* Posts by Richard Scratcher

381 posts • joined 31 Aug 2007

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US Navy's LASER CANNON WARSHIP: USS Ponce sent to Gulf

Richard Scratcher

Re: ACME MIRRORS INC

Any dirt or guano affecting the laser's output would cause it to overheat. Its temperature could be continuously monitored and a warning given to the operator should it reach dangerous levels - e.g. "Laser temperature critical, exercise extreme caution."

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MYSTERY Russian satellite: ORBITAL WEAPON? Sat GOBBLER? What?

Richard Scratcher

ЛОХАНСКИЙ ?

See title.

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VINYL is BACK and you can thank Sonos for that

Richard Scratcher
Boffin

Re: Vinyl introduces a lot of failings

I found this video very informative. I think I stumbled across a link to it in the comments pages of this site a few months ago.

D/A and A/D | Digital Show and Tell

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Richard Scratcher

Never mind the quality, feel the width.

“In an increasingly-digitised world, it appears that music fans still crave a tangible product that gives them original artwork, high audio quality and purity of sound,”

Surely these cravings could be satisfied by selling CDs in oversized cardboard sleeves.

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MOULDY DICK: France aims to snatch EXPLODING WHALE crown from U.S.

Richard Scratcher
Black Helicopters

Just paint "Rainbow Warrior" on it...

...and the DGSE will sneak by and blow it up.

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Amazon: Put our ALWAYS ON MICROPHONE in your house, please. WHAT?

Richard Scratcher
Coat

Alexa - Get my goat.

Father> Alexa - What's in my diary today?

Alexa> Your diary has one item: "Shop for holiday camping supplies"

Father> Alexa - Add camping gas to my shopping list.

Alexa> Okay, I've added camping gas to your shopping list.

Aubrey> Dad, can I get a new kite for the holiday?

Father> Sure son. Alexa - Add a new kite for Aubrey.

Alexa> Adding a new kite to your audit.

Father> No no no! I said Aubrey not audit! Alexa -Take off "a new kite" from audit.

Alexa> Taking off and nuking site from orbit.

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Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

Richard Scratcher

Re: Welcome to the 1950's

Homophobic? I thought that was an irrational fear of words that are spelt the same but have different meanings. Or was it a fear of homogenised milk?

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BAE points electromagnetic projectile at US Army

Richard Scratcher

the MBTs these days only have room for about 20 shells

Shhh! Keep it down. Are you trying to get us all killed?

"I know what you're thinking, did he fire twenty shells or only nineteen? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself..."

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Caterham Seven 160 review: The Raspberry Pi of motoring

Richard Scratcher

Ahhh! that brings back memories

I had a Caterham Super 7 many years ago - it was so much fun to drive but about as practical as a speed boat. I wanted to buy it as a kit (or "component form" as they advertised then) but, during my 12 months on the waiting list, the price went up by 20% and the wait by 50% so I ended up getting a built-and-sold-back model.

There was nothing on that car that wasn't necessary and it was simple to maintain. The indicator switch was a toggle switch on the dash that you had to remember to cancel. The handbrake was mounted transversely above the top of your passenger's legs (oops! sorry love). The gear leaver was the size of an Atari joystick and sat on top of the transmission tunnel that ran along your side and separated you from the passenger. There was enough heat from that for the winter months.

People were always interested in the car and would ask questions such as "Aren't you worried you might get mugged by a gang of midgets at the lights?"

After driving this car every day I got back into my battered old MK3 Escort and it felt like I was driving a bus. The steering wheel seemed massive and it felt like the car was leaning 45° when I went around roundabouts.

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Zippy one-liners, broken promises: Doctor Who on the Orient Express

Richard Scratcher

There was one big scary moment for me...

When it seemed Frank Skinner's character might become a regular cast member.

:-O

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Bird of HEY.... that's MY DRONE! Hawk attacks geek's quadcopter in nature v machine clash

Richard Scratcher

Eywa has heard you!

Eywa has heard you!

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Doctor Who becomes an illogical, unscientific, silly soap opera in Kill The Moon

Richard Scratcher
Unhappy

Doctor WTF?

Even worse than that unbelievably crap episode "Kill The Moon" (written by Peter Harness) are the unbelievably positive reviews of it in newspapers (Telegraph, Independent ) and websites (IMDB, sfx.co.uk).

The reviewers all ignored how space-batshit crazy the plot was and focussed instead on how "spirited, angry and vulnerable" the character of Clara was.

So why not scrap the Sci-fi element of Dr Who and just have him take over as barman of the Rovers Return for the rest of the series?

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WHY did Sunday Mirror stoop to slurping selfies for smut sting?

Richard Scratcher
Coat

Sorry I'm late...

...has anyone done the "this wouldn't stand up in court" joke yet?

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Emma Watson urges UN to back feminism – trolls threaten to leak her 'nude selfies'

Richard Scratcher

Imagi Obscuro!

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No Apple fanbois here: Man United BANS iPads from Old Trafford

Richard Scratcher
WTF?

"In line with UK airports we are reacting to the latest security intelligence..."

That does it! I'm never going to fly from Old Trafford again.

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World's only flyable WWII Lancaster bombers meet in Lincs

Richard Scratcher

Pleasure flights

I saw Vera on display at the Canadian warplane museum a couple of years ago. It's possible to book it for a flight - but it's expensive at about $10,000 for a group of 4 people.

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BMW i8 plug-in hybrid: It's a supercar, Jim, but not as we know it

Richard Scratcher
Facepalm

Re: Idiot's Solution

"I cannot understand why people bother with hybrids."

That much is clear. I suggest you write to those idiots at BMW and point out the error of their ways. Maybe they'll make you head of engineering.

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And now for someone completely brilliant: Stephen Hawking to join Monty Python on stage

Richard Scratcher
Thumb Up

Good

It'll make a change from his cruel heckling of other comedians.

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Russian gov to dump x86, bake own 64-bit ARM chips - reports

Richard Scratcher

Baikal

Bikal is a big lake in Russia.

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How practical is an electric car in London?

Richard Scratcher

Lock and load

My Nissan Leaf can lock its charging plug, and the other end is locked to the charging post until I release it by swiping my card to end the charging session.

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Autodesk CEO: '3D printing has been way overhyped'

Richard Scratcher
Coat

I ate a 3D printed ice cream the other day.

It was amazing, the operator held the ice cream cone under the print head and then moved it in small circles whilst lowering it as each layer formed. The whole process took just a few seconds.

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Amazon granted patent for taking photos against a white background – seriously

Richard Scratcher
Thumb Up

Snap!

I've set up my studio with the subject, background, lighting and camera in such a way that I have achieved a really useful effect.

Now I want to "patent" that set-up so nobody else could use similar equipment in that particular arrangement.

Yippee!

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Muslim clerics issue fatwa banning the devout from Mars One 'suicide' mission

Richard Scratcher

In space...

...no one can hear you scream "Allahu Akbar!"

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Mystery 'doughnut' materializes in front of Mars rover: 'OH MY GOD! It wasn't there before!'

Richard Scratcher

I say zap it with the frikkin' laser and see if it flinches.

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Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

Richard Scratcher

"Inner Course"

It's quite inner resting how the arresting officer misspelt that word. Perhaps it was due to years of hearing it mispronounced.

Is there no information on the model of revulva used in the alleged assault?

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Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

Re: "Best" is just not a word

No words from Mr Cook about of the release date of the Mac Pro then?

All the best!

Dick

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Apple's GOLDEN BLING MOBE still the top selling US handset

Richard Scratcher

Speak for yourself

"And a screen that you can actually read without glasses…"

I can read an iPhone's screen without glasses.

Now if I could only drive a car without glasses or watch TV or focus on a cinema screen or see the number on a bus in time to signal its driver...

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Shivering boffins nail Earth's coldest spot

Richard Scratcher
Linux

Re: Pfff. Slightly chilly at best.

Yeah, but with the wind chill it'll feel more like -95°C

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3D printing: 'Third industrial revolution' or a load of old cobblers?

Richard Scratcher
Thumb Up

Yes, a "solution looking for a problem"

I remember reading those same words about lasers. I didn't think I'd ever own a laser device and now I probably have more than I realise.

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Google patent: THROAT TATTOO with lie-detecting mobe microphone built-in

Richard Scratcher
WTF?

Tattoo?

Why call it a "skin tattoo" when it is nothing like a skin tattoo?

I think a more accurate name would be an "iridescent submersible combine harvester flan".

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KRAKOOM! iPad Air EXPLODES in FIREBALL, terrified fanbois FLEE Apple store

Richard Scratcher
Mushroom

iED

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Cops: Bloke makes bet with wife. Wife loses - so hubby TASERS her

Richard Scratcher

@AC

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Pop OS X Mavericks on your Mac for FREE while you have LUNCH

Richard Scratcher
Unhappy

Bah!

It appears my Mac Pro with its Dual 3GHz Quad-Core Intel Xeon chips and 4GB of RAM is too old for Mavericks (or Mountain Cat for that matter). I'll have to save up for one of those MacDyson upright cylinder things.

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Volvo: Need a new car battery? Replace the doors and roof

Richard Scratcher
Alien

Re: Damage-limitation ensues.

Quite so and have the on-board computer manage the flow of electricity.

"Captain, that was a direct hit on our starboard capacitor, we're down to 75%. I've compensated but we canna take another hit like that."

"Switch all power to front capacitors. Scotty, I need that fuel cell back on line in 5 minutes or we'll be on the hard shoulder."

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Post-PC world? POST-MAC WORLD more like

Richard Scratcher

Re: New Mac Pro

It's just you.

But whatever people think of the new Mac Pro and Apple's reasons for abandoning the old cereal box shape, what's the betting that its release will prompt a new trend in wacky designs from other manufacturers?

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Apple iOS 7 makes some users literally SICK. As in puking, not upset

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

You people make me sick!

Listen! St Ive said:

"...the interface is designed to be unobtrusive and deferential..."

And he's a designer (and a knight) - so stop moaning.

If you're feeling nauseated it's probably because you're still hungover from too much boozing the night before or maybe it's your subconscious objecting to the crappy portait you've set as a background image.

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Bionic Brit Babbage Bear boards brilliant balloon, bests ballsy Baumgartner

Richard Scratcher
Holmes

"...by leaping into the void from a breathtaking 39,000m. Stepping from his foam launch platform, Babbage took the plunge into the history books..."

Or was he pushed?

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Star Wars revival secret: This isn't the celluloid you're looking for

Richard Scratcher
Coat

Ahh, the "warmth" of analogue.

“I’m not saying you can’t be real with digital. But with film, for me, there was such a familiarity and comfort to it, a real warmth. We wanted to avoid coldness and any unnatural sense of perfection."

So can't they shoot it in digital and then apply a "warmth" distortion filter?

"I find your lack of grain disturbing."

Mine's the one with the rose-tinted specs in the pocket.

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EXPLICIT VID: Man filmed trying to bang brand new 'budget iPhone'

Richard Scratcher
Coat

Fake!

The video has an obvious crossfade at about 1:20 so all that messing about with the plastic bag was a waste of time.

I never knew that my "liquid metal" SIM card extractor was supposed to be tougher than titanium. As a quick experiment I've just dug it out of my drawer, stuffed it in a plastic bag full of scrap metal bits and given the bag a good shake. Now I can't find it! Does any one remember what it looked like?

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Peter Capaldi named as 12th Doctor Who

Richard Scratcher
Thumb Up

Re: BBC PR = news

"Actor has new role. Gosh whatever next..."

I agree that isn't news... but then you've got the headline the way wrong round, it should be - "Role has new actor."

Now that is news!

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Giant human-powered quadricopter wins $250,000 Sikorsky Prize

Richard Scratcher
Meh

Meh

We had chopper bikes way back in the 70s.

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Live or let dial - phones ain’t what they used to be

Richard Scratcher

Re: Featured image.

Neither, this isn't a 700 type phone. It was made by "Face Standard", which I believe was an Italian manufacturer.

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Richard Scratcher
Coffee/keyboard

Re: No correlation betwixt one and t'other

"No 999 is slow - deliberately.

Only the first two are actually required (hence 9 for an outside line on most PBX systems).

The third provides time for the network to connect you and an operator to be on the line..."

I don't know where you heard that but it isn't true. My city has an area code "998", which would lead to a lot of false alarms with that system.

[Why the UK uses 999]

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First look: iOS 7 for iPad

Richard Scratcher
Gimp

Phone, Face Time and Message blocking.

And about bloody time too!

What's the point of having a "smart phone" if dumb people can use it to bombard you with sales calls?

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BT! dumps! Yahoo! after! 10! long! years! together!

Richard Scratcher
Meh

Great, maybe now they'll stop with the adverts.

I sometimes have to access my BT e-mail through a web browser and suffer all of those annoying animated adverts flickering away in my peripheral vision while I'm trying to read. I pay for this e-mail so why bombard me with adverts?

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Tennis pro serves up pic of bad French Open line call

Richard Scratcher
Alien

Re: Ball mark?

I can see a small mysterious bright object on the red clay. It's probably a shred of plastic material, likely benign.

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'Catastrophic failure' of 3D-printed gun in Oz Police test

Richard Scratcher
Childcatcher

3D gun?

From the video:

"...allowed people to, get access to, CAD material that would allow people to print their own 3D gun."

Yeah, but imagine if people could print their own 2D gun, now that would be scary. Or a maybe a 4D gun that could shoot at you from another dimension.

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BBC suspends CTO after £100m is WASTED on doomed IT system

Richard Scratcher
Pint

No Problem

Just turn the whole escapade into a compelling new drama series (or maybe an hilarious comedy) that can be sold for mi££ions by the company's commercial arm - BBC Worldwide.

Hurrah!

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Movie review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Richard Scratcher
Megaphone

Re: Benedict Cumberpatch may be good, but ......

Standby lights... roll cameras... cue music... cue Cumberpatch... Action!

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Researcher hacks aircraft controls with Android smartphone

Richard Scratcher
Unhappy

We won't even be allowed to play snakes on a plane.

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