* Posts by Joey

225 posts • joined 26 Aug 2007

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Apple Fanboi? Stand by to get Beats Music LIKE IT OR NOT

Joey

"Does R&B still mean rhythm & blues?"

No, Rubbish and Bass

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Snapper's decisions: Whatever happened to REAL photography?

Joey

10 x 8

Back then, I shot food and still lives on a 10 x 8 Sinar. Because of the long bellows extension and small aperture (f64), there would be up to thirty flashes from different flash and tungsten heads placed around the subject - some with a stocking over the lens to give a halo. I would have to use 10 x 8 Polaroid film to balance the lights and then take bracket shots +- 1/3 stops. The film would be sent off to the lab but a couple of sheets held back to be pushed or pulled by the lab for the final tweak. Depending on the subject, we could do one or two shots in a day like this. I always considered this approach to be 'painting with light' rather than photography.

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Doctor Who and the Dalek: 10-year-old tests BBC programming game

Joey

Start at the very beginning...

Punch cards, Sinclair Basic then Z80 assembler.

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Apple's new 'iPad Air 2' sliced open, revealing (possible) A8X core

Joey

On the other hand...

...it's a very long time since Jasper wrote anything new, exciting or innovative!

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Doctor Who becomes an illogical, unscientific, silly soap opera in Kill The Moon

Joey

Daleks, Cybermen, lesbian Lizards. If you want science, look elsewhere. Loved it!

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Driving with an Apple Watch could land you with a £100 FINE

Joey

Interesting...

...that it is only the Apple Watch that could cause problems. Why not a Casio Calculator Watch or a Rolex with a stopwatch function? A: Because putting 'Apple' in a headline makes people sit up and pay attention. What about using a sat-nav? My TomTom has a dreadful touchscreen and even worse GUI. It can talk to me but I can't talk to it, which I could if I had an Apple Watch.

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4K-ing excellent TV is on its way ... in its own sweet time, natch

Joey

4K, Meh

I can't wait for 16K Laser 3D and rediscovering all those great Marx Brothers films!

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Fiat Panda Cross: 'Interesting-looking' Multipla spawn hits UK

Joey

The Register gets more like Top Gear all the time!

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Financial wizardess joins Apple board, air of coolness noticeably diminishes

Joey

"fruity fuhrer Tim Cook"

How politically incorrect can you get, Jasper?

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Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

Joey

Why?

Is this (particular) rubbish reported in The Register?

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FBI: We found US MILITARY AIRCRAFT INTEL during raid on alleged Chinese hacker

Joey

I am amazed

That these companies should have such lax security on their servers. Username "admin", Password "password" comes to mind. They should be sued for negligence! Perhaps they should employ said hackers to make their servers hack-proof?

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NASA finds first Earth-sized planet in a habitable zone around star

Joey

History

If it is 500 light years away, what they are seeing in 500 years old. Might not be there now so there's no point in setting off.

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Report: Apple seeking to raise iPhone 6 price by a HUNDRED BUCKS

Joey

A brilliant idea!

I can then wave my new iPhone 6 in the pub with even more self-satisfied smugness. Why not make it another £1000, then it would be even more 'exclusive'. In a recent visit to the small market town of Enniskillen, Co Femanagh, I found a shop in the high street where the cheapest watch was £4500. Now THAT is style!

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Android engineer: We DIDN'T copy Apple OR follow Samsung's orders

Joey

Look at this and tell me that Samsung don't copy Apple...

https://www.facebook.com/SamsungIreland/photos/pb.201797643167743.-2207520000.1397486606./818409858173182/?type=3&theater

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WTF is … the multiverse?

Joey

It is impossible for the human brain to comprehend infinity and a universe that goes on forever. Our experiences always are always bounded by something. Most humans even have trouble comprehending three dimensions as we are confined to the two (and a bit) dimensions of the surface of a planet. Throughout history, various theories have been proposed and then supplanted by newer ones as we have been able to better observe and understand our surroundings. No matter how much worms evolve in the future, they will never understand how a steam engine works. I think that we are all worms.

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Nipper rolls up at nursery with 48 wraps of HEROIN

Joey

...and the technology angle is...?

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Apple Mac Pro: It's a death star, not a nappy bin, OK?

Joey

Why a MacPro might be your next Windows PC...

Interesting

http://www.macwindows.com/GPU-teaming-for-Windows-booting-Mac-Pro.html

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Joey

It is NOT expensive...

My first Mac 128 (in 1984) cost about the same price as a Mac Pro does now. A LaserWriter cost £4500, a 10Meg SCSI hard drive cost £1750. My first Philips CD burner cost £2500, the software (Topic) cost £2500 for the Mac version and £2500 for the PC version. Blank CDs were £20 each and half the writes failed.

A NuVista video card cost £2500 and the same again for a u-Matic control card.

If you scale those 1980's prices to today, you are talking serious money. Expensive as they were, these items paid for themselves over and over again and fetched a good resale price too.

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Random car shutdowns force Toyota to recall Prius hybrids - AGAIN

Joey

Re: "Patch Tuesdays" for cars?

No, the car comes to a screeching halt and all of a sudden, the dashboard turns red.

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Apple in bid to turn MORE and MORE humans into iPhone-stroking fanbois

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Prof Stephen Hawking: 'There are NO black holes' – they're GREY!

Joey

Whether you are a scientist or a theologist there is one thing for certain - we don't know what we don't know and most likely, never will. That has always been difficult to come to terms with.

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Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

Joey

Re: Amusing.

Dear Fruity CEO, I would just like to drop you a fruity message to wish you and your fruity firm all the fruity best for the fruity New Year. Jasper

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Sensation: Chinese Jade Rabbit FOUND ON MOON

Joey

I wonder how long it will be before the first Lunar Chinese Restaurant opens? Fu Yung Moon

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US military's RAY-GUN truck BLASTS DRONES, mortars OUT OF THE SKY

Joey

Re: "A highly visible laser truck is going to be the first thing any enemy will want to take out."

The could be disguised as ice cream vans. Nobody would twig.

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Confirmed: Apple gives nod to gobblement of Kinect-maker PrimeSense

Joey

Or...

... there might be some patents in there that could be used to clobber somebody.

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From Dept of REALLY? Sueball lobbed at Apple over crap iOS Maps app

Joey

Swiss Army Knife

In a Swiss Army Knife, the individual tools suck. There are much better tools for opening bottles, whittling wood, taking nails out of horses' hoves. Why is it surprising that maps apps are not as good as dedicated satnavs? Why are the built-in cameras not as good as real cameras at the same price as the phone? Having said that, I have iPhone/iPad apps that are considerably better than their real world counterparts. ClearTune guitar tuner, SkySafari (as an astronomical telescope guider) and I much prefer playing Scrabble on an iPad than with a real board.

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We go joyriding in the Google Maps-killer's ROBO-CAR

Joey

Huh?

Surely, minding this rig is worse than using a mobile phone when driving?

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ETERNAL PATENT WAR: Apple and Samsung locked in battle again

Joey

"The Fruity Firm"

Used three times in this short piece. Go to the back of the class for lack of imagination and overuse of clichés.

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BIG, CURVY Apple models: Just right for SLAP AND TICKLE

Joey

I remember a time...

... when car windscreens were flat. Don't see many of those these days. On an iPhone (with a larger screen than the current model) a curved edge will make it easier to operate with one hand as your thumb will not be restricted by a sharpish edge. Makes sense to me.

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Could Doctor Who really bump into human space dwellers?

Joey

Sixty years ago...

...Dan Dare didn't have all these problems. The Anastasia could go anywhere with only the cockpit canopy of a Second World War fighter bomber. Going back even further, Buck Rogers fueled his 'rocket ship' with copper wire off a reel. Worked pretty well but the smoke always rose upwards and the sparks fell downwards. Wouldn't be allowed these days on Health and Safety grounds.

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RUMBLINGS: Apple pondering 'Touch Cover keyboard' for iPads

Joey

Logitech

I just got a Logitech Bluetooth keyboard for my iPad from Amazon (£30). The iPad fits neatly inside it and it is a decent keyboard too. I really do like to have the arrow keys for editing.

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Apple's iWatch to appear in 2014, will RULE your home – new claim

Joey

Home automation is a very small market. For the most part, a cheap mechanical timer will do the trick of turning on the microwave or kettle before you get home. I very much doubt if this is what the 'alleged' iWatch is all about. If it doesn't measure my blood pressure, heart rate, temperature and blood sugar level, I can't see a need for it.

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Swap your old iPhone for a new one, Tim Cook tells British fanbois

Joey

Oh Jasper

7 x "fanbois"

1 x "Jesus Phone"

but not a mention of "Fruity Firm"

You are slipping!

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Android adware that MUST NOT BE NAMED threatens MILLIONS

Joey

Ah but...

...they are cheaper than iPhones and more customisable. Can't have it both way :?(

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Rotten Apple iOS 7 fury: Glitchy audio or is today's music really that bad?

Joey

Installed

iOS7 became available about 6:50 (not the 6:00 that was touted on some sites). I managed to grab the update for my iPad within half an hour but subsequently trying to update my iPhone, I hit the traffic jam.

I don't understand why updates like this can't be staggered across timezones or using some other method - but then that wouldn't get all the free publicity.

Haven't hit any 'gotchas' yet.

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How to get a Raspberry Pi to take over your Robot House

Joey

Life is too short

In terms of productivity, this is definitely one for the underachievers who will waste more time and earn less and less money from increasingly more effort - in a vicious circle.

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Apple named in criminal lawsuit over Premier League–streaming app

Joey

It would be interesting if Apple was landed with four years in prison!

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iPhone 5S: Apple, you're BORING us to DEATH (And you too, Samsung)

Joey

Re: Peak Smartphone

Personal TriCorder?

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Peugeot 208 GTi: The original hot hatch makes a comeback

Joey

Huh...

...The Register gets more like Top Gear every day!

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Xiaomi plans global domination with fast smartphones and software

Joey

Can you image what the instruction booklet would read like? China has yet to find a technical translator, from all account!

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Why Teflon Ballmer had to go: He couldn't shift crud from Windows 8, Surface

Joey

Re: I'm a MSFT Fan But.....

"As several other comments have said here, Microsoft should have made 2 different versions of the Win8 OS: business (Explorer UI) and consumer (touch UI). Microsoft may not like hearing that, but it's the truth."

It might be the sort of thing Microsoft would do but a better OS designer would simply ask if the user wanted touch capabilities and serve up the appropriate experience from the install disk.

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Star Wars revival secret: This isn't the celluloid you're looking for

Joey

Never mind the film stock...

Let's have a good script, a good story and decent acting. The filming technique is immaterial.

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iCloud outage outrage: Look, iPhoto friends, kitty just learned to... NOOO

Joey
FAIL

Fanbois x 4

At least the idiot didn't mention "Fruity firm" in this piece but why The Register needs to employ so many trolls when they already have so many Jeremy Clarksons, I can't image.

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Apple big-screen TV rumor zombie RISES FROM THE DEAD

Joey

Re: Just what we need...

No, a 60" iPad makes more sense. No need to run Office or Photoshop but iPad apps, games, messaging, video conferencing (Skype) would be useful.

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Ye Bug List

Joey

Third Para bug

The first line of every third paragraph in the articles has a spurious line break in the middle of the line. Is this 'house style' or office cleaner?

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New blinged-up 'iPhone 5S' touted by Jobs FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

Joey

"Fruity firm"

Used twice in this piece. Do you have key combos for clichés like this? It would save a lot of time.

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Google Glass: Would you pay a mere $299 to plop one on your brow?

Joey

Bionic eye

The Six Million Dollar man had one and put it to good use. Imagine if surgeons had to wear (something similar) that recorded the operation being performed. I can think of many serious uses that a 'bionic eye' could perform – walking into a bar is not one of them.

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Here we go again: Apple gets second bite in ITC Moto patent spat

Joey

Cliché alert

"The fruity firm now finds itself directly in contention with the Chocolate Factory"

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Beam me up? Not in the life of this universe

Joey

Fascinating...

Fact: there is no continuation of consciousness when you are teleported. The original is destroyed (duplication is not permitted by law). The clone IS an exact copy of the original with all the memories, warts and all but once you step into a transported, you die.

How long would it take a 3D printer to recreate the clone?

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Western spooks banned Lenovo PCs after finding back doors

Joey

Personally, I am more worried about the fact that there is a Chinese takaway in every town in the country!

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