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* Posts by Graham Jordan

241 posts • joined 14 Feb 2007

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Blighty teen boffin builds nuclear reactor INSIDE CLASSROOM

Graham Jordan

Almost certainly a stupid question...

£3000 for a small reactor vs several more for solar panals on your roof.

Would it not pay to have this kid build something a little bigger in a garden shed and cut yourself off from the grid?

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WD My Cloud EX4 four-bay NAS

Graham Jordan

HP ProLiant N54L Synology DSM for £125

HP ProLiant N54L with cashback from Amazon.

4 bays, 1x 5.25 bay, 2 PCIE ports, 2GB of RAM upgradeable to 16GB, comes with a CDRom and a 250GB HD, something like 8x USB ports all for around £125.

Synology DSM on a USB drive from xpenology and you can have a shit hot NAS for next to nothing.

Got me an ICY dock 6x 2.5" for the 5.25" bay, just waiting for WD to release 2TB 2.5" Red drives and I'm throwing in an extra 12TB.

Because that's how I roll.

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Apple's nonexistent iWatch to bag $17.5 BEEELION in first year alone – analyst

Graham Jordan

Watch? Hell yeah. Smart watch? Fuck off

I wear a watch and I have no shame in saying they're my fashion statement. I haven't crossed the £1000 barrier on a watch but would sure as hell like to if I ever had any real money.

Watches are awesome.

Smart watches? That's what gets me. If you see someone wearing a digital watch they're generally 12 year olds who can't tell the time. Even with Apple branding a digital watch is still a digital watch regardless of if it has bluetooth in or not. And that's what I just don't get. It doesn't matter how much it costs you're still a fucking idiot if you can't read a clock face. And if one of the settings is to display time in said clock face then buy a real watch, stop being a mindless gimp and get some real taste about you.

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Mars One's Red Planet foray is still on – but not until 2018

Graham Jordan

Reality TV

If I said to my wife I'd like to watch a program where real people are travelling to and then setting up a colony on Mars I'd get the "well you can watch that shit upstairs" treatment.

If my wife said to me "Joey and Shauna slept together and now Dale's pissed. Mars One is the best reality TV show ever" I'd tell ask if I was allowed to watch TV upstairs.

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Dry, cold and volatile: How to survive Mars, and your fellow crew

Graham Jordan

Terraforming

Maybe down to my complete lack of scientific knowledge but I've never understood the fascination with terraforming Mars.

I appreciate once on the planet even with today’s technology an astronaut could survive in a pod until his resources run out so that makes a trip there encouraging. Turning the planet green is a dam site easier on Mars than anywhere else in the solar system but a blue sky and plenty of oxygen won't change the gravity (or lack of it) situation.

In a future where getting to Mars takes days/weeks rather than months/years the idea of travelling between two worlds, even for just a holiday isn't unrealistic. But doesn't the lack of gravity fuck up your body? Isn't that why astronauts are meant to work out all the time? To keep their bone density acting normally?

If theories are correct then water was brought to Earth on a comet. A big smash is also theorised as to the reason the Earth is on a wonky angle giving us seasons. So therefore would it not be possible to send a shit load of probes out to the Oort cloud, use gravitational pulling or any other means (would nukes do the job?) to push ice balls into the inner solar system and strike Venus? Run away greenhouse gases can be curbed even with today's technology, as long as we can cool the planet down enough to set foot on it.

Venus is ideal for us in size, density and gravity. The insanely long days aren’t as detrimental to our health as obesity with no bones, and I’m pretty sure the right sized rock(s) at the right angle could speed up the rotation.

My knowledge on the workings of the solar system are based on Wikipedia, Morgan Freeman’s dodgy Through the Wormhole and that other documentary with that man in it. I’m hardly the pinnacle of expertise. Just based on what I know it seems a no brainer to go elsewhere.

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Anonymous hacktivists' Million Mask March protest hits London

Graham Jordan

Russell Brand - The Messiah Complex

My wife and I went to see him in Nottingham on Friday and without a shadow of a doubt he surpassed our expectations to become the funniest stand-up act we've ever seen.

Whilst there were a few moments I’d argue his facts were wrong (that’s not to say I’m right, I’ve just read differently) his overall arguments against… well… everything were well thought out and structurally sound.

He’s coming across as an incredibly intelligent man with a good incite however having witnessed an Anonymous protest before (not this million march thing, just a random protest) I get the impression they themselves don’t really have a clue what they’re against and so I’d question why he was there at all.

If during the course of the night someone flung poo in the general direction of Cameron and Osborne they’d get two thumbs up from me. Actually through some at Miliband. He’s a cunt too.

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Reg readers! You've got 100 MILLION QUID - what would you BLOW it on?

Graham Jordan

Magic mushrooms

And a BIll Hicks marathon.

I didn't read the article. I just like the sound of blowing £100 on drugs.

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The facts on Trident 'cuts': What the Lib Dems want is disarmament

Graham Jordan

Trident isn't worth shit in a globalised world

There isn't a nation on this planet that would risk economic disaster by starting a nuclear war. Because that's what would happen.

I beg to differ in our allies wouldn't step up should we become a target of a nuclear flattening (only an attack from Russia or China would put the nerves up the US, anyone else would probably find missiles en route before the dust has settled on London) but let’s just assume this theory is correct.

The UK is a baron wasteland having been smashed to shit by Pakistan. The rest of the world, including Russia and China, are outraged by the devastating attack that’s left England in an apocalyptic state and Western Europe under a thick cloud of radioactive waste. No one has the balls to retaliate on our behalf but they can starve the nation dry by sanctioning them to death. No one would dream of breaking the sanctions for fear of being cut off themselves. The results are Pakistan becomes a two bit nation surviving on dust or they start another fight, one that doesn’t go unnoticed.

The only real threat to nuclear devastation is a terrorist attack. A couple of rogue scientists at an Iranian camp steal enough supplies to build a fragile but destructive suitcase bomb. They detonate it at the peak of the Shard and a sizeable chunk of London is vaporised. A few days later the terrorist group “all your capitals R belong to us” takes credit for the bomb. Who are we going to nuke? Iran? The entire Middle East? It’s not going to work.

The world is becoming a smaller place by the day, our economies are intertwined to the point where when one falls a whole heap follow, as the credit crunch has proven. We don’t need nukes any more. Their only use would be to battle an alien race however this is almost certainly a none starter as any race that’s mastered interstellar travel has almost certainly devised a far superior technology to a big fucking bomb on a very large firework.

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Snowden dodges US agents in Moscow, skips out on flight

Graham Jordan

Re: He can stay at mine if he likes

Bitches be loco my friend. Bitches be loco.

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Graham Jordan
Thumb Up

He can stay at mine if he likes

The spare rooms a shit hole thanks to my wife and the 5 meeelion pairs of fucking shoes she owns but we live in a quiet area, you'll be fine.

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Julian Assange: I'm quite happy to sleep on Ecuador's sofa FOREVER

Graham Jordan

99.97%

Well that's hardly as bad as 99.98%.

Stop being a pussy and take the risks, the odds aren't that bad.

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Windows 8.1 Start button SPOTTED in the wild

Graham Jordan

utorrent and imgburn

Wow. Whoever took that screenshot didn't even try to disguise their pirating habits.

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'Secret Pentagon papers' show China hacked into Patriot missile system

Graham Jordan

in other news

Barak Obama admits to funding and tasking a crack team of developers to hack and take down Iranian nuclear sites.

of course its ok when they do it don't you know.

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Nokia opens Maps to rivals, flogs uber-budget €15 phone

Graham Jordan

No new top end?

*Sigh*

Well there goes my custom. Was holding out to see what Nokia would bring during the conference. If the 920 is the glory of Nokia for the foreseeable future I think I'll pass. My brick carrying days ended with the N95.

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Nokia tries its luck with a sub-£150 Win Phone 8: The Lumia 620

Graham Jordan

How shit does this look?

Long time Nokia fan. 402 right up to the N95 (horrible machine) and out of love for the brand I have the Lumia 800.

Seems they want to fail by producing hideous looking devices built for 7 year olds.

The next batch better be a piece of art or I'm off this train.

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Review: Intel 335 240GB SSD

Graham Jordan
Thumb Down

Don't trust CrystalDiskMark

It's using comic sans font.

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Elon Musk envisions small town of VEGETARIANS ON MARS

Graham Jordan

Venus

Wouldn't it be easier and better for human life to attempt to terraform Venus?

Smash a couple of ice comets into it at the right trajectory to speed the planets rotation up and you've almost got a like for like planet.

I'm not a boffin or even a one tenth boffin but something that always seems to escape the colonising Mars questions is gravity or lack of it on Mars. You can fake a lot of things on Mars. You could create enough greenhouse gases to heat the planet up, you could coat the surface with oxygen but you can't fake gravity on a global scale.

Would we not just turn into a Mr Soft like race several generations down the line?

Thoughts? Arse talking out of?

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Mighty 4 Terabyte whopper crashes down on the desktop

Graham Jordan

Ouch on the price

Ebuyer were selling 3tb drives for £110. Why would I pay an additional £120 for 1tb? Why not buy two 3tb drives?

Fail

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Assassin's Creed 3 game review

Graham Jordan

Sequence 5

Really enjoying the story, for me its a bit of a history lesson having never really paid any attention to the revolution.

Buggy as hell though, whilst I've not experienced any crashes myself, my gf on the other hand has to turn off and on every half hour. For me i tend to see animals stuck in trees or something.

Hey ho.

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Sellafield's nuclear waste measured in El Reg units

Graham Jordan

LFTR's

Stop me if I'm wrong, but Liquid Fluoride Thorium Reactors use this waste as fuel do they not? The end result is insanely high level waste but barely enough to fill a lunch box?

I didn't understand much of what was going off, but if you have two hours to spare, watch this beast.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9M__yYbsZ4

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Microsoft halts new apps on Windows Phone Marketplace

Graham Jordan

There are apps on the Windows phone?

As an owner of a Lumia 800 I'd like to know what apps MS are talking about. It's like a fucking dessert in the app store. Tumbleweed is the number one downloaded app.

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Skydiving daredevil Baumgartner leaps from 96,000ft

Graham Jordan

If Virgin Galactic offered this

I'd sell my wife, mum, home, and even rights to my anus for a go. That is insane. God even if your shoot didn't pop it'd be one hell of a way to go.

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Ocean-seeding experiment re-ignites geo-engineering debate

Graham Jordan

Not related, but...

whenever I read the word debated I imagine "mastu" in front of it.

In this instance it worked really well.

the topic is fiercely debated

haha, fierce masturbation.

God bless Friday's

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PS3 fans buy more digital content than Xbox buffs do

Graham Jordan

MS Market is much better

I despise the PS3 market. At least with MS there's almost certainly a demo for every game available. With the PS we have to manage with a crappy video preview.

Sad times.

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Tomb Raider dev denies Croft rape scene

Graham Jordan

And the problem is?

Exploring new avenues in gaming? Good. Although it’s a shame censors exist in the first place, it’s good to see developers pushing boundaries. I say bring it on, and more so.

I’m not one to play games like Grand Theft or Call of Duty; I’m an RPG and racing fan myself. Personally I don’t really understand the appeal of games where the objective is to kill another and score points for doing so (yes I’m aware my RPGs are littered with such violence, I mean the main objective). I’m one of the few on here that sit on the “movies/games do influence kids” and so have thrown a wobbly at my sister for buying her 14 year old son Saints Row.

Having said that, I also strongly believe in a censorship free world (well, age restrictions obviously).

You are free to play and enjoy any game you wish, like I wouldn’t buy GTA because I don’t understand the violence, you could chose not to play TR because Lara’s getting raped. You could likewise chose not to play Burnout which glorifies smashing other cars to shit, or angry birds which suggests all pigs are thieving gits, it’s completely up to you.

Developers shouldn’t have to censor their material to avoid upsetting a handful of fools.

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Molyneux chisels away at social experiment

Graham Jordan

What a load of shit

^

l

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Plasma drive starts with pee

Graham Jordan

what the

So what kind of real world (well, real space) scenarios could this lead to?

Are we talking pro-longing the life of satellites by allowing for greater manoeuvring? Or are we saying this could lead to interstellar travelling?

My (very limited) understanding of a plasma drive is whilst it doesn’t have the same push as propellants it can push for a dam sight longer allowing faster speeds over longer distances. That be right yes?

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Hands on with the Samsung Galaxy S III

Graham Jordan

Down thumb

Feature wise this looks the bollox.

Aesthetically it looks shit.

No really it does. It looks like a turd made love to a turd and had a baby turd that got squashed by a really heavy turd.

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Most anticipated videogames of 2012 revealed

Graham Jordan

Sonic 4 Episode 2

And the DLC for Keflings.

I want to look forward to Fable : The Journey, but since Fable 3 is still full of bugs with dodgy achievements, Lionhead can suck my balls. Literally. They can place my balls in their mouth and suck them.

Tomb Raider, and if Final Fantasy Versus 13 ever gets released then that too.

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UK retailers start taking Nokia Lumia 900 orders

Graham Jordan

Re: Owneer of Lumia 800... Avoid like plague

Dazza + Fuzz

Just done some Googling and Nokia's don't have tethering enabled. Yes Win7 supports, no Nokia haven't given it us. However it seems 800's/710's are getting it in a future update and the 900's will have it from the off.

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Graham Jordan

Owneer of Lumia 800... Avoid like plague

As beautiful as the phone is, and it is beautiful, it's only as good as the OS. WinPhone is nothing more than a beta product right now.

Fat fingers? Get used to QWERTY keyboard as there's no old skool phone keypad keyboard available.

Crap speller? Buy a pocket dictionary. Whilst Android allows some form of guess work for those words that bamboozle you, don't expect the same courtesy in WinPhone. Sure you can spell tomorrow with the occasional wrong letter... But only if said wrong letter is next to the correct (i.e. E instead of R)

Nosey girlfriend? You're fucked if you get a text as she happens to be looking at your phone. There's no option to turn off message notifications. There's no decent SMS apps available either.

Tethering? I've read countless sites saying 7.0 allowed tethering. I can't find it in 7.5.

Auto time? Nope. Manual. Although it does adjust for BST, it'll only give you the extra hour. If your clock is wrong it'll stay wrong until you manually correct it.

Email search? Sure. But only if you download your entire email inbox. Searching passed 7 days is impossible unless all your mail items are available. On your phone.

Background data usage? Expect a big bill if you go abroad. I turned mine on whilst out of the country to retrieve an email. Whatever the phone did during the 10 minutes or so data was turned on cost me 6mb of data usage. Emails only download header information and blank text until you hit "download images", that's a lot of data going somewhere.

Copy and paste functionality? Crap.

Big gamer? £2.29 is the standard Xbox game price, £5.49 for Pacman. There's no Cut The Rope or Words With Friends/Hanging With Friends or Angry Birds Seasons/Rio to name but a few.

Customisable? 8 colours in which to use for your tiles. And that's it. Big shortcuts. in 8 colours.

As a fan of xbox gaming, the achievements are the only thing keeping me on this phone, I miss almost everything about Android. I'm holding out for Tango, if it's rubbish I'm moving back to HTC.

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Game Group shares slide under a penny

Graham Jordan

Sad times for staff.

A friend works there. They've all found out about possible redundancies through the BBC et el and not from management.

I'm in town for a new PlayStation 3. I think I'll wait a week.

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Angry Birds in spaaaaace beamed to fandroids by NASA

Graham Jordan

No winPhone?

Fucks sake. I'm gonna sell this piece of shit before I'm even three months into the fucking thing.

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Toshiba prices up glasses-free 3D TV for Blighty

Graham Jordan

3D porn

Is it out yet? Because if it is, I'd be prepared to sell my car/girlfriend/soul for such a beast.

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Oceans gaining ACID faster than last 300 MILLION YEARS

Graham Jordan

We can fix this surely?

I have an aquarium at home with some pH correcting chemicals. I’m happy to do my part and hand it over to the greenies.

It is however in a plastic non-recyclable bottle… Because I'm the devil.

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LOHAN flashes fantastical flying truss

Graham Jordan

There's a woman in the photo

And all everyone cares about is keeping the craft horizontal.

Today is a sad day.

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Black Ops has best videogame ending ever

Graham Jordan

insert standard shock horror response

As a Final Fantasy fan, VII was far from the best ending. VIII or XII pissed all over it. Even FFX-II was superior.

Streets of Rage 2 has by far the coolest ending music in a video game. EVER.

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Final Fantasy XIII-2

Graham Jordan

Big fan... not inspired

As someone who's taken a week off work to play each new title on release date I'd consider myself one of the more dedicated fans.

Tomorrow I'm off to Egypt for a week and feel no remorse. I watched a few trailers and played five minutes of the demo. Uninspired.

I like the cut scenes, ok the dialogue attached can be rubbish but chunky swords and scanty clothing does it for me. What I don't like is the same rehashed characters. Has there ever been a FF game where at least one of the playable characters hasn’t been an orphan on a voyage for self-discovery? It’s getting boring now. Noel looks like a c**t. I really don’t want to spend 100 hours getting all trophies when I just want to smash the shit out of the lead.

Whilst many would argue, with the exception of Paine in FFX-2, all playable characters in modern FF games have some form of personality. I hated Steiner in FFIX and for that reason IX is my favourite by a long shot. It doesn’t look like they’ve even tried with this release. A CGI fest and nothing but.

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O2 denies Nokia WinPho handset cull

Graham Jordan

3 mobile do them for £400 unlocked

Where I bought mine from.

Still on the fence though. It looks beautiful and is oh so very fast.

But short of xbox live games you're more likely to find tumbleweed in the market than you are anything useful.

VNC? - No thanks, they're all shit.

RDC? £5? - Surely I'm not the only person offended by the idea of paying £5 for a Microsoft based product on a Microsoft phone not built by Microsoft?

Unless you use Live for your calendar then you can kiss goodbye to alerts for facebook birthdays.

There’s absolutely no customisation to the SMS app, I want to be able to turn off previewing so I can continue receiving smutty texts from my wife’s sister (Go SMS on Android, black list on iphone did this fantastically).

Tethering? If it’s in there it’s hiding away.

Why can I not use my phone as a portable drive? I could on my android.

Why is there no other keyboard other than qwerty? Some of us have fat fingers, I need a number pad keyboard ala button old school style.

All big flaws as far as I’m concerned. Maybe Apollo will fix this, but Mango just seems a Beta really.

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NASA finds first Earth-sized planets outside the solar system

Graham Jordan
Paris Hilton

Can someone tell me...

Could the boffins on this site identify what would happen if we puny earthlings fired 100+ nukes at locations on Mars and Venus within a 20 mile range of each other?

Because it's ok finding an earth like planet 100 light years away but when we can only travel at 25% (this number has been pulled out of my ass based on figures from the internets and are therefore in no way accurate) the speed of light, surely heeating up Mars / cooling down Venus seems the more logical immediate sollution to our overcrowding.

It's also worth noting I am in no way a science geek. If the outcome of my mental experiment is crumpled metal due to no oxygen to ignite the bomb then so be it. My geek is set to just about understanding Star Wars.

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WD: Thai floods will force hard drive prices up

Graham Jordan

Just bought 5.5tb of WD storage

Booyah!

Someone's watching over me... well, 317 people perhaps. (Too much?)

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Future wars will be over water not fuel, warns Intel sage

Graham Jordan

@fat bob

I'm glad someone mentuioned this. Sure poor countries won't benefit from them, but given how much water these things can produce you could in theory create an Amzon cutting east to west through Africa and change the eco system along with it bringing more rain to starved areas.

But that's of course just a theory, a theory held back by money and politics.

Fresh water should never be a cause for war. Over population however gets my vote.

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Dubstep ringtone wins Nokia compo

Graham Jordan

Every time I admit I love dubstep a piece of my soul dies

Consider the title once again admitting i love dubstep.

This is shit by the way.

But dupstep makes my penis erect.

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EMC exec flames El Reg

Graham Jordan

Smiley face?

Did you respond with LOL? Please tell me you did. Any email with a smiley face in cannot be taken seriously. Ever.

:-)

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Lancs shale to yield '15 years' of gas for UK

Graham Jordan

So are we ready to tell the Scots to fuck off?

Or does the North sea and the waters surrounding Scotland have equally as much Shale gas to keep us holding their hands?*

*I'm actually not a racist and couldn't give two monkeys about their independence or reliance on handouts. I R here to spark debate... a mass debate!

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Microsoft: Mango arrives in two weeks

Graham Jordan

Fed up of Android

Perhaps its just my shitty HTC Desire, perhaps its lazy developers not catering for all phones and thus apps are buggy as hell, perhaps it's HTC waiting an age after a new release before giving it to us customers, but I'm fed up of my Android and am very tempted to go the route of WP7 once the new bread of phones start rolling out.

I've not actually seen a single one though, are they any good? I mean honestly, GUI aside, will i be alerted to a new mail on googlemail, will it delete from source, will it read my gmail contacts or port them and will the battery last more than 6 hours?

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LOHAN to suck mighty thruster as it goes off, in a shed

Graham Jordan

S.L.A.G

Sealed Liquidless Advanced Go-a-matron

Clearly I'm not a technical geek.

However I like the word slag.

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Virgin Media finally offers network options on SuperHub

Graham Jordan

Still a piece of shit

Haven't had time to put into modem mode, got the update and tried a few things that simply wouldn't work on R26.

I still can't UNC onto anything at all on my network.

My wireless connected xbox still drops off xbox live when the ethernet one is swtiched on.

Seriously, I'm very grateful for modem mode and have every intention of setting it up tonight, but someone who's not a power user and forced to take this heap of shit as a new customer is going to be fucking outraged when their son\daughters xbox keeps dropping off every two minutes.

I'm sure there are dozens more issues still outstanding, well, from a purely selfish point of view, hazzah to modem mode.

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Dead Island

Graham Jordan

as a fan of Dead Rising...

Should I buy this or wait for DR2: Off the record?

Answers on a postcard please...

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Al Gore wants to borrow your Facebook and Twitter accounts

Graham Jordan

If someone could make a like-minded API which automatically replies on each status with "Fuck off you hippie cunt" I'll happily friend them.

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