice nostalgic feel to it :D

0
0

Darling launches £50bn relube of bunged-up UK banks

Richard Thomas

Re: Eyebrows

Don't forget Dennis Healey. Best eyebrows EVER!

0
0

Defrauded punter says 'catflaps' to PayPal marketing stunt

Richard Thomas

Re: I want that doormat!

With 2,000 UK recipients, I'm sure a few of them will be available on eBay...

0
0

Swiss strap-on jetplane ace flies Channel

Richard Thomas
Coat

Re: Earlier flights are more impressive

(I feel like the Roman soldier in Life of Brian) This man you (familiar) have balls (pl.) big (sing.)?

Lose the 's' off tienes and stick it on the end of grande...

Spelling pedantry in foreign FTW!

0
0

French bid for Brit nuclear sector back on

Richard Thomas

Silly government!

I don't see what the problem was. All the gov had to do was:

1. Pass a law to re-nationalise British Energy with no compensation to the private shareholders

2. Sell whole lot to EDF

3. Profit!

No "???" step needed. Methinks they have missed a trick...

0
0

Reg readers rage at comment icon outrage

Richard Thomas

Spelling Nazi icon

An icon with the letters "DNA" for spelling and grammar pedants, expanded to "National Dyslexic Association" in the title tag.

0
0

'Child protection' database slammed as plod data mine

Richard Thomas

Prior art

Why are they paying for this to be developed at all? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just license it from the original developer - I think it was a Mr S. Claus, you can find him at the North Pole.

0
0

UK.gov misses deadline on EU Phorm probe

Richard Thomas

Re: How long does it take

"BERR and co are probably scrabbling around for someone to take the fall before they reply. Hopefully it will be Richard Thomas, who thoroughly deserves to be publicly horse whipped for his efforts in this, and other, matters."

Ouch!

(Not that) Richard Thomas

0
0

UK boffins roll out video periodic table

Richard Thomas
Flame

re: Safety glasses not required

I'll see your "slosh the mercury over the lab table" and raise you a "chemistry teacher absent-mindedly stirring the phosphorus with her finger". Wasn't just her mind that was absent for the rest of the year...

0
0

UK clamps down on bus-spotting terror menace

Richard Thomas
Coat

Somebody here ordered a Terrorist Paedophile

"Though I am amused at the concept of someone being mistaken for a terrorist and paedophile. As if the two alone weren't bad enough, now we have terrorist paedophiles."

No sooner said than done:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7471128.stm

0
0

US Reapers get satnav bombs, deploy on Canadian border

Richard Thomas

Sat Nav

How long before one of these ignores the warning signs and gets stuck between two igloos in an Inuit village?

0
0

Jacqui Smith un-downgrades cannabis

Richard Thomas

@Paul

"I just [read] 4 paragraphs from amanfromMars, not realising it was him!"

One of you is obviously stoned...

0
0

School crossing guards join CCTV panlollycon

Richard Thomas

Spain

Something else they do out here better than the UK - every school has a copper stationed outside the entrance when the kids are arriving and leaving. And I mean a real copper, complete with handcuffs and gun, not some ridiculous CSO like they would use in the UK. Funnily enough nobody tries to drive past when he or she is standing in the middle of the road, no abuse, and all with no cameras ;-)

0
0

Slashdot website down

Richard Thomas

Not forgetting...

I for one welcome our Slashdot-crashing overlords

0
0

France's €4.9bn rogue trader gets IT job

Richard Thomas

@ Mr "Everything good came from the US of A and don't you forget it"

You forgot to mention "We saved your asses in two world wars" etc etc. Can't have a proper anti-europe merkin rant without those words I'm afraid, epic fail...

0
0

London store brews £50-a-poop cat-crap coffee

Richard Thomas

@Mike Moyle

Don't know where "here" is for you, but you can get Monsoon Malabar in Sainsburys (a UK supermarket). You can also order it online, but if you're stateside you might have to negotiate on the delivery...

0
0

Landmine charity: Ban the killer robots before it's too late!

Richard Thomas

Charideeeee

The problem here is that the anti-landmine campaign has been too successful for its own good. Pretty much everyone who is ever going to listen agrees that landmines and cluster bombs aren't such a good idea, so if they don't find another target to rail against they'll have to shut up shop - adapt or die.

It's a bit like all the rabid anti-smoking fascists who have now started attacking those of us who like the odd pint or 10 on a Friday night...

0
0

Data pimping: surveillance expert raises illegal wiretap worries

Richard Thomas

@ Pie Man

Your boyfriend's national broadsheet wouldn't happen to be The Grauniad or the FT would it? If so there's a teeny weeny conflict of interest according to the article...

0
0

All blue-eyed people share one common ancestor

Richard Thomas

Re: Chat up line

I don't know about anyone else, but if I was compiling a list of phrases that should never be included in a chat up line, "we must be related" would be pretty near the top ,-)

0
0

The 'blem wit' error messages

Richard Thomas

Not an error message, but still amusing

When I worked at a government site years ago one of the techies decided to name the database server "elvis". I tried to educate the users of my app to do basic troubleshooting before they called me, including the use of the ping command to see if they had connectivity. Of course on solaris when they ran "ping elvis" the response was "elvis is alive" :-)

0
0

Microsoft punts web-based apps to the masses

Richard Thomas

Re: Edlin

A week? Surely you jest...

Ctrl-A

Ctrl-C

Start > Run > Notepad

Ctrl-V

Job done ;-)

0
0

Virgin rocket-ship terminal revealed

Richard Thomas

Inspiration

Come on, any sci-fi fan knows it's meant to look like the Centauri ambassador from Babylon 5 ;-)

For anyone still in the dark, check out Wikipedia - sci-fi is about the only thing it's good for...

0
0