* Posts by Chris W

2073 posts • joined 28 Aug 2007

Indiana Jones whips Bond in greatest movie character poll

Chris W
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Re: Something to do with....

Not so much memory as exposure. The readers of the magazine have probably never heard of Arthur Daley, the previously mentioned Norman Stanley Fletcher, nor Reggie Perrin, Corporal Jones, BSM Williams or Beryl and Sandra all of whom provided hours of entertaiment for those of us of more mature years. The only two to span time so to speak are Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes. My DW and SH will not be the same as those who completed the survey.

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Mum fails to nuke killer spider nest from orbit

Chris W
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Re: Which as we all know is the only way to be sure @Steve Davies 3

>which one you think it is?

Having been born and raised within spitting distance of Cleckheaton I don't think, I know which it is.

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Chris W
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Which as we all know is the only way to be sure

Only one way to dispose of spiders, magnifying glass. Although in Cleckheaton that might take some time.

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DEATH by VEGETABLES: Woman charged with killing boyf using carrots. And peas

Chris W
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Worse and more damaging things than spamming someone.

If that's a cue for tins of spam jokes then I'm dry, you'll have to have all jokes without spam. Without spam? Urgh....

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Post-pub nosh neckfillers: Reader suggestions invited

Chris W
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Crisp sandwich

And if you want to be exotic

Crisp and banana sandwich

Actually this is a rather sad post as I usually put HP sauce on the crisps and it reminds me that I'm down to my last bottle of UK made HP.

On a brighter note, there's really no need for an article on how to make a sandwich so how about a compilation of 5-minute neck fillers.

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Chris W
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Re: Noodles and peas.

If you want to claim to have actually cooked something do as my wife does and stir an egg in.

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Chris W
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Corned beef and onion pie

Title says it all as a starting point, throw in some potatoes, chilies, whatever and you get a full meal.

Only one thing to be careful of, make sure you open the tin of corned beef before you go out otherwise you might wake up with a few fingers missing.

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How swearing at your coworker via WhatsApp could cost you $68,000

Chris W
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Re: Freedom of Speech....

So you are going to send profanities to someone for the sake of it? I doubt it, you send them with intent. However if you think you can go about saying whatever you want with impunity try swearing on a street in the UK but don't be suprised if you find yourself in a police cell.

As for insulting the monarchy, don't do it in some European countries otherwise you will also find yourself in a police cell.

Think the US is any better, try defiling, defacing, insulting or even satirizing the US flag and see where it could lead you. HTH can you insult a flag? Tell it its mama's so ugly she could be a stunt double for Le Drapeau Tricolore.

As I pointed out elsewhere those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw bricks.

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Chris W
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@ DavCrav Part II

> then a new law was introduced, and he was retroactively found guilty under it. This is backward, both ethically and temporally.

Have you read the article or any of the links. He faces a retrial, he has not been found guilty of a further crime.

If you want ethically backward try this http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/mar/15/dwp-law-change-jobseekers-poundlan The bill was passed into law shortly afterwards,

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Chris W
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@DavCrav

No, he was found guilty. A decision which was upheld twice. He won his appeal third time round.

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Chris W
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You don't know the content of the message. Don't forget what happened when someone made a one off, off the cuff comment about Doncaster airport. The people making comments about the UAE being backward seem to be throwing bricks in a glass house.

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Chris W
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Re: Freedom of Speech....

Abusing a co-worker is not freedom of speech.

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Use snooped data in court? Nah, says UK.gov - folk might be cleared

Chris W
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Use it to show they were innocent of the crimes they were charged

And therein lies the problem with the British justice system. It is used to prove you guilty and if they have evidence to show otherwise they'd rather you didn't know about it and ignore it, let alone let you have access to it.

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Spanish TV journo leaves subordinates cowering after verbal shoeings

Chris W
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Re: Typical Spanish attitude

Funny that because I've generally found the same to be true about people who take generalisations as absolute.

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Chris W
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Re: Typical Spanish attitude

>But it looks as if they will find themselves

Nah, that's again typical protect the prima dona blustering. They can't deny the evidence so mount a counter claim to try to frighten them. Just add it to the list of abusive behaviour.

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Chris W
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Typical Spanish attitude

Put them in a position of power and they make plastic plods look submissive. Most of them think you're a personal belonging which can be ordered about without question and the sad part is usually the employees put up with it. Good to see some of them fighting back.

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ISIS command post obliterated after 'moron' jihadi snaps a selfie, says US Air Force

Chris W
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Re: Why do we tell them this? @Len Goddard

You don't think they know already? Why do you think most of the statements they release are indoors in front of a white sheet? The bloke who posted the selfie was just an idiot.

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Dodgy colon bug is a total pain in the butt for Skype users today

Chris W
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Keep history bug

I have five users on this PC and we all use the same skype account. Keep history is set to no for all the users. If I skype from user1 and send a text message, as expected on closing the text is deleted. However if I log on to user2 the message is still there. HTF do they do that? Microsoft must be keeping the messages on their servers. Each user has to then delete the history manually.

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Spaniards get that cinking feeling

Chris W
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Pretty sure I've heard tuiting.

Then there's the other way around where they get an English word and stick a Spanish suffix on it such as testeado.

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Naked cyclists take a hard line on 'aroused' protest participant

Chris W
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Re: Death race

>more than once I've wanted to run one or two of the cyclist buggers down

Ah, but cars aren't allowed on the pavement.

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Chris W
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Re: Where are the police?

Stood naked and surrounded by policewomen in uniform. Not a good idea. Actually it's a pretty damn good idea but not for this event.

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Chris W
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@Trevor Potts

>just flick some sort of mental switch

Think of Joanna Lumley, works every time. Oh bugger, that's me stuck behind my desk for the rest of the morning.

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Nosy Brit cops demand access to comms data EVERY TWO MINUTES

Chris W
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Re: How many investigations?

>the type of case they request comms data for

It's when they can't prove the initial charge you were detained for, never being wrong nor wanting to back down they go trawling for anything to stick on you.

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Is your career lacking growth? Become a porn inspector! Hint: It sucks

Chris W
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Re: Ah, zee british sense of humour,....

>If it goes a bit Pete Tong we fall back on the strategy of getting the Russians involved, as they have more soldiers than anyone else has bullets.

Fall back? You have your chronology wrong. The Russians were our allies six monthes before the Americans got involved, they were also a hell of a lot more help in as much as they actually did some fighting.

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Chris W
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Re: China's censorship dilemma

>Now the population is only protected by perverts with bad attitudes.

While we have professional politicians who have never done a days real work in their life and beat off over expense forms. At least in China they execute corrupt officials, I think I'll move there.

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Wheely, wheely mad: Petrolheads fume over buggy Formula One app

Chris W
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Inaccurate driver information

>the glitzy motor racing contest's official mobile app, which spews out inaccurate driver information

That explains what happened to Hamilton. Mercedes were using this app.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Bog-standard boxty

Chris W
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You'll never get your man

Oh what a gay day, I've got me pinny on already and topically if I were that way inclined, once got, I could marry him as well.

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Why does Uber keep its drivers' pay so low? Ex-CFO: 'Cos we can'

Chris W
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Re: Two year mandatory EU warranty

>Citation welcome.

Here's mine. Experience, you should try it some time, it's a lot better than reading about the theory.

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Chris W
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Re: I've told my wife this thousands of times

Ah, warranty. I think you'll find consumer protection in the UK is far greater than anything you'd find in most other countries.

Cartels are for price fixing, they rarely do this to benefit the consumer.

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Chris W
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I've told my wife this thousands of times

Recently, as I was looking for a new drill the black sheep of the family, a niece married to a French man (shudder) said she could get a reduction on power tools through his family, Hilti to be precise. So I looked up the price in different countries for the same tool. In the UK, often called rip-off UK by people who have never lived away from their mother the price was the equivalent of 280 euros, in France 385 Euros and in Spain a staggering 475 Euros. Same drill, same spec, same part number.

My wife insists it can't be the same drill and the one costing more must be better. I repeatedly tell her that the price of anything reflects what people will pay not what it is worth. If a company can get away with charging more in a given market they will.

Oh, and the employee price on the drill was still more expensive than buying in the UK.

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Facebook serves up shaved, pierced, tattooed 'butterfly' as CAPTCHA

Chris W
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Re: The tattoo

>think about seeing that for the first time at the end of a night

Always cop a feel before then, there might be even more down there than just a tattoo and a few rings.

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Citroën C4 Cactus BlueHDi: A funky urban crossover

Chris W
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Re: No rev counter

/dev/null - Why do you need to know how fast the engine is going round?

MJI - If you need a rev counter to tell you that you are over-revving you shouldn't be driving, at least you shouldn't be making comments about rev counters. You got to 8000 rpm before changing from 1st to second, I don't even want to think about that.

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Chris W
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Re: On mirrors on the left and the right

Lars, you sound confused and are giving this too much thought. Come to Spain and drive on whichever side takes your fancy.

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Chris W
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Re: It's nice to see...

Answer to contact parking is to put a bit of protective material around you bumpers. I've found the anti-slip stuff they use on stairs to be ideal.

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Chris W
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Re: No rev counter

What I find strange is that a motoring journalist thinks a rev counter is vital.

Unless you're deaf with no sense of feeling in your body then a rev counter is an unnecessary distraction.

I'd rather have gauges for stuff instead of indicator lights so I can build up a picture of normal operating values and see when they are going outside those without waiting for some preset value to be breached.

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Who was downloading smut in the office while eating ice cream?

Chris W
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Things readers have been asked to do

It's been asked on more than one occasion for me to do some work. The horror...

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China tackles vital strippers-at-funeral problem

Chris W
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Now I know

Why a former colleagues mother died at least three times.

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JUNK in your TRUNK is Amazon Germany's new delivery plan

Chris W
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Re: @Chris W - Idiotic

Furthermore, with the Pakistani child sex gangs you are barking up the wrong tree. The outrage is not because such gangs exist whether they be pakistani, british, chinese or even timbuktuian but that the police, in spite of overwhelming evidence did not make arrests and turned a blind eye to ongoing abuse for fear of being called racist. We have you and your ilk to thank for that and I'm sure those young girls passed around will thank you too, or maybe not.

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Chris W
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Re: @Chris W - Idiotic

You sound like the sort of person who disagrees with profiling and would argue that for every real case of female genital mutilation investigated the relevant authorities should waste time investigating a couple of white christian middle class families so as not to upset the most likely group to perform such an atrocity.

white, caucasian - One of those is redundant. Of course they would, but if I'm going to look for criminals, terrorists, serial killers or whoever I'm going to look first at those more inclined to do such things and sod their feelings.

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Chris W
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Re: @Chris W - Idiotic

Graham, sorry to have piqued your sensibilites but it's a fact of life. Different groups tend towards certain behaviour at certain times. Right now what I wrote is valid, in the past it might have been Oliver Twistesque street urchins, in the future ex-bank managers but right now I wrote it as it is.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

Love-rat fanboi left bobbing for Apples in tiny Japanese bath

Chris W
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Re: Easy one for the Police

You do realise we are talking Japan here. They have game shows that inflict more psychological torture on the contestants than this young lady did on her cheating partner.

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Chris W
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Let us know what you can identify

A bath.

No idea what the stuff in it is.

And are you sure nothing was lost in translation, that script looks over whelming. Maybe it's a new website - Does it rust?

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El Reg assembles mighty Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse

Chris W
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Why oh why oh why?

Last year it was on a canteen week, this year it's on a canteen week and on top of that the family have decided it's time to celebrate my mother-in-law's 95th birthday that week, supposedly it's on the 27th but I don't think even she knows properly. I swear she's been 95 for the past ten years but it looks as if she won't get past that until she gets her party. Now this sounds like the ideal excuse for me not to spend too much time, or even any time, with an entire dysfunctional family from the back woods of Spain who would make a cross between the Beverly Hillbillies, the mountain folk from Deliverance and Cyclops look normal. However, last year, a quid a day was far too easy and having just had a wok buffet accompanied by couple of jugs I feel I could go the five days on a pound.

So if I'm allowed, if any one person donates 73GBP I'll sign up and do just that. Why 73? Then I'll know it's not a random 20/25/50/100 donation and that someone likes me enough to save me from a fate worse than a family gathering yet hates me enough to want me to suffer for it.

Have I thought this through? Of course not, those couple of jugs may actually have been four or five.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Tortilla de patatas

Chris W
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Re: Overcooked?

Agreed. My wife makes them so "tender" that I'm sure a couple of hours in an incubator would result in chicks. Unfortunately for any potential chicken jalfrezi fodder they are so damn good they generally don't last that long, not even the huge two inch thick ones..

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A Quid A Day for NOSH? Luxury!

Chris W
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Re: True poverty still exists in the UK

>How the fuck do you know that? What gives you the right to ascribe motives to other people?

Good heavens, someone's rattled you cage today. He/she doesn't know that and he didn't ascribe anything to anyone. The clue is in the use of "I think" which you reproduced so there's a good chance you actually read it as well but obviously didn't let that get in the way of yet another rant.

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BOFH: Mmm, gotta love me some fresh BYOD dog roll

Chris W
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Re: Dog Roll

Brilliant, your dad is not only an idiot he also proved it. Which delivers up a conundrum. Having proved he's an idiot does that make him more or less of one?

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Are you clever enough, and brave enough, to give a Register lecture

Chris W
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Re: I was with you until..

>convincing fellow readers I'm clever

Anybody who manages to convine this lot they are clever really must be.

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Bride legs it from wedding after groom proves unable to add up

Chris W
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Re: Could be a good way to get out of a wedding...

My thought exactly and given the simplicity of the problem she was either not going to join beautifulpeople.com any time soon or wasn't the brightest bulb in the box herself. Either way, a lucky escape for the groom.

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Shove off, ugly folk, says site for people who love themselves

Chris W
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Re: Tawnie Lynn (pictured)

h4rm0ny, so which bit of not wanting to share a lift with someone because they may not be as perfect as you and your friends think they are do you find not to be shallow or rather dumb.

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