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* Posts by Richard Scratcher

359 posts • joined 31 Aug 2007

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Muslim clerics issue fatwa banning the devout from Mars One 'suicide' mission

Richard Scratcher

In space...

...no one can hear you scream "Allahu Akbar!"

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Mystery 'doughnut' materializes in front of Mars rover: 'OH MY GOD! It wasn't there before!'

Richard Scratcher

I say zap it with the frikkin' laser and see if it flinches.

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Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

Richard Scratcher

"Inner Course"

It's quite inner resting how the arresting officer misspelt that word. Perhaps it was due to years of hearing it mispronounced.

Is there no information on the model of revulva used in the alleged assault?

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Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

Re: "Best" is just not a word

No words from Mr Cook about of the release date of the Mac Pro then?

All the best!

Dick

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Apple's GOLDEN BLING MOBE still the top selling US handset

Richard Scratcher

Speak for yourself

"And a screen that you can actually read without glasses…"

I can read an iPhone's screen without glasses.

Now if I could only drive a car without glasses or watch TV or focus on a cinema screen or see the number on a bus in time to signal its driver...

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Shivering boffins nail Earth's coldest spot

Richard Scratcher
Linux

Re: Pfff. Slightly chilly at best.

Yeah, but with the wind chill it'll feel more like -95°C

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3D printing: 'Third industrial revolution' or a load of old cobblers?

Richard Scratcher
Thumb Up

Yes, a "solution looking for a problem"

I remember reading those same words about lasers. I didn't think I'd ever own a laser device and now I probably have more than I realise.

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Google patent: THROAT TATTOO with lie-detecting mobe microphone built-in

Richard Scratcher
WTF?

Tattoo?

Why call it a "skin tattoo" when it is nothing like a skin tattoo?

I think a more accurate name would be an "iridescent submersible combine harvester flan".

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KRAKOOM! iPad Air EXPLODES in FIREBALL, terrified fanbois FLEE Apple store

Richard Scratcher
Mushroom

iED

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Cops: Bloke makes bet with wife. Wife loses - so hubby TASERS her

Richard Scratcher

@AC

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Pop OS X Mavericks on your Mac for FREE while you have LUNCH

Richard Scratcher
Unhappy

Bah!

It appears my Mac Pro with its Dual 3GHz Quad-Core Intel Xeon chips and 4GB of RAM is too old for Mavericks (or Mountain Cat for that matter). I'll have to save up for one of those MacDyson upright cylinder things.

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Volvo: Need a new car battery? Replace the doors and roof

Richard Scratcher
Alien

Re: Damage-limitation ensues.

Quite so and have the on-board computer manage the flow of electricity.

"Captain, that was a direct hit on our starboard capacitor, we're down to 75%. I've compensated but we canna take another hit like that."

"Switch all power to front capacitors. Scotty, I need that fuel cell back on line in 5 minutes or we'll be on the hard shoulder."

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Post-PC world? POST-MAC WORLD more like

Richard Scratcher

Re: New Mac Pro

It's just you.

But whatever people think of the new Mac Pro and Apple's reasons for abandoning the old cereal box shape, what's the betting that its release will prompt a new trend in wacky designs from other manufacturers?

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Apple iOS 7 makes some users literally SICK. As in puking, not upset

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

You people make me sick!

Listen! St Ive said:

"...the interface is designed to be unobtrusive and deferential..."

And he's a designer (and a knight) - so stop moaning.

If you're feeling nauseated it's probably because you're still hungover from too much boozing the night before or maybe it's your subconscious objecting to the crappy portait you've set as a background image.

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Bionic Brit Babbage Bear boards brilliant balloon, bests ballsy Baumgartner

Richard Scratcher
Holmes

"...by leaping into the void from a breathtaking 39,000m. Stepping from his foam launch platform, Babbage took the plunge into the history books..."

Or was he pushed?

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Star Wars revival secret: This isn't the celluloid you're looking for

Richard Scratcher
Coat

Ahh, the "warmth" of analogue.

“I’m not saying you can’t be real with digital. But with film, for me, there was such a familiarity and comfort to it, a real warmth. We wanted to avoid coldness and any unnatural sense of perfection."

So can't they shoot it in digital and then apply a "warmth" distortion filter?

"I find your lack of grain disturbing."

Mine's the one with the rose-tinted specs in the pocket.

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EXPLICIT VID: Man filmed trying to bang brand new 'budget iPhone'

Richard Scratcher
Coat

Fake!

The video has an obvious crossfade at about 1:20 so all that messing about with the plastic bag was a waste of time.

I never knew that my "liquid metal" SIM card extractor was supposed to be tougher than titanium. As a quick experiment I've just dug it out of my drawer, stuffed it in a plastic bag full of scrap metal bits and given the bag a good shake. Now I can't find it! Does any one remember what it looked like?

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Peter Capaldi named as 12th Doctor Who

Richard Scratcher
Thumb Up

Re: BBC PR = news

"Actor has new role. Gosh whatever next..."

I agree that isn't news... but then you've got the headline the way wrong round, it should be - "Role has new actor."

Now that is news!

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Giant human-powered quadricopter wins $250,000 Sikorsky Prize

Richard Scratcher
Meh

Meh

We had chopper bikes way back in the 70s.

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Live or let dial - phones ain’t what they used to be

Richard Scratcher

Re: Featured image.

Neither, this isn't a 700 type phone. It was made by "Face Standard", which I believe was an Italian manufacturer.

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Richard Scratcher
Coffee/keyboard

Re: No correlation betwixt one and t'other

"No 999 is slow - deliberately.

Only the first two are actually required (hence 9 for an outside line on most PBX systems).

The third provides time for the network to connect you and an operator to be on the line..."

I don't know where you heard that but it isn't true. My city has an area code "998", which would lead to a lot of false alarms with that system.

[Why the UK uses 999]

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First look: iOS 7 for iPad

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

Phone, Face Time and Message blocking.

And about bloody time too!

What's the point of having a "smart phone" if dumb people can use it to bombard you with sales calls?

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BT! dumps! Yahoo! after! 10! long! years! together!

Richard Scratcher
Meh

Great, maybe now they'll stop with the adverts.

I sometimes have to access my BT e-mail through a web browser and suffer all of those annoying animated adverts flickering away in my peripheral vision while I'm trying to read. I pay for this e-mail so why bombard me with adverts?

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Tennis pro serves up pic of bad French Open line call

Richard Scratcher
Alien

Re: Ball mark?

I can see a small mysterious bright object on the red clay. It's probably a shred of plastic material, likely benign.

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'Catastrophic failure' of 3D-printed gun in Oz Police test

Richard Scratcher
Childcatcher

3D gun?

From the video:

"...allowed people to, get access to, CAD material that would allow people to print their own 3D gun."

Yeah, but imagine if people could print their own 2D gun, now that would be scary. Or a maybe a 4D gun that could shoot at you from another dimension.

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BBC suspends CTO after £100m is WASTED on doomed IT system

Richard Scratcher
Pint

No Problem

Just turn the whole escapade into a compelling new drama series (or maybe an hilarious comedy) that can be sold for mi££ions by the company's commercial arm - BBC Worldwide.

Hurrah!

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Movie review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Richard Scratcher
Megaphone

Re: Benedict Cumberpatch may be good, but ......

Standby lights... roll cameras... cue music... cue Cumberpatch... Action!

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Researcher hacks aircraft controls with Android smartphone

Richard Scratcher
Unhappy

We won't even be allowed to play snakes on a plane.

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NASA-backed fusion engine could cut Mars trip down to 30 days

Richard Scratcher
Black Helicopters

Re: Funding?

"...Given the tight financial strictures of the US government this is unlikely"

Just find a military application for this thing and watch the $$$ come rolling in.

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No, really: Austrians develop hi-tech jewellery made out of concrete

Richard Scratcher
Pint

Austrian v Australian

Call that a ring?

[bottle opener ring]

Now that's a ring!

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Infinite loop: the Sinclair ZX Microdrive story

Richard Scratcher
Meh

File? What file? I don't remember saving any files!

I owned a Sinclair QL and its Microdrives were a real let down. The QL was very late in delivery and had a "dongle" attached to fix the issues that made it so late.

For me, saving files to a Microdrive was a fingers-crossed affair and I would always verify that the file had been saved and then save it again to a second cartridge... or even a third.

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4G in the UK? Why the smart money still says 'Meh'

Richard Scratcher
Boffin

Re: T-mobile....

...kindly enlighten me as to the difference between "unlimited" and "truly unlimited"???

I'm guessing that "truly unlimited" will be almost the same as "unlimited" but be subject to slightly fewer limits.

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This 320-gigapixel snap of London is size of Buckingham Palace

Richard Scratcher
Coat

Naked chick strutting about on rooftop garden!

http://btlondon2012.co.uk/pano.html?view.hlookat=90.1875&view.vlookat=32.4706&view.fov=0.8065&imarkerath=90.1875&imarkeratv=32.4706

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AMD: Star Trek holodecks within reach

Richard Scratcher
Alien

Re: Holodecks appeared briefly in...

The animated series of Star Trek featured a holodeck in an episode called "The Practical Joker". This was aired in September 1974. The holodeck was then called the "Recreation Deck".

The concept of a holodeck was suggested to Gene Rodenberry by the holographer Gene Dolgoff in 1973. Mr Dologoff spent a lot of time in his lab mucking about with lasers and convinced Gene Rodenberry that interactive holograms would be a commonplace technology in the future.

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Polish man mistakes hot iron for mobe

Richard Scratcher
WTF?

Got to be a fake story surely - I don't believe it

I first heard the "how do you make a [insert national stereotype here]man burn is ear?" joke when I was at school and phones had dials.

I don't believe it!

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Google maps app is BACK on iPhones, fanbois spared death

Richard Scratcher
Thumb Up

"...have Apple pulled a blinder here ?"

They also took the opportunity to fire Scott Forstall.

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Saucy Star Wars strip show - sorry, burlesque - to tour Down Under

Richard Scratcher
Alien

()()

That's no moon!

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Why do Smart TV UIs suck?

Richard Scratcher
Holmes

Can't be long now can it?

Most of the devices currently in and around my telly are very similar to items in and around my computer:- Hi-res display, UI, hard disc, CD/DVD, blu-ray, graphics card, tuner, media player, wifi, sound card, speakers, web cam, etc.

Shirley it can't be long before some manufacturer puts all these items together into a multi-media centre (with a fully weaned UI) designed for the lounges of coach potatoes such as myself.

There's obviously no technical reason why this couldn't be done. I don't understand the manufacturers' apparent reluctance to create such a device.

Maybe it just needs someone to take the first step - Apple Television anyone?

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Swedish woman cuffed for sex with skeleton SHOCKER

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

Re: Oh, I don't know

Attractive? She's probably a bit of a dog.

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ROGUE PLANET WITHOUT A SUN spotted in interstellar space

Richard Scratcher
Megaphone

Re: Bah!

I heard you the first time.

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SUN to GO OUT COMPLETELY: Here's how to watch online

Richard Scratcher
Unhappy

Bloody favouritism!

How come Cairns was chosen to host the eclipse?

I'll bet their poxy video stream won't be as professional as the 1972 Audio Recording from Lord's Cricket ground.

A pity about the rain though.

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Curiosity scoops up SHINY BITS from the RED SANDS of MARS!

Richard Scratcher
Headmaster

Life on Mars?

"The new bright bits are smaller, there's [sic] more of them and they are located inside the hole that Curiosity dug, rather than laying on the surface.

What would they be laying on the surface? Eggs? Each other?

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Skydiver Baumgartner in 128,000ft plunge from brink of space

Richard Scratcher
Go

Now that's what I call falling...

...with style!

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LASER STRIKES against US planes on the rise

Richard Scratcher
Facepalm

Re: Bah humbug - simulated picture

"...have you ever looked out of the window of a plane as you pass over the airport parking lot on a bright sunny day?"

At night a person's pupils will have dilated up to 25 times the size they are on a sunny day. The retina will undergo a physical change to make it many thousand times more sensitive to light. This takes about 20 minutes to happen and is why the cabin lights are dimmed before a plane lands at night - to give passengers' eyes time to adjust in case of emergency. Returning from night vision takes about 5 minutes.

Pilots need to be able to see, especially while they're landing.

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Brighton marathon munchers banned from all-you-can-eat diner

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

Just change the name

"All-you-can-eat" becomes "All-you-may-eat".

Not that big of a deal.

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Oregon farmer devoured by own hogs

Richard Scratcher
Holmes

The reason for the 'attack' may never be known... unless somebody squeals.

A sow bit Garner last year when he accidentally stepped on one of her piglets. His brother, Michael Garner, said: “He said he was going to kill it, but when I asked him about it later, he said he had changed his mind."

Looks like a clear case of self defence to me.

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Happy birthday, Compact Disc

Richard Scratcher
WTF?

Re: The coming of commercialisation

Yeah, the covers were crappy....but the sound was amazing! I remember being wowed by classical music on CDs. I could switch on my hi-fi, start a track and not know what volume I'd left my amp at until the music started. No matter how careful I was with vinyl, the snap, crackle and pop was always in the mix.

I'm getting old too but I am nostalgic about the dawn of the CD. I don't link the event to crap music at all. Of course these days it's all MP3, with it's inferior sound quality...or so I'm told. At my age I've lost sensitivity to a good portion of the audio spectrum.

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NASA releases stunning image of our universe's distant past

Richard Scratcher
Alien

Feeling small?

The Total Perspective Vortex is allegedly the most horrible torture device to which a sentient being can be subjected.

When you are put into the Vortex you are given just one momentary glimpse of the entire unimaginable infinity of creation, and somewhere in it a tiny little mark, a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot, which says, "You are here." - Douglas Adams

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Shuttle Endeavour buzzes the Golden Gate Bridge

Richard Scratcher
Unhappy

I remember when the SS Enterprise flew over Manchester on its visit to the UK in 1983. In those days I used to carry my Pentax 110 camera in my pocket, every day...except that particular day.

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The Jupiter Ace is 30

Richard Scratcher
Happy

I still have mine

Or rather, my brother's. We rehoused it in a metal box with a new keyboard and installed it under the telly to manage our video tape library. It worked well unless it got unplugged and we had forgotten to back things up to tape. But that happened rarely...maybe once a week.

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